lovesickpuppy Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 It's coming up to 3 years now since I first posted on love shack. Looking back, I can see just how much I've matured and I'm proud of myself. However, my dating life is still problematic. It seems that more often than not, I meet a guy I like and then nothing happens. Last year, I seemed to attract nice guys..who straight away told me they weren't looking for 'anything serious at the moment'. This year, I met a guy online, he seemed lovely, and I instantly had a good feeling about him. I mentioned a few times that I thought this was all too good to be true, it turns out my instinct was right - this guy had a girlfriend and was a compulsive liar, I did the right thing and cut all contact, but I guess this latest episode has left me feeling a little disheartened when it comes to the dating game. My friends have even said how unlucky I am when it comes to love and how this always happens to me. I'm just not sure why? I am ready for a new relationship, I have been building on my confidence and love myself fully (which I needed a lot of work on). But I still seem to be attracting the guy that doesn't want a girlfriend, or the guy that has no respect for me or other women. I know this may sound big headed, I don't think I'm the best looking person, but I know I turn a few heads and get attention. Personality wise, I'm funny, quirky and quite unusual..so what am I doing wrong? I go out, I socialize, yet still, I'm not meeting anyone. It seems being single is never ending. Can anyone offer me some sound advice? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickpuppy Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 It's amazing just how many posts there are on here including my own, about being single and looking for something.. maybe loveshack is the next best place to meet someone? HAHA Am I onto something here? Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Hah, ironic, you just described the female version of my own dating life. Except that I'm one of the guys on online dating (as well as real life dating) who are looking for something serious which involves commitment, and respects women. Yet, I seem to attract the 'no commitment / only have fun' type of women who aren't looking for anything serious. I personally feel that given the adversity pertaining to personal health I've faced in the past 2 years, I've evolved and become 'ready' again. Truth told, I don't have any sound advice I can give you with regards to this issue. Particularly because I'm experiencing it myself. :/ However, it did catch my eye that you're from the UK. Not far from Belgium at all it seems. /nudge 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 yeah my love life is frustrating as well, especially the online dating stuff where i get very little interest and i'm also someone after a 'real' relationship not interested in a fling, a slightly traditional person but so far nobody has really been interested in me (little responses and few messages actually sent to me) which can be very frustrating. yeah maybe the right person is here on this forum? i get much better conversations and debates here anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickpuppy Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 yeah my love life is frustrating as well, especially the online dating stuff where i get very little interest and i'm also someone after a 'real' relationship not interested in a fling, a slightly traditional person but so far nobody has really been interested in me (little responses and few messages actually sent to me) which can be very frustrating. yeah maybe the right person is here on this forum? i get much better conversations and debates here anyway As a girl who was once signed up to POF and Tinder, I've realised that online dating is only successful if you manage to find a genuine person on there. Even once you've found someone 'genuine' there's still the awkwardness of a forced conversation 'how are you?' 'Yep, good' it's just not very fulfilling and I always have reservations as to what these guys are after! LS seems like the perfect place, not only to meet people, but to actually have an intelligent and interesting conversation/debate! I am pretty sure there are a few success stories on here that no-one has heard about. I'm traditional, not interested in any flings, but I don't want to force anything either, if it's meant to be it will be. I'd just like to avoid the hurt of getting messed around and wasting time. If only life could be that simple eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 yep very true indeed, but then again i very rarely get responses to my messages i find it a little rude that they never even bother to answer my messages it just shows they read them or sometimes 'unread, deleted' why does nobody ever give me a chance? yet to get an actual proper date through a dating site. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickpuppy Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 yep very true indeed, but then again i very rarely get responses to my messages i find it a little rude that they never even bother to answer my messages it just shows they read them or sometimes 'unread, deleted' why does nobody ever give me a chance? yet to get an actual proper date through a dating site. What type of messages are you sending? For me to reply, I usually like a message that's different. Messages with compliments usually put me off unless this is a compliment or line I've not heard before. Funny messages I usually respond to. Then of course, I'd be lying if I said I'd got these type of messages and not replied because of something on their profile. Too many selfies, pictures of them swearing, pictures of them out drinking with "lads". That's just me though! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickpuppy Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 In fact, even one selfie will put me off..unless you're above a 7! Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 never done a selfie in my life in fact, and most messages i try and write are personal usually about something interesting their profile that caught my eye and i try and introduce myself i suppose, try and get a conversation started. Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'm from the states but what if the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with is in England? That was actually a question posed to me by a friend at work and maybe that truly is the case, who knows? It's especially hard because we're all trying to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with, it's quite the daunting task. There's so many different factors that come into play and when you sit down and actually look at how some of the people you know met, it's quite remarkable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 never done a selfie in my life in fact, and most messages i try and write are personal usually about something interesting their profile that caught my eye and i try and introduce myself i suppose, try and get a conversation started. Yeah, same here. :/ I try to make it as personal as possible depending on the amount of information in their profile. Usually though theirs doesn't have an introduction text, which makes it slightly difficult (but not impossible. ) to conjure up a convincing message. Too bad thought that the previous woman who answered me on a dating site shared my views of it being 'ill mannered' not to respond deemed me 'too young' despite an age difference of only 4 years. (She was 26, I'm 22.) It's like I'm not even given a chance to prove I'm not like 99% of all the men on those sites lol. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'm older and as I look back over the years, I came to realize how difficult it is to find a man who doesn't just want to sleep around. Now, in the seventies, a lot of us did just that. So I'm not necessarily casting stones. But I will say that it seems to me that a lot of guys, like you say, are not telling the truth up front. They know they can't say they just want to sleep with different women until they find their very own Victoria's Secret model at 30 to settle down with or you'd never sleep with them. So they lie. Now, not saying they all lie, but so many do, that you start assuming the others are as well. So you waste a lot of time and emotions on them and get your heart broken because you hoped they were who they were pretending to be. I have no problem with men who just want to sleep around and are up front about it. But that is very rare. I've only ever really met one like that, and of his paramours, I was the only one who didn't secretly think she'd be the one who made him fall in love and become faithful. Even him being honest didn't keep them from infighting and getting their hair up. So it's just a sorry state of affairs. My best advice is go do the things out in the real world that you like best to do because that way, you're already having fun, without or without a man. Then doing that, you might get lucky and find one you really have a connection with and something in common. Not an online one who reads your profile and then pretends to like what you like. Meet one who isn't sitting at his computer but is out doing life. It will raise your odds. Bail the first whiff you get the guy is not reliable. Base all your decisions on what he does (does he show up on time? Does he answer his phone? Can you rely on him if you spring a leak or break down on the road?) and not on what he says. Because some men can and will say anything to smooth things over and get what they want. Younger men are to be expected to play the field, and young women should as well. Once they get about 30, they may start thinking more seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 well i try and use the online dating as a starting point to actually meeting that person and i try and always be honest in all my dealings, i also don't like the 'one night stand' and 'playing the field' culture and have never tried and will never bother its just not me, would rather try harder for something real. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickpuppy Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 I'm from the states but what if the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with is in England? That was actually a question posed to me by a friend at work and maybe that truly is the case, who knows? It's especially hard because we're all trying to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with, it's quite the daunting task. There's so many different factors that come into play and when you sit down and actually look at how some of the people you know met, it's quite remarkable. I've also had that thought! There are so many people out there, it's absolutely crazy! My hometown is tiny, yet I rarely see the same person twice, and if I have I rarely remember seeing that person. That's just in my small town! Now, on the scale of the entire globe..woah! If someone is meant to be in your life, they'll be in your life, no matter how far apart you are, your paths will cross at some point, it's just what you choose to do about it. 'A simple hello could lead to a million things' so, HELLO! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickpuppy Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 I'm older and as I look back over the years, I came to realize how difficult it is to find a man who doesn't just want to sleep around. Now, in the seventies, a lot of us did just that. So I'm not necessarily casting stones. But I will say that it seems to me that a lot of guys, like you say, are not telling the truth up front. They know they can't say they just want to sleep with different women until they find their very own Victoria's Secret model at 30 to settle down with or you'd never sleep with them. So they lie. Now, not saying they all lie, but so many do, that you start assuming the others are as well. So you waste a lot of time and emotions on them and get your heart broken because you hoped they were who they were pretending to be. I have no problem with men who just want to sleep around and are up front about it. But that is very rare. I've only ever really met one like that, and of his paramours, I was the only one who didn't secretly think she'd be the one who made him fall in love and become faithful. Even him being honest didn't keep them from infighting and getting their hair up. So it's just a sorry state of affairs. My best advice is go do the things out in the real world that you like best to do because that way, you're already having fun, without or without a man. Then doing that, you might get lucky and find one you really have a connection with and something in common. Not an online one who reads your profile and then pretends to like what you like. Meet one who isn't sitting at his computer but is out doing life. It will raise your odds. Bail the first whiff you get the guy is not reliable. Base all your decisions on what he does (does he show up on time? Does he answer his phone? Can you rely on him if you spring a leak or break down on the road?) and not on what he says. Because some men can and will say anything to smooth things over and get what they want. Younger men are to be expected to play the field, and young women should as well. Once they get about 30, they may start thinking more seriously. Thank you for your advice, I know you're right. It's a little annoying that it seems you can't pursue anything serious until your 30's as most boys at 18-30 don't want that. And if they do, I'm never fortunate enough to meet them. I'll continue living my life, enjoying myself, and see what life brings me. It just seems like an eternity I've been doing this, so I'm not really expecting a different outcome! I'm pretty bad at playing the field too, the attention I usually get is off boys looking for sex. I don't get the chance for dates and I think that's the part I'm missing! Thank you again, I really appreciate your words! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesickpuppy Posted February 14, 2014 Author Share Posted February 14, 2014 Yeah, same here. :/ I try to make it as personal as possible depending on the amount of information in their profile. Usually though theirs doesn't have an introduction text, which makes it slightly difficult (but not impossible. ) to conjure up a convincing message. Too bad thought that the previous woman who answered me on a dating site shared my views of it being 'ill mannered' not to respond deemed me 'too young' despite an age difference of only 4 years. (She was 26, I'm 22.) It's like I'm not even given a chance to prove I'm not like 99% of all the men on those sites lol. I think it's time to quit the online dating sites. It seems you're not having much success on them, and the more setbacks you get, the more frustrating it is for you that you're not meeting someone. I've just recently done the same, and I feel a lot better not waiting around for someone to message me back and decide if I cut the mark for them. I am my own person, and if someone chooses not to speak to me because of a few pictures, fine but I'll be damned if I let that annoy me. Work on yourself some more, that will keep you occupied, work on your career, your friendships, just anything to keep you busy. In time you will cross paths with someone looking for what you desire too. That's what I'm telling myself anyway, it seems to be working best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Teraskas Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 (edited) I think it's time to quit the online dating sites. It seems you're not having much success on them, and the more setbacks you get, the more frustrating it is for you that you're not meeting someone. I've just recently done the same, and I feel a lot better not waiting around for someone to message me back and decide if I cut the mark for them. I am my own person, and if someone chooses not to speak to me because of a few pictures, fine but I'll be damned if I let that annoy me. Work on yourself some more, that will keep you occupied, work on your career, your friendships, just anything to keep you busy. In time you will cross paths with someone looking for what you desire too. That's what I'm telling myself anyway, it seems to be working best of luck! Hmm, you may have a point. Regardless, it hasn't all been for naught. Did have a couple of dates through Match.com, despite them being far and few in between. The main reason I signed up for online dating is because my social circle is extremely limited. I only have 5 close friends. 4 out of which have girlfriends, (and they don't even BOTHER to meet up anymore, despite my efforts to organise anything) while the last purposely stays at home and decides not to get involved with women. Hell, I would even have been happy if they saw me as 'a friend' to go out with, but not even that... So, as you see my 'options' on that front are quite limited to say the least. Career wise I've recently made a change and decided to study something else. I don't feel that there's any more 'working on myself' to be done other than maybe hitting the gym more frequently to work on my appearance. I'm more or less happy with that too. Sure, it wouldn't be detrimental to have a bit more muscle mass, but I'd rather be a bit wider 'Juggernaut-ish' rather than the telephone pole appearance that plenty of my male age colleagues seem to prefer. Regarding being busy, I have learned to channel that frustration into a novel I'm writing. Keeps me busy and sometimes takes the focus off the whole '100% failure rate in dating'. But truth told, ever since December I've given up on finding someone entirely. Barely even used OLD, just maybe 1ce a week to look at new profiles and send out some personalised messages to women which I deemed interesting. Needless to say without a response, but meh. Edited February 14, 2014 by Teraskas Link to post Share on other sites
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