uku383 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 A lot of us are doing it tough. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm looking for hope that marriages can be repaired, that spouses will forgive us our past. If anyone has any stories of reconciliation, would you please share them here? It's nice to think that for some people their dreams have become reality. Please give us the good news! Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 You are prolonging your pain. Most cases of successful reconciliations happened after 6 or more months of strict NC. Then the dumper shows up from the blue and contacts you. Many dumpee already have someone or are simply not interested any longer. I, the dumper, met my ex of three years last night. There was not a slightest romantic impulse between us. I don't feel attraction towards her So that one is definitely over. Anything can happen. But you can't dwell on the past nor imagine the future. You're missing the now then. And the now holds that you're alone and in pain because of her poor choices. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
amandalost Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 I have reconciled. 8 year relationship 5 years married. We went 6 weeks no contact. The breakup was terrible and at the minute the reconciliation is going well, we started to reconcile in Early November and he started staying every night at xmas. Life is going well at the minute, don't get me wrong there are hiccups along the way but we talk about them now and we didn't rush in when we started to reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Well if you look at my previous posts I have reconciled with my current ex approximately 3 times. All of my previous exes have returned at one point as well....usually after a few months of NC or LC. Literally, every single one of my exes have made some sort of contact in an attempt to meet up and "catch up". Although I am not the most attentive boyfriend, I was always very good to my exes. I was never abusive, didn't cheat, etc. Also, I have always handled every single breakup like a gentlemen. In each case I have begged and pleaded to an extent, but never took it too far or lost my head. Its usually when the dust settles and I start moving on that each of my exes has attempted to arrange a meeting. My current ex is pretty much off the radar now and my last contact with her was two weeks ago. Unfortunately, I am going to have to break contact and arrange a meeting in the next few weeks. Hopefully, I can give it a few more weeks before I give her a call and arrange the meeting. It won't be a ploy or an attempt to get her back, so I am just going to play it cool and keep it casual. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 A lot of us are doing it tough. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm looking for hope that marriages can be repaired, that spouses will forgive us our past. If anyone has any stories of reconciliation, would you please share them here? It's nice to think that for some people their dreams have become reality. Please give us the good news! Thanks! Two posts should tell you all you need to know about the success rate of reconciliations. Better to not even dwell on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 I have reconciled with two long term relationships, the reconciliations from both each lasted about a year and a half. Both times reconciliation was around 8 months post break up. Both times things seemed great in the beginning. Both times same issues came back. Both relationships ended, the last one being an engagement. Needless to say, I am not much of a believer in reconciliations anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Well if you look at my previous posts I have reconciled with my current ex approximately 3 times. All of my previous exes have returned at one point as well....usually after a few months of NC or LC. Literally, every single one of my exes have made some sort of contact in an attempt to meet up and "catch up". Although I am not the most attentive boyfriend, I was always very good to my exes. I was never abusive, didn't cheat, etc. Also, I have always handled every single breakup like a gentlemen. In each case I have begged and pleaded to an extent, but never took it too far or lost my head. Its usually when the dust settles and I start moving on that each of my exes has attempted to arrange a meeting. My current ex is pretty much off the radar now and my last contact with her was two weeks ago. Unfortunately, I am going to have to break contact and arrange a meeting in the next few weeks. Hopefully, I can give it a few more weeks before I give her a call and arrange the meeting. It won't be a ploy or an attempt to get her back, so I am just going to play it cool and keep it casual. Well, is it 3 or isn't it? This isn't healthy. OP, you either reconcile once, or not at all. Everyone deserves a second chance. Alex here thinks a rinse-and-repeat relationship is totally normal. Link to post Share on other sites
liloldlady Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) You are prolonging your pain. Most cases of successful reconciliations happened after 6 or more months of strict NC. Then the dumper shows up from the blue and contacts you. You people! That is not always how it goes! My man left me and I could not get him out of my heart, so every once in a while, I would reach out to him, because if I have feelings or thoughts, you best believe I am not taking them to my grave. Today, I have never felt better about the bond that we share, so it's going to be a different scenario for everyone, naturally. we didn't rush in when we started to reconcile. I think this is so important! This is why all I focus on when it comes to him is building a solid friendship. And that is really no small matter when you think of it. Both times same issues came back. Do you care to elaborate on what those issues were? Both relationships ended, the last one being an engagement. Needless to say, I am not much of a believer in reconciliations anymore. I am so sorry. :-( Edited February 10, 2014 by liloldlady Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Well, is it 3 or isn't it? This isn't healthy. OP, you either reconcile once, or not at all. Everyone deserves a second chance. Alex here thinks a rinse-and-repeat relationship is totally normal. I agree with pickflicker. As long as there were no obvious reasons such as cheating, abuse, and the like...everyone deserves A second chance. If there were problems communicating, different life goals, boredom, you fell out of love, whatever...these can all potentially be resolved on the second go around IF you've both taken quite a bit of time apart to reflect and grow. But the second chance should be the last. You people! That is not always how it goes! My man left me and I could not get him out of my heart, so every once in a while, I would reach out to him, because if I have feelings or thoughts, you best believe I am not taking them to my grave. Today, I have never felt better about the bond that we share, so it's going to be a different scenario for everyone, naturally. That is truly tricky ground to walk. I believe in saying what you feel ONCE just to make sure that nothing is left unsaid. After that, it gets hairy - reaching out too often can be seen in a negative light and can hurt the person doing the reaching. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Do you care to elaborate on what those issues were? Yes, the first relationship of 6 years, we were together during and after college, we grew apart and were not a good fit for each other when thinking of marriage. We actually have a child together and get along remarkably well now and co-parent well together. She has been married the last 5 years to a great guy. The second relationship was also almost 6 years and ended in June. We had been engaged for 6 months after dating for a year previous after reconciling. She made no effort to accommodate any changes needed for the relationship to work, she considers herself perfect. Further more, there was severe trust and communication issues that were never addressed when we got back together. We were both guilty of verbal and emotional abuse to each other. It was that classic relationship of extreme highs and lowest lows without much middle ground. All though it didn't seem like it at the time, it probably has saved me a lot of pain(and money!) not getting married to her. Based on others feedback, she may have borderline personality disorder, I am not sure and it's no longer my concern. I am still in the process of moving on, she was able to do it in 4 short months. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
liloldlady Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 (edited) I believe in saying what you feel ONCE just to make sure that nothing is left unsaid. After that, it gets hairy - reaching out too often can be seen in a negative light and can hurt the person doing the reaching. Yes. I didn't go overboard, and left him alone in my mind many times. Then I'd dream about him. As such, it seems I've done the right thing. Yes, the first relationship of 6 years, we were together during and after college, we grew apart and were not a good fit for each other when thinking of marriage. We actually have a child together and get along remarkably well now and co-parent well together. She has been married the last 5 years to a great guy. Healthy! The second relationship was also almost 6 years and ended in June. We had been engaged for 6 months after dating for a year previous after reconciling. She made no effort to accommodate any changes needed for the relationship to work, she considers herself perfect. That this one didn't work out seems like a blessing in disguise. :-( Edited February 10, 2014 by liloldlady Link to post Share on other sites
AlexfromBoston Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Well, is it 3 or isn't it? This isn't healthy. OP, you either reconcile once, or not at all. Everyone deserves a second chance. Alex here thinks a rinse-and-repeat relationship is totally normal. Well we had two major break ups and maybe a few small fights that ended in a temporary break, but only lasted a week or so. And I'm not really asking for another chance. We are in two different stages. She is looking to settle down and have kids, whereas I am still looking to have fun and go out with friends. Link to post Share on other sites
DontBreakEven Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 In my 31 years I have had 2 very serious relationships. Both of them broke up with me once, then we got back together. Both times the second period was longer and resulted in living together, getting dogs together, and getting engaged. Both times they ended up breaking off the engagement out of nowhere. The first was 5 years ago. He is still a miserable narcissistic stoner with admittedly nothing good going on in his life. The 2nd was 5 weeks ago. Potential Borderline Personality Disorder, so the jury's still out on if I dodged a bullet somehow there. Either way, my heart was smashed both times. When someone shows you they aren't committed to you the first time, believe them. Link to post Share on other sites
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