Superfueled Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Hey folks, I want to be quick and straight to the point. I'm gonna start off by saying that I've never had a girlfriend before. Currently, I don't exactly know how to quote-on-quote "flirt" properly yet. As for my personality, I'm the sort of guy who has been in the "Athletic Kid's" shoes, and have also been in that "Quiet kid's" shoes. Since I've never had a girlfriend I just don't really know what form of flirting might be considered funny, creepy, or stupid. Better yet, I don't really think I even know how to approach and flirt with a female. Just yesterday I was sitting at the bus station waiting on my bus to go home and right beside me leaning on the wall was this female that I found attractive. I then prepared myself to say something to her but; despite the fact I was really tempted to say something to her I just couldn't come out with anything to say. I mean, it was a bus station, what was I gonna say? "Hi, I like your pants." I'd feel like face palming myself. I honestly was just pretty light on anything to think of right off the top of my head to say to her. After 2 minutes of rigorous contemplation I just gave up and continued to wait for my bus to come. Then a few minutes later, she boarded her bus and left. After what I did, I'm having trouble getting over that incident. I really want to be a social guy but I just don't know how! I'm confident in the way I look and don't feel like I have anything I want to hide from females. At the end of the day, it seems that the only aspect I am failing to grasp is flirting with females (whether she be a stranger or an acquaintance) and now... I'm beginning to think that females would frown upon a guy like me who has my personality. In the end, what can I do to work on flirting with strangers/acquaintances so I can better speak with girls? I always see most girls go after athletic guys and it makes me sometimes ponder if I should act more like a jock but... That's something I'm not sure I could do. Anyway, if you read this far, what is your advice to me? Edited February 12, 2014 by Superfueled Link to post Share on other sites
moving2fast Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Superfueled, I'd say just be yourself. Don't worry about what you think the majority of girls go for, just be you. Be comfident in who you are and don't try to fit some mold.I think you should not fret so much on what to say to a girl you find attractive, and just start by introducing yourself. Even if you stumble at first, you'll get more comfortable when you do it more often. If you have close friends, try meeting new people together, go over things to say, like practice talking to people( of all backgrounds, start with what you felt comfortable doing then venture out) so it comes naturally to you. It'll be okay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hey folks, I want to be quick and straight to the point. I'm gonna start off by saying that I've never had a girlfriend before. Currently, I don't exactly know how to quote-on-quote "flirt" properly yet. As for my personality, I'm the sort of guy who has been in the "Athletic Kid's" shoes, and have also been in that "Quiet kid's" shoes. Since I've never had a girlfriend I just don't really know what form of flirting might be considered funny, creepy, or stupid. Better yet, I don't really think I even know how to approach and flirt with a female. Just yesterday I was sitting at the bus station waiting on my bus to go home and right beside me leaning on the wall was this female that I found attractive. I then prepared myself to say something to her but; despite the fact I was really tempted to say something to her I just couldn't come out with anything to say. I mean, it was a bus station, what was I gonna say? "Hi, I like your pants." I'd feel like face palming myself. I honestly was just pretty light on anything to think of right off the top of my head to say to her. After 2 minutes of rigorous contemplation I just gave up and continued to wait for my bus to come. Then a few minutes later, she boarded her bus and left. After what I did, I'm having trouble getting over that incident. I really want to be a social guy but I just don't know how! I'm confident in the way I look and don't feel like I have anything I want to hide from females. At the end of the day, it seems that the only aspect I am failing to grasp is flirting with females (whether she be a stranger or an acquaintance) and now... I'm beginning to think that females would frown upon a guy like me who has my personality. In the end, what can I do to work on flirting with strangers/acquaintances so I can better speak with girls? I always see most girls go after athletic guys and it makes me sometimes ponder if I should act more like a jock but... That's something I'm not sure I could do. Anyway, if you read this far, what is your advice to me? Something I may have done. Please bear in mind you need to find your own "rhythm" as if you try to mimic someone else's, unless you are an awesome actor, it will be shown as forced. I would have let her know right away that she caught my attention. Something like: "Hey you, hows it going?" (SMILE, STRONG EYE CONTACT) then coax yourself into making sure you make it known you are interested: "I have/haven't seen you before while waiting for my bus othewise I would remember you, you are simply gorgeous." By this time, you have let her know you're interested. Listen to wat she says and make sure to be involved in the conversation. From this point, chat with her and get to know her. Listen, respond, and ask questions. Women love to talk about themselves, and you can pick up if shes interested or not just by how she responds / the way she acts. Be sure to ask her for her number, and/or if it's going really good, throw in that you would love to learn more about her over coffee or drinks. If she wants to skip that, you can take her to do <activity she mentioned with something she likes>. My 2 cents 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justa_guy Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Don't jump in the deep end, start by approaching sales people in the mall, ask their advice on something you may purchase and get chatting, if you start to feel nervous you can end the conversation at any time. Then start asking other shoppers (not just women you find attractive, anyone) advice when you feel more confident. You have to build confidence, and this takes time, but in the process you'll probably meet a lot of great people. Flirting is about being confident in who you are not what you say. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 The most important thing is that you say SOMETHING. Don't let the opportunity pass you by. You can ask her the time, or make small talk about the weather (which yeah, is lame, but it opens up the lines of communication and in some cultures, like the UK for example, we do it ALLLLLL the time), or ask her if she knows what time the next bus is due... anything, really. It's less about what you say and more about just saying it. A friend of mine said he'd never approached women in bars because he didn't know how to speak to them, and thought the whole 'hey, how are you doing? What's your name?' thing was lame. I personally don't think that it is, if a guy approached me who I found attractive and who was friendly and confident, I wouldn't need any more than him asking my name and how my night was going, we'd start talking. It's more impressive than a cheesy 'oh, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?' overthought chat up line. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Say " Hi my name is" and go on from there. It's not that hard man, if one rejects you, on to the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Females? Are you talking about human women, or females of any (hopefully mammalian) species? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superfueled Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 And how about attitude? I just honestly don't know how to act. Whether to act stern, playful, attentive, etc. Sometimes I think too much eye contact or questioning might creep girls out. Link to post Share on other sites
tlegend Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 And how about attitude? I just honestly don't know how to act. Whether to act stern, playful, attentive, etc. Sometimes I think too much eye contact or questioning might creep girls out. Be yourself. Don't act at all. Eye contact goes hand in hand with smiling. If you smile, AND maintain eye contact, and she smiles and looks away....you're golden. If she is genuinely creeped out, she will tell you such, and I'm sure you will read it in her body language. Smile, laugh, keep the subject light, and let her know you are interested. You don't have to put on an act to get a girls attention. You simply need to remove them from the pedestal you put them on. I have had conversations with beautiful women. It seems there are quite a few attractive females that do not get approached by men at all. Why is that? It's because there are a lot of men out there who get intimidated and feel she is out of their league. I get the same feeling from you. Don't feel that way. You have a better shot than most men in the category above! "Why?" you ask? Because you approached her. They didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Hey folks, I want to be quick and straight to the point. I'm gonna start off by saying that I've never had a girlfriend before. Currently, I don't exactly know how to quote-on-quote "flirt" properly yet. As for my personality, I'm the sort of guy who has been in the "Athletic Kid's" shoes, and have also been in that "Quiet kid's" shoes. Since I've never had a girlfriend I just don't really know what form of flirting might be considered funny, creepy, or stupid. Better yet, I don't really think I even know how to approach and flirt with a female. Just yesterday I was sitting at the bus station waiting on my bus to go home and right beside me leaning on the wall was this female that I found attractive. I then prepared myself to say something to her but; despite the fact I was really tempted to say something to her I just couldn't come out with anything to say. I mean, it was a bus station, what was I gonna say? "Hi, I like your pants." I'd feel like face palming myself. I honestly was just pretty light on anything to think of right off the top of my head to say to her. After 2 minutes of rigorous contemplation I just gave up and continued to wait for my bus to come. Then a few minutes later, she boarded her bus and left. After what I did, I'm having trouble getting over that incident. I really want to be a social guy but I just don't know how! I'm confident in the way I look and don't feel like I have anything I want to hide from females. At the end of the day, it seems that the only aspect I am failing to grasp is flirting with females (whether she be a stranger or an acquaintance) and now... I'm beginning to think that females would frown upon a guy like me who has my personality. In the end, what can I do to work on flirting with strangers/acquaintances so I can better speak with girls? I always see most girls go after athletic guys and it makes me sometimes ponder if I should act more like a jock but... That's something I'm not sure I could do. Anyway, if you read this far, what is your advice to me? My best advice to you is not to flirt right now since it's foreign to you. Just focus on opening up and making light conversation with women and then moving on. Don't worry about finding her attractive or not, young or old. Your mission is to become relaxed around female company. Period. I suggest that you do it this way until you become comfortable in your own skin. The topics of conversation are unimportant. Mentioning something as simple as the changes in weather is a nice way for you to get started. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I always see most girls go after athletic guys and it makes me sometimes ponder if I should act more like a jock but... That's something I'm not sure I could do. Anyway, if you read this far, what is your advice to me? It doesn't matter what "most girls" go after. It's about finding the girl/s who can connect with YOU. Doesn't do any good to put on an act to win someone over, if you then end up in a relationship where you have to keep acting or lose them. As for that initial conversation, smile. Be casual. Don't ask her "creepy" questions about where she lives, works, etc. I'm not a fan of tlegend's "simply gorgeous" approach - it would have had me running away. Talk to her about ANYTHING - the weather, local sports team, ask whether she goes to your school. If she responds, offer your name. Go from there. If being flirty isn't your strong suit, don't worry about flirting - just talk. Don't worry about whether she thinks you are too smiley, too serious, etc. Just be yourself and see if there is a connection. And if there isn't - no biggie. Sometimes people just aren't on the same wavelength, and that isn't a failing on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 What's wrong with complimenting a girl on her pants as a conversation starter? If you were sitting at the bus stop and somebody told you they liked something you were wearing, would you really think any less of them? If not, why would you expect other people to think any less of you? The reason I bring that up is because I had the same discussion with a therapist I was seeing for my social anxiety. My therapist actually mentioned that was how he met his fiancee. He saw an attractive girl, was looking for a way to strike up a conversation with her, so he started with, "I like that dress." Eventually he ended up engaged to that same girl. I remember when my therapist suggested to me that I compliment people as a way to speak to more people, my first immediate reaction was to feel like it was crazy. But then he asked me that basic question, "What would you think of somebody else saying that?" and it completely changed my perspective about the whole thing. I'll bet you have other good ideas of ways to strike up conversations with girls, but they just feel awkward to you because you're insecure. Try to imagine somebody else saying those things instead of you, and it may give you a better perspective on things. I'd also recommend just making yourself say something to three women each week. Even if it's just complimenting random girls on the street. That's another trick I learned from a therapist. Just have an assignment that you have to talk to people. It's likely to feel terrifying the first several times you do it. But speaking from personal experience, it gets much easier after you've done it for a while. You lose nothing each time. But you'll be one step closer to being that guy who can talk to women. Eventually, it will be much easier. As far as what to say to people, you can always just talk about what's going on around you. If you're outside, make a comment about the weather. If you're at the grocery store, ask a girl if the food item she's buying is any good. If you're interested in keeping a conversation going, a good trick is to look for more questions you can ask about the person based on whatever's being said. For instance, if you compliment her on her pants, follow that up by asking her where she bought them. Most people really enjoy talking about themselves, so you can sometimes keep a conversation going for a while that way. Of course, a lot of the time conversations won't get started or won't go anywhere. Don't worry too much about it. Just keep trying, and eventually something will work out for you. I'll also recommend the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie as a really great resource for learning how to talk to people. As some others have said, you also just want to relax and be yourself. The suggestions I've given you are all just tools to help you think of things to say. But ultimately, you want girls to see you for who you are. Most guys are most attractive when they're just hanging out with their closest friends, because that's when they seem the most relaxed and confident. Now, if you're shy and not used to talking to girls, you're not going to be like that the first time you try. But the more you get out there and practice talking to girls or strangers in general, the closer you'll get to becoming like that. Until you'll start to see some success. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superfueled Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 Well, from my experience, the "appropriate" attitude from which people are describing (confident, normal, upfront) seems pretty good and all but it just seems over-typical. I mean, don't get my wrong; I've done my fair share of pondering what the best thing to say to a female stranger is but, it just seems like I'd either be scaring them off or creeping them out. It feels like I have this psychological hammer that pounds fear into my head whenever I even consider talking upfront with a girl. The only hard part I have is moving from a few sentences of a conversation to a full few minutes. I'd really like to ask like, what do women actually like hearing? I mean, would it really feel normal if I or any other male were to walk up and immediately state, "So... What's your opinion on the temperature today?" or something like, "Hello, how are you?" It just feels like something is telling me when I say that it would be awkward because I don't know the person. Best of all, after they respond with "good" that's the part where it normally gets quiet real fast and very awkward. :'( Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I would be a little careful striking up a conversation with a girl at the bus stop. You could wind up with a face full of pepper spray. Try a different place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superfueled Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 I would be a little careful striking up a conversation with a girl at the bus stop. You could wind up with a face full of pepper spray. Try a different place. It was a bus station. Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I want to be quick and straight to the point. I'm gonna start off by saying that I've never had a girlfriend before. Currently, I don't exactly know how to quote-on-quote "flirt" properly yet. How old are you? If you're 16 and awkward with girls because of inexperience, that's fine. Just get in there and learn through experience. Girls your age won't expect that much from you. If you're in your mid-20's or older...that's a different matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superfueled Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 How old are you? If you're 16 and awkward with girls because of inexperience, that's fine. Just get in there and learn through experience. Girls your age won't expect that much from you. If you're in your mid-20's or older...that's a different matter. 16 years? Haha, nope. 15 years old. =P Link to post Share on other sites
Author Superfueled Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 Well, from my experience, the "appropriate" attitude from which people are describing (confident, normal, upfront) seems pretty good and all but it just seems over-typical. I mean, don't get my wrong; I've done my fair share of pondering what the best thing to say to a female stranger is but, it just seems like I'd either be scaring them off or creeping them out. It feels like I have this psychological hammer that pounds fear into my head whenever I even consider talking upfront with a girl. The only hard part I have is moving from a few sentences of a conversation to a full few minutes. I'd really like to ask like, what do women actually like hearing? I mean, would it really feel normal if I or any other male were to walk up and immediately state, "So... What's your opinion on the temperature today?" or something like, "Hello, how are you?" It just feels like something is telling me when I say that it would be awkward because I don't know the person. Best of all, after they respond with "good" that's the part where it normally gets quiet real fast and very awkward. :'( No one has any advice on this? Link to post Share on other sites
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