I'm tired of chasing women.

[HeavenOrHell]

It's good you're going dancing, sorry missed that bit.

Try not to dwell on the past, it just holds you back, serves no purpose except to make you feel sad/regretful, although it's normal to think about her sometimes still.

 

So I just got out of the Salsa club on campus, which meets weekly and it's connected with the dance class I'm taking, and all I can think of is how I don't care about any of those girls and just wish I could dance with my ex again.

 

In fact, one of my biggest regrets about our relationship is that we didn't go out dancing more often. In the 6 months that we were together, I think we only went out 3 times. That's pathetic. I should have made it a point to go out with her at least once a month.

 

One of my top goals in life is to get really good at dancing, and have a partner I frequently practice with. I had the perfect girl, but we got settled into the routine of staying in and watching her AppleTV. Now that I look back it feels like such a waste

[somedude81]

Because you'd be less likely to come across as desperate or needy, people like to know their partner is with them because they want to be, rather than out of loneliness or desperation.

I don't know how a woman can get the impression that a guy is only with them out of loneliness or desperation. What things would make you feel that way about a guy?

No offence meant at all, seriously, but you come across as pretty much any woman would do, as long as she has big boobs.

That is offensive. And it makes you look like you just focused on that one aspect of me because it annoys you. I've had several women on this forum try to paint me in a poor light because I'm attracted to women with big boobs. I have thousands of posts on this forum, and you'd have to ignore the vast majority of them to think that all I want is a nice pair of tits.

 

 

People often meet people through friends or common interests rather than going up to a random bunch of women.

That's why I prefer to meet women in dance classes, campus clubs and special interest classes. That way I know that we have a common interest, and I would have the opportunity to get to know her over a few meetings. The last thing I want to do is go up to a bunch of random women.

 

How about meeting women online, getting to know them for a while first and build things up gradually?

Are you talking about online dating or a forum like this?

[clia]

I don't know how a woman can get the impression that a guy is only with them out of loneliness or desperation. What things would make you feel that way about a guy?

 

A woman is going to look at you as a whole as she gets to know you. Most people you meet have different segments to their life -- friends, family, career, hobbies. When you meet a person who is missing any of those segments, you wonder why they are missing. You look closer. At least for me, certain things scream loneliness and desperation.

 

For example, friends. I love dating a guy who has a nice circle of friends. It's fun to meet new people, to go out with them, to go to their parties. It increases my circle of friends in ways that can be rewarding on both a professional and friendship level. It also signifies to me that he has other things going on in his life and is able to develop relationships with people. I expect that he will go out with his friends sometimes to watch a game or hang out. I expect that he might go away for a weekend with his friends from time to time. In other words, he has people in his life -- other than me -- who he enjoys being around and who make him happy. That takes pressure off me. It also ensures that I have time to spend with my own friends without having to feel guilty for leaving him home. I honestly would have a very hard time dating a man who had no friends. I don't see how a man like that couldn't be lonely. I feel like it would be way to much pressure on me to always have to be there for him for everything. Your ex alluded to this in her email to you, when she told you that you needed to talk to someone else about things.

 

A lack of hobbies or career would be similar. People who are well rounded are much less likely to be lonely or desperate because they have other things going for them. They aren't going to settle for a woman out of desperation or loneliness because they don't need to. They may want a woman in their life, but they don't need a woman in their life. Women really can tell the difference when looking at the man as a whole.

 

But, this isn't anything that people around here haven't already talked to you about ad nauseum.

[Teraskas]

That seems weird. I really doubt that she would dump you for being negative. Women can't be that crazy.

 

Though at least you knew that some thing was wrong. She was pulling back on affection and didn't like you touching her. That is a huge red flag. My ex didn't exhibit any of that behavior at all. Granted she had come to the decision to break up with me when I was on vacation for a week, I don't know if she would have acted like your ex if I didn't leave. What really bugs me, is that we were still having sex during the time that she was "feeling unsure" about the relationship and she didn't pull back at all.

 

Yeah, tell me about it. :S

Took me a few months to figure out.

Probably would've never known if my friends hadn't told me about it.

Turns out she was cheating on me with some guy from her economics class. Only took her 4 months (same length as our relationship) to declare the next one 'official'.

I remember looking at his Facebook profile and couldn't help but think how long it would take for that one to go belly up. (she didn't have one, she does now but it's with a fake name and pic even lol)

Don't get wrong, but I laughed in a cruel fashion. Had to refrain myself from posting anything there, lol. ^^

[organizedchaos]

A woman is going to look at you as a whole as she gets to know you. Most people you meet have different segments to their life -- friends, family, career, hobbies. When you meet a person who is missing any of those segments, you wonder why they are missing. You look closer. At least for me, certain things scream loneliness and desperation.

 

For example, friends. I love dating a guy who has a nice circle of friends. It's fun to meet new people, to go out with them, to go to their parties. It increases my circle of friends in ways that can be rewarding on both a professional and friendship level. It also signifies to me that he has other things going on in his life and is able to develop relationships with people. I expect that he will go out with his friends sometimes to watch a game or hang out. I expect that he might go away for a weekend with his friends from time to time. In other words, he has people in his life -- other than me -- who he enjoys being around and who make him happy. That takes pressure off me. It also ensures that I have time to spend with my own friends without having to feel guilty for leaving him home. I honestly would have a very hard time dating a man who had no friends. I don't see how a man like that couldn't be lonely. I feel like it would be way to much pressure on me to always have to be there for him for everything. Your ex alluded to this in her email to you, when she told you that you needed to talk to someone else about things.

 

A lack of hobbies or career would be similar. People who are well rounded are much less likely to be lonely or desperate because they have other things going for them. They aren't going to settle for a woman out of desperation or loneliness because they don't need to. They may want a woman in their life, but they don't need a woman in their life. Women really can tell the difference when looking at the man as a whole.

 

But, this isn't anything that people around here haven't already talked to you about ad nauseum.

 

And that's the point. We've all tried. We're beating a dead horse. He just doesn't get it or refuses to get how women pick up on neediness and clinginess vibes. It's understandable given his lack of experience. His ex flat out said so.

 

And yes, women will dump a guy who is always negative. Who wants people like that in their lives?

Edited February 19, 2014 by organizedchaos

[clia]

And something else I just thought of relating to how women know a guy is lonely or desperate.

 

We also know by your availability.

 

If you are a guy who is always available and never has anything of his own going on, and getting together is all about when she is available as opposed to consideration of both of your schedules, that's yet another sign. We start to wonder...Gee, why doesn't this guy ever have any plans of his own? What about hobbies, commitments, family, friends? Even that can start to feel stifling.

[somedude81]

A woman is going to look at you as a whole as she gets to know you. Most people you meet have different segments to their life -- friends, family, career, hobbies. When you meet a person who is missing any of those segments, you wonder why they are missing. You look closer. At least for me, certain things scream loneliness and desperation.

 

For example, friends. I love dating a guy who has a nice circle of friends. It's fun to meet new people, to go out with them, to go to their parties. It increases my circle of friends in ways that can be rewarding on both a professional and friendship level. It also signifies to me that he has other things going on in his life and is able to develop relationships with people. I expect that he will go out with his friends sometimes to watch a game or hang out. I expect that he might go away for a weekend with his friends from time to time. In other words, he has people in his life -- other than me -- who he enjoys being around and who make him happy. That takes pressure off me. It also ensures that I have time to spend with my own friends without having to feel guilty for leaving him home. I honestly would have a very hard time dating a man who had no friends. I don't see how a man like that couldn't be lonely. I feel like it would be way to much pressure on me to always have to be there for him for everything. Your ex alluded to this in her email to you, when she told you that you needed to talk to someone else about things.

 

A lack of hobbies or career would be similar. People who are well rounded are much less likely to be lonely or desperate because they have other things going for them. They aren't going to settle for a woman out of desperation or loneliness because they don't need to. They may want a woman in their life, but they don't need a woman in their life. Women really can tell the difference when looking at the man as a whole.

 

But, this isn't anything that people around here haven't already talked to you about ad nauseum.

I completely understand where you are coming from and why you prefer to date a guy who has a circle of friends. It does make a lot of sense. It can be more fun for you. Also you don't feel guilty about having fun without him. I get that. You make a convincing argument about why it's better to have friends while having a GF.

 

But, you didn't mention any reason why you think a guy that doesn't have friends, is only with you because he is desperate and/or lonely.

 

Was I only with my ex because I was desperate and couldn't get anybody better? HELL NO!!! I was extremely attracted to her physically, emotionally and intellectually. I tried very hard to get her. I absolutely did not settle for her. She was way above an beyond what I considered to be my minimums.

 

I was also not with her because I was lonely. If that was the case I would have a bunch of female friends that I have zero attraction for. I had something of a fat girl fanclub in the dance class that I met my ex in. If I had been lonely and wanted any company, I could have hung out with them. But instead I kept my distance and focused on what I wanted.

 

I don't like being lonely but I'm used to it. I'd be perfectly fine if I was able to see my GF only three days a week. I don't care at all if my GF goes out with friends without me. I got tons of stuff I can do to pass the time; like my math homework

I'm not the type to get jealous. I'm just happy to actually have a GF.

[JDPT]

Chase money dude, money, money, money...

you can hug your brand new Maserati all night.

But in all seriousness, love will present itself in the most unexpected way and you'll be ready for it, don't rush it, allow it to organically happen.

[clia]

But, you didn't mention any reason why you think a guy that doesn't have friends, is only with you because he is desperate and/or lonely.

 

You asked how a woman would get the impression that a guy was only with her out of loneliness or desperation, and I answered your question.

 

A woman could get that impression if a guy doesn't have anything in his life other than her. It could well be the wrong impression, but some women won't wait around long enough to find that out. I'm also not necessarily saying that you settled for your ex or were desperate or lonely and that's how you ended up with her. I'm saying that given your circumstances, a woman could get the impression that you are only with her out of desperation or loneliness.

 

Do you see the difference?

[HeavenOrHell]

I agree with most of this, however my partner is a loner, and doesn't see friends, but he doesn't get lonely, he's fine with his own company, we don't live together, but if we did he wouldn't make me feel guilty when I go and see my friends, far from it, he's just not like that, he works full time, so his social life happens at work really. He's not clingy.

If we lived closer, sometimes I'd see my pals for girly times, and other times we'd include him as he gets on well with them.

But yeah, just saying, having partner who is a loner doesn't necessarily mean you'll get a hard time when you go out with friends.

 

 

A woman is going to look at you as a whole as she gets to know you. Most people you meet have different segments to their life -- friends, family, career, hobbies. When you meet a person who is missing any of those segments, you wonder why they are missing. You look closer. At least for me, certain things scream loneliness and desperation.

 

For example, friends. I love dating a guy who has a nice circle of friends. It's fun to meet new people, to go out with them, to go to their parties. It increases my circle of friends in ways that can be rewarding on both a professional and friendship level. It also signifies to me that he has other things going on in his life and is able to develop relationships with people. I expect that he will go out with his friends sometimes to watch a game or hang out. I expect that he might go away for a weekend with his friends from time to time. In other words, he has people in his life -- other than me -- who he enjoys being around and who make him happy. That takes pressure off me. It also ensures that I have time to spend with my own friends without having to feel guilty for leaving him home. I honestly would have a very hard time dating a man who had no friends. I don't see how a man like that couldn't be lonely. I feel like it would be way to much pressure on me to always have to be there for him for everything. Your ex alluded to this in her email to you, when she told you that you needed to talk to someone else about things.

 

A lack of hobbies or career would be similar. People who are well rounded are much less likely to be lonely or desperate because they have other things going for them. They aren't going to settle for a woman out of desperation or loneliness because they don't need to. They may want a woman in their life, but they don't need a woman in their life. Women really can tell the difference when looking at the man as a whole.

 

But, this isn't anything that people around here haven't already talked to you about ad nauseum.

[HeavenOrHell]

Agree totally, why should men do all the running?! How out of date is that?!!

 

 

 

 

Not too sure I agree with this. I know you mean well but the impression that this sort of behaviour gives off is that the man is this hunter and you are just a dainty, beautiful prize that is there to be won by the man who jumps through the most hoops. If a woman never initiated contact with me I'd assume she wasn't interested. I had to put in all the effort with my ex. It got old. With my current girlfriend we both started conversations from the start, and she'd text me throughout the day asking how I was doing etc. I just wish more women would show interest in men and actually initiate.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes, sorry, that was harsh of me, but you do seem to talk a lot more about women's looks than about personality, I just think it's beneficial to make personality more of a focus than looks, but each to their own, it just would be a shame if you passed certain women off just cos they don't look a certain way, cos at the end of the day it's the personalities of the couple which will make or break a r/ship and not looks, looks fade anyway.

R/ships based on personality above looks are far richer and beautiful, hard to explain but I like my partner's looks because of his personality.

 

I do have this idea of you as liking big boobs, or being focussed on looks more than personality anyway, and that you're lonely, and it does come across as desperate, sorry, I think you said that you're ok alone, but you've said quite a lot how you really don't like being alone/single, I do understand how it feels to be lonely, trust me, I have several close friends but they have their own lives and I can't see them as much as I'd like, so I've decided to go out and join some groups and do more social things, which I find hard as I'm very shy, but it's not good to rely on a small group of friends for all my social stuff, and I don't want them to feel they should meet up just cos I'm down or feeling lonely, it's not their job to make me happy, that's my job, so I'll join things to get myself out of the house more and do things I enjoy and if I make more friends in the process it's all good.

 

Self reliance is an attractive trait, not to the extent that your partner thinks you don't really need/want them at all, but knowing you'll be ok without them takes pressure out of the situation.

 

I've not experienced a desperate guy, except one when I was a teenager, he was quite pushy about trying to get a date and sounded a bit irritated with me when I didn't give him my phone number, which put me off totally.

 

I did have a desperate friend, male to female transexual, she was always on at me to meet up, I gave the friendship a go, but she mollycoddled me and was suffocating, kept hugging me, telling me she loved me, I felt stifled, it was irritating, she'd turn up even when I'd said please call before turning up, cos I have social anxiety and have to be in the right frame of mind to see people.

Sad thing is we did have a laugh and she's good hearted, but she was too much in my face didn't give me space, so we're just work mates again, although she refers to me as a close friend, but we're not. If she hadn't been so in my face then it would have been fine.

 

Online dating, I met my partner on a site, one where it's tailored to your lifestyle/hobbies etc, yes my r/ship is far from ideal as it's long distance and therefore it does my nut in as I do miss him, haha, but he is a sweetheart, it's good for me though as it does give me space to get myself strong again and to try and learn to be ok on my own. I've seen many successful r/ships start out online, quite often on facebook in fact, joining groups with like minded people is good, I've made real life friends on fb that way.

 

It sounds like you came on way too heavy after your ex left, you didn't give her space, if you'd given her space she may have been able to tell you sooner what happened, she may have worried you'd give her a hard time over it. Maybe you came on too heavy when you were together, ie she said you liked her too much.

 

>The last day we communicated which she states as the day "I went off on her" I was trying to find out what she meant by me "liking her too much," and I accused her of lying to me for the last couple weeks of our relationship by pretending everything was OK when it was not, plus how she brought her overnight bag to "make things look normal" and made me believe that she was fallowing through with the plans we had made of her staying two nights, when in fact she knew she was going to dump me.<

 

I don't think she lied to you as such, the last 2 weeks you were together, she may have been hoping things would be ok, or may not have known how to break it to you as she knew how you'd react, people often have weeks or even months (in very LTR's) before they find the words to tell their partner it's over. It's not easy for the person doing the leaving, trust me.

 

I would seriously take a good, long look at yourself, and really think honestly about why she might have left and could you have done anything differently?

I have done this since my last break up and I feel I learned from it and do my hardest to not make those mistakes again.

 

>We never had a single argument and she never complained about me so I couldn't understand why she dumped me.<

 

If she had brought up any problems are you sure you wouldn't have reacted badly? I'm just wondering if she found it hard to say she had become unhappy for fear of your reaction.

Also, did she realise, or did you tell her how much you'd wanted a gf? She may not have wanted to let you down if she knew this.

 

 

I don't know how a woman can get the impression that a guy is only with them out of loneliness or desperation. What things would make you feel that way about a guy?

 

That is offensive. And it makes you look like you just focused on that one aspect of me because it annoys you. I've had several women on this forum try to paint me in a poor light because I'm attracted to women with big boobs. I have thousands of posts on this forum, and you'd have to ignore the vast majority of them to think that all I want is a nice pair of tits.

 

 

 

That's why I prefer to meet women in dance classes, campus clubs and special interest classes. That way I know that we have a common interest, and I would have the opportunity to get to know her over a few meetings. The last thing I want to do is go up to a bunch of random women.

 

 

Are you talking about online dating or a forum like this?

[HeavenOrHell]

I've always valued my friends as much as any partner, friends are generally there a lot longer than partners.

 

You're being harsh with her about the way she left you, I don't think there's any way she could have done it which wouldn't have annoyed you or not made her feel you were pissed off with her.

It's not a crime to break up with someone.

 

 

 

I know that friends have value. Though to me, they have less value than have a girlfriend. Just having friends and not having a woman in a life, does...not... make.... me.... happy.

 

There is no other way I can say that.

 

 

Because it's completely false.

 

I'm completely capable of entertaining myself. Satisfaction doesn't have anything to do with friends.

 

 

Maybe that's how it's been for you, but for me, it's been pretty hard to make guy friends.

 

 

That generic "advice" that's been given over and over is nothing more than bullsh*t.

 

Anybody who is telling me that I have to love myself first before I can love anybody else, or any of the variants is just wasting their time. Nobody wants to hear that cliche crap.

 

 

How the hell can I give off clingy vibes to women I barely know and only talk to for 10 to 20 minutes a week?

 

 

Her dumping me after six months does nothing to change that she was an amazing girlfriend. Yeah she handled the breakup in a very immature way but for 99.9% of the time that I knew her, she was great in my life.

[organizedchaos]

Yes, sorry, that was harsh of me, but you do seem to talk a lot more about women's looks than about personality, I just think it's beneficial to make personality more of a focus than looks, but each to their own, it just would be a shame if you passed certain women off just cos they don't look a certain way, cos at the end of the day it's the personalities of the couple which will make or break a r/ship and not looks, looks fade anyway.

R/ships based on personality above looks are far richer and beautiful, hard to explain but I like my partner's looks because of his personality.

 

I do have this idea of you as liking big boobs, or being focussed on looks more than personality anyway, and that you're lonely, and it does come across as desperate, sorry, I think you said that you're ok alone, but you've said quite a lot how you really don't like being alone/single, I do understand how it feels to be lonely, trust me, I have several close friends but they have their own lives and I can't see them as much as I'd like, so I've decided to go out and join some groups and do more social things, which I find hard as I'm very shy, but it's not good to rely on a small group of friends for all my social stuff, and I don't want them to feel they should meet up just cos I'm down or feeling lonely, it's not their job to make me happy, that's my job, so I'll join things to get myself out of the house more and do things I enjoy and if I make more friends in the process it's all good.

 

Self reliance is an attractive trait, not to the extent that your partner thinks you don't really need/want them at all, but knowing you'll be ok without them takes pressure out of the situation. Something about him demanding oral, possibly cheating in school, etc...he was given reasons, so not sure why the need for anything more.

 

I've not experienced a desperate guy, except one when I was a teenager, he was quite pushy about trying to get a date and sounded a bit irritated with me when I didn't give him my phone number, which put me off totally.

 

I did have a desperate friend, male to female transexual, she was always on at me to meet up, I gave the friendship a go, but she mollycoddled me and was suffocating, kept hugging me, telling me she loved me, I felt stifled, it was irritating, she'd turn up even when I'd said please call before turning up, cos I have social anxiety and have to be in the right frame of mind to see people.

Sad thing is we did have a laugh and she's good hearted, but she was too much in my face didn't give me space, so we're just work mates again, although she refers to me as a close friend, but we're not. If she hadn't been so in my face then it would have been fine.

 

Online dating, I met my partner on a site, one where it's tailored to your lifestyle/hobbies etc, yes my r/ship is far from ideal as it's long distance and therefore it does my nut in as I do miss him, haha, but he is a sweetheart, it's good for me though as it does give me space to get myself strong again and to try and learn to be ok on my own. I've seen many successful r/ships start out online, quite often on facebook in fact, joining groups with like minded people is good, I've made real life friends on fb that way.

 

It sounds like you came on way too heavy after your ex left, you didn't give her space, if you'd given her space she may have been able to tell you sooner what happened, she may have worried you'd give her a hard time over it. Maybe you came on too heavy when you were together, ie she said you liked her too much.

 

>The last day we communicated which she states as the day "I went off on her" I was trying to find out what she meant by me "liking her too much," and I accused her of lying to me for the last couple weeks of our relationship by pretending everything was OK when it was not, plus how she brought her overnight bag to "make things look normal" and made me believe that she was fallowing through with the plans we had made of her staying two nights, when in fact she knew she was going to dump me.<

 

I don't think she lied to you as such, the last 2 weeks you were together, she may have been hoping things would be ok, or may not have known how to break it to you as she knew how you'd react, people often have weeks or even months (in very LTR's) before they find the words to tell their partner it's over. It's not easy for the person doing the leaving, trust me.

 

I would seriously take a good, long look at yourself, and really think honestly about why she might have left and could you have done anything differently?

I have done this since my last break up and I feel I learned from it and do my hardest to not make those mistakes again.

 

>We never had a single argument and she never complained about me so I couldn't understand why she dumped me.<

 

If she had brought up any problems are you sure you wouldn't have reacted badly? I'm just wondering if she found it hard to say she had become unhappy for fear of your reaction.

Also, did she realise, or did you tell her how much you'd wanted a gf? She may not have wanted to let you down if she knew this.

 

There were other issues in the relationship she mentioned to him that were problems for her, before this last bit of communication. It's in his break up thread I believe somewhere. Something about demanding oral, possibly cheating in school, among other things. Not sure why he needed to contact her again about this when she already told him.

Edited February 20, 2014 by organizedchaos

[HeavenOrHell]

Ah right ok, so she did give indications she wasn't happy before they broke up..

 

 

There were other issues in the relationship she mentioned to him that were problems for her, before this last bit of communication. It's in his break up thread I believe somewhere. Something about demanding oral, possibly cheating in school, among other things. Not sure why he needed to contact her again about this when she already told him.

[somedude81]

I agree with most of this, however my partner is a loner, and doesn't see friends, but he doesn't get lonely, he's fine with his own company, we don't live together, but if we did he wouldn't make me feel guilty when I go and see my friends, far from it, he's just not like that, he works full time, so his social life happens at work really. He's not clingy.

If we lived closer, sometimes I'd see my pals for girly times, and other times we'd include him as he gets on well with them.

But yeah, just saying, having partner who is a loner doesn't necessarily mean you'll get a hard time when you go out with friends.

That's what I was thinking. Thank you HeavenOrHell.

 

I've generally always been a loner. Even when I had a group of friends, I was the one who spent the least amount of time with them. I'm definitely an introvert and I like my alone time.

 

I've also had enough experience with women to not be clingy let them have their space. When my ex wanted to go out with her friends, I encouraged it and told her to have a great time.

 

I also didn't text her all that much and she was generally the one to initiate conversations after she got off work. She did not feel smothered by me.

[somedude81]

There were other issues in the relationship she mentioned to him that were problems for her, before this last bit of communication. It's in his break up thread I believe somewhere. Something about demanding oral, possibly cheating in school, among other things. Not sure why he needed to contact her again about this when she already told him.

I never demanded oral. I asked for it about five times, or once a month. She gave it to me three times. I had no issues giving to her.

 

The cheating thing was a discussion we had halfway into our relationship, it was one conversation and it was merely about the fact that I could consider cheating if it would help me graduate. Somehow she associated that with me cheating on her. We never talked about it again. And no, I have never cheated in school.

 

There were no other issues about me. None of them Everything else was about her and how much emotionally she can give me and feeling guilty that I liked her more than she liked me.

 

During the actual breakup talk she didn't mention cheating or oral at all. She was completely focused on "It's not you, it's me." A week or two later I was probing for answers to why she dumped me, and then she brought up the possibility of cheating as something that bugged her deep down and thought that I could cheat on her. The oral thing was something that I suggested as a reason that she dumped me, she said no, but that it was annoying when I asked for it, because she didn't like doing it.

 

Ah right ok, so she did give indications she wasn't happy before they broke up..

No, she did not. Unless you count one conversation that happened three months before the breakup that was never discussed again.

 

I've read many breakup stories on this forum, and she never gave me any indication that she wasn't happy. The number one sign that a woman isn't happy is that she pulls back on sex and affection. She did not do that.

Edited February 20, 2014 by somedude81

[somedude81]

You asked how a woman would get the impression that a guy was only with her out of loneliness or desperation, and I answered your question.

 

A woman could get that impression if a guy doesn't have anything in his life other than her. It could well be the wrong impression, but some women won't wait around long enough to find that out. I'm also not necessarily saying that you settled for your ex or were desperate or lonely and that's how you ended up with her. I'm saying that given your circumstances, a woman could get the impression that you are only with her out of desperation or loneliness.

 

Do you see the difference?

My mistake. I forgot that I was talking about impressions. I still think it's a bit of a jump to notice that a guy doesn't have anything in his life happening outside of you, and to conclude that he's only with you because he's lonely or desperate.

 

What do you mean by "even that can start to feel stifling." When he is always available? I don't understand why it's a bad thing when I can accommodate her. Especially if she has a busy schedule.

[somedude81]

Taking a post from a different thread I don't want to ignore or go off-topic.

 

The kids thing is something you're eventually going to have to be flexible on. When I was 25, there's no way I would have dated a single dad. Now I'm in my 30s, and I have dated a few single dads. It's just the age thing. There will be more and more single dating parents the older you get. You just end narrowing your playing field if you don't consider them.

At this point I'm just not ready to date a woman with kids. That may change 5 years down the line if God forbid, I'm still single.

 

Frankly, I can't stand kids. Kids are better unseen, nor heard

 

I don't even know if I want kids of my own, and the only reason I can see myself having kids, is if my wife really wants them.

[pickflicker]

Taking a post from a different thread I don't want to ignore or go off-topic.

 

 

At this point I'm just not ready to date a woman with kids. That may change 5 years down the line if God forbid, I'm still single.

 

Frankly, I can't stand kids. Kids are better unseen, nor heard

 

I don't even know if I want kids of my own, and the only reason I can see myself having kids, is if my wife really wants them.

 

 

Oh Christ, don't do that. If you don't want kids, don't have them. Do NOT have them because someone else wants them. Be smart, ok?

 

I thought you were just avoiding them because you thought there was some stigma attached to single parenting. But if you don't want, do not have!!

[Tayken]

Taking a post from a different thread I don't want to ignore or go off-topic.

 

 

At this point I'm just not ready to date a woman with kids. That may change 5 years down the line if God forbid, I'm still single.

 

Frankly, I can't stand kids. Kids are better unseen, nor heard

 

I don't even know if I want kids of my own, and the only reason I can see myself having kids, is if my wife really wants them.

 

Hey now...remember you are a kid, and the same can be said about you on here

 

 

You shouldn't feel obligated to have kids because your wife wants it....bad move and way of looking at it, it's should be a mutual decision.

 

Dating women with kids....My advice is to you will be if you are going to go down that road, to make absolutely sure what you role will be from the start and have it on paper in some kind of agreement, especially if she is collection child support from bio dad(s)...talking from experience

 

Would I do it again...h3ll nah

[somedude81]

Oh Christ, don't do that. If you don't want kids, don't have them. Do NOT have them because someone else wants them. Be smart, ok?

 

I thought you were just avoiding them because you thought there was some stigma attached to single parenting. But if you don't want, do not have!!

 

Hey now...remember you are a kid, and the same can be said about you on here

 

 

You shouldn't feel obligated to have kids because your wife wants it....bad move and way of looking at it, it's should be a mutual decision.

 

Dating women with kids....My advice is to you will be if you are going to go down that road, to make absolutely sure what you role will be from the start and have it on paper in some kind of agreement, especially if she is collection child support from bio dad(s)...talking from experience

 

Would I do it again...h3ll nah

Here's the thing, if I'm with an amazing woman that I want to marry (or am already married to) and she really wants to have kids. What are my options?

 

 

1. Risk losing her or maybe even getting a divorce.
   
2. Or just have kids.
   

[Anela]

Here's the thing, if I'm with an amazing woman that I want to marry (or am already married to) and she really wants to have kids. What are my options?

 

 

1. Risk losing her or maybe even getting a divorce.
   
2. Or just have kids.
   

 

Dad didn't want kids. He ended up loving us, but only had us because mum wanted to - and she left him a few years later. they got back together eleven years later, when she thought he'd changed for the better.

[somedude81]

Dad didn't want kids. He ended up loving us, but only had us because mum wanted to - and she left him a few years later. they got back together eleven years later, when she thought he'd changed for the better.

That's something I've heard repeatedly.

 

That many fathers didn't realize that they wanted kids till he actually had them.

 

I'm sure I'd love my kids if I do have them. But right now I couldn't care less.

 

Though one thing I know for sure, is that right now I don't want anything to do with kids that aren't my own.

[pickflicker]

Here's the thing, if I'm with an amazing woman that I want to marry (or am already married to) and she really wants to have kids. What are my options?

 

 

1. Risk losing her or maybe even getting a divorce.
   
2. Or just have kids.
   

 

Look, you do not want to have kids if you don't want them. They take over your life. And if you resent having them, they know, and you will f*ck them up royally.

 

There are a lot of things in the life that you can try, and not like, and get out of without too much damage being done. Having kids is not like that. You are in, or out - no halfway.