I'm tired of chasing women.

[normal person]

Who are you to judge me?

 

You don't know me or what my priorities are.

 

Since you're so smart, how has my chasing women affected my schooling?

 

It's the other way around. People, myself included have been trying to tell you that it's your schooling that's affected your ability to chase women.

 

Chasing girls should be fun, not difficult. Have you ever asked yourself why it's so hard for you?

 

Here's my guess: the fact you're in your 30s and still in school is a big red flag to a lot of girls regardless of whether or not you've got a legitimate reason that you're so far behind. They aren't going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

While you're a 31 year old still in school, you don't have anything to offer girls. At that age, you probably have negative value until you graduate; you're kryptonite. You don't have any bargaining chips. You're a decade behind your peers. Until you get your degree, you can't provide for anyone.

 

So if you refuse to believe that that's the problem, what do you bring to the table and why do you think this process is so hard for you?

[somedude81]

So, OP, chased any women lately or are you sitting things out?

I'm still testing the waters with various girls and seeing if there is any potential. Overall it's frustrating.

 

There is one girl who has been on my mind for the weekend and I should be able to talk to her in a class in a couple of hours. Though knowing my luck, she probably won't show up today.

[carhill]

OK, so you're still chasing. Stamina is a gift of the young. Just checking in to see how things are going. Good luck!

[somedude81]

It's the other way around. People, myself included have been trying to tell you that it's your schooling that's affected your ability to chase women.

 

Oh, I'm very well aware of that.

 

College is messing up my game.

 

 

 

Chasing girls should be fun, not difficult. Have you ever asked yourself why it's so hard for you?

Chasing girls has always been hard for me. I got my first girlfriend at 31 so yeah, not much success there.

 

Once I got my first GF and saw how great it was to be in a relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was be single again and go back to struggling with women. I'm over that. I just want to be in a relationship.

 

 

Here's my guess: the fact you're in your 30s and still in school is a big red flag to a lot of girls regardless of whether or not you've got a legitimate reason that you're so far behind. They aren't going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

While you're a 31 year old still in school, you don't have anything to offer girls. At that age, you probably have negative value until you graduate; you're kryptonite. You don't have any bargaining chips. You're a decade behind your peers. Until you get your degree, you can't provide for anyone.

I can offer everything any guy in college can plus I have a car and an apartment.

So if you refuse to believe that that's the problem, what do you bring to the table and why do you think this process is so hard for you?

I could write a multi-page essay on why this process is so hard for me. But I don't have the time for that.

[ltjg45]

Excuse me?

 

Read this thread. Hell just the first post should give you an idea of little I worry about my schooling.[/quoteR'S]

 

What that first post tells me is that you was more emotionally invested in the relationship than your ex-girlfriend. She moved on without a problem. You are still damaged from it.

 

Hence the problem. You shouldn't even be remotely invested in that relationship. Sure, have your fun but your priority should be clearly focused on college and actually getting out of there. You allowed her to distract you, which definitely happened otherwise you wouldn't have failed again.

[somedude81]

That thread was primarily about me being kicked out of college and barely being able to handle it with the stress of my breakup compounding that.

 

And no, when I was dating her, my GF was not a distraction at all, but actually source of encouragement and pushing me to do well.

[ltjg45]

If you understand, then what the hell are you badgering me about?

 

It is simple really.

 

I am not focused on women at all. That is NOT my priority. Sure, I will ask them out and the such but if I don't succeed, no big deal.

 

My focus is making money, going to college, and actually make something out of myself. Doing that will draw women to me on its own as time goes on.

 

What you are doing is putting everything on getting women when you got nothing worth offering in return.

 

No woman worth getting wants a broke man. And since that is one thing a man is expected to provide in a relationship, I can't blame her for that.

 

I understand this. Why can't you?

 

Seriously. Stop chasing women. Erase them from your mind for the time being. If you are on the Internet posting here, you can go and work on the subjects you keep failing so you won't fail again because all you are doing is giving your college free money for nothing at this point.

[normal person]

Oh, I'm very well aware of that.

 

College is messing up my game.

 

 

Once I got my first GF and saw how great it was to be in a relationship, the last thing I wanted to do was be single again and go back to struggling with women. I'm over that. I just want to be in a relationship.

 

You're endlessly referencing this. If I were you, I'd consider the fact that this one situation was the outlier and I wouldn't keep harkening back to it. The way you talk, it seems unlikely to me that it'll happen again until you graduate. You need to focus on school and/or move on.

 

I can offer everything any guy in college can plus I have a car and an apartment.

 

Here's what college aged guys offer college aged girls: A great time before they graduate, and the mutual experience of being young, relatively carefree and sexually liberal all at the point in time where they're about as good looking as they're going to get and too mentally immature to care. Is that your offering, or are you a bit beyond that?

 

You don't have youth or sex appeal going for you, which would be ok if you could provide -- but you can't yet. Your career development is a decade behind everyone else's. Like I said earlier, you're competing with 21 year old guys who are still in great shape, in the prime of their lives, with a whole decade of youth to out-earn you. They also have better sex appeal. When you graduate, they'll be in the same spot as you only with 10 additional great years of vitality and no red flags.

 

You shouldn't take "I have a car and an apartment" and wear them like badges of honor. Those are relatively normal things to have. Most people aren't too impressed by that as they're sort of necessities. Unless it's something like a Porsche and a penthouse, girls are likely to overlook everything else about you (even though you have a car and an apartment) -- because the fact is you're still in school and that really mars the whole concept of you in their eyes.

 

Analogy: Is having a Ferrari really that awesome if you still live in your parents' basement?

 

In college:

A 21 year old undergrad on a typically-paced life path > A 31 year old undergrad with a car and an apartment.

 

21 Year old college girls won't say "Woah, that guy has a car and an apartment," they'll say "Why is that 31 year old guy still in school?" Having a car and an apartment is expected at your age. Being an undergrad isn't.

 

I'm not trying to be mean spirited and I'm sorry if it comes off that way, but I'm honestly trying to help and I feel like you could use some perspective on this. I really think you need to focus on graduating college so you can get a job and then you'd have the ability to provide something to society and women. You'd probably feel a lot better about yourself. But for the time being it's going to be a tortuous experience if you keep lying to yourself about the realities of the situation.

Edited March 3, 2014 by normal person

[somedude81]

What does focus on school mean? And why is it not possible to pursue women at the same time?

[somedude81]

Very few guys are in shape, no matter how old they are. Even less have "sex-appeal"

 

"A whole decade of youth to out-earn you."

How the heck is that even relevant now?

 

"Why is that 31 year old guy still in school?"

I'm not still in school. I'm taking time of work to go back and get my degree. Such a think is not that extreme.

[normal person]

What does focus on school mean?

 

It means all you have to do is get over this one hurdle to be relatively on par with everyone else your age and then when you chase women it might actually be a fruitful, enjoyable experience.

 

Imagine you're at a bar. An attractive 21 year old woman there decides she wants a man in her life and starts the search process with one of the three guys there. Personality traits aside at first, she asks them about themselves:

 

The first guy says he's 31, he went to XYZ school, graduated on time, has a job in middle management somewhere and is quickly climbing the ladder. He'll be the VP or boss someday. The girl likes that he can provide stability and security, and possibly luxury.

 

The second guy says he's 21, but will graduate this year and has a job lined or is going to grad/med/law school. He's young, good looking and although he might just have an entry level job when he graduates, he's on the fast track to make something of his life. The girl likes his potential, she thinks he's cute and they're at roughly the same age and place and life and they can go through it together and revel in the mutual shared experience of young adulthood.

 

The third guy says he's 31 and still an undergrad. For whatever reason, he's still in school. He can't provide like the other 31 year old, and he's not appealing in the same way as the guy her age is. Can you make a legitimate argument for him over the other ones?

 

The point being is that all you have to do is graduate and get a job and you will soon be the first guy, not the third guy. It won't be a magic cure all but it will give you consideration that you aren't getting now.

 

 

And why is it not possible to pursue women at the same time?

 

Because as I've said repeatedly, you don't offer them anything as a 31 year old undergrad. You provide nothing and there's no reason for a girl to be with you unless you have amazing qualities that will make her not care about your delayed start in life. Do you have them?

[somedude81]

I know I have to graduate. That point isn't lost on me. That's why I spent the past four days straight studying for my exams and didn't go outside except to buy food and didn't play any video games.

 

Is the only thing you and everybody else means by "focus on school" is that I have to graduate? Then of course I'm focusing on school.

 

As for me not having anything to offer a girl, do you seriously think that's going to stop me from trying? I had an amazing girlfriend for six months. If I did it before, I can do it again.

Edited March 3, 2014 by somedude81

[normal person]

Very few guys are in shape, no matter how old they are. Even less have "sex-appeal"

 

Fine, you're right. No college aged girl wants to sleep with a college aged male in his physical and sexual prime, especially on a campus littered with student athletes who spend 2 hours a day in the gym. They prefer the 31 year old pencil pusher who's been sitting at a desk looking at a computer for the last 7 years. I'll concede that to you.

 

 

"A whole decade of youth to out-earn you."

How the heck is that even relevant now?

 

Because when you get your degree at 31, they'll be doing the same thing at 21, earning the same money. If you're a 21 year old college girl, why would you go out with a guy that's 10 years behind the curve when you can have the guy setting it? You're 31 and making an entry level salary. He's young making the same money. When he's 31, he'll have been promoted a few times and on his way up the ladder. You'll be 41 then, always 10 years behind your peers career-wise. I don't see the older guy being at all more appealing in this scenario.

 

 

 

[quote=somedude81;5562173

"Why is that 31 year old guy still in school?"

I'm not still in school. I'm taking time of work to go back and get my degree. Such a think is not that extreme.

 

I didn't know that, the girls that you like in college don't know that, and they don't care. They won't give you the benefit of the doubt.

[normal person]

 

As for me not having anything to offer a girl, do you seriously think that's going to stop me from trying? I had an amazing girlfriend for six months. If I did it before, I can do it again.

 

Well it obviously doesn't stop you from trying. All I've been saying is that it's been, for the majority of the time, stopping you from succeeding. That's what people in this thread have been saying all along. But you accept that and still complain about the situation, so I don't really know what else to tell you. I'm not really sure what the point of the thread is.

 

You:"I have a problem"

People: "Here's the solution."

You: "I know, but it's not easy or perfect, so let's think of other solutions that will solve all my problems instantly."

 

I don't think there's a magic bullet for you, unfortunately. Good luck in school.

[organizedchaos]

Fine, you're right. No college aged girl wants to sleep with a college aged male in his physical and sexual prime, especially on a campus littered with student athletes who spend 2 hours a day in the gym. They prefer the 31 year old pencil pusher who's been sitting at a desk looking at a computer for the last 7 years. I'll concede that to you.

 

 

 

 

Because when you get your degree at 31, they'll be doing the same thing at 21, earning the same money. If you're a 21 year old college girl, why would you go out with a guy that's 10 years behind the curve when you can have the guy setting it? You're 31 and making an entry level salary. He's young making the same money. When he's 31, he'll have been promoted a few times and on his way up the ladder. You'll be 41 then, always 10 years behind your peers career-wise. I don't see the older guy being at all more appealing in this scenario.

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't know that, the girls that you like in college don't know that, and they don't care. They won't give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

 

And here's his other dilemma.

 

While college girls won't be interested in a 31 (or I thought it was 32) year old still in college, when they can have fun with someone their own age, girls his own age won't be interested in a guy who's still getting his degree either. They'll be looking at the guys who graduated in their early 20's who have moved up the ladder by now, or guys in their late 30's (or even early 40's as is my case) who've established themselves professionally and have far more diverse experiences in life and love.

 

Get your degree, get your career going, get yourself something to offer women. Learn from your failed relationship or you are doomed to repeat it. I don't understand why you are so stubborn about this after people have been telling you this over, and over and over again. You'd think after 13k posts and 6 years on this site, something would sink in by now.

Edited March 3, 2014 by organizedchaos

[Musing]

 

In college:

A 21 year old undergrad on a typically-paced life path > A 31 year old undergrad with a car and an apartment.

 

21 Year old college girls won't say "Woah, that guy has a car and an apartment," they'll say "Why is that 31 year old guy still in school?" .

 

Heh, I am 24 and in my last semester. I saw some people say (on an anonymous FB page for my school) "Why are 23 year old super seniors still coming to frat parties?"

 

23! 23 is considered old in college to some college students. I am ancient

 

And most college students live in apartments off campus and have their own cars. A lot are working their way through school, going to class, have sports or clubs they are in and have a car they are paying for. It is insane but they manage.

 

somedude, I don't see what the harm would be in simply not chasing and just focusing on yourself. I love to chase also but there are some points in life where you have to put your energy elsewhere and take a time-out for yourself. This is definitely that time.

[ThaWholigan]

I wonder when the penny is gonna drop and we're eventually going to stop replying to Somedude's threads. Same sh*t, different thread IMO.

 

Let me tell you: I am in probably a more dire situation than SD is in some ways. I am not even in education and I don't have a degree. I am 25, 26 in August, so I'm not exactly a kid here. Sure, I could pull the disability card, but I would never do that. I am capable. I live at home, and I don't drive. I don't even have a license .

 

I love women, and I surely would love to date them. I've always wanted a relationship too. But you know what? I'm good without one, it would be a pointless endeavor. So I don't date. I refuse to. I got the little bit of sexual experience and it was nice. But I have to be focused on other stuff. Getting a GF is not central to my happiness or my progression - at least not in a material sense. I have more pressing concerns - like making money, and achieving the goals that I have set myself in the grand scheme of things regarding my interests. Because, you know, I have interests outside of "getting a GF". It took years for SD just to tell us that he likes computers and wants to work in IT. As far as I know, that's gonna be difficult when you aren't that good at maths.

 

Problem is, you've spent so long thinking about how important a GF is, that I don't think you've ever really truly considered what you want to do as an individual man, outside of that! It's no shame in admitting that to be honest - I'm not far away from 30 myself and I still have difficulty pinning down what I want to do for myself. But you get defensive and upset when you are questioned and shutdown. Then you come back with the same sh*t later.

 

I'm taking time out for myself, and focusing on what I need to do to achieve what I want out of life. You should be doing the same - but, I'm guessing you'll still be depressed about girls and focusing on that more. At least you're focusing more on your studies, but - unless you have dyscalcula - you should be better at maths by now to pass your degree. I'm not maths genius but I'd have got calculus by now.

 

In fact, I have endless Calculus books on my computer right now - let me go read them and see how fast I can learn calculus.....

 

Keep your head up SD. I would normally tell you, please, forget about girls right now. But, you won't. You're obsessed. You want a GF so bad, you've conditioned yourself to be unhappy without one, and you are set in your ways. I had hope that you'd change this - not so much now. All I can say is do whatever is you're doing. Hopefully you'll figure it out.

[pickflicker]

"I just want to be in a relationship" encapsulates in one sentence why dating is extremely difficult for you. And why you turn other people off.

 

This may have been covered already, but do you online date?

[somedude81]

Let's start at the top. Do any of you think that any girl I meet at school knows how old I am, what my financial situation is and my college issues?

 

Does any of that have any relevance before the second date?

[somedude81]

"I just want to be in a relationship" encapsulates in one sentence why dating is extremely difficult for you. And why you turn other people off.

 

This may have been covered already, but do you online date?

 

How can me wanting to date turn anybody off?

 

I have an OLD profile but I've had no success. I don't expect to till I start working.

[organizedchaos]

Let's start at the top. Do any of you think that any girl I meet at school knows how old I am, what my financial situation is and my college issues?

 

Does any of that have any relevance before the second date?

 

Seeing how your goal is to get a girlfriend no matter what...yes, it has every bit of relevance for long term sustainability once she finds out.

 

And seeing how the conversation may turn that way before you even get to a first date...yes, it still has every bit of relevance.

[Musing]

Let's start at the top. Do any of you think that any girl I meet at school knows how old I am, what my financial situation is and my college issues?

 

Does any of that have any relevance before the second date?

 

 

Trust me when I say this, as a female who hangs out with other females who are between the ages of 19 and 24 at school:

 

Your age is more noticeable than you think it is. That alone can be a deal breaker for some.

 

Besides, I thought you were going for a relationship and not 2 dates? These have A LOT of relevance if you want to solidify a relationship with someone. Wouldn't you want to respect your future girlfriend more by providing for her a man that is worth her time and has no issues and is totally content with himself? Or do you think so little of her that she deserves someone who will put the burden of their own happiness on her shoulders?

 

Think about that.

[pickflicker]

How can me wanting to date turn anybody off?

 

I have an OLD profile but I've had no success. I don't expect to till I start working.

 

Ah, but you don't want to "date". You're "relationship or life isn't worth living". Major difference.

[hasaquestion]

How can me wanting to date turn anybody off?

 

I have an OLD profile but I've had no success. I don't expect to till I start working.

 

OP why are you trying to date college students and not other people your age?

[somedude81]

Trust me when I say this, as a female who hangs out with other females who are between the ages of 19 and 24 at school:

 

Your age is more noticeable than you think it is. That alone can be a deal breaker for some.

 

Besides, I thought you were going for a relationship and not 2 dates? These have A LOT of relevance if you want to solidify a relationship with someone.

 

Think about that.

Girls know I'm not 22. That's fine. Most of the girls I've talked to guess around 25. Right away that puts me as different from most of the guys on campus.

 

Of course I want a relationship, but there is no point in worrying about that far off. It's putting the cart before the horse. All those deeper questions don't have any relevance at the very beginning, and right now, the beginning is where I need the most help at.

 

My concern right now is dealing with attraction and trying to build a connection.