Do I have the right???

[Shelley]

Ok, here's the situation. I have already told you that the guy I was dating for several months has told me that we should see other people and we have sort of split up since then.

 

I've been thinking alot about our relationship lately and there is one thing that I need to know from him but I am not sure if he will tell me the truth. I want to know if he cheated on me. There was a situation that happened in August and the more I think about it, the more I think something happened. He went to visit a friend for a weekend and they were supposed to go hang out together like guys do but I am thinking that they "hooked" up with some women. The reason I think something happened is because when he was on his way to his friend, he called to ask what I was doing on Sunday to see if we could do something together and it just sort of made me think that he felt guilty about something. Well, he came home on Sunday morning and we did something that afternoon. Later that night a storm started and we were "watching" it in his one bedroom and I started to become a little affectionate and he stopped me. He said that he had a concern about sex. He said that since he was considering getting a job in another state that he felt we should cut the physical ties of our relationship so it would be easier for him to leave. I was heartbroken to say the least, not only about the sex but mostly that he could so easily pick up and leave without a second thought. Well, a few weeks after that, we had gone out on a Sat. night and I ended up sleeping over at his house and nothing happened until the next morning. We started making out and he mentioned that he had purchased some condoms. Well, we hadn't used condoms in the past 4 months and here he had purchased some. Well, it ended up that there were only two and to the best of my knowledge, the least that a box carries is three unless they are purchased at a vending machine. I should have mentioned something to him at that time but I didn't.

 

He's told me many times that he does not deserve me and that makes me believe that there is something more to why he wanted to break-up. So, I want to know if I have the right to know (not he will tell me the truth) if he had slept with other people. I feel that for issues about diseases, I should have the right to know.

[Jaylene]

I think that the first thing that you should do is get tested for any STDs just to make sure. If anything comes up positive then you should definetely confront him about that issue. If all comes up negative, then I personally would not even call him because it will just stir up old emotions that you are trying to get over.

 

Its hard when someone breaks up with you under any circumstance, especially if you suspect that they cheated. The best thing to do is just move on with your life if all of your results come out negative. There is no real reason to contact him after that; its just not worth the stress.

Ok, here's the situation. I have already told you that the guy I was dating for several months has told me that we should see other people and we have sort of split up since then. I've been thinking alot about our relationship lately and there is one thing that I need to know from him but I am not sure if he will tell me the truth. I want to know if he cheated on me. There was a situation that happened in August and the more I think about it, the more I think something happened. He went to visit a friend for a weekend and they were supposed to go hang out together like guys do but I am thinking that they "hooked" up with some women. The reason I think something happened is because when he was on his way to his friend, he called to ask what I was doing on Sunday to see if we could do something together and it just sort of made me think that he felt guilty about something. Well, he came home on Sunday morning and we did something that afternoon. Later that night a storm started and we were "watching" it in his one bedroom and I started to become a little affectionate and he stopped me. He said that he had a concern about sex. He said that since he was considering getting a job in another state that he felt we should cut the physical ties of our relationship so it would be easier for him to leave. I was heartbroken to say the least, not only about the sex but mostly that he could so easily pick up and leave without a second thought. Well, a few weeks after that, we had gone out on a Sat. night and I ended up sleeping over at his house and nothing happened until the next morning. We started making out and he mentioned that he had purchased some condoms. Well, we hadn't used condoms in the past 4 months and here he had purchased some. Well, it ended up that there were only two and to the best of my knowledge, the least that a box carries is three unless they are purchased at a vending machine. I should have mentioned something to him at that time but I didn't. He's told me many times that he does not deserve me and that makes me believe that there is something more to why he wanted to break-up. So, I want to know if I have the right to know (not he will tell me the truth) if he had slept with other people. I feel that for issues about diseases, I should have the right to know.

[Ed]

It's really a done deal. I would not concern myself with asking him. You may not get the truth anyway.

 

If you are concerned about possible STDs, consult a physician, have a blood test run that can detect the more common ones. Keep in mind, it is possible for ANYONE to have certain kinds of STDs without showing symptoms for weeks, months or a year or more. Some people are carriers and don't know it, because they don't have or have not had symptoms.

 

I don't really know if there is a way to be checked for all possible STDs. If there is, I suspect it would be grueling and expensive. But when it comes to your health, well, you have to do what you have to do.

[Laurynn]

Yes, I'm afraid to say....it seems pretty darn clear that he *did* have sex with someone else....and avoided sex with you that next day, and basically insisted on using condoms when you next had sex. That to me is 'writing on the wall.' I am so sorry...but please be thankful that at least he had the common sense to want to protect your health. I know this really isn't any consolation, but there are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many people out there who cheat, and don't give a rip's but about protecting their partner from STDs.

 

There is no point in confronting him about this. If he admits he cheated, won't you just be crushed?...why go through that. And he could also lie through his teeth. I really don't think it matters at this point. In your heart, based on his actions and behavior, you *know* he cheated.....don't put yourself through any more agony.

 

Don't give him the satisfaction. Have nothing more to do with him. He is sh*t.

 

Years ago, I was often in relationships with men who ended up cheating......and I was always intent on 'finding out for sure'......to the point where I just HAD to know all the details. I guess this was my way of living in a little denial. Then I learned that you go with your gut...and you follow your common sense and instincts.....and if you have significant reason to believe someone has cheated on you, SCREW EM! That's enough, you don't need to know the gory details. They just aren't worth it.

 

I am very sorry that you've gone through with this. Know that you aren't alone. I hope you one day find someone who will treat you with the love, respect and honor that you rightfully deserve.

 

Laurynn