2sunny Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 He should be staying ANYWHERE else! Being with you right now - while he's trying to sort through his marital issues is just crappy as far as a solution!!! What a load of crap! And all the stuff he's telling you today is just awful! A woman of substance would never even listen to his intimate details - he should be telling HIS WIFE that he feels that way, not you! And if he needs counseling - no need to wait a week! Get an emergency appt today!!! Being away from his wife won't solve his issues! He needs to be a grown up and have those discussions with his wife if he intends to work on things! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 This isn't a soap opera. No, it's not. In a soap opera you merely have to read the script, and you can be certain that you know what is going to happen - and exactly how everyone is going to behave and react - in the future. No, indeed, this is not a soap opera. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Since he is now staying there either: You didn't say NO Or Two men who claim to love you didn't listen to a word you say - disrespecting and disregarding your input. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kalimata Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 What will you do once your BH finds out? Will you look him in the face and deny ****ing OM in your marital home? When he asks how could you do such a thing with my best friend, how will you answer? What will you do when your children shun you for the rest of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 I won't have to lie if I deny we had sex in the house because we haven't. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I won't have to lie if I deny we had sex in the house because we haven't. What? You said you had sex with him in your home and in his home. You even started a thread on that topic. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I won't have to lie if I deny we had sex in the house because we haven't. But you're still lying. Daily. Hourly to your husband...About the affair with his/your friend. The fact still remains the man you're cheating with on your husband is IN your house. So you aren't gonna have sex with him while he's in the house while your H is away - But you have had sex with him in the past in your house. AM, when you are out of the A and the fog has lifted, reality hits, you'll see what's what. You can't see it nor do you want to see it because you're in the midst of it and have blinders on. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Oh my- read the whole thread and some other posts by the OP- You MUST get in to counseling and stay there-your need for constant drama and attention is dangerous not only to you but your family as well-you have spun so many lies here on this board that you can not keep them all straight- you seem incapable of truth and that so very unfortunate-you must find out why you are like this and why you have such a need for attention that you will engage in such negative behaviors-until then, try to stay busy, take care of yourself and stay away from your AP and your A-you are on a collision course with a world of hurt-please get yourself right- 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I won't have to lie if I deny we had sex in the house because we haven't. The irony is that once this all comes out, if you actually happen to tell the truth about one small but hard-to-believe element of it ("We didn't have sex in our home during the time he was staying with us..." - if that actually turns out to be true) it will be assumed that it's just another part of your lying. In this case, your telling the truth will actually make things worse! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 The irony is that once this all comes out, if you actually happen to tell the truth about one small but hard-to-believe element of it ("We didn't have sex in our home during the time he was staying with us..." - if that actually turns out to be true) it will be assumed that it's just another part of your lying. In this case, your telling the truth will actually make things worse! Considering the length and depth of this betrayal it would be small consolation that she controlled hersel when her candy was under the same roof. "But honey we didn't do it that week we lived together... Ain't I so awesome at self control. You see I'm an adult!!!". That is if her husband believes her... Which he won't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) We have had sex in my home, we have in his home .. but we haven't at all this time. I never said my husband would believe that if this came out. He plans to be here until Friday. And we have spent time together, but my kids have been home and will continue to be so we will keep this separate. I haven't lied about any specifics on this forum at all, I've left out a lot of the specifics, the details, but there is no point in making anything up, I'm not embarrassed by what anyone here thinks. I am the woman in your town who looks like she has it all together. I wouldn't say I seek attention or validation, it's just offered to me. This situation could her messy but I'm not letting it, he's a friend for this week and I'm just trying to help him out the best I can. Edited February 17, 2014 by AutumnMoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 And all the people you see in your life who look like they have it together are no different. No matter what you think, nobody sees you as innocent. Your friends don't, your family doesn't, your neighbours don't. Anyone that has lived life knows not to judge a book by the cover. No one actually cares what you do in your personal life just like you aren't digging into theirs. No one is thinking about your personal life. And if they did they wouldn't be surprised to find out you cheated. Don't I wish you were right!! I'm in a town with just over a 1000 people. They do very much care about everyone's personal business and although I'm well aware I'm not seen as completely innocent , nobody is, they would be shocked to learn of this if it came out. I am someone that they would not expect to have an affair. Especially with who it's with and in town without people noticing, yes people would be surprised. I have a very solid reputation and people trust me a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Anne Boleyn Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) Autumn, by opening this thread, what kind of support/advice are you looking for? Edited February 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Let's keep the posts helpful and not hurtful Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 I just need to get the thoughts out somewhere maybe. I really am in love with this guy and I'm just trying to keep everything in it's own box. In a fantasy world we could end up together but not now in this place. Can't happen right now. He sees to agree with this, largely for our kids but because we also do care about our partners and divorcing them even without the affair coming out and then ending up together after would crush them too. I love this guy but I can be logical and realistic about it a lot of the time but when he's right in front of me I'm weak and just want to make him happy. Id do absolutely anything for him and he knows it. We are not just friends, of course to think that Id have to be in major denial. But I repeat it to myself because that's his I try to treat him., as just my friend. It's the only thing that works for me to keep it separate.. I made the thread originally because of course with him here every day.. I'm nervous and I'm sure visably so. I'm a good actress but I question how good. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I'm going to tell you right now, you aren't as good as you think you are. Non verbal cues cannot be controlled 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I just need to get the thoughts out somewhere maybe. I really am in love with this guy and I'm just trying to keep everything in it's own box. In a fantasy world we could end up together but not now in this place. Can't happen right now. He sees to agree with this, largely for our kids but because we also do care about our partners and divorcing them even without the affair coming out and then ending up together after would crush them too. I love this guy but I can be logical and realistic about it a lot of the time but when he's right in front of me I'm weak and just want to make him happy. Id do absolutely anything for him and he knows it. We are not just friends, of course to think that Id have to be in major denial. But I repeat it to myself because that's his I try to treat him., as just my friend. It's the only thing that works for me to keep it separate.. I made the thread originally because of course with him here every day.. I'm nervous and I'm sure visably so. I'm a good actress but I question how good. Not that good. Eventually this will be found out and that's when you're really going to need lots of support. Right now what we are all telling you, you 'hear' but really aren't grasping the fallout. Your emotions and head won't allow you to 'go' there - The D-day and the damage it's going to cause. You can picture it on some level but you're so sure you'll never get caught, so you can't foresee it really happening. Hope this makes sense. You're in love with your MOM, seems much more than your husband, it's only a matter of time before this comes out. You can't hide this forever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Here are a few variable ways this will go down. You're caught and all the drama and destruction of DDay ensues. You continue uncaught and somehow by a miracle manage to get better at acceptin this is your way of love for the rest of your life. Being in love with one man and havin stolen moments while lying and pretendig to your family. You aren't doing well at this as your A has progressed and so have your feelings. In your mind it has become your most important relationship. Maybe you will be able to reign that in and get control and be content with that. Your A ends and you resign yourself to losing the love of your life and remaining in a marriage of convienance that despite your protests that your H has good qualities you have never named any really good qualities. He seems to be controlling, distant, cold, absent and self centered. You have even stated that he is an absent and not close with his kid's father so he doesn't have that at least in his favour. If you were here about yoú marital problems not your double life I would suggest you consider divorce as an unhappy teo parent home is not as good as a happy single parent home. Your husband forcing yor MM on you and disregarding your objections was not how a marriage is supposed to be. Pining for another man who will neer be yours is no way to live. Have you thought about ending the affair, going NC with MM and focusing on tour marriage as though he doesn't exsist? Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Autumn, is MM sticking to his plan of staying for a week? He moved in on the 12th, so tomorrow will be a week. Also, do you know if MM feels this week accomplished what he hoped it would? Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 It's the only thing that works for me to keep it separate.. I made the thread originally because of course with him here every day.. I'm nervous and I'm sure visably so. I'm a good actress but I question how good. It may not be your acting abilities that get you caught, but your lies will... You didn't start this thread because you were "with him here everyday"--you started it before he began staying with you. The thing is, I believe that when you wrote this, you believed it. Unfortunately, even though you try to rewrite history to justify and explain your actions, those around you know the truth. While this may be a relatively minor "slip", as the days and lies pile up, it's going to get harder and harder to keep the lies all straight--and separate. Eventually, your H or MM's wife will pick up on one little "slip" and you won't be able to defend yourself because you won't be able to remember what lies you have told. And even if they don't, one day you will look back and realize that every good memory you would have had has been tainted by lies and deceit...while your children were growing up, you were living a lie. Part of being a loving parent is being a parent that your kids can be proud to have. Even if they don't know the truth, YOU will, and it will eat you up inside. I urge you to think about the big picture. If you and MM really want to be together, then own up to it and make it happen. Spare your families and each other the regret of living a life based on lies and deception. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Id do absolutely anything for him and he knows it. Therein lies a major part of the problem. The guy just moved into the house of the MARRIED woman he's having an A with. You may, just for a second, want to consider that he's taking advantage of you. This isn't what friends who care about each other do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 It may not be your acting abilities that get you caught, but your lies will... You didn't start this thread because you were "with him here everyday"--you started it before he began staying with you. . I wrote the thread after finding out they had made the plans. The thought of him here every day had me in a panic. I didn't lie about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
veritas lux mea Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 This person scares me because I believe it could have been me had my affair not ended and I had not told my husband. What a sad, sad mess. I just can't even imagine what a happy ending looks like or whose happy ending it would be. Autumn have you went to a strictly cheaters forum? I was on one and found it quite helpful. Not just to have a place for myself but to see more people activly involved in an affair. Not mainly Ow or BS. And not people who are wanting to end up together. I'm all about confessing and getting things in the open. But this time. Well even if I was I can see you are someone who will deny, deny, deny if caught. You're a good liar and that helps on the outside. So put that acting to good use and use it to get out of your affair and appear happy in your marriage. Friendships end all the time. Find a good reason and say that happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I wrote the thread after finding out they had made the plans. The thought of him here every day had me in a panic. I didn't lie about anything. What's the update? Is OM still there? How is that going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted February 18, 2014 Author Share Posted February 18, 2014 What's the update? Is OM still there? How is that going? He's still here, he works during the day and then comes home like he lives here. Honestly I haven't heard from or seen his wife at all which isn't different from normal but I thought maybe this would be different. He had said they have spoken in the phone and he plans to go back home Friday. They were supposed to have an appointment tomorrow with a marriage counsellor but it doesn't sound like they are going to go now. He says he feel like he's always just waiting for their marriage to get better, that they never make any real changes, they just wait and hope it will get better on it's own. I felt sick because I feel the same about my marriage a lot. My marriage obviously had very different challenges, my husband is only home sometimes a week out of a month and we are a good team in that time so he doesn't see anything as being wrong. Where OM and his wife are together every day and there issues are right up in their faces. My issue.. Is I missed him all the time when I wasn't with him before, even sometimes when I was with him, because other people were around and I hide my feelings, sometimes I missed him when he was right next to me. I'm going to be crushed when he goes home. Even though I'm preparing myself and have kept control the whole time, it's when I'm alone that's really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
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