Kaitie Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I have been dating him for a little over 5 months now and things have been great. I know this is my insecurity issues and low self esteem, but I have a problem with his female friend. They have been friends since middle school so I don't believe I can just come out and say to stop being friends with her. They have never dated (I asked) Before, they would do a lot of things together and hang out a lot. He is not one to post pictures on Facebook, so all his photos are from tags, which a lot are from her. She texts hims a lot and when he does not reply, texts more. I have spent a lot of time around his other friends, but she has only come to one thing and basically ignored me. Basically my problem is is that I feel she may have feelings for him, but is respectful and backs off when he has a girlfriend. They still hang out together (alone) about once a week and he does tell me. We both have the same feelings about cheating and agree on how wrong it is. I have a hard time expressing my feelings and don't know how to bring up my insecurities with him in a way that makes it seem like I think he would cheat one me. I do trust him and know that this is my issue, I just think I need reassurance from him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Pre-existing friends are part of the package. They are here to stay & you have to make peace with them. Spend time with her. Befriend her. She may become a great ally. If you complain her about & ask him to chose he will either pick her & dump you or lie to you & still hang out with her behind your back. If they have been friends for a long time & she backs off & is respectful when he has a GF she may not want to date him. If she wasn't dating anybody when you & your BF met, that's proof the he doesn't want her because if he did he never would have left her to come find you. Take a deep breath. Trust yourself. Trust him & be confident enough not to worry about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kaitie Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 Thank you. I would never ask him to choose, I understand that she has been in his life for quite a long time and will be unless he makes that decision. This is all me. I really just think I needed a place to vent and let out my feelings tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I just think I need reassurance from him. It's all about boundaries and not being a hypocrite. 1. Does he have a healthy sense of the line between platonic friend and flirtatious potential cheating partner? 2. Has he been careful to avoid crossing that line? 3. Would he be fine with you behaving in a similar way in the company of a long-time male friend? If the answer to all three questions is "yes", he's being a good boyfriend and a good friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
theediblewoman Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Well if you want to talk to your boyfriend about the issues you're having in a non accusatory manner you could say something like "I know this is kind of silly but sometimes I feel a little weird about the friendship you have with so and so, I don't expect you to change your relationship with her but I think if I got to know her better,I would feel more comfortable" I think getting to know her is the best thing you can do if they're that close. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I'm with JThompkins on this, they hang out alone once a week....why???? Unless there is some activity/club/project or something I'd be wanting to know why I wasn't invited along too if I were you. If my fiance was hanging out alone with his female friends once a week, I'd be straight off to hang alone with my male friends at the same time and see how he likes it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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