PlanetofWomen Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Need the advice/views of single/married women with my situation. I have/had a working relationship with a beautiful lady at my place of business. I worked with her 3-4 times per week in the past year and our relationship was always casual with small talk and hello/bye, etc. Recently, her company's work strategy caused her to change shifts. Before her shift change, we crossed paths when she was leaving work and she said some words as she approached me and then, to my surprise, she kissed me on the cheek, I returned the sweet gesture. A few weeks went by before I saw her again and we only exchanged glances as we were at a distance from each other. Recently, I saw her again and as we approached each other, I wished her a Happy New Year and as I kissed her cheek I could hear her make a sound (mmmmm). We talked for a short while before I had to leave as she said to me "good to see you again" I have noticed that this beautiful lady makes a bit of eye contact with me as I do with her, hand wave, etc. when we have the opportunity to be around each other. At other times especially when some of her co-workers are in the area, she seems to play it off as if nothing is going on. I suspect that she is only trying to be discreet. Anyway, sometimes she will approach me to talk and sometimes not. We are both married in committed relationships with older children. I am confused with this situation and she is a beautiful lady so, ladies, please tell me what you think is giong on and how should I proceed. If nothing more I would still like to continue a friendship with her. Please reply. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 She wants you. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 It sounds like she likes the attention you are giving her, and is attracted to you. For you, its an affair waiting to happen but to her it could just be a nice, flirtatious, slightly sexually dangerous way to break the monotony of work. The very easiest thing to do - the thing with the least amount of risk to you both personally and professionally, given that you work together and are both married with children - is to just keep it where it is and not cross that destructive line into workplace relationships and affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 People say it is a bad place to date, generally it is. But it depends on your authority levels, company size, departments, and levels of maturity. My company is very large, 7,000 people and 52 in my department. I see my ex every day but only in the break room or hallway, as he's another department. If the woman is an employee you supervise or manage I would not attempt romance. Most higher ups who find you asked her out could fire you. It may be in an employee guide. (If not, go for it). My friend did this with her boss and it was a bad idea where she ended up leaving because he was under her thumb. You both need to be on the same level of authority. You have spent time with her long enough to know if she has any jealous or inmature behaviors. If she seems like the type of person who can be an adult and you treat her like an adult, I think things will remain professional always. But if she seems like she will embarass you at work with a jealous streak avoid it! One guy gave me that vibe and I said no thanks! There are risks involved but chances of success are much better with someone you already know versus a bar or club. I agree, it sounds like she likes you, especially the "mmmm" while you kissed her check! The guy I dated was one of my only lasting relationships I can say I truely enjoyed with no bad memories. Link to post Share on other sites
Dazzle Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 She wants you. That doesn't mean she'll have you. At the moment it's an exciting game. She may decide to leave it at that or, depending on your reaction, take things further. Have you had affairs before? Some men can maintain a marriage and an affair but many can't and will risk their family. Best stick to flirtation and friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 Oh no, I missed the part about the marraige! Sorry, I gotta say leave it at flirting. I don't want to lecture but it's a holy union to me anyway! If you are unhappy then break it off with your wife or get seperated for a while. I am friends with a married couple who are swingers. Although I can't relate or want that life, I have more respect from them than people who cheat in a marraige. They are honest and open the whole way through. Even if you have dinner and nothing happens, you have hidden a big lie from your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 OMG I missed that too! NO!!!! You're playing with fire. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 Guess we are both one of those members guilty of not listening to the story and speaking too soon. Ahhh, just like I am around my best friends..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlanetofWomen Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 To the ladies that replied, thanks for your views on this issue. One misunderstanding though...we do not work for the same company and in reference to her demeanor, she seems to be professional about her job and in the way she conducts herself. As I mentioned earlier, she is a beautiful and intelligent lady. This action does not seem to be some type of trick or anything. As a matter of fact...there seems to be alot of good chemistry interacting between us. At least on my part! As a woman, if this was you, how would you want me to respond to your actions? I most definately welcome your replies and thank you in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 It depends entirely on how much this woman is willing to cheat on her husband. Apparently you are willing to cheat on your wife, but this woman at work may or may not feel that way. Some women just like to flirt, play - feel sexy and desirable, but that doesn't mean they will take the risk of losing their families over it. If it were two singles, it would be easy. I'd say - tell her how you feel, and ask her on a date. But you are one married person willing and ready to convince another married person to see you. That's a tough one. If she is as cavalier about having an affair as you are - then sure, go for it. Just understand what it is you are willing to risk for yourself, and what you are willing to risk of hers. If the benefits outweigh the risks for you both, then approach her and tell her how you feel. Some people are more willing to take huge risks, and I can understand that. Personally? I'd suggest leaving it as friends. Nothing gained, nothing lost - but that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 I let married men flirt with me. And if I was married I'd expect him to flirt. It's natural. But if a married guy at work kissed me or put his hands on me I'd be very angry. It happened once, I gave a warning and when that failed I went to management. He wasn't fired for that because no one saw it but got fired for other things so I never went to court. I will say though this guy was a lot more aggressive than a kiss on the cheek. This gal sounds more O.K with things than I am. People's boundaries and views in their sexuality vary so widely. I have some friends that are swingers and watch their spouses screw other people. I myself like to wait many months and be in an exclusive commitment before I consider being involved and if he even dated someone behind my back I would feel trust violated and break it off forever. So what I feel and other posters feel may not be what she feels. It's wild diverse land out there..... Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 Originally posted by PlanetofWomen As I mentioned earlier, she is a beautiful and intelligent lady. This action does not seem to be some type of trick or anything. As a matter of fact...there seems to be alot of good chemistry interacting between us. At least on my part! As a woman, if this was you, how would you want me to respond to your actions? I most definately welcome your replies and thank you in advance. I dunno PanetofWomen...but you just strike me as SUCH a sleasy pig-dog, and a married one at that! yuck..yuck..yuck Link to post Share on other sites
poister Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 As was previously mentioned, this may simply be her way of "playing" - of making herself feel sexy and wanted. Admittedly, we all need this, and it may be particularly true if she is passing through a weaker moment in her marriage. This being said, she may not wish for things to go further, and may be surprised if you were to attempt to progress the relationship. It sounds like right now, she is the one with the power between the two of you, simply because you seem willing to let her lead. If you make a move, this would reverse the power dynamic and may make her feel uncomfortable. (Of course, this is simply based on how I would feel in a similar situation.) Thinking of it from a different persepective: Despite the fact that you are not both directly employed by the same company, it sounds like there is a fair amount of professional interaction between the two of you. Resultingly, some of your coworkers must certainly have formed opinions on her - what are the rumours about her? Is she perceived as loyal? easy? This might give you more of an idea of her personality before you choose whether to take things further or not. In toto, my suggestion is to reflect honestly on your desires, their consequences, and your perceptions of her actions before moving further. Right now, you're essentially safe, but acting further puts you at risk in several spheres, and you need to be truthful with yourself as to whether this is worth is for you. Link to post Share on other sites
april Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 asks for tips on how to cheat on his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 Don't proceed here.. You're Married.. She's Married.. UNLESS or UNTIL You're NOT Married.. while it may all okay to look in the "Windows" and think "Dammmnnn thats nice!" IMO it ISN'T okay to take your happy a** into the "Shop" slap the CC down on the counter and say "I'll take that there!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlanetofWomen Posted January 19, 2005 Author Share Posted January 19, 2005 Okay, I've heard enough of the good and the bad! Thanks for both the positive and negative opinions. My initial intention was/is to get a different perspective of my situation with this particular lady friend. This is not about tips for cheating on the wife or being a dirty dog! It is all about trying to understand this woman's actions better. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 Originally posted by PlanetofWomen This is not about tips for cheating on the wife or being a dirty dog! It is all about trying to understand this woman's actions better. Yeah right....good bye Link to post Share on other sites
greeneyedgirl23 Posted February 22, 2005 Share Posted February 22, 2005 I think that there is obviously an attraction, but you are married, and have commited yourself to another person. You owe her the respect to not move any further with this lady at work. I think you should stop the flirting because you may end up messing something wonderful up and not be able to go back; you should not proceed with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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