I need brutual Honesty!!! He has a GF!!

[faithfully]

OMG cant even believe I am doing this. But cant help it!!!

 

I don't even know where the hell to start. But there is this guy who is in my work place. This office is a big open plan space with at least 150 workers in there. He is not in the same department as me tho but his department is only next to my department and can see his desk from where I am.

 

I had absolute no idea this guy in my work liked me. The other women always thought he was nice but i've always said meehh nooo he is not at all, like eww not my type.

 

Xmas party arriving and the day of xmas party asked my manager out of the department who's going so my manager said everybody and he was like is (me) going and manager said yes why, which this guy said coz I think she's hot.

 

Xmas party my friends went over to get him to talk to me which he replied I cant coz my gf coming. I saw his gf there but didn't take notice as he is not my type.

 

Few days later, I went on my break which I came back and chocolate and a note was placed on my desk- saying merry xmas my name x. I thought the guys in my department were taking the piss out of me when I seen it, I thought they put it there but they told me it was the guy who fancied me so I went and asked him and he said yeahh he did, thanks him and walked away.

 

 

fast forward but since we have been talking, going for breaks together, emailing each other back and forth, flirting, laughing, joking, messing. we have not kissed nor hugger and not had sex.

 

but the longer I am chatting to him, I am actually liking this guy a lot. I think the reason why I started giving him the time of the day was I recently split with my ex who dumped me2/half months before so it was nice to see some1 take interest but I am really liking this guy and its annoying me.

 

I have tried to be off with him, ignore him, but its not working. I get on with him on a level, but I know he has a gf, he told me they have been together for 6 year, only found out thur gone and its like sh*&!!

 

I believe in karma and all that and I wouldn't want somebody to do this to me but we have been flirting that much hes asking me when am inviting him round.

 

 

AAArrrrrghhhhhh how I shake it off but I am falling for this guy. HHHEEEELLLPPPP!!!

[pteromom]

I wouldn't want somebody to do this to me

 

This is when your true character shows its colors.

 

Walking away from something that is fun and feels good is hard. And even painful.

 

You have to cut off the flirting. If you find it too difficult to cut off the flirting, you need to completely cut off talking to him.

 

The more you flirt, the closer you get to making a big big mistake.

 

Find yourself another crush. Even if it is an actor or someone you aren't close to. Use them for your fantasies and daydreaming instead of this guy.

[Zahara]

I would be turned off by a guy I knew had a girlfriend and has no problems flirting with other women. Blech. It's a big huge red flag slapping you in the face but you just can't seem to see that it's a bad character trait and a sign that he's bad news.

 

Probably loves having the security of a faithful and comforting partner of 6 years while he gets his slice of cake everyday at work.

[faithfully]

I would be turned off by a guy I knew had a girlfriend and has no problems flirting with other women. Blech. It's a big huge red flag slapping you in the face but you just can't seem to see that it's a bad character trait and a sign that he's bad news.

 

Probably loves having the security of a faithful and comforting partner of 6 years while he gets his slice of cake everyday at work.

 

I was turned off when he told me he had a gf and thought maybe we can just be friends. I am not looking to date him or get into a relationship with him. I like him as a friend but at the same time i am starting to fancy abit which is scaring me.

 

I have tried ignoring him and he keeps messaging me from work mail if hes pissed me off in anyways.

 

I need to learn how to shake the feelings off

[Zahara]

I was turned off when he told me he had a gf and thought maybe we can just be friends. I am not looking to date him or get into a relationship with him. I like him as a friend but at the same time i am starting to fancy abit which is scaring me.

 

I have tried ignoring him and he keeps messaging me from work mail if hes pissed me off in anyways.

 

I need to learn how to shake the feelings off

 

What is stopping you from drawing a clear boundary and telling him that he has a girlfriend and that you prefer that you kept it strictly professional?

 

Your intent is to be friends? Why does that entail flirting? If you are afraid of it escalating, stop behavior that contributes to escalation and be straightforward about your need to do the right thing.

 

You fearing what goes around comes around is great but also hold onto the fact that there is wrong and right.

 

You can't shake the feelings off if you keep feeding it by chatting, flirting, taking breaks, joking, etc. You shake it off by starving it.

[ExpatInItaly]

I was turned off when he told me he had a gf and thought maybe we can just be friends. I am not looking to date him or get into a relationship with him. I like him as a friend but at the same time i am starting to fancy abit which is scaring me.

 

I have tried ignoring him and he keeps messaging me from work mail if hes pissed me off in anyways.

 

I need to learn how to shake the feelings off

 

You can't just be friends with this guy - you know he likes you in a more than friendly way.

 

Don't be that girl who engages in flirtatious behaviour with another girl's boyfriend. That's just low. Be the bigger person and don't respond to him. He's showing you his true colours (which are shady, by the way) Show him yours and back way off.

[TaraMaiden]

Let me tell you where I called Bullschytt:

 

OMG cant even believe I am doing this. But cant help it!!!

 

Right here.

 

If your willpower is so weak, that you cannot prevent yourself from doing something so disloyal, so reckless and so damaging, that you actually cry emotional impotence - then frankly, you deserve everything that's coming to you.

 

You clearly know what you're doing is wrong, but that 'you can't help it'.

 

You know very well - as we all do - that that is utter rubbish.

 

You CAN help it - but you don't want to.

 

 

I believe in karma and all that and I wouldn't want somebody to do this to me but we have been flirting that much hes asking me when am inviting him round.

It's further patently obvious that you have absolutely no idea what 'Karma' is.

I respectfully suggest you read my signature/link.

because karma is happening right here, right now. And you are making it happen.

 

AAArrrrrghhhhhh how I shake it off but I am falling for this guy. HHHEEEELLLPPPP!!!

This is the kind of thing I'd expect a 16-year-old high school pupil to write.

Not someone who has a responsible paid job, and should definitely know better.

 

I hope that's sufficient brutal honesty for you.

Quit being foolish, act your age and stop being silly.

[faithfully]

I know I am encouraging his behaviour and I should put a stop to it but I caant and trust me when I said I have tried.

 

I have not kissed him, hugged or had sex with this guy it is just fun flirting and prob rude banter. which shouldn't have happened.

 

Yes I prob sound weak and like a pathetic woman but I am the single 1 here. He is a nice person to talk to, can relate to him and don't wanna not speak to him just coz he has a gf.

 

cant men and women cant be friends without people thinking we gonna jump in bed together

[TaraMaiden]

I know I am encouraging his behaviour and I should put a stop to it but I caant and trust me when I said I have tried.

Oh I trust you all right. About as much as his GF would.... You're not 'trying' hard enough really though, are you? because you like it too much....

 

I have not kissed him, hugged or had sex with this guy it is just fun flirting and prob rude banter. which shouldn't have happened.

But it did, and you encouraged it, played into it and did it quite wilfully. As you very well know.

 

Yes I prob sound weak and like a pathetic woman but I am the single 1 here.

All the more reason why it should be easier for you to walk away. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by it.

He is a nice person to talk to, can relate to him and don't wanna not speak to him just coz he has a gf.

yeah. Right.

If that really were your motive, I'm sure you could convince everyone you're right. However, we both know that now, you're just clutching at straws and making any old justification you can.

 

cant men and women cant be friends without people thinking we gonna jump in bed together

Well that would possibly merit a sensible answer - except that your thread is headed "I need brutal honesty!!! He has a GF!!"

 

Which perfectly conveys the fact that you are 100% sure that in this case, the answer to THAT question is - "You're kidding, right?"

 

YOU'RE the one who wanted brutal honesty.

You're the one who informed us - he has a GF.

The clear message is that you know this is wrong, and you know you need to stop this.

 

In spite of all advice telling you that, yeah, damn right you should - you're now back-pedalling like crazy and justifying your indiscretion and recklessness and making excuses to carry on.

 

What is it you want, exactly?

 

I suggest you read the NC guide in my signature link, too *(as well as the 'Karma' one....)

The NC Guide was written by a guy who worked closely with his ex.

 

so it should be right up your street to action and implement.

Quit making excuses and behave yourself.

You're impressing no-one, sadly.....

[Zahara]

I know I am encouraging his behaviour and I should put a stop to it but I caant and trust me when I said I have tried.

 

I have not kissed him, hugged or had sex with this guy it is just fun flirting and prob rude banter. which shouldn't have happened.

 

Yes I prob sound weak and like a pathetic woman but I am the single 1 here. He is a nice person to talk to, can relate to him and don't wanna not speak to him just coz he has a gf.

 

cant men and women cant be friends without people thinking we gonna jump in bed together

 

You have tried. BS. If you have a so called moral compass as you clearly state you know it's wrong, you would set a boundary and stick to it. I can't means I won't. You like the attention. You like the excitement. You don't give a shytt about the girlfriend. You want what you want. But put the foot on the other shoe and if you ever find out your boyfriend is flirting with another woman, I bet you would have a different point of view.

 

And just because you are the single woman doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you want to. You have no boundaries? You have no moral compass? You have no self-control? If there's anything pathetic about this is that your only excuse for enabling this is that you are single. You may be single but you are surely an accomplice.

 

You contradict yourself. You state you are catching feelings yet you say why can't two people be friends. Don't downplay this now because you're now trying to justify this as a friendship.

Edited February 10, 2014 by Zahara

[faithfully]

You have tried. BS. If you have a so called moral compass as you clearly state you know it's wrong, you would set a boundary and stick to it. I can't means I won't. You like the attention. You like the excitement. You don't give a shytt about the girlfriend. You want what you want. But put the foot on the other shoe and if you ever find out your boyfriend is flirting with another woman, I bet you would have a different point of view.

 

And just because you are the single woman doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you want to. You have no boundaries? You have no moral compass? You have no self-control? If there's anything pathetic about this is that your only excuse for enabling this is that you are single. You may be single but you are surely an accomplice.

 

You contradict yourself. You state you are catching feelings yet you say why can't two people be friends. Don't downplay this now because you're now trying to justify a friendship.

 

 

All I have done is think about this long and hard and thinking about it now. and YES I know what I am doing is wrong and VERY unfair to his gf if she ever found out. I KNOW THIS!!!

 

maybe I DO LIKE the attention and excitement and If I didn't have self control I would have got with him but I haven't. Just flirty conversation.

 

Am not tryna justify a friendship, I'm just saying without the flirty talk/chat whatever, when we have a normal conversation its actually good and can relate to the things he is saying.

 

I told him whilst he has a gf we cant do anything, kiss, hug, have sex coz am not like that

[pickflicker]

 

cant men and women cant be friends without people thinking we gonna jump in bed together

 

Of course they can. But you aren't friends, are you?

[TaraMaiden]

All I have done is think about this long and hard and thinking about it now. and YES I know what I am doing is wrong and VERY unfair to his gf if she ever found out. I KNOW THIS!!!

 

maybe I DO LIKE the attention and excitement and If I didn't have self control I would have got with him but I haven't. Just flirty conversation.

 

Am not tryna justify a friendship, I'm just saying without the flirty talk/chat whatever, when we have a normal conversation its actually good and can relate to the things he is saying.

 

I told him whilst he has a gf we cant do anything, kiss, hug, have sex coz am not like that

 

Have you read my signature links?

I really think you should stop wailing, protesting and justifying.

Actions speak louder than words.

Telling him things does nothing. because you keep doing the very things you shouldn't.

 

DO something.

Properly.

[TaraMaiden]

I told him whilst he has a gf we cant do anything, kiss, hug, have sex coz am not like that

 

Gimme a break....

You are this far away.......> from being precisely 'like that'.

 

The fact you even need to mention 'kiss hug sex' to him, is confirmation that this is the way you are heading.

Ask anyone having an affair.

They all promised themselves the same thing.....

 

'Nothing will happen, it's just talk, we're having an EA, it won't go any further....'

 

The next thing you know, it's arms and legs everywhere....

[Janesays]

Brutal honesty is this guy is not that into you. If he was, he would have dumped his girlfriend and pursued you seriously. But he hasn't.

 

You are nothing more than a distraction, a play thing, an ego boost to him. Fun, but he still considers you a 'down grade' of what he's got at home already.

 

If you're wiling to feed the ego of a man who treats you this poorly, then maybe you deserve what you get. So much for dignity and pride, eh?

[Zahara]

All I have done is think about this long and hard and thinking about it now. and YES I know what I am doing is wrong and VERY unfair to his gf if she ever found out. I KNOW THIS!!!

 

maybe I DO LIKE the attention and excitement and If I didn't have self control I would have got with him but I haven't. Just flirty conversation.

 

Am not tryna justify a friendship, I'm just saying without the flirty talk/chat whatever, when we have a normal conversation its actually good and can relate to the things he is saying.

 

I told him whilst he has a gf we cant do anything, kiss, hug, have sex coz am not like that

 

Let's turn this around. If you found out your boyfriend was being flirty with a woman at work, how would that make you feel? Stop saying you know how it feels -- talk is cheap -- do something about it.

 

Yuck. You had to actually tell him you are not able to kiss, hug or have sex since he has a girlfriend. I find people that justify breaking trust and loyalty within a relationship to be repulsive, that being him but you're no better at being just as low down as he is.

[faithfully]

Of course they can. But you aren't friends, are you?

 

 

we get on in work and have great conversation, I will stop the flirty messages and chat and tell him no more rude talks now and again. But can still be civil with him and be friendly but obv on a professional level

[faithfully]

Let's turn this around. If you found out your boyfriend was being flirty with a woman at work, how would that make you feel? Stop saying you know how it feels -- talk is cheap -- do something about it.

 

Yuck. You had to actually tell him you are not able to kiss, hug or have sex since he has a girlfriend. I find people that justify breaking trust and loyalty within a relationship to be repulsive, that being him but you're no better at being just as low down as he is.

 

 

I am aware of this, nooo I would not like it and that's why its annoying me and I have seriously tried to shake it off.

 

no when he told me he got back with his girlfriend and he wanted me to know and I said cool we just friends anyways, but this is when I still didn't fancy him,

[TaraMaiden]

we get on in work and have great conversation, I will stop the flirty messages and chat and tell him no more rude talks EVER again. But can still be civil with him and be friendly but obv on a professional level

 

Fixed that for you.

 

The thing you need to do, is to distance yourself emotionally from this guy, and treat him purely and simply as a professional colleague. There is to be no further flirting, small talk, innuendo, or anything else of that nature.

Think you can do that?

 

No, i thought not.....

[faithfully]

Fixed that for you.

 

The thing you need to do, is to distance yourself emotionally from this guy, and treat him purely and simply as a professional colleague. There is to be no further flirting, small talk, innuendo, or anything else of that nature.

Think you can do that?

 

No, i thought not.....

 

 

Excuse me I am willing to give it a go. Like I said I haave done it before. Will tell him nothing sexual and will cancel our meeting next week

[soccerrprp]

Leave him the %&$#! alone! Why would you think there's a future with someone who cheats so brazenly?

[faithfully]

Leave him the %&$#! alone! Why would you think there's a future with someone who cheats so brazenly?

 

 

I don't want nor plan on having a future with this guy. I am not interested in having a relationship with any man

[TaraMaiden]

Excuse me I am willing to give it a go. Like I said I haave done it before. Will tell him nothing sexual and will cancel our meeting next week

 

You don't need to 'tell' him anything.

Just don't turn up.

let your actions speak for you. They will convey everything - and more - than any words could ever do.

 

Back off.

if you have no intention of having a relationship with 'any man' then frankly, what you're also being is a prickteaser.

 

behave yourself, and just turn your back on this, completely.

No words necessary.

[Zahara]

I am aware of this, nooo I would not like it and that's why its annoying me and I have seriously tried to shake it off.

 

no when he told me he got back with his girlfriend and he wanted me to know and I said cool we just friends anyways, but this is when I still didn't fancy him,

 

Well, we're now talking about you NOW liking him. The flirting that is NOW happening. The lines that are NOW being crossed.

 

I said this before, you shake it off by keeping your conversations with him strictly professional. You establish a boundary. You don't allow him to cross it.

 

And if you don't plan on having a future or relationship with this guy, then there is no need to flirt. Keep it business. And imagine the gossip in your office -- you don't want to be known as "that girl".

[CarrieT]

I don't want nor plan on having a future with this guy. I am not interested in having a relationship with any man

 

Then why are you so worked up about this guy? If you don't want anything from him, it should be easy to tell him to calm down and stop flirting.

 

Your actions don't match your written intentions.