Getting over 'the one'

[Dave]

I'm 34 and two years ago, my five year relationship with my fiance ended due to long distance, infidelity and immaturity on my park.

 

She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met. She's drop dead gorgeous in looks and a dedicated career woman and single mother. I have not met another woman that makes me feel the way she did. I can't have her back as I betrayed her trust and she has moved on but we remain friends. She is so special that I want her to be a part of my life forever.

 

I envision myself meeting someone else and eventually getting married and starting a family but I feel that I will never meet someone who will make me feel the way my ex-fiance did. Anyone have similar experiences? Is it possible that I will never get over her?

 

BTW, I am actively dating and have been in a few relationships since then so it's not about being lonely and getting over it when the next woman comes along. It's like my ex-fiance set standards real high and women like this are hard to find.

[Tony T]

I'll give you the same answer that I gave the lady who posted just below. In different words, pay backs are hell.

 

You will absolutely find a love, perhaps not identically the same, but certainly fulfilling to you. Of course, if you treat a new prospect with immaturity and cheat on her, you'll be back to first base again. Lessons are plain hell sometimes.

 

Your ex will have an extremely difficult time trusting you again. You can't imagine how deep the wound of disloyalty is in the heart of a woman who has been betrayed. But forgive yourself and be happy she is still friends with you. That's a good thing.

 

I wouldn't count on her coming back into your life in any significant or romantic way...the damage is done. But there is no doubt in my mind you will find great love in the future...and then you will know exactly what NOT to do to keep it.

 

Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes...and it's all part of learning. Unfortunately, in the University of Life, we never earn enough credits for graduation.

[Ed]

How to get over this woman...

 

You already realize the mistakes you made with your ex-fiance, take them to heart and vow to never slip up like that again with future mates.

 

The idea that she was 'the one' for you will hamper any future relationships. This kind of thinking can cause you to continually compare potential mates to your ex-fiance. It is not fair you or your dating partners. There really is not 'just one' person out there in which you could carry on a meaningful and fulfilling life with. There are actually many 'ones' that can occupy that place in your life, if you allow it.

 

You made reference a couple of times about how "she made you feel". This is, in my opinion, an errant way of thinking and one of my pet peeves. Nobody "makes you feel" anything! You make the choice on "how you feel" about things, people and events. You own your feelings, they are not given to you by someone else. Once you understand this concept and put it to use, "you will feel" instead of being "made to feel".

 

So, again, 1) learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself and move on. 2) remember there is not 'just one', 'right one' 3) take ownership of your feelings so 'you can feel' instead of being 'made to feel'.