uku383 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I just need to dump my fear and pain. This may seem senseless, but I feel like I need to scream and this is the most mature way that I can think of to do it. My wife has left me. It’s my fault – years of negativity and grumpiness. I wish I’d been different. I’m not a naturally unpleasant person, but a person whose fears have distorted his mind and behaviours. I am working to improve. It’s taking time, but it is happening. It’s hard and sometimes I feel like I’m getting nowhere, but I will achieve balance. She won’t come back. She’s determined and opinionated. It’s difficult to beat that. I dream that she will, but I can’t deceive myself. What I regret is our lack of communication. We stopped approaching life together. I looked for opportunities to give her a break, and she did the same for me. What we didn’t do was look for opportunities to enjoy life together. I hate the stress that our jobs caused. I resent that. I resent myself for not being more sensitive to her feelings, for being passive aggressive, for not controlling my own petulance and churlishness. Now she has decided that she doesn’t love me any more. She’s said that she hasn’t loved me for a long time. She’s tried to reverse that by herself. If we worked together then I feel she may well love me again, but she won’t do that. I can’t blame her for not wanting to try, although I can certainly be sad about it, and I am. My future is as a dad living by himself, seeing his son when he can. It feels lonely. I don’t want to find another partner. I don’t want to be hurt again, and the only person I want is my wife. Beautiful, you’ll never read this, but I love you. I am disappointed in myself for my past, but I can’t change it. I’m not going to be that person again, whether you’re with me or not. I dream of a future with you, but I know that is just a dream. I don’t want to die sad, and though I’m sure that the sadness will pass with time, I don’t want to lose you and will always want to hold you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 That hurts to read, your pain is screaming. Hugs to you... Work on you. Go to counseling, try CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy) and if your wife sees your improvements, sees how hard you've worked on "you", then maybe she'll see guy she fell in love with and married years ago, and give you a chance to work together to make things good again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uku383 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 Thanks, whichwayisup It's good to read your response. It's encouraging to think that people understand and care. I am trying all I can, but you've somehow reminded me to be more disciplined, as it's so easy to fall into self-pity and do less. I must get better - I just can't tolerate continuing like this. Thank you again. Link to post Share on other sites
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