My husband and my OM have made plans without me

[SD1000]

I have to laugh a little at the dramatic part. Ummm you're makin te drama not us.

 

•affair with a family friend

•affair while your husband is away

•your husband ingores you and you're lonely

•your mm is staying in your house

•your children get alone with married man more

•you obviously love your married man more than your huband but love your lifestyle more

•you are the very picture of a cake eater

•you are having an affair in a town of 1000

•you don't think you will be caught

•you won't end the affair

•you won't end the marriage

•you are a good actress.

•you outright lied to your husband when he mentioned you having sex with MM

 

I don't think you know what drama is. The very fact you are acting makes this whole thing a drama.

 

 

 

The only thing missing is a trailer house.

[road]

The only thing missing is a trailer house.

 

 

 

T P T is not just found in trailer parks.

[2sunny]

You play the victim role well.

 

Being at the mercy of what others do or don't do.

 

Take a look at taking control if your life instead of allowing others to tell you how things are going to be.

[Owl]

Actually, no....you keep avoiding the same issue...

 

YOU are hurting his marriage. YOU are the biggest reason they will not be able to get the marriage back on track.

Your 'friend' is probably trying to figure out how to mend her marriage and has NO IDEA what she is up against - YOU!

Your relationship is impacting his mental health, his social interactions and friendships.

 

It's also impacting your own marriage.

 

You are destructive.

 

Do you care?

 

Worth repeating to ensure that the OP didn't miss (or avoid) this uncomfortable set of truths.

[whichwayisup]

Not at all. I've explained several times that I am uncomfortable with my husband and him getting close and that I do my best to avoid his wife. We're in a small town so it's not always easy but I do not get off on hurting anyone else at all.

 

Your MM doesn't have to be close and friendly with your husband. He hasn't backed off at all, in fact he is just as friendly with your husband too. If he was smart he'd distance himself.

[BurnedAndLost]

Because she gets off doing a double betrayal of her BH with his friend as the OM.

I wonder this too.

Edited February 21, 2014 by BurnedAndLost

[AutumnMoon]

I'm not ignoring certain posts, some don't believe some require a response and I have no problem taking criticism as long as it's respectful.

 

Hard to explain how I'm feeling about all this. I'm a strong capable woman, I run two successful businesses on my own, I'm raising four healthy happy kids largely on my own.

 

When I read back some of my posts, I agree, I sound like I'm playing the victim and like I'm not in control of this situation at all. When looking at my life and not knowing about the affair you would never see me as a victim or someone not totally in control. I'm a bi poker sex addict. But nobody really knows that about me except OM my husband and my best friends. Because my life is controlled and calm and I guess I play the part well.

 

I know this is a mess. I'm not totally stupid. I know.

 

For the record, OM and my husband started to get close AFTER the affair started and I didn't arrange for that to happen at all. It's not something I 'get off' on.

 

As for if I am that problem in their marriage.. Obviously I am A problem, but his wife as said right to my face if it wasn't for me they would have been separated last year. I've made him happy.. But it's the feelings and things that are not seen that is damaging. I know that.

[AutumnMoon]

Your MM doesn't have to be close and friendly with your husband. He hasn't backed off at all, in fact he is just as friendly with your husband too. If he was smart he'd distance himself.

 

Wouldn't distancing now be a red flag?

I have made it my mission to stay at arms length from his wife.. he has always wanted us to get closer....

Is he getting off on it?? That has me thinking .. :/

[Fluttershy]

Wouldn't distancing now be a red flag?

I have made it my mission to stay at arms length from his wife.. he has always wanted us to get closer....

Is he getting off on it?? That has me thinking .. :/

 

Well be honest because the xOW in my situation most certainly did and it was my H seeing her attitude. He saw it when he reread conversations and looked back. He had felt near the end he didn't care for her atitude towards me. She never said anything "bad" he just felt it. He said it probably dosn't help that he knew I didn't care for her. As to his feelings he tried to jeep the A seperate but he said there was those thoughts that trickled in when he was with her H. He didn't like the thoughts or feelings but it was there. He realizes that een f he was in denial he felt superior to her husband. She made hik feel this way on a ourely sexual base.

 

Becomin friends with someone just so they don't know you are bagingin their spouse is dirty and low. It is using a person and pretending and faking yet another relationship. That is why double betrayals are so much worse. Either the person was your friend and betrayed you to get with your spouse or the person allowed a friendship to develop so not to get caught in the affair. That is why even pro affair people recommend not hooking up with a friend or family member.

[Fluttershy]

I'm not ignoring certain posts, some don't believe some require a response and I have no problem taking criticism as long as it's respectful.

 

Hard to explain how I'm feeling about all this. I'm a strong capable woman, I run two successful businesses on my own, I'm raising four healthy happy kids largely on my own.

 

When I read back some of my posts, I agree, I sound like I'm playing the victim and like I'm not in control of this situation at all. When looking at my life and not knowing about the affair you would never see me as a victim or someone not totally in control. I'm a bi poker sex addict. But nobody really knows that about me except OM my husband and my best friends. Because my life is controlled and calm and I guess I play the part well.

 

I know this is a mess. I'm not totally stupid. I know.

 

For the record, OM and my husband started to get close AFTER the affair started and I didn't arrange for that to happen at all. It's not something I 'get off' on.

 

As for if I am that problem in their marriage.. Obviously I am A problem, but his wife as said right to my face if it wasn't for me they would have been separated last year. I've made him happy.. But it's the feelings and things that are not seen that is damaging. I know that.

 

You ARE the only problem at the moment as far as he is concerned and his actions. He is faking working on his side so long as he is giving himself to you. Maybe there are other problems. But unless he dumps you and focuses solely on recommiting to his wife and addressing teir problems this is just more smoke and mirrors. Instea dof pretendin to be working on his marriage he should just say it like it is. He is stayin for the kids and that is all. He should tell her what she needs to do on her end. The things she isn't putting in. And if he has and she won't change then he should leave or let her no their romantic relationship is over.

 

But nothing will change if you change nothing. Your marriage won't get better either or your life going as you are. Your emotions and turmoil are going to cath up with you or you are going to turn into an emotional zombie. You have made it very apparent to us that what you have now ISN't enough for you. When will you see it? And when will you take charge of your own life in a healthy way?

[2sunny]

It may be possible your H suspects - and has a camera/video set up in the house while he is away.

[2sunny]

Wouldn't distancing now be a red flag?

I have made it my mission to stay at arms length from his wife.. he has always wanted us to get closer....

Is he getting off on it?? That has me thinking .. :/

 

What he wanted is just mean and cruel and the same that is happening to your H.

 

With all the pretending you do - how can you possibly know who you really are?

 

Living those lies requires so much negative energy.

 

I wish you would begin to change yourself - become authentic - and find a way to live an honest life.

[Sub]

I'm a bi poker sex addict. But nobody really knows that about me except OM my husband and my best friends.

 

I may be confusing you with another poster, but I didn't think your H knew about your issues. If he's truly aware you're a bipolar sex addict, it makes the decision to have a "friend"(let alone the OM) stay in the house with you while he's away all the more curious.

 

 

Obviously I am A problem, but his wife as said right to my face if it wasn't for me they would have been separated last year. I've made him happy.. But it's the feelings and things that are not seen that is damaging. I know that.

 

If she knew WHY you made him happy, she wouldn't see your effect on their marriage as a positive anymore. She'd just realize it was a sham.

[AutumnMoon]

It may be possible your H suspects - and has a camera/video set up in the house while he is away.

 

If that's true he won't find anything juicy at all.

[BetrayedH]

I want things to remain as they have been. No end game different from that.. Just for us to continue as they were.

But really I just want everyone to stay happy and if I had to pick having him in my life as a lover or a friend, I would pick friend every time.

 

And do you really think this is sustainable indefinitely? You have no plan except to continue until you get busted. Doesn't it seem like that's eventually what's bound to happen? This is not even a well-hidden affair.

 

Whether you care to think about it or not, there is an end-game here and you are influencing the outcome.

[BetrayedH]

Are you on bi polar meds? Lithium and maybe lamecdol? If not, mania can be a much better explanation of hypersexuality than sexual addiction.

[AutumnMoon]

Are you on bi polar meds? Lithium and maybe lamecdol? If not, mania can be a much better explanation of hypersexuality than sexual addiction.

 

I don't feel like getting into the whole thing right now, but I'll say during manic episodes I'll seek out sex .. But the sexual addiction goes further than that and it's all the time and has been since I was a kid, I don't have to seek out sex all the time though and deal with that other ways.

 

I'm not getting into the med discussion right now. I'm mainly dealing with those issues in IC and with exercise, I was over medicated as a teen and just try to find other way to deal.

[AutumnMoon]

I may be confusing you with another poster, but I didn't think your H knew about your issues. If he's truly aware you're a bipolar sex addict, it makes the decision to have a "friend"(let alone the OM) stay in the house with you while he's away all the more curious.

 

 

 

 

If she knew WHY you made him happy, she wouldn't see your effect on their marriage as a positive anymore. She'd just realize it was a sham.

 

My husbands not stupid. He knows of a lot of my issues but believes them to be in the past. But he's been with me a long time, he would have to be blind not to know I was by polar we've talked about it many times but not in depth, I deal on my own.

 

As for my sexual past he will not discuss it at all and I'm called all sorts of names for suggesting anything that I want. Sex is a mans world to him, he's always felt that way, and when I was younger I felt comfortable with that, it was so different from all other men, but now it drives me crazy,

 

Back then I was trying to hide that side of me.

But his attitude has progressed over the years and any woman that likes sex is a whore. I can't even talk about it to him. He likes it during sex but makes me feel like **** afterwards.

Edited February 21, 2014 by AutumnMoon

[BetrayedH]

I'm not getting into the med discussion right now. I'm mainly dealing with those issues in IC and with exercise, I was over medicated as a teen and just try to find other way to deal.

 

Other ways to deal, huh? How's that working for you? You can't cure bi polar at all, let alone with mysterious "other ways." Lithium is the gold standard and you don't go off of it. I'm certainly not the first person to have told you this.

[whichwayisup]

For the record, OM and my husband started to get close AFTER the affair started and I didn't arrange for that to happen at all. It's not something I 'get off' on.

 

Your MM is an idiot for allowing a friendship to grow between him and your husband. Maybe your MM gets off on it? Sorry but that really is insane to knowingly have an A, then befriend the husband. This double betrayal is serious stuff, read up on it. Crimes of passion, especially these types of affairs.

[whichwayisup]

Wouldn't distancing now be a red flag?

I have made it my mission to stay at arms length from his wife.. he has always wanted us to get closer....

Is he getting off on it?? That has me thinking .. :/

 

Your MM can 'get busy' and put your H off by saying he's spending more time at home. He can tell your H any excuse, he just doesn't have to hang out with him so much.

 

Yes you should think about it. Why else would he be close with your H? Unless it's to try to control you and keep tabs.

[harrybrown]

Your OM is getting off on being in your H's face while having an affair with you. He may deny it, but is gives him more of a thrill to totally piss on your H.

 

I realize that you and the OM are soul mates, but your OM is really sick to do that to your H.

 

It is one thing to cheat, but to flaunt it in your H's face is really cruel.

 

Have you ever noticed this side of your OM or has he hidden that flaw from his otherwise perfect person? I hope your OM is never around your kids. He could molest them like what happened to my friend's kids. The kids were taken away by the state.

 

My friend's wife would never be so selfish to harm her own children by allowing them to be molested by her OM. But that is what the state documented.

 

I think you have found your self a real winner for an OM. I hope you will be very protective of your kids, even if you do not care at all about your H.

Edited February 21, 2014 by harrybrown
edit

[veritas lux mea]

people stop being friends all the time. The only way it seems suspicious is because you have something to hide.

[txgrl]

How'd you know you're bipolar and a sex addict? You've been diagnosed? And even if you are , the recommended treatments for either doNOT include having an A and certainly not having the OM in your house!

 

Your calm about the whole situation is beginning to scare me .

[AutumnMoon]

How'd you know you're bipolar and a sex addict? You've been diagnosed? And even if you are , the recommended treatments for either doNOT include having an A and certainly not having the OM in your house!

 

Your calm about the whole situation is beginning to scare me .

 

I shouldn't even have said that here because I don't want to get into it. But yes I was diagnosed years ago with bi polar .. Sex addiction is hard to diagnose but that been suggested to me more than a couple times by separate professionals, starting more than ten years ago, long before this happened

 

I'm incredibly calm about it. Honestly sometimes that unnerves me too. I don't feel the way I would expect someone to feel, or how I would have expected myself to feel about it.