blue963 Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I am frustrated and upset today. Feeling like I am being taken for granted, blown-off. I get that people are busy. When he is wanting attention, he acts as though I am just sitting here waiting. Feeling taken for granted touches on so many other issues: ending with just dropping off of the face of the earth, etc. Any tricks to getting passed this feeling? (Other than keeping busy with other things). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Find a guy that's single?????? 13 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 There's really no way to get past the feeling other than ending it (and even that won't guarantee that for a while). Keeping busy can help, but even that doesn't help all the time or 100%. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 tell him where to go. I used to feel like this all the time and was made to feel like a bunny boiler whenever I bought the situation up (to bring change) in the end I'd had enough of feeling like ***** if you want to make time for someone you will 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Berkley Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I am frustrated and upset today. Feeling like I am being taken for granted, blown-off. I get that people are busy. When he is wanting attention, he acts as though I am just sitting here waiting. Feeling taken for granted touches on so many other issues: ending with just dropping off of the face of the earth, etc. Any tricks to getting passed this feeling? (Other than keeping busy with other things). It is all part of what you signed up for. We all knew going in that we were not first and foremost...and in fact, were way down on the list for his attention. His family will ( rightfully ) come first, his job is more important than you, extended family, old friends, church, clubs - keeping up all aspects of his pre-affair life so as not to raise suspicion. I actually spent more time with mm than his W or family did...but only during work hours. I didn't get any of his off-work time at all. It's not going to change, so either you get used to it and not let it bother you - or find a man that is available to give you what you want. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 End it. This is how it is and it's not going to change. To you he means more than it just being an affair and your expectations are higher than his. Or, stop putting him first, stop putting so much effort into him and the affair. Stop relying on him so much. Rely on friends if you need something, or family members. Don't put all your eggs in one basket and have to lean on him so much. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 Question: Are you married? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I hate to break this to you blue963 but you actually have no right to expect anything different, let alone anything more. As an OW, you will always have second place, while he's comfortably at home with his wife. I haven't read any of your past threads or posts, relating to your situation, but you're the 'outsider'. As such, you don't get a look-in, unless it's on 'your' time. Unless he's with you - you don't exist in his life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I've now HAD a quick glance at your threads: basically, you could put them all under this banner: I'm obviously an add-on in his life, because he only ever pays attention to me when HE wants to - and I know i should end it, but I've become addicted to breadcrumbs." That's just tragic.... Link to post Share on other sites
NotOW35 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Boy can I relate. I feel I'm being taken advantage of when I'm asked to wait...just a few more weeks, just a few more months...wait, wait, wait....then things will be awesome and we can get married. Meanwhile I work full time and fit myself around HIS work schedule and the schedule he worked out with his wife when he has the kids. I feel like I come last...how did that happen. Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 We teach people how to treat us. It will only continue if you continue to tolerate it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I am frustrated and upset today. Feeling like I am being taken for granted, blown-off. I get that people are busy. When he is wanting attention, he acts as though I am just sitting here waiting. Feeling taken for granted touches on so many other issues: ending with just dropping off of the face of the earth, etc. Any tricks to getting passed this feeling? (Other than keeping busy with other things). He/she that engages in an affair, resigns themselves to the table scraps of a relationship, and nothing more. That's why you either accept it, or move onto someone single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Boy can I relate. I feel I'm being taken advantage of when I'm asked to wait...just a few more weeks, just a few more months...wait, wait, wait....then things will be awesome and we can get married. Meanwhile I work full time and fit myself around HIS work schedule and the schedule he worked out with his wife when he has the kids. I feel like I come last...how did that happen. Because you started an affair. You started in last place, you can't ever hope to move up the ladder. Do you want to see real change? Leave him. You'll either free yourself from a sub-par relationship, or it'll be the boot up his bum to end his marriage. Sounds like win-win, to me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 He/she that engages in an affair, resigns themselves to the table scraps of a relationship, and nothing more. That's why you either accept it, or move onto someone single. Blue is married as well. It's misleading when someone leaves out crucial details of their life as it does change the advice given. Being single and an OW is much different than being a (married) other woman. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Blue is married as well. It's misleading when someone leaves out crucial details of their life as it does change the advice given. Being single and an OW is much different than being a (married) other woman. Oh, well that's a clusterf***, isn't it?! Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Blue is married as well. It's misleading when someone leaves out crucial details of their life as it does change the advice given. Being single and an OW is much different than being a (married) other woman. That does change my opinion of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I was dreading reading this post. This time of year is my married FWBs busiest, so I have to bite my tongue every once in a while for the next couple of months. Telling Blue to leave her married man may be the smart thing to do, but let's be real, she didn't make her post to hear that. She wants an, "oh, baby, that sucks rocks!" To get past it, you need to set limits. What is it you will not tolerate? What is it you expect? You have to voice these things. Example: I have a limit/rule that we MUST talk (not text or email) the day after we have sex. He also is expected to call or text to make sure I made it home safely (we are four hours apart), even if he has to take the dog for an unnecessary walk at midnight. He's not an awful person, just can be scatterbrained and is a workaholic. And yes, the day after sex he can feel guilty. There's not much I can say to make him feel better, but I did tell him making me feel like a tramp doesn't make the situation better. So, we talk the day after sex. If you tell your AP, specific things he needs to do, and he blows them off, then you need to reevaluate. He may just be good as an fwb or he may not be worth it. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) He/she that engages in an affair, resigns themselves to the table scraps of a relationship, and nothing more. That's why you either accept it, or move onto someone single. You can say that again. Blue is married as well. It's misleading when someone leaves out crucial details of their life as it does change the advice given. Being single and an OW is much different than being a (married) other woman. Sure is. Edited February 12, 2014 by Popsicle Link to post Share on other sites
Author blue963 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 You know you want to end it and need to end it, yet you keep going along with things cause it hurts so darned bad! Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 It just occurred to me maybe instead of looking, thinking of the "What If's", look and think of the "What IS" ?.?.* Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I am frustrated and upset today. Feeling like I am being taken for granted, blown-off. I get that people are busy. When he is wanting attention, he acts as though I am just sitting here waiting. Feeling taken for granted touches on so many other issues: ending with just dropping off of the face of the earth, etc. Any tricks to getting passed this feeling? (Other than keeping busy with other things). This issue comes up even with single men and women who are dating each other - the issue of not getting enough time and attention from your partner - and it's difficult to even deal with then. When you're dealing with a MM, he has an extra layer of excuses to give to you and of course the fall-back of his wife. You are simply in a position of weakness, and have to just accept that this is the way it is. If you want to continue on with the A, then you have to just put it out of your mind and be happy when you do see him and talk to him. The only way I know how to do this (aside from busying yourself) is to emotionally detach from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I can understand how you feel... MM and I (also married) have a very annoying pattern of contact. He doesn't have access to his phone at work 98% of the time, and I know this because he was my boss previously, where for my job I am required to have phone in hand at all times. If I send a text it could be hours before I hear anything, but if I don't answer back within five minutes it's like he freaks out, thinking I came to my senses and am done with him, and I will get a text every few minutes until I answer. Its never possessive, where are you type stuff, mostly he'll start to pout. Sometimes I make him wait, purely to entertain myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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