lucy_in_disguise Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I think I am at a point in my life where I'm ready to give this a try. I'm 28 and want kids. Don't feel like I have all the time in the world to just wait for something to happen "when I least expect it". Especially given the predictability of my routine. I litereally come into contact with new people... never. And I've already dated all my coworkers. So what are some tips for a woman getting started with OLD? Which sites are the best? How do you avoid people who don't match your criteria and find the ones who do? How can you tell if someone's a player? If it helps, this is my criteria: 1. Must have s!ht together. By which I mean, must have a career and be fiscally responsible. 2. Must care about fitness and health. No smokers/ alcoholics. Must work out. 3. Must be interesting. This has been tough in the past. I have tried and I just cannot be with someone who is boring. I need to be able to have good conversations with my boyfriend. 4. Must want marriage and kids So essentially, I am looking for a non-boring hot nice guy with a great job. Very unique I know. Where do I find him? Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Usually you'll find him already married... 8 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Just create a profile and portray in your "About Me" section the kind of person you are and what you're looking for. I wouldn't bother using pay sites try something like OKCupid, it's free. It's just a numbers game. Tons of people online are nut jobs, super weird, or just looking to screw around. You can tell what kind of person a guy is based on his pictures, based on what he writes to you, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 tons of people offline are nut jobs, super weird, or just looking to screw around. your point? Uh, the point is, this thread is about online dating, not about where other nut jobs, super weird people, or those looking to screw around reside. But thanks for the commentary? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I think I am at a point in my life where I'm ready to give this a try. I'm 28 and want kids. Don't feel like I have all the time in the world to just wait for something to happen "when I least expect it". Especially given the predictability of my routine. I litereally come into contact with new people... never. And I've already dated all my coworkers. So what are some tips for a woman getting started with OLD? Which sites are the best? How do you avoid people who don't match your criteria and find the ones who do? How can you tell if someone's a player? If it helps, this is my criteria: 1. Must have s!ht together. By which I mean, must have a career and be fiscally responsible. 2. Must care about fitness and health. No smokers/ alcoholics. Must work out. 3. Must be interesting. This has been tough in the past. I have tried and I just cannot be with someone who is boring. I need to be able to have good conversations with my boyfriend. 4. Must want marriage and kids So essentially, I am looking for a non-boring hot nice guy with a great job. Very unique I know. Where do I find him? You've dated all your co-workers? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 You've dated all your co-workers? Just the hot ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 too many criteria. to the ladies who make lists, they are automatically nexted even if I fit their criteria. That's my criteria in general. I know better than to put a list of requirements in my profile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 I made a profile on ok cupid tonight. Since it's a numbers game, my goal is to go on one date a week. So far, I've gotten about 40 messages from guys I would never go out with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Just the hot ones. Because that's better? What are you looking for? A relationship, or someone to father genetically blessed children? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Lucy unfortunately that ship has sailed. You will need to lower your standards. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 With 40 messages, there should be at least 1 person you want to go on a date with. I get plenty of messages, and I had a date last night with someone I wasn't immediately physically attracted to, but was warm, kind, interesting and a prefect gentlemen. 2 weeks ago, I went in a date with someone else. We didn't click, but it was still a nice evening. Lower your standards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 Because that's better? What are you looking for? A relationship, or someone to father genetically blessed children? A relationship with someone who could father genetically blessed children. And will not bore me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 With 40 messages, there should be at least 1 person you want to go on a date with. I get plenty of messages, and I had a date last night with someone I wasn't immediately physically attracted to, but was warm, kind, interesting and a prefect gentlemen. 2 weeks ago, I went in a date with someone else. We didn't click, but it was still a nice evening. Lower your standards. Which is my standards is unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
antonio1149 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Lucy unfortunately that ship has sailed. You will need to lower your standards. Why has that ship sailed? I think her criteria are reasonable. I happen to fit them, and I was on OKCupid for years. We likely never would have met, though--she would've filtered me out based on age. Women online only pick guys a year or two older, their age, or up to ten years younger. (In real life, in the past few years I've dated women her age or younger.) Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Which is my standards is unreasonable? You appear to be terribly shallow. A guy will probably not get 40 messages (he'll certainly send 40) but I can't believe out of 40 messages, you can't find 1 person to have a drink with. So I'd say all your standards are too high. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) Why has that ship sailed? I think her criteria are reasonable. I happen to fit them, and I was on OKCupid for years. We likely never would have met, though--she would've filtered me out based on age. Women online only pick guys a year or two older, their age, or up to ten years younger. (In real life, in the past few years I've dated women her age or younger.) I wouldn't date a man 10 years younger than me. 10 years older, definitely, but not younger. OP, here's the criteria I use, and it's served me pretty well: No guys with shirtless photos in their profile No replies to anyone who says "Nice tits" or "Hey sexy" No Middle Eastern or black men (not attracted to them, no point bothering) No one obese (a few extra pounds is ok) No smokers No drug users No one listing themselves as 'bisexual' No one younger than my brother (28) or older than my Dad (56 - although this cutoff is actually 45 atm, I am 31). Absolutely no one who complains about how 'unfair' or 'hard' dating is, or makes comments about why women play 'games' and other thinly veiled gender biased statements. Boo hoo, tell it to the judge. I'm not throwing out a pity date because dating is hard. Life is freakin' hard, deal with it. I keep an eye out on red flags when I'm dating them. People show themselves for who they really are fairly quickly, and I don't take any crap. I'm fairly laid-back, so overly clingy, saccharine guys aren't going to do it for me. I need someone fun, with few hangups, and no drama. Try that, see how it goes. Edited February 9, 2014 by pickflicker 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 In. This thread is about to get so good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I get on average 10-15 OKC messages per day. In the last 2 months there was not one that comes even close to someone I would date. I am few years older than Lucy so it's probably even worse in my case 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I wouldn't date a man 10 years younger than me. 10 years older, definitely, but not younger. OP, here's the criteria I use, and it's served me pretty well: No guys with shirtless photos in their profile No replies to anyone who says "Nice tits" or "Hey sexy" No Middle Eastern or black men (not attracted to them, no point bothering) No one obese (a few extra pounds is ok) No smokers No drug users No one listing themselves as 'bisexual' No one younger than my brother (28) or older than my Dad (56 - although this cutoff is actually 45 atm, I am 31). Absolutely no one who complains about how 'unfair' or 'hard' dating is, or makes comments about why women play 'games' and other thinly veiled gender biased statements. Boo hoo, tell it to the judge. I'm not throwing out a pity date because dating is hard. Life is freakin' hard, deal with it. I keep an eye out on red flags when I'm dating them. People show themselves for who they really are fairly quickly, and I don't take any crap. I'm fairly laid-back, so overly clingy, saccharine guys aren't going to do it for me. I need someone fun, with few hangups, and no drama. Try that, see how it goes. Here is my criteria. Following messages are deleted without even looking at the profile: Anything with hi, hey, how are you or what's up. Anything with U R or other text speak letters Anything that says beautiful, sexy, nice legs or anything physical/sexual Anyone that is younger than 25 or older than 45 Anyone that has under 60% match with me Anyone that is bisexual Anyone that is seeing someone Anyone that has shirtless pics or pics with other women --- These people can be rich super models and I will still not respond to them. Out of those few that pass through the above filter - I will read the profile and find that they either sound dumb (most common), unemployed, have kids or are extremely unattractive. And thay leaves me with nothing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) Here is my criteria. Following messages are deleted without even looking at the profile: Anything with hi, hey, how are you or what's up. Anything with U R or other text speak letters Anything that says beautiful, sexy, nice legs or anything physical/sexual Anyone that is younger than 25 or older than 45 Anyone that has under 60% match with me Anyone that is bisexual Anyone that is seeing someone Anyone that has shirtless pics or pics with other women --- These people can be rich super models and I will still not respond to them. Out of those few that pass through the above filter - I will read the profile and find that they either sound dumb (most common), unemployed, have kids or are extremely unattractive. And thay leaves me with nothing Text speak, so long as it's not overboard, is ok. The "hi" thing - get over that. Pick something in their profile, engage them on it, if their answers are still one word, at least you gave them a shot to engage properly, and all you've lost is 10 minutes trying to create in-depth conversation. Let go of the two criteria that I crossed out, and your chances will dramatically improve. If you're over 30, and especially if you're over 35, you have to be willing consider with men with kids. Edited February 9, 2014 by pickflicker Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 OP - there is also a huge difference between free and paid sites. Men on paid sites are more serious about commitment. E-Harmony in particular is full of marriage minded men. I was on it for a month (it was $70 though :/) and there was not one man that looked for casul sex. Also overall quality of men was way better (educated, solid career, attractive). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 OP - there is also a huge difference between free and paid sites. Men on paid sites are more serious about commitment. E-Harmony in particular is full of marriage minded men. I was on it for a month (it was $70 though :/) and there was not one man that looked for casul sex. Also overall quality of men was way better (educated, solid career, attractive). Thanks! This is exactly the type of info I am seeking. Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I don't see why she needs to lower her standards when she's only just started. If she hasn't met anyone in 6 months she might need to readjust some of the details, but if she can meet someone that fits her ideal why shouldn't she? OP, I tried the free sites and didn't meet anyone I could see myself with long term. I met my boyfriend on a paid site, one that was a bit more self-selecting in the kind of people it attracted. Link to post Share on other sites
OhThatGirl Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 OP - there is also a huge difference between free and paid sites. Men on paid sites are more serious about commitment. E-Harmony in particular is full of marriage minded men. I was on it for a month (it was $70 though :/) and there was not one man that looked for casul sex. Also overall quality of men was way better (educated, solid career, attractive). [Let me preface this by saying I'm 29 and in a very similar situation.] This poster is spot on. Previously (off and on over the past few years) I tried Match/Chemistry and saw some interesting men.. I dated one for about a year and a half but it ended as he was moving for work and we weren't all that compatible. That being said, this time I tried eHarmony and I'm pretty impressed. Lots of educated, relationship minded men. I actually have the issue that I'm getting overwhelmed by decent options and have to start prioritizing them, feeling the less "shiny, impressive" guys may be ruled out even though they could potentially be a great fit. I do feel that men who are willing to pay a decent chunk of money to try the site aren't doing it for casual hookups or the hell of it. And eHarmony has a couple other cool features. It does this personality assessment thing based on the questions you answer. Now I usually wouldn't put much faith in this but it did seem to describe me very accurately and gave some "this is what's great about having this characteristic, though this is what may turn people off about it" insight. I showed a couple friends who were impressed by it's accuracy too. And.. I usually think these "guided communication" things are a waste of time. BUT again I do start to see validity of them now that I know more about myself and what I'm looking for. I can gauge whether a guy is interested in the same things (marriage and family for example) by the way he answers.. Without having to be that girl that seems so focused on marriage kids that I ask and seem like I'm rushing to settle down. (I'd like to, but only with the right person) And by the time you reach free text/open emailing you may have a couple conversation points to start with All in all I'm happy with eHarmony. Today I had a coffee date with one of the less "shiny/exciting" guys and it went very well. And.. I don't think your criteria needs adjusting at all. On the right site (and I guess in the right metropolitan area) you should have plenty of options. Good luck. Keep us updated because I'm curious to see if your experience with eHarmony will similar (if that's what you decide to go with) Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Usually you'll find him already married... Or gay....... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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