I'm tired of chasing women.

[somedude81]

Unfortunately none of the three girls I'm interested in showed up to the dance class today. I was starting to get closer to one of them and I was going to remind her to go to salsa club on campus tomorrow night but I couldn't do that. Now I doubt that she'll show up.

 

Ironically enough, there is a forth girl I like, but she has boyfriend, and I was actually with her for two classes in a row. Ever since I dated my ex, I've become much more comfortable touching girls, and it's amazing how much this girl lets me touch her. Of course it's never anything indecent, but she doesn't seem to mind at all. If she was single, I would have asked her out already.

 

It's funny how I'm almost in the same situation I was in last year. I get along with and have rapport with a girl more so than everybody else, but she has a boyfriend. I seriously doubt she'd break up with her boyfriend to date me like what my ex did. But considering why we broke up, I don't know if I want to be in that situation again.

 

There has be girls cute girls that are single, and are interested in dating right?

 

I'll need to try and form some sort of connection with the other girls, as there isn't too much point getting to know this one.

[NYC-BigKat]

For some reason this just really hit me today. I'm just tired of chasing girls.

 

I have never been good at getting girls to go on dates with me and I've only ever managed to get one girl to go on at least three dates with me, and she ended up being my first girlfriend at 31 years old.

 

So here I am again in this stupid "hunting" phase and it just sucks. Conversations are so awkward because you don't know a thing about the person. Nobody seems to give a damn about me and somehow I have to make somebody like me.

 

It was so much easier and much more fulfilling to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship also enables a positive feedback between me and the girl. Teasing and flirting is much more fun when you know that the other person actually likes you. There is constant positive reinforcement.

 

But now that I'm single I'm struggling to hold that attention of a girl for more than a few minutes. There just isn't a lot of time during the day that I can actually talk to a girl when we are basically no more than strangers.

 

Once I get some rapport with a girl I feel that I'll be OK but its really hard getting to the point where I can sit down and talk to a girl like we actually know each other.

 

Though looking back, I knew my ex for about five months before we went on our first date. I've only known these girls I'm meeting in my classes for a few weeks, but for some reason I'm just feeling frustrated.

 

 

Yea I know . I'm kinda doing the same thing now 'cause I never could get a damn date or if I got a date the girl would always check out real fast & I never get a chance to make something happen. I still see really really pretty girls when I go out but I don't do anything about it anymore 'cause I feel it might be a tease & not real interest if they come near me 'cause I tried to talk to girls that seemed to like me by looking at me a lot but when I try to get their numbers now they magically got boyfriends ? I think a job is more important right now than playing these games.

[somedude81]

Completely off-topic but it's not worth starting a new thread over:

 

I'm filling out the forms to get my passport and it requires my birth certificate. So I looked over the form, and both of my parents were 22 when I was born. And here I am at 32 and nowhere even close to having kids.

 

The way I'm going, I probably never will.

[iris219]

Completely off-topic but it's not worth starting a new thread over:

 

I'm filling out the forms to get my passport and it requires my birth certificate. So I looked over the form, and both of my parents were 22 when I was born. And here I am at 32 and nowhere even close to having kids.

 

The way I'm going, I probably never will.

 

And your parents are divorced. Having children young ends up being very difficult for some people.

[somedude81]

And your parents are divorced. Having children young ends up being very difficult for some people.

And it made things extremely difficult for my mother.

 

But it was just the shock of seeing that my parents had me when they were 10 years younger than I am now. I have this sickening feeling that I haven't accomplished anything in life. I should at least be married by now.

[topaMAXX]

And it made things extremely difficult for my mother.

 

But it was just the shock of seeing that my parents had me when they were 10 years younger than I am now. I have this sickening feeling that I haven't accomplished anything in life. I should at least be married by now.

 

A successful marriage is just one thing in a long list of potential worthwhile lifetime accomplishments.

 

A career is also a good one.

[topaMAXX]

OP, I combed through this thread a bit. I planned on responding to one older post in particular, but can't find it now.

 

In that post, you stated something very telling. You said something along the lines of "I haven't grown from age 25 to 31....and this relationship made me feel like I was progressing again".

 

What you're really missing is that dating is only one small aspect of personal growth.

 

For example, I'm turning 27 in a month. My 25th year consisted of me finishing graduate school, joining the military, going to bootcamp, and moving to the other side of the country (and out of my parent's house for the first time ever).

 

My 26th year consisted of me learning the military life (and actually almost getting kicked out due to immaturity, which ultimately led me to gain an entirely new level of maturity fast), learning my career, finally getting into shape, adjusting to life alone, getting promoted and achieving a 6 figure salary, getting a new girlfriend and breaking up with her, and getting involved in various flings that showed me what I really want in a relationship and in a woman.

 

My 27th year will be even crazier (I'm learning a new language, studying to potentially get into medical school, and traveling to different countries for purposes out of context with this thread).

 

The bottom line is that I've pushed myself hard over the past few years and REALLY got out of my comfort zone. THIS is what leads to personal growth. And, yes, I've dated and hooked up with women over that time, but it was, overall, a small (yet significant) part of the big picture.

Edited March 1, 2014 by topaMAXX

[kodakgirl]

Completely off-topic but it's not worth starting a new thread over:

 

I'm filling out the forms to get my passport and it requires my birth certificate. So I looked over the form, and both of my parents were 22 when I was born. And here I am at 32 and nowhere even close to having kids.

 

The way I'm going, I probably never will.

 

The best thing to do is not compare ourselves to other people, but if it makes you feel better my own parents were 34 (dad) and 30 (mom) when I was born, having met about two years before that. It was apparently my dad's first relationship. They've been married 27 years, with two kids who seem to have turned out pretty well.

[somedude81]

OP, I combed through this thread a bit. I planned on responding to one older post in particular, but can't find it now.

 

In that post, you stated something very telling. You said something along the lines of "I haven't grown from age 25 to 31....and this relationship made me feel like I was progressing again".

 

What you're really missing is that dating is only one small aspect of personal growth.

 

For example, I'm turning 27 in a month. My 25th year consisted of me finishing graduate school, joining the military, going to bootcamp, and moving to the other side of the country (and out of my parent's house for the first time ever).

 

My 26th year consisted of me learning the military life (and actually almost getting kicked out due to immaturity, which ultimately led me to gain an entirely new level of maturity fast), learning my career, finally getting into shape, adjusting to life alone, getting promoted and achieving a 6 figure salary, getting a new girlfriend and breaking up with her, and getting involved in various flings that showed me what I really want in a relationship and in a woman.

 

My 27th year will be even crazier (I'm learning a new language, studying to potentially get into medical school, and traveling to different countries for purposes out of context with this thread).

 

The bottom line is that I've pushed myself hard over the past few years and REALLY got out of my comfort zone. THIS is what leads to personal growth. And, yes, I've dated and hooked up with women over that time, but it was, overall, a small (yet significant) part of the big picture.

I definitely understand what you're talking about.

 

My biggest issue is that I've been stuck in college for so long. Finally I was getting close to leaving the tunnel, I could see the light, but then there was a cave in and I don't know when I can actually graduate. Hopefully it will be December.

 

The only thing that has happened in my life that made me feel like I was growing/maturing was getting a girlfriend. It was a huge shift in my life, so many new things and challenges that I haven't had to deal with before. I learned about relationships how to communicate with somebody very close to you and how act when someone else is mixed in your life. I've also learned more about women in that short six months time than I have before in my entire life. It was a period of rapid progression.

 

Now that she's gone, I'm back to where I was before her, though I have learned some things about life.

 

Right now I'm stuck in school doing math homework that I can't wait to be rid of.

[somedude81]

The best thing to do is not compare ourselves to other people, but if it makes you feel better my own parents were 34 (dad) and 30 (mom) when I was born, having met about two years before that. It was apparently my dad's first relationship. They've been married 27 years, with two kids who seem to have turned out pretty well.

Ah, you reminded me of something.

 

I'm sure everybody reading this thread knows that I'm 32 and my ex is 21. Though what's interesting is that our parents are very similar in age. She also has an 18 year old brother.

 

Her parents had kids much later than mine did, and they're still married.

[topaMAXX]

I definitely understand what you're talking about.

 

My biggest issue is that I've been stuck in college for so long. Finally I was getting close to leaving the tunnel, I could see the light, but then there was a cave in and I don't know when I can actually graduate. Hopefully it will be December.

 

The only thing that has happened in my life that made me feel like I was growing/maturing was getting a girlfriend. It was a huge shift in my life, so many new things and challenges that I haven't had to deal with before. I learned about relationships how to communicate with somebody very close to you and how act when someone else is mixed in your life. I've also learned more about women in that short six months time than I have before in my entire life. It was a period of rapid progression.

 

Now that she's gone, I'm back to where I was before her, though I have learned some things about life.

 

Right now I'm stuck in school doing math homework that I can't wait to be rid of.

 

I realize that this question is a bit off-topic, but are you getting a degree in a field where you will actually get a job when you're finished with school?

 

To be honest, man, if you're not, I suggest just dropping out now.

 

My brother did this recently, though he's 24. He's was due to graduate in December with a bachelor's degree, but he dropped out of school last month. He got a job as a car salesman and is actually pretty good at it (despite having a significant stuttering problem). He's sold about 8 cars this month, which is a record for a brand new salesman at his dealership.

 

Anyway, my point is that getting a job (even if it is a non-traditional one) where you can actually develop a skill is more important than finishing college to obtain a useless degree (not saying you're doing that).

 

Just food for thought....

[somedude81]

I realize that this question is a bit off-topic, but are you getting a degree in a field where you will actually get a job when you're finished with school?

 

To be honest, man, if you're not, I suggest just dropping out now.

 

My brother did this recently, though he's 24. He's was due to graduate in December with a bachelor's degree, but he dropped out of school last month. He got a job as a car salesman and is actually pretty good at it (despite having a significant stuttering problem). He's sold about 8 cars this month, which is a record for a brand new salesman at his dealership.

 

Anyway, my point is that getting a job (even if it is a non-traditional one) where you can actually develop a skill is more important than finishing college to obtain a useless degree (not saying you're doing that).

 

Just food for thought....

Yup I'll have no trouble getting a job when I graduate.

 

I'm getting a business degree and my concentration is in information systems. My degree is 99% complete and all I have left is to pass calculus. Though my math skills suck and I'm taking pre-calculus now and I have to make up my GPA to get readmitted to my school because I was dismissed for failing too many math classes.....

[Imajerk17]

What topaMAXX said. Great post and thank you for your service.

 

Somedude, reread what topaMAXX wrote. Women fall in love with the essence of a man--his ambition, how he goes after what he wants in life, his goals. If you have this, women are just naturally coming. If you don't have that e.g., your primary aim is to find a girlfriend, then getting a woman interested is going to be pretty tough.

 

It's why you keep getting all this advice from well-meaning people to get the rest of your life in order first--advice we get you hate.

Edited March 2, 2014 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

I have goals, had them for many years.

[ltjg45]

I have goals, had them for many years.

 

Well, focus on them first....and stop chasing women.

 

As you know, I never had a girlfriend and I am 27. Even then, I have stopped caring about getting a girlfriend and literally focused on getting myself out of this mess.

 

I am sure, by the time I get a girlfriend, I will be like you: 30+ years of age or older. That's fine as long as I have my own place, a vehicle, hopefully a degree, and my debts paid off.

 

Then.....and maybe then, I would be concerned about actually getting a girlfriend.

 

Or maybe I got so used to going solo that I just don't bother.

 

Anyway, get to work.

[somedude81]

Well, focus on them first....and stop chasing women.

 

As you know, I never had a girlfriend and I am 27. Even then, I have stopped caring about getting a girlfriend and literally focused on getting myself out of this mess.

 

I am sure, by the time I get a girlfriend, I will be like you: 30+ years of age or older. That's fine as long as I have my own place, a vehicle, hopefully a degree, and my debts paid off.

 

Then.....and maybe then, I would be concerned about actually getting a girlfriend.

 

Or maybe I got so used to going solo that I just don't bother.

 

Anyway, get to work.

No thanks.

 

It's much too fun to have a GF to go without one for no reason.

[Ryan R.]

No thanks.

 

It's much too fun to have a GF to go without one for no reason.

 

You sound like you don't really have many goals. You're still in college at 30, dude. In my opinion, you really need to be more focused. It's fine though, I'm not judging you.

[somedude81]

You sound like you don't really have many goals. You're still in college at 30, dude. In my opinion, you really need to be more focused. It's fine though, I'm not judging you.

Right now I have two main goals.

 

Get a girlfriend. Graduate college.

 

The two goals are independent of each other. There is no reason why I can't try to get a girlfriend while I'm finishing up school.

 

Yes I do need to be more focused on school as it's harder than it should be for me. Right now I just took a break from studying to check this forum. And now its back to the books.

[Noproblem]

If you are tired, just stop!

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be

[Noproblem]

You sound like you don't really have many goals. You're still in college at 30, dude. In my opinion, you really need to be more focused. It's fine though, I'm not judging you.

 

To be in college in your 30's is not a bad thing, in facts it tells a lot about someone personality and goals.

[ltjg45]

To be in college in your 30's is not a bad thing, in facts it tells a lot about someone personality and goals.

 

To be in college during your 30s isn't a bad thing however failing 3 times before you graduate is not good at all.

 

The OP puts the chasing of women higher than finishing college which is ironic since women is attracted to money and he doesn't have any, for the most part. In fact, all he is doing now is increasing his college bill.

[somedude81]

To be in college during your 30s isn't a bad thing however failing 3 times before you graduate is not good at all.

 

The OP puts the chasing of women higher than finishing college which is ironic since women is attracted to money and he doesn't have any, for the most part. In fact, all he is doing now is increasing his college bill.

Who are you to judge me?

 

You don't know me or what my priorities are.

 

Since you're so smart, how has my chasing women affected my schooling?

[ltjg45]

Who are you to judge me?

 

You don't know me or what my priorities are.

 

Since you're so smart, how has my chasing women affected my schooling?

 

You are right. I don't know you. I can only gauge you from the posts you make on this site. Even then, just that alone brings up nothing but red flags.

 

You have failed (from what I read here) at least 3 times and you hasn't shown even a slight bit of worry about that but yet all of your energy (and frustration, I might add) is focused on women, not the fact that you should have been out of college years ago and paying off this college debt you amassed by getting a decent job.

 

Do you honestly think the women you desire so much would want to be with a man that can't even handle his own finances? For all I know, you don't even have any job to even try and pay any of this off, not even an entet level one.

 

Have you even considered any of that? Something tells me you hasn't.

 

In fact, if your focus is all on women, why did you even attend college to begin with if you won't make that a priority?

 

You need to get a grip and fast. You are building a hole deep enough, you will never get out.

 

And don't tell me I don't understand because I am in the same mess you are in. I just happen to be at least 4 years younger than you. That's all.

Edited March 3, 2014 by ltjg45

[carhill]

So, OP, chased any women lately or are you sitting things out?

[somedude81]

You are right. I don't know you. I can only gauge you from the posts you make on this site. Even then, just that alone brings up nothing but red flags.

 

You have failed (from what I read here) at least 3 times and you hasn't shown even a slight bit of worry about that but yet all of your energy (and frustration, I might add) is focused on women, not the fact that you should have been out of college years ago and paying off this college debt you amassed by getting a decent job.

Excuse me?

 

Read this thread. Hell just the first post should give you an idea of little I worry about my schooling.

Do you honestly think the women you desire so much would want to be with a man that can't even handle his own finances? For all I know, you don't even have any job to even try and pay any of this off, not even an entet level one.

 

Have you even considered any of that? Something tells me you hasn't.

My finances and how much money I have in the bank is nobodies concern but my own. I certainly don't ask girls I'm interested in how much they have in savings. It's none of my business.

 

Yes I have student loan debt. No I am currently not paying my loans off. None of that is abnormal.

 

In fact, if your focus is all on women, why did you even attend college to begin with if you won't make that a priority?

You need to get a grip and fast. You are building a hole deep enough, you will never get out.

 

And don't tell me I don't understand because I am in the same mess you are in. I just happen to be at least 4 years younger than you. That's all.

If you understand, then what the hell are you badgering me about?