Recent break

[a708]

My girlfriend and i have recently broken up due to distance. She says its the only reason, which i genuinely believe. I think its just tough at the moment as she is at Uni and i am working 4 hours away where i live in the UK.

 

It was decided by her that she needed time to think about things. There was no time period set, she said she couldnt be sure when she would know. This led to her saying i think we should be apart.

 

Basically, the problem cannot change whilst she is at university. she is only in the first year of 3.

She has text me the last 2 weeks asking if im alright and saying she wishes things were different. Also she said she still loves me and misses me.

 

I have been struggling badly with it all. which is natural i suppose for some people (most people even). Since then she has been busy with the uni life, going out and posting pics and stuff on social media. This made it seem like she was having the best of both worlds, knowing there was someone to fall back on to (me) and then going out and enjoying the uni life.

 

Today i made the step of saying i cant talk to her for a bit, whilst i want to be friends.. it is so hard to do that at the moment. So we have started no contact. i find it way too hard to see stuff about her at the moment.

 

She called me after i said this and said that she thought i was having a go at her. Like blaming her, which totally made me feel awful. I havent done anything wrong but feel like im getting the blame. She was just annoyed. Other friends think ive called her bluff so to say and she is now worried.

 

Overall i want her back, of course i do. She is awesome. but i doubt we will.

 

Could i have some advice or thoughts on this please. Would be really grateful.

 

Thanks

[justwhoiam]

I think you did the right think, going no contact after she broke up with you. She was probably having a hard time being your girlfriend. Because being someone's girlfriend means being faithful, making choices where you give up something now and then for the sake of the relationship, you are not alone deciding for things rather some decisions need to be made together.

By breaking up she entitled herself to go out and date guys, know new guys and flirt, and see what comes next. She wanted to experience things she obviously couldn't have had she been tied to you.

 

So keep up your decision. Eventually, she might end up regretting it and realizing she did the wrong thing. Or she will meet someone else and you'll be a memory of the past. It's quite likely that a relationship born in uni will be LD after uni is over...

 

Now start going out and meet new people. Good luck.

[OnlyHonesty]

My girlfriend and i have recently broken up due to distance. She says its the only reason, which i genuinely believe. I think its just tough at the moment as she is at Uni and i am working 4 hours away where i live in the UK.

 

It was decided by her that she needed time to think about things. There was no time period set, she said she couldnt be sure when she would know. This led to her saying i think we should be apart.

 

Basically, the problem cannot change whilst she is at university. she is only in the first year of 3.

She has text me the last 2 weeks asking if im alright and saying she wishes things were different. Also she said she still loves me and misses me.

 

<--snip-->

 

Thanks

 

In my opinion, she is disrespecting you, taking you for granted and keeping you as a backup plan or fallback guy. It's possible she wants to be free to do what girls do at uni, drink in excess and all the other stuff that comes along with it. While doing so she has left you with a carrot that she will dangle every now and then so if she grows tired of the other lifestyle, she can continue where she left off.

 

It seems you are already realising this and hopefully the rest will come to you. Particularly the part where you say you genuinely believe it's the distance. I doubt its the case and perhaps somewhere deep within, you know this as well. As far as I am concerned, she is either with you, or not with you.

 

You either work around the distance, both make the effort and both make it work or you don't. There is no 'I'm not sure' or her keeping you on the sidelines. This is how I see it, you may see it differently.

[HeavenOrHell]

So sorry you're going through this, it's not fair of her to say she loves and misses you after breaking up with you if she's no intention of being with you, she needs to leave you alone so you can recover and move forward.

It's natural to be struggling a lot after a break up, just give yourself time to grieve, and time to heal.

She may put on an outward appearance of being happy and having fun but she may well be putting a brave face on, I know I've thrown myself into social things and keeping busy after break ups because I'm not feeling great.

Or she may be feeling relieved in a way because LDRs are never easy.

One thing I've learnt, amongst many things in an LDR is couples can break up even if they still love each other because it is too painful to continue if there's no end in sight to it, I'm in that position, together 4 years with no end in sight

and there's been times I've been on the point of leaving because I love him, not because I don't, missing someone too much can be too much to cope with.

 

You're so doing the right thing by taking a step back, good for you, no contact is best as painful as it is.

She needs to respect this and not make you feel guilty, you're not doing anything wrong. She probably feels like you've taken the ball out of her court, which you have, but that's what you need to do. You're doing great, stay strong.

 

 

 

My girlfriend and i have recently broken up due to distance. She says its the only reason, which i genuinely believe. I think its just tough at the moment as she is at Uni and i am working 4 hours away where i live in the UK.

 

It was decided by her that she needed time to think about things. There was no time period set, she said she couldnt be sure when she would know. This led to her saying i think we should be apart.

 

Basically, the problem cannot change whilst she is at university. she is only in the first year of 3.

She has text me the last 2 weeks asking if im alright and saying she wishes things were different. Also she said she still loves me and misses me.

 

I have been struggling badly with it all. which is natural i suppose for some people (most people even). Since then she has been busy with the uni life, going out and posting pics and stuff on social media. This made it seem like she was having the best of both worlds, knowing there was someone to fall back on to (me) and then going out and enjoying the uni life.

 

Today i made the step of saying i cant talk to her for a bit, whilst i want to be friends.. it is so hard to do that at the moment. So we have started no contact. i find it way too hard to see stuff about her at the moment.

 

She called me after i said this and said that she thought i was having a go at her. Like blaming her, which totally made me feel awful. I havent done anything wrong but feel like im getting the blame. She was just annoyed. Other friends think ive called her bluff so to say and she is now worried.

 

Overall i want her back, of course i do. She is awesome. but i doubt we will.

 

Could i have some advice or thoughts on this please. Would be really grateful.

 

Thanks

[a708]

Totally agree with what everyone has put. Thank you very much.

 

We have spoken recently over the last couple of days. She started conversation asking if i was okay. To which i put on a strong front. "yeah im okay" is the standard response.

 

To which i ask how are you, she says the same "im okay".

 

I would take this as " no im not okay.. but theres nothing that we can do"?

 

 

Frankly, i am still hung up on the whole situation, i mean its only been 3 weeks. But it is getting easier. Seeing her become busy on social media is weird, so i have cut that off. But Social media side shows me that this is an attention grabbing thing?

 

 

I would be interested to know peoples thoughts on HER SIDE. IE, im sat feeling pretty crap about the situation, which is normal. Am i right in thinking she is the same?

 

Any thoughts and any more advice is welcome.

 

Thanks so much!

[a708]

Actually thinking back to all responses:

 

i have since changed my mind on the whole think its just about distance situation. I totally understand her viewpoint, if the boot was on the other foot, then i would want the same. New experiences, new people, and obviously having her to do that with would be ideal, but we cannot be together. simple as that.

 

I do believe that for anyone reading this in the same situation, you have to respect the girl for telling me now and not another year down the line. Uni/working away is a totally selfish thing.. its personal development.

 

You always have to think about the positions being turned around. Would you want the same thing.. then if youre complaining.. its totally not fair.

 

Being so young makes it tough.. it feels like the world has ended. This should be your opportunity to do what you want. Travelling, gym, hobbies etc.

 

The one thing i would say to EVERYONE is: stop putting scenarios in your own head! most likely its not happening/going to happen and you will never know.

 

For example: thinking the other person is going out doing everything you can imagine. its not health and most likely its not actually happening like you think.

 

That would be my advice.. but yano.. i still feel the same pain. Im not trying to say this is the formula for getting over it. but i hope it helps

 

Thanks

[OnlyHonesty]

<--snip-->

The one thing i would say to EVERYONE is: stop putting scenarios in your own head! most likely its not happening/going to happen and you will never know.

 

For example: thinking the other person is going out doing everything you can imagine. its not health and most likely its not actually happening like you think.

 

That would be my advice.. but yano.. i still feel the same pain. Im not trying to say this is the formula for getting over it. but i hope it helps

 

Thanks

 

It's certainly a big potential and one Ive seen myself far too many times. I think if you were honest, you'd just say you'd rather not think of such things happening because it hurts too much. That does not mean those scenarios are unlikely. Best to be real.

[a708]

Fair comment.

 

Like you said, you just cannot think about them. Otherwise you're just going to make things 100 percent worse for yourself.

 

Such a horrible situation be in.

[TAV]

There is nothing wrong with her choosing herself and wanting the experiences that come with being in uni. However there is something wrong with her keeping you dangling and continuously reopening the wound. If you love them, set them free. It's selfish, cruel and unkind to do what she did to someone you claim to love.

 

I hope for you the hurt gets less every day and that one day you will run into that somebody that makes you forget all about her. :-)