Should I profess my feelings after we already broke up?

[Jaylene]

I have not been able to concentrate on anything for the past few days. I was seeing this guy for about 5 months. Overall, we grew close to eachother, but had some rocky moments. In retrospect, I pushed him away in different ways. Right before I started dating him, I had just gotten out of a three-year relationship in which I was hurt and cheated on; thus had a lot of emotional baggage that lead me to be moody.

 

I was also inconsiderate and unappreciative of the things that he did for me. My materialistic ways caused me to act bitchy and spoiled and made him feel like he was cheap, which he wasn't. Just was not able to do things that I was used to because of many school loans. He broke up with me about a month ago because of all of this and because he felt that he was going to get hurt because he didn't think that he could make me happy. I persuaded him to let me talk to him over dinner adn I admitted my flaws and promised to change because he menat a lot to me.

 

Everyone was smooth sailing until three weeks later when we started arguing again; mainly because of em started petty arguments. We had a talk and he told me that he thought our relatuonship was unhealthy for the both of us because we kept hurting eachother and thought the solution was to be friends adn just see what happens. I agreed adn said that I had been feeling teh same way but was too wek-willed to do it.

 

It has been a week adn I feel so confused. In soem ways I think that it is better foe me to eb alone just to sort out my emotions adn priorites, but I also miss him and am scared to tell him. I am scared that he will reject me adn I will be hurt. My heart feels very sad and tight right now ebcause I feel like I just got my heart broken again for the second tiem in a row even though we had a serious talk about everything and he did not cheat on me or anything like my ex did.

 

Should I just wait to see if he says something and give him space or be honest and tell him that I miss him adn want to be with him. I have thought abotu it and its not just that I feel lonely, but I actually miss him. Please help, I am so freaking stressed over this.

[JAYLENE]

Tony, I know that I already posted this message before, adn u told me to giev him space. But I really miss him and feel sort of depressed. I am scared that if I wait too long he will meet someoen else or just lose whatever feelings he stil has left for me. I don't want him to think that I don't care, because I thyink that I loev adn teh thought of losing the chance to be with him scares me. At the same time, i haev learned from dealing with my ex that sometimes its better to play hard to get or just be strong. What od you think. Thanks..

I have not been able to concentrate on anything for the past few days. I was seeing this guy for about 5 months. Overall, we grew close to eachother, but had some rocky moments. In retrospect, I pushed him away in different ways. Right before I started dating him, I had just gotten out of a three-year relationship in which I was hurt and cheated on; thus had a lot of emotional baggage that lead me to be moody. I was also inconsiderate and unappreciative of the things that he did for me. My materialistic ways caused me to act bitchy and spoiled and made him feel like he was cheap, which he wasn't. Just was not able to do things that I was used to because of many school loans. He broke up with me about a month ago because of all of this and because he felt that he was going to get hurt because he didn't think that he could make me happy. I persuaded him to let me talk to him over dinner adn I admitted my flaws and promised to change because he menat a lot to me. Everyone was smooth sailing until three weeks later when we started arguing again; mainly because of em started petty arguments. We had a talk and he told me that he thought our relatuonship was unhealthy for the both of us because we kept hurting eachother and thought the solution was to be friends adn just see what happens. I agreed adn said that I had been feeling teh same way but was too wek-willed to do it. It has been a week adn I feel so confused. In soem ways I think that it is better foe me to eb alone just to sort out my emotions adn priorites, but I also miss him and am scared to tell him. I am scared that he will reject me adn I will be hurt. My heart feels very sad and tight right now ebcause I feel like I just got my heart broken again for the second tiem in a row even though we had a serious talk about everything and he did not cheat on me or anything like my ex did.

 

Should I just wait to see if he says something and give him space or be honest and tell him that I miss him adn want to be with him. I have thought abotu it and its not just that I feel lonely, but I actually miss him. Please help, I am so freaking stressed over this.

[Tony T]

Missing someone and being the right person for them and them for you are two different things.

 

Sure, it's only human to miss someone that you spents lots of time with and had fun with. But you were not the right person for him at this particular time. You sent up way too many red flags that just scarred him away. That's OK. Don't panic.

 

You need to give this a lot of time. Once people get a good feeling for another person, it's kind of hard believing they have truly changed in any meaningful way. If you were materialistic and made him feel like he was cheap, it will be very difficult for him to think that you magically got over that overnight. He may see you are acting otherwise but he'll still feel like you are that way inside.

 

If you really like this guy, back off, be friends and take it very slowly over a very long time.

 

If you want romance in your life of a healthy nature, find someone else who can be the type of man you want...someone you can make feel good about himself...someone who meets the qualities of character, education and finance that you seek in a partner.

 

There's nothing really wrong with wanting material things and there's lots of men with the means and desire to give that to you. But there are many others who don't want to feel under pressure to meet many demands and don't want to feel someone is sticking around for the material things they provide.

 

The bottom line here is that actions have consequences. You are now facing the consequences of your actions. I don't think you are really in love with this guy or you would have been much different around him. I do think you miss him but in time those feelings will diminish.

 

You are growing as a person, you are learning lots about yourself, you are learning about other people and how they react to you, and mostly you are learning that everything you say and do has consequences so you should certainly rejoice in the educational experience of this.

 

All this is preparing you for a grand romance that you will enjoy in the future, whether it be with your ex or someone you will meet later on down the road.

[Tony T]

Answered this above. You will be absolutely fine. But by not realizing and appreciating his point of view, you are being exactly the kind of lady he doesn't want. Respect his feelings, realize what you did and accept that in an adult fashion, forgive yourself, be nice to yourself and move on.

 

Lessons can be hell...but they make us much better people. When we stop learning lessons, we cease to live.

[WGirl]

Maybe if you expalain to him why you acted the way you did, he will give you another chance.

I have not been able to concentrate on anything for the past few days. I was seeing this guy for about 5 months. Overall, we grew close to eachother, but had some rocky moments. In retrospect, I pushed him away in different ways. Right before I started dating him, I had just gotten out of a three-year relationship in which I was hurt and cheated on; thus had a lot of emotional baggage that lead me to be moody. I was also inconsiderate and unappreciative of the things that he did for me. My materialistic ways caused me to act bitchy and spoiled and made him feel like he was cheap, which he wasn't. Just was not able to do things that I was used to because of many school loans. He broke up with me about a month ago because of all of this and because he felt that he was going to get hurt because he didn't think that he could make me happy. I persuaded him to let me talk to him over dinner adn I admitted my flaws and promised to change because he menat a lot to me. Everyone was smooth sailing until three weeks later when we started arguing again; mainly because of em started petty arguments. We had a talk and he told me that he thought our relatuonship was unhealthy for the both of us because we kept hurting eachother and thought the solution was to be friends adn just see what happens. I agreed adn said that I had been feeling teh same way but was too wek-willed to do it. It has been a week adn I feel so confused. In soem ways I think that it is better foe me to eb alone just to sort out my emotions adn priorites, but I also miss him and am scared to tell him. I am scared that he will reject me adn I will be hurt. My heart feels very sad and tight right now ebcause I feel like I just got my heart broken again for the second tiem in a row even though we had a serious talk about everything and he did not cheat on me or anything like my ex did.

 

Should I just wait to see if he says something and give him space or be honest and tell him that I miss him adn want to be with him. I have thought abotu it and its not just that I feel lonely, but I actually miss him. Please help, I am so freaking stressed over this.