matt_1987 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 Alright guys...long story short...don't mean to be a pain in the arse been together for a while (4 months) then she came back to england (I am italian)...started a long distance for a while (close to 1 year) but then she was very clingy and I took her for granted and I broke up with her. We tried again seeing each other a couple of times after that but finally decided it was not going where we hoped (this was last october). In the meantime I started realizing how much she meant to me and got back to her twice saying this time I changed my mindset towards life (which is true) and was willing to try again to build something really important, which she wanted from the beginning. I was ready to give up on my holidays and trips I had planned (and about 1500 € in flights, hotels etc.) to see her, but she said no, that "she thought we were not meant for each other, and that things might be good for a few months, but then would get back to where it was". I accepted it and tried to move on (this was january), and started NC, which I never broke. now this is where it gets...complicated. after 1 month NC she sends me a message "hope your trip went ok :)". I replied the following day with a very short "trip was awesome!" "oh good!" "well...good night :)" didn't know how to interpret it...THEN, a week ago I get this call from her at 5 AM, drunk and crying: "I really ****ing miss you, I wanna see you, I can come and be there in 2 hours (she works in france right now)". Said no, called her back when she sobered up and agreed to meet to try again. She sounded very certain about trying again for good. So I go to her in france where she is working by car (6 hours drive through snow, mountains, and a lot money spent in gas and tolls)...I come there and...she is not sure!! "I thought I wanted you back, but the feeling is faint now...I want this to work and I can see you are a better person, but can't really revive that feeling right now...on paper everything tells me to come back with you, but I am really confused". (FYI I decided to move to the UK, but I decided it AFTER we broke up, so I am not moving there because of her...so the distance problem is going to be temporary eventually) bottomline: I came back home and now she is ""doing some thinking", and I am leaving her alone and intend to go NC until she comes back with a final answer and I have no clue about how long all this is going to take. I really want her back in my life, I'd lie to you if I said I didn't, but I don't want to lose my dignity either, and don't want to commit to something that is not 100% real (I am 26 yo, she is 23). I want to fight for us to make it work, but also need to be able to draw the line somewhere if it's not meant to be. plus, I am on the backburner now and life these days is something close to a torture (I am costantly checking the phone). some advice guys? thanks a milliom! Link to post Share on other sites
Author matt_1987 Posted February 12, 2014 Author Share Posted February 12, 2014 correct title was meant to be She came back and now she "is CONFUSED" and "needs to think" Link to post Share on other sites
Winter blue Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 She indeed sound confused. You should have let her call going into the answer machine when she called at 5am. Anyways, what's done is done. I think you know where you are at the moment, yes you are the back burner. Why allow someone to treat you as such? It was up to you at the begining to beg her back, since you were the dumper. But she clearly said no to your suggestion, why keep yourself hanging? Just because she drunk called you doesn't mean she wants you back. She could be just lonely, upset, and got emotional. You need to back away a bit mate. Give her as much space as she needs, don't contact her, let her contact you. You already made yourself clear, so if she wants the same she will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matt_1987 Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 turns out you were right mate...she just called and told me she was wrong about what she felt, that if she keeps being unsure she cannot force herself into it and means that it is not meant to be...I just went from hopes of reconciliation to the darkest hell...the pain i'm feeling right now...it is excruciating... the long road to recovery starts today...let the journey begin...thx very much for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
d0cholliday Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 We all make mistakes. You obviously made yours when you dumped her. But hey, past is past, you can't change the past. What she did is her testing you to see where you at, she found out you want her, and now she got her ego boost, and changed her mind. It will probably happen again, but now you know what to expect. Do not answer her and that's it. All of us know that women get what they want, and if she wants you she will get you. That's how it works. I wish I knew that earlier, it would have been much easier for me. Keep yourself busy, try some new things, find a hobby, hit the gym, use each day to the fullest. Link to post Share on other sites
Winter blue Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 Sorry to hear that OP. Now you get the answer, just know you tried your best that and there is no more what ifs on your side, start NC and try to move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matt_1987 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) HEY GUYS! I need an opinion on this...the background of my relationship with my ex is kinda long...you get some details here if you want to. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/460529-she-came-back-now-she-needs-think http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/463917-break-up-car-accident-word-advice-all-lost-hearts-out-there now, after some disrespectful words I told her on the phone after my car accident ("you got over me so fast", after making her suffer for a while), I decided to seek for a good closure and decided to drive all the way where she lives (a total drive of about 8 hours both ways), leave a handwritten letter with a small gift and just go back. it was a letter of apologies, NOT a request of reconciliation. the only thing I asked her was to let me know she got my letter. She did, thanked me and asked me if I was ok to which I replied "I am ok thanks. hope you are too. bye and be happy". she said you too. that was yesterday morning. she texted me again like 8 hours later saying "stop saying bye! I know we are going to see each other again one day :)". I kept it cool and funny ("who knows...time will tell. if we do, I just hope the drive is not going to be that long!") and immediately signed off saying I was going out for dinner ("bye! I mean...see you ;)"). what is this? a breadcrumb? an open door? I am bit puzzled. in the meantime, I am obviously totally sticking to NC. thanks! Edited March 7, 2014 by matt_1987 Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Yep it's a breadcrumb alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 She's just being polite and friendly. And showing a dumper you want to be in good terms with them, relieves their guilt and helps them feel like the good guy again. Keep NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author matt_1987 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Share Posted March 7, 2014 Yep it's a breadcrumb alright. then why a breadcrumb now? to keep me on a string? I believe it makes it more bearable for her...that's my only explanation I hate to admit it but that text still gave me false (?) hopes Link to post Share on other sites
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