I'm tired of chasing women.

[somedude81]

OP why are you trying to date college students and not other people your age?

 

1) Girls my age wouldn't want to date a guy with my circumstances.

 

2) I'm going to university and constantly surrounded by hot college girls. Who wouldn't want to date them? Have you actually seen some of these girls

[somedude81]

Ah, but you don't want to "date". You're "relationship or life isn't worth living". Major difference.

 

Do you really think I give out that impression to girls I meet on campus?

 

Do you even think my ex had that impression about me?

[normal person]

1) Girls my age wouldn't want to date a guy with my circumstances.

 

Most girls don't, regardless of how old they are. Not just the ones your age. It's good that you're trying to change your circumstances though.

 

2) I'm going to university and constantly surrounded by hot college girls. Who wouldn't want to date them? Have you actually seen some of these girls

 

They are as attractive as they're ever going to be. If they're that hot, they can have any guy or anything they want by using their attractiveness/sexuality practically as currency. Why would they downgrade for a guy who's life isn't exactly in the best order who can't offer them anything?

 

Them being that attractive might actually be making your dating life unnecessarily worse because their in their prime and odds of them settling for someone in your place is slim to nil. You set your sights on them, they reject you, and perhaps you have a skewed view of yourself as a result. Maybe you aren't that bad at pursuing/approaching, but you're just trying it with girls with whom you don't have a chance. I would suggest you try looking for girls with similar circumstances to you, they'll probably be more understanding and more receptive.

[hasaquestion]

1) Girls my age wouldn't want to date a guy with my circumstances.

 

2) I'm going to university and constantly surrounded by hot college girls. Who wouldn't want to date them? Have you actually seen some of these girls

 

But why would a 21 year old girl date a 31 year old guy who's still in college? Much less a "hot college girl"?

 

A 21 year old girl with options can have a 21 year old college student who is successful/on track to success and who is charming. If she can't get that she can settle for any old 21 year old college student, which is still preferable to a 31 year old college student. And if the attractive girl wants a 31 year old she can have a sugar daddy who gives her footrubs on the bow of his yacht.

 

Success with women is a not an end result, its a symptom. Get that degree and get a good job and everything else will change.

[hasaquestion]

Do you really think I give out that impression to girls I meet on campus?

 

Do you even think my ex had that impression about me?

 

Well... you are in your 30s and have had one girlfriend in your life. So you must be doing something wrong. What is it then?

[pickflicker]

Do you really think I give out that impression to girls I meet on campus?

 

Do you even think my ex had that impression about me?

 

Yep. Sorry. And the others are right - I lived on campus when doing my first degree and we had an older student living in the dorms - he would have been the same age I am now, but all we could see was the creepy old dude hitting on the younger girls.

 

Mature age students are ostracized - sad but true. That's why we study externally, online.I know you don't live on campus, but it's close enough.

 

I know 32 is not old, but when you're 18-21, experiencing your first taste of freedom, anyone over the age of 25 is "old". There's nothing wrong with studying at your age (I'm there with you), but the difference I have is that I work full time as well. And I would be sincerely concerned if I dated a man who couldn't work and study at the same time - and that's not an age bias.

Edited March 3, 2014 by pickflicker

[hasaquestion]

Yep. Sorry. And the others are right - I lived on campus when doing my first degree and we had an older student living in the dorms - he would have been the same age I am now, but all we could see was the creepy old dude hitting on the younger girls.

 

Mature age students are ostracized - sad but true. That's why we study externally, online.I know you don't live on campus, but it's close enough.

 

I know 32 is not old, but when you're 18-21, experiencing your first taste of freedom, anyone over the age of 25 is "old". There's nothing wrong with studying at your age (I'm there with you), but the difference I have is that I work full time as well. And I would be sincerely concerned if I dated a man who couldn't work and study at the same time - and that's not an age bias.

 

Bingo. Unsuccessful men chase women, women chase successful men.

[topaMAXX]

OP, I will be honest with you. I disagree with the vast majority of people here. I also disagree with you about why you're unsuccessful with women.

 

I don't believe it's because you're not making money. I don't believe it's because you're 32 and in college. I also don't believe it's because of your looks or height.

 

I think it's because you have no game. It's pretty clear from your posts that you lack confidence and you have a bad attitude. I think these, more than anything else, are your major issues.

 

Now, how does one get game? There's 3 ways that I've seen guys do it:

 

1) Be raised that way, which requires a strong father figure. Unfortunately, this it out of your hands.

 

2) Get out of your comfort zone constantly. Have tons of life experiences and hard knocks, which improves your confidence and makes you realize that having a girl by your side is definitely not necessary.

 

3) Actively learn game. This can be done by watching guys that are good with girls.

 

I did a combination of #2 and #3 and I'm nowhere near finished.

 

I think #2 is the most valuable though and it's where I learned my most important life lessons.

[somedude81]

OP, I will be honest with you. I disagree with the vast majority of people here. I also disagree with you about why you're unsuccessful with women.

 

I don't believe it's because you're not making money. I don't believe it's because you're 32 and in college. I also don't believe it's because of your looks or height.

 

I think it's because you have no game. It's pretty clear from your posts that you lack confidence and you have a bad attitude. I think these, more than anything else, are your major issues.

 

Now, how does one get game? There's 3 ways that I've seen guys do it:

 

1) Be raised that way, which requires a strong father figure. Unfortunately, this it out of your hands.

 

2) Get out of your comfort zone constantly. Have tons of life experiences and hard knocks, which improves your confidence and makes you realize that having a girl by your side is definitely not necessary.

 

3) Actively learn game. This can be done by watching guys that are good with girls.

 

I did a combination of #2 and #3 and I'm nowhere near finished.

 

I think #2 is the most valuable though and it's where I learned my most important life lessons.

I agree and disagree with you.

 

Yes I lack confidence and have poor game. No I don't have a bad attitude.

 

No women I have interacted with in the past 5 years would say that I have a bad attitude. That's excluding two girls who became my best friends, but friendzoned me. In other words, no girls I interact with on a regular basis would think that of me.

 

Yes I do need to learn game, but going through hard knocks isn't the way. My confidence and self-esteem are very low and having bad things happen to me only breaks me down.

 

On the other hand, my confidence goes up when I get positive feedback from women. Getting my first girlfriend last year was a huge boost to my ego. Even though I'm still down from her dumping me three months ago, my confidence is still better than before I started dating her.

 

Right now I'm trying to play the balancing game of getting a confidence boost from women while trying to avoid getting hurt by a rejection.

 

I realize that I am currently very sensitive to the actions of women and any negative behavior towards me will hurt more than it should.

 

Right now I'm trying to play it safe, but I know playing it safe doesn't get you laid.

[Salvatore85]

I'm 28 and I almost feel like dating a 25-year old is too young, I couldn't fathom dating or even wanting to date a female 18-22.

[somedude81]

I'm 28 and I almost feel like dating a 25-year old is too young, I couldn't fathom dating or even wanting to date a female 18-22.

Don't knock it till you try it.

 

I started dating my ex two months before she turned 21. It was amazing in more ways than one.

[Musing]

I agree and disagree with you.

 

Yes I lack confidence and have poor game. No I don't have a bad attitude.

 

No women I have interacted with in the past 5 years would say that I have a bad attitude. That's excluding two girls who became my best friends, but friendzoned me. In other words, no girls I interact with on a regular basis would think that of me.

 

Yes I do need to learn game, but going through hard knocks isn't the way. My confidence and self-esteem are very low and having bad things happen to me only breaks me down.

 

On the other hand, my confidence goes up when I get positive feedback from women. Getting my first girlfriend last year was a huge boost to my ego. Even though I'm still down from her dumping me three months ago, my confidence is still better than before I started dating her.

 

Right now I'm trying to play the balancing game of getting a confidence boost from women while trying to avoid getting hurt by a rejection.

 

I realize that I am currently very sensitive to the actions of women and any negative behavior towards me will hurt more than it should.

 

Right now I'm trying to play it safe, but I know playing it safe doesn't get you laid.

 

topamaxx has a point though SD. You place so much on how women perceive you but that's not everything.

 

The fact that you don't think you can build yourself up from life breaking experiences shows that you do have a negative attitude. Bad things happen to everyone, and they are not enjoyable. Bad things are "bad" for a reason.

 

However they are life lessons to be learned and approaching rejection or negative circumstance with the outlook of "So this happened, whatever, I'm strong enough to get out and learn from it" speaks so much more than "I can't get out there and risk having bad things happen to me because they make me feel bad"

 

It's a weak attitude to have. The sexiest guys are the ones that dealt with rejection, or hard knocks and came out fighters - not victims.

 

Confidence does not always come from women telling you things. It comes from yourself knowing you can get by even in the hardest of times, and even without their validation and opinions.

 

I'm not saying to purposefully put yourself in bad positions in life, but you can't approach risk taking or rejection with already a bad outlook.

 

I think that's what TM is alluding to.

[somedude81]

The main point that I want to express is that I'm not strong. Not at all.

 

All I've ever had were bad things happen to me. The only good thing that has happened to me in the past 5 years was that I got a girlfriend. And that only lasted six months.

 

I'm tired, depressed, frustrated and on the verge of giving up.

[topaMAXX]

I agree and disagree with you.

 

Yes I lack confidence and have poor game. No I don't have a bad attitude.

 

No women I have interacted with in the past 5 years would say that I have a bad attitude. That's excluding two girls who became my best friends, but friendzoned me. In other words, no girls I interact with on a regular basis would think that of me.

 

This is exactly my point. I'm not talking about your attitude as perceived by women. I'm talking about your actual attitude, how you view yourself and the world.

 

Yes I do need to learn game, but going through hard knocks isn't the way. My confidence and self-esteem are very low and having bad things happen to me only breaks me down.

 

Have you actually been through hard knocks?

 

On the other hand, my confidence goes up when I get positive feedback from women.

 

Again, you rely too much on the opinions of women to gauge your self worth. You shouldn't need a woman's approval to have confidence.

 

The confidence comes first, then the women. Not the other way around.

[organizedchaos]

This is exactly my point. I'm not talking about your attitude as perceived by women. I'm talking about your actual attitude, how you view yourself and the world.

 

 

 

Have you actually been through hard knocks?

 

 

 

Again, you rely too much on the opinions of women to gauge your self worth. You shouldn't need a woman's approval to have confidence.

 

The confidence comes first, then the women. Not the other way around.

 

And round and round we go. We've told him all of this over, and over again. It doesn't sink in. He refuses to accept that women can pick up on his negativity by saying no woman would ever say they pick up on it. Yet his success with women says otherwise.

Edited March 4, 2014 by organizedchaos

[pickflicker]

I'm 28 and I almost feel like dating a 25-year old is too young, I couldn't fathom dating or even wanting to date a female 18-22.

 

But emotionally, somedude is in the same place as a 21 year old. Hence, the attraction.

 

I'm afraid I have to agree with topmaxx, your attitude does leave a lot be desired.

[normal person]

Don't knock it till you try it.

 

I started dating my ex two months before she turned 21. It was amazing in more ways than one.

 

Because you'd never had a girlfriend before so to you it was like winning the lottery. Your view might be a little skewed because you have nothing else to compare it to. I've been out with girls ~21 and while they're pretty good looking, they're just on a completely different level mentally. Their priorities are different. The stuff that impresses them is just commonplace for people 25+. They get incredibly excited about trivial crap and you have to hide your disdain so they don't feel like you're judging them.

 

It's to no fault of their own -- they just don't have a ton of life experience to shape their world view. I was the same way at 21 as I'm sure most of us were. My advice is to proceed with caution if you want to go down this road.

[Anela]

But emotionally, somedude is in the same place as a 21 year old. Hence, the attraction.

 

I'm afraid I have to agree with topmaxx, your attitude does leave a lot be desired.

 

I don't think that is the attraction. It's their age, and the way they look.

[somedude81]

Because you'd never had a girlfriend before so to you it was like winning the lottery. Your view might be a little skewed because you have nothing else to compare it to. I've been out with girls ~21 and while they're pretty good looking, they're just on a completely different level mentally. Their priorities are different. The stuff that impresses them is just commonplace for people 25+. They get incredibly excited about trivial crap and you have to hide your disdain so they don't feel like you're judging them.

 

It's to no fault of their own -- they just don't have a ton of life experience to shape their world view. I was the same way at 21 as I'm sure most of us were. My advice is to proceed with caution if you want to go down this road.

I pretty much have the same amount of life experience and most likely less relationship experience than they do.

 

Right now any girl I meet on campus pretty much has the same priorities that I do.

 

I just relate better to younger women simply because I don't feel or act like my age.

 

The only people over 30 that I have interacted with who were not my family were either professors or bosses. So I don't even know what it means to be over 25.

Edited March 4, 2014 by somedude81

[xxoo]

Don't knock it till you try it.

 

I started dating my ex two months before she turned 21. It was amazing in more ways than one.

 

And probably contributed to things ultimately not working out, in more ways than one.

 

If you are hoping for a partner who sticks around, and doesn't dump you when things lose initial excitement, you probably won't have the best luck with women in their early 20s. They are usually in the stage of discovering who they are and what they want, not settling down.

[xxoo]

I pretty much have the same amount of life experience and most likely less relationship experience than they do.

 

Right now any girl I meet on campus pretty much has the same priorities that I do.

 

I just relate better to younger women simply because I don't feel or act like my age.

 

The only people over 30 that I have interacted with who were not my family were either professors or bosses. So I don't even know what it means to be over 25.

 

This is because your social life is lacking, and it's a handicap in dating.

[somedude81]

And probably contributed to things ultimately not working out, in more ways than one.

 

If you are hoping for a partner who sticks around, and doesn't dump you when things lose initial excitement, you probably won't have the best luck with women in their early 20s. They are usually in the stage of discovering who they are and what they want, not settling down.

Don't forget that she was with her boyfriend for three years before she dated me. I just had bad timing getting with her so soon after her breakup. There is no reason why I couldn't have dated her for three years or more.

[xxoo]

Don't forget that she was with her boyfriend for three years before she dated me. I just had bad timing getting with her so soon after her breakup. There is no reason why I couldn't have dated her for three years or more.

 

It can happen, but the chances are less than with a more mature woman. Would you say she handled that3 year relationship maturely?

 

The way your relationship played out is very typical of that age group. Don't expect relationship maturity if your are exclusively dating young, immature women.

[somedude81]

It can happen, but the chances are less than with a more mature woman. Would you say she handled that3 year relationship maturely?

 

I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that she was in that relatinship longer than she should have been. Conversely, she was in the relationship with me shorter than she should have been.

 

It's becoming more and more obvious that she let her previous relationship greatly impact the one she had with me. I know that life isn't fair and all that, but what she did was absolutely not fair to me.

 

The way your relationship played out is very typical of that age group. Don't expect relationship maturity if your are exclusively dating young, immature women.

I'll keep that in mind. I just need to date more girls and get more experience. Edited March 4, 2014 by somedude81

[normal person]

I pretty much have the same amount of life experience and most likely less relationship experience than they do.

 

Right now any girl I meet on campus pretty much has the same priorities that I do.

 

I just relate better to younger women simply because I don't feel or act like my age.

 

The only people over 30 that I have interacted with who were not my family were either professors or bosses. So I don't even know what it means to be over 25.

 

Well here's the thing, a girl that age (or any girl) doesn't owe you consideration. She doesn't have to do you any favors and I feel like you're expecting that she'll just go ahead and disregard her own standards or preferences just to be nice. She's the hottest she's ever going to be in her life and she knows it, what reason (on the surface) does she have to go out with someone in your situation?

 

Based on what I know, I don't think dating hot college girls is really within the realm of possibility for you. They're much more likely to be unsympathetic, status obsessed, judgmental, and self absorbed. I don't know where you go to school or if it's any different, but I went to a top 50 university and I remember the girls being incredibly elitist and cruel. Girls got denied bids to sororities because their teeth weren't white enough or if they had an ounce of fat. They were horrible to each other and everyone else, and (as someone said earlier) older students are subjected to merciless scorn behind closed doors.

 

I guess it's a cold, harsh part of growing up and figuring out your place in society, but it's certainly not pleasant. If I was fragile emotionally I'd never want to deal with it. And you're here now saying "How do I throw myself to the wolves?"

 

I think you should look for girls your age who are in a situation similar to your own, it'll be so much less painful for you. And you'll probably more successful and more fulfilled as a result.