Female Friend Asked For Relationship

[I_Like_To_Golf]

I apologize for the essay length post, but just giving as much information as possible to receive the best advice.

 

A girl I knew from high school (5 years ago) added me on Facebook 3 months ago, so I accepted the requested and messaged her to see what she's been up to, how's life and exchanged numbers.

 

Basically we started texting, finding out each other's hobbies and other basic stuff to get to know each other. We hung out only 3 times in the past 3 months (we're in different cities 90 miles apart) and most communication has been via texting.

 

I tried my hardest not to lead this girl on, because I'm personally not ready to commit to someone on an emotional level (I'm 8 months into a break up, only 5 months NC. The first 3 months of the break up was spent by me being mind shafted with mix signals from an ex that I really "loved" at the time haha. It was one of those "abrupt" break ups, there weren't any arguments, I enjoyed every moment I spent with here, then I got the "it's me not you" spiel haha). So any girl that I would date on a romantic level would only be a rebound, and I'm fully aware of this, so I've been taking the advice of this forum by working on myself, making new friends, trying to accomplish a few goals that were neglected while in a relationship, etc.

 

So about a week ago, I get the "I really miss hanging out with you" text from my female friend. So as I said, I wasn't trying to lead her on, so I responded "There will be plenty of time to hang out in the future, we'll hang out soon. Maybe see the new '300' movie coming out which looks awesome"

 

Fast forward to yesterday, I get asked by her if I would date her. I responded, "You're very attractive, but I can't fully commit to you on a relationship level because I'm still not over my previous relationship 100% and I'm using this time to work on myself and my goals and I'm trying to become indifferent and have no attached emotions with the past. You deserve better and I don't want to be the guy that takes your heart through hell and back by not being emotionally invested in you because that's not fair to you or me."

 

So after I said that, she kind of poured out her emotions towards me texting things like, "I really like you a lot. A lot more than I thought I would when we met. It just makes me sad because I felt I tried really hard."

 

Then she started posting depressing things on facebook about love, men, etc.

 

And I don't know if that was a guilt trip or not, but it did make me feel kind of bad haha.

 

 

 

 

 

*Basically I still want to be friends with her, but I don't want anything romantic. So do I text her as normal pretending nothing happened? Or do I just go NC and give her space? Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Key Points:

-We texted nearly every day (absolutely nothing flirtatious, I avoided that at all costs and most of the conversations were about television shows, how work went for that particular day, and things like that)

-I hope loosely hugging her didn't lead her on, I give a loose hug to all my female friends, which aren't many haha. It just seems awkward to shake a girl's hand every time after the first meet haha.

 

Thanks for the advice ahead of time.

[FnlyFrei]

It sounds like you have been honest and up-front with her. And maybe, you aren't very attracted to her? I am pretty sure if a guy I liked a lot, told me what you have told her, I would totally back off. It is also your job to not lead her on, and at this point...anything would give her hope it sounds like. It is all up to you really.

[VeronicaRoss]

Oh boy, her dramatic and public FB reaction are red flags.

 

You've shown interest, you've let her know you're working on yourself and want some time and she tail spins and says she's depressed? On FB? It sounds like she might be trying to bait you.

 

This is not the sign of someone who is very secure or able to handle fairly minor disappointment that is really about delayed gratification.

 

I think you're finding out some important info about her. Pay attention. From this little bit of info, I'd say 'move on'.

[I_Like_To_Golf]

Oh boy, her dramatic and public FB reaction are red flags.

 

You've shown interest, you've let her know you're working on yourself and want some time and she tail spins and says she's depressed? On FB? It sounds like she might be trying to bait you.

 

This is not the sign of someone who is very secure or able to handle fairly minor disappointment that is really about delayed gratification.

 

I think you're finding out some important info about her. Pay attention. From this little bit of info, I'd say 'move on'.

 

Haha yea I think you're absolutely correct in your observation. Your post is really spot on. I texted her the day after this all happened and she was very short so I just ignored and assumed she wasn't over what happened, then a few hours later she texted "will you ever change your mind? Maybe God put me in your life for a reason"

 

So that told me that there is no way a friendship would ever work out, definitely not anytime soon anyway so I'm just going to move on as you suggested, haha.

 

Going to surprise my mom with dinner at a nice restaurant for valentines day for the heck of it haha.

 

Thanks for the replies

[Kamila]

Going to surprise my mom with dinner at a nice restaurant for valentines day for the heck of it haha.

 

That is so sweet

 

But yeah, she's playing the wounded puppy and trying to ignate your sense of guilt. Not good.

Some space/distance would do both of you good.