NC for two months, and still not over her?

[MBAFGE]

Ive learnt this the hard way, Dumped by 2 different girls because "they weren't feeling it" or "feeling the spark".....twice in 6 months

 

 

 

I've read all of your posts excluding some of the obnoxiously long ones and I agree with iPhone. Girls all say they like nice guys but deep down, it seems to be a subconscious turn off. Obviously you disagree but where is your approach getting you?

 

I just had the game that girl is playing with you done to me by my ex boyfriend last year and it was an emotional roller coaster. He would call me asking me if I'd ever be willing to try again and then would tell our mutual friends that he only likes me as a friend when I expected him to follow through with his words. He still initiates contact but i really don't think it means anything. seems like the same scenario as your situation. I wonder what kind of things her and her friends say about you.

 

Well I appreciate your posts, you two as well as you reading. But on the subject of being a "nice person" and that doesn't get me anywhere, I just have to openly say **** that. I am not changing for anybody. If she doesn't like me for who I am, she can **** off. I am not changing who I am because some people (not necessarily you guys) say that being a nice person gets you no where. I don't care. If she doesn't like that, I will find someone who does. I'm not going to change for anyone because I love who I am. I'm not going to put on the fake facade of the "bad boy" or whatever the hell you want to call it because then she (or anyone) wouldn't be falling for the real me. Again, I'm not accusing you guys of telling me to change, but I've heard that whole "nice guys finish last" type thing a lot and that you shouldn't be nice because "All girls like the bad boy" or whatever 50's cliche that is from. I get they like a challenge and chase, which is what I'm providing now. But on the whole, I'm not changing who I am because of this or for any girl. If my personality was a harmful problem or something, sure. Like... if I was a cynical sadist or something. I don't know. But I love who I am and I'm not changing.

 

But anyway, all of this is kind of moot. I did end up calling her last night. We talked on the phone for close to two hours. I asked those things and talked for a while and discussed her intentions. I asked if she came back to me with the intentions of "Platonic friendship". She said "no". So that was a step in the right direction. I told her that I was confused by her actions and couldn't tell really and wanted to clarify (I said a few times when we weren't really getting anywhere that "We have established that we both have an interest in taking this past friendship". She said yes). I said to her that if she "came back with the intention of I miss you as quote "a friend" that wouldn't happen". She said she knew. Basically I said how platonic friendships isn't applicable still and that if that was her intention, we couldn't be doing this (like what we discussed)

 

We kept talking and we did confirm that there is a mutual interest to move this past friendship. She said she did want this to advance, but slowly. So good. But a big thing was that since neither of us have been in a relationship before, we aren't sure of the next step. I brought up that (to my understanding) dating and such is just really hanging out with the mutual interest of moving to a relationship, with (for lack of a better term) commitment. I told her that I also want to move things slow so we wouldn't have a repeat of last time.. She basically just wanted to take it one step at a time with her comfort zone and all that. I assured her that I have a comfort zone as well. She said since she has had bad experiences with this type of thing before (like the harassment) so she wants to be careful. I said that's understandable. We talked about that for a while. I told her many times this conversation that I didn't want this to come across as "pressuring" or any of that. She said that it wasn't.

 

She said how she does want to see me but she is really busy. She half-joked saying we should wait until May (end of the school time) to do this because she will have a lot more time. I did mention how since this is a mutual interest (as she confirmed) there has to be a mutual interest to see each other. She said there was. She wants to see me. She said that she is just really busy though. She said her going out with her friend that night was the first time she was out with free time in a long time. I said that "So you spent night off and came to see me?" She said yes.

 

I also asked what happened last time and she also said that she actually was crying on the phone when she called last time. I said that I didn't know that, she sounded calm on the phone. But she said that her friend actually consoled her last time during and after the call. I told her that it wasn't fun for me either (these last two months). She said she missed me. We spent a while with her trying to figure out some day to get together and as she said "hang out and go from there". She said that it isn't really fair to me that she is a busy person and will leave me hanging basically. I said that it doesn't have to be like an "all day" thing. Just like lunch or something. A "homework party" or something. But she has two jobs, an internship, school, clubs, tutoring for her teacher license, studying for the "teacher's license test", a play coming up (which she asked me to go to) and homework. So she is quite the busy person. But she said that we will keep in touch and find a day to hang out.

 

So she said on Friday, she gets her schedule for stuff and we will find a day to "hang out and go from there". We said goodnight and hung up. Honestly though, it was a long phone call. It seems like a blur so I'm sorry I can't remember all the specifics. But I did confirm that she does want this to go somewhere and that she doesn't want platonic friendhsip.

 

So apparently I didn't "lose her" and being who I am does gets me places. So hurray. But I'm again, not initiating contact. I am going right back to what was happening these last few days.