Should I move forward with this?

[PinkDotsXOXO]

*Posted this on another forum but I feel it belongs here to because of the uniqueness of the situation.

 

 

 

Hey all,

I don’t want to be perceived as a home wrecker but here it goes. I’ve been friends with one of my guy friends for 9 years. We dated when we were 16 for about a month and then broke it off (due to mostly immaturity among other reasons). However since then, I’ve gone through periods of time where I’ve liked him but either I was dating someone or it wasn’t a good time for us to give it another try. He later started dating this girl and they stayed together for quite some time until they broke up. In the not so recent past they have now gotten back together. When him and I hangout its usually just the two of us. So a few months ago, after a few drinks, I got brave and told him how I felt about him and he said we’d talk about this when I wasn’t drunk. Nothing really happened that night except a longer hug then I usually give him and us falling asleep on my couch close together sorta cuddlingish. I didn’t wanna make him choose so I started dating someone else and we broke up. (For reasons unrelated to him) Fast forward to now: A few weeks ago he moved to another state 2.5 hours away to be with his girlfriend. Lately, she hasn’t been home because they’ve been fighting and shes been sick so she will go stay with her parents. We’ve started talking more since he moved away. He’s been alone at their house a lot. On more than one occasion I’ve made it clearly obvious that I’m flirting with him. Tonight I told him I’ve thought about kissing him in the past and asked him if I was making him uncomfortable to which he said no hes fine and he guessed I felt that way. Our conversation turned sexual which in the 9 years ive known him we’ve NEVER talked like this with each other before. I don’t know if he was joking but we talked about possibly fooling around & drinking when he comes back here and we actually started planning it and talking about what we wanted to do together. Were such good friends and ive known him for such a long time and were comfortable with each other. I actually like him but I feel horrible because he’s been with his girlfriend a while but I don’t know if he’s truly happy with her. I don’t know her well at all in fact I’m not a fan of her because back in the day she asked if I would mind if my then boyfriend would go to prom with her friend. Plus she broke his heart a while ago. He really is a great guy, has helped me with a lot of things and we’ve remained close. Is this a safe thing to pursue or should I not rock the boat?

[whichwayisup]

This is the not right way to get involved with him and keep him as a boyfriend in your life. He still is living out of town and even though he and his gf had a fight ,doesn't mean they've broken up.

 

If he cheats on her with you, how will ever be able to fully trust him if he does end up your boyfriend down the road? Give that some thought.

 

Be a friend, stop the sexy talks and chats, and if they break up, then date him. If you don't, you'll be the one hurting.

 

Look at how's he handling things, they have a fight -instead of working it out, he turns to you. Not a mature way to cope with problems with his gf. He needs to sort it out with her, either stay together or break up. To cheat isn't fair to her or to you. You'll end up getting hurt too.

[herself]

Sorry in advance for typos, im on my phone.

Listen carefully to me...Im not even coming at you from a moral stance at all.

MANY people here can tell you and ME the most....if you value the friendship even one percent. ...do NOT go there for one more second. It will WRECK your friendship guarenteed and you can NEVER be friends again or go back to how things once were.

I know its flattering, I know the longterm feelings that have built up over time and how gratifying it feels to have him now saying & acknowledging that indeed there may be more to your relationship. .......BUT.....99% of the time emotional affairs do NOT last.

I KNOW this is juicy & exciting for you.

 

I had a close, if not best friend for 13 years. We talked, emailed, texted daily. A close, CLOSE friendship & some flirtiness & chemistry was always there though we kept it at bay, talked around it, ignored it or just hinted at it but didnt indulge for YEARS.

 

We even married others. THEN we did gravitate there finally and full blown with sexting every day & I love you's exchanged, and it got VERY close, very real. That part of our friendship lasted a few years, maybe 2 or 3 years. But....it created a rollercoaster of confusion, arguments, make-up to breakup. ...because we could never FULLY and honestly be a couple.

 

By communicating daily we fell into that slippery slope & landed on dangerous ground, but without being a true couple we couldnt invest 100% and eventually the confusion, and guilt, and bickering. ....it broke us down, and the fun innocent flirting & good times were then replaced with hard feelings and sad emotions and now....its done.

Theres no more talking, texting, happiness. We couldnt fix it.

We tried going back to platonic normal friends but there was too much history, we broke up for good and I doubt either of us dreamed by going with what we thought was innocent fun & secrets shared between 2 close friends, would EVER mean the end.

 

You will see the same story as mine many times in past threads if you look.

Please dont do it. It wont end well & you will lose your friend forever.

Ask for a few weeks not to talk & let the dust settle & the feelings fade.

Then talk sparingly & friends ONLY & be stern & determined.

 

Trust me he is vulnerable and needs attention now & knows since you confessed feelings that you are a guarenteed easy source to fill his needs & feed his ego right now. Its going to come across as strong feelings for you when it isnt & then the confusion and ultimate destruction is inevitable. Promise you i am right. Keep your friend. Ditch the sexting & flirting or you guys will lose each other.