Dont care about life anymore. Hope I just die real soon

[Firehead94]

Recently I have been quite obsessed with death(and thinking about dying) because I dont see any hope in the future. I have 0 friends, never had a girlfriend and probably never going to considering that Im 19 and never had a single one in my life, my communication skills are just plain horrible(I slutter alot and poor grammar), Im socially awkward, and Im stupid. I also dont know and cant do anything. Something that recently came up in my head is to maybe become a farmer after going back to my country in Asia. Since farmers dont require too much communication, I thought it would suit me pretty well. But currently Im at university studying geography and its giving me alot of stress. I also work 33.5 hours a week. Last semester I got a 3.6 GPA but this semester is much more difficult and I have a feeling Im going to fail. But it doesnt really matter to me anyways since I dont give a damn about life anymore. I dont want to commit suicide. I just dont. Or at least maybe I will and make it look like it was an accident or murder, who knows. But I really hope someone either murders me or I die from a terminal illness. So Im just spending my money recklessly because I probably wont live for another 10 years anyway. Whats the point of living if you know you are going to live the rest of your life alone and jobless? Nothing. Someone please give me advice on how to get myself in a situation where I can get killed or suffer from a serious disease

[nomadic_butterfly]

Recently I have been quite obsessed with death(and thinking about dying) because I dont see any hope in the future. I have 0 friends, never had a girlfriend and probably never going to considering that Im 19 and never had a single one in my life, my communication skills are just plain horrible(I slutter alot and poor grammar), Im socially awkward, and Im stupid. I also dont know and cant do anything. Something that recently came up in my head is to maybe become a farmer after going back to my country in Asia. Since farmers dont require too much communication, I thought it would suit me pretty well. But currently Im at university studying geography and its giving me alot of stress. I also work 33.5 hours a week. Last semester I got a 3.6 GPA but this semester is much more difficult and I have a feeling Im going to fail. But it doesnt really matter to me anyways since I dont give a damn about life anymore. I dont want to commit suicide. I just dont. Or at least maybe I will and make it look like it was an accident or murder, who knows. But I really hope someone either murders me or I die from a terminal illness. So Im just spending my money recklessly because I probably wont live for another 10 years anyway. Whats the point of living if you know you are going to live the rest of your life alone and jobless? Nothing. Someone please give me advice on how to get myself in a situation where I can get killed or suffer from a serious disease

 

CHILL THE FREAK OUT. Seriously. No one's life is perfect, peachy, or rosy 24/7 no matter how it looks on the outside. Don't be coward and take your life to cause your family grief; face your demons and then you will conquer.

 

Speak to a counselor if you can. As long as there's life and you have the fortitude and physical ability to be the best you can be, then just do it. Stop wallowing in self pity.

 

Can you see the future? You speak of all this doom and gloom like you know what tomorrow is going to bring. The part that you can control, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

 

It's insulting to people who have had loved ones who were murdered or terminally ill to speak in such a fashion. Don't cop out. Put on your big boy pants and focus on what you can do RIGHT instead of dwelling on the negative. I believe every able-bodied and minded person has the capacity to make some kind of impact. Even if it's small. There are people with bigger handicaps than a "speech impediment" making waves in society and breaking down barriers; they don't let what they can't do or their superficial shortcomings inhibit them.

 

Carpe diem.

[pickflicker]

Someone please give me advice on how to get myself in a situation where I can get killed or suffer from a serious disease

 

No one in their right mind, would give you that kind of advice.

[Elias33]

Don't take yourself so seriously man. You are 19 you have no idea about life. Live it before you judge it, you may be pleasantly surprised.

[amaysngrace]

Did you learn that the human mind doesn't fully develop until 25 years of age? At least hang on until then since your brain doesn't even work right yet.

[mortensorchid]

I felt the same way as you once, when I was 18/19. Much of it is caused by unknowing, immaturity, unsuredness about the future. Know what? It's 20 years later, I am almost 40, and I still feel like that from time to time. But it's better. It will turn around, and it will turn around for you too. Life is starting, you will find many things and you will learn a lot. But you won't know if you don't keep trying. DON'T STOP TRYING.

[d0nnivain]

It sounds like you are depressed. Go to your school's mental health center & talk to them. There are people on campus who can help.

 

 

Your life isn't over at 19. It hasn't begun yet.

 

 

If you don't like your grammar, work to improve it.

 

 

If you want friends, make some. Join a group. Befriend somebody at work. Find a study buddy in your classes.

 

 

A 3.6 GPA is an accomplishment. It indicates you are anything but stupid. Give yourself a bit more credit.

[ja123]

You're depressed and not thinking straight.

 

 

Please call to see a counsellor/psychologist at your school, a.s.a.p.

 

 

Or call a suicide help line to talk and get a referral.

 

 

Hang in there, you are not alone in your feelings. I was also depressed at your age and in my first year of university.

 

 

Hang in!!!