BOREDouttaMymind Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I know its part of life but thinking about it is scary. my dad just turned 67. if you think about it, I only have about 20 more years with him before he really starts to fail. that's not many. that's only 20ish more Februarys, 20ish more Christmases, 20ish more birthdays. 20???? thoughts? feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 You will be blessed if you gain that many years and moments of celebration, Cherish them. I lost my parents and I cannot be unbias in what I would tell folks , you aren't on this side of the fence yet. So to share the wisdom, one needs to walk thru that door of forever lost, to understand the genuine lessons of just how precious time and love is. All the other day in day out stuff is non-sense. Bottom line- You can not prepare for it, you can though be the loving adult and make them proud. Its your gift back to them while time is lessening. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I have the same horrible thoughts, but my timeline, with my dad, is shorter. He's in his mid 60's, but ALL the men in his family died at or just before 60 (so he's already a fluke) and he's not a healthy person (hes an hemophiliac), so... yeah... It scares me! And I live in another country, so I can't even spend a lot of time with him (and, to be honest, we don't have the BEST relationship... it's ok... but a bit strained...) I'm hoping to get at least 20 more years with my mom, since she's only in her 50's, but my grandma on her side passed suddenly of a heart attack at 70... so that's not out of the question... I don't want to ever imagine them dying, but know that, with every passing day, it gets closer... Can we make it stop now, please?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOREDouttaMymind Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 ya life is really tough like that. thanks for the awesome responses. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Hmmm, mine are 91 and 86. Yea, they've both made it that far. Married 65 years. No one can say that isn't amazing! My dad lost eight brothers and sisters, and is one of two left. I've always wondered what it feels like to know that you're next. I tend to think about it more from his point of view. Well, truthfully, I try not to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOREDouttaMymind Posted February 13, 2014 Author Share Posted February 13, 2014 that's a long time married God bless them both! its so weird! to think that 500 years ago, we had relatives who had parents who died, but to us.. we have no idea who they were. well, I guess its all part of life! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Every year, you celebrate your birthday. And every year, unknown, un-noticed, the date of your death comes and goes, too.... My father died on October 28th, 2010. Every milestone is still ticked off, by my mother. His birthday, their wedding anniversary, the day he died, the date I flew to Italy to join them two weeks earlier to that, the day of his funeral, Burns Night (25th January) when annually, as a family tradition, they would host a Burns Night dinner for family and friends (my father was part Scottish and was entitled to wear a tartan).... The thing to do is to celebrate EVERY day as if it could be your last. because it could be. Because, here's the thing.... What guarantee do you have, as it stands, that you will actually outlive your parents? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) My aunt is very close to death with recently-diagnosed advanced cancer of several major organs. 'Suffering' as she does from senility, she never brought any pain, discomfort or anxiety to anyone's attention. My cousin, keeping an eye on her mother, was giving her a bath about 2 weeks ago. My aunt needed the toilet, and my cousin noticed an abnormality in her bowel movements, took her to hospital later that day, and by the evening, discovered her mother had advanced, inoperable cancer, which could actually take her... at any time. This saddened me enormously to hear, because this particular aunt has a long, chequered and difficult life behind her. She never had it easy, either emotionally or financially, but has a heart as big as the whole outdoors, a relentless sense of good humour and never an unkind word for anyone. She is and always has been, my favourite aunt. I was at my father's side, when he died, and supported my mother through that grief; she now has the additional burden of seeing her beloved sister die. Death always finds us; it is a constant and ever-present companion. I often 'take tea with Yama'. He and I have become good friends, and I know, one day, it will be my turn to dine with him. The "trick" is to become so familiar with the thought of death, that it becomes as great a part of your life as breathing is. Edited February 15, 2014 by TaraMaiden 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 It is a scary thought! It's the same for me, 20 years give or take (less for my grandparents) - its not a long time, but it's my whole life again. But also you have to counter it with, I could die tommorow and then my parents would grieve for me, and my sons...they wouldn't even remember me, they wouldn't remember one Christmas with there dad never mind 20! You just have to be thankful for everyone, everyday, and take life one day at a time. The "trick" is to become so familiar with the thought of death, that it becomes as great a part of your life as breathing is. I think this is intresting, probably true in a 'circle of life' type way, thought personally I do the exact opposite - I push the concept so far out of my head that it doesn't even exist on my radar...because living in fears no life. It ties in because sometimes people say it brave to do my job, but the truth is Bavery is acting inspite of fear, and at work, I'm not afraid. Because I don't consider my life as in danger providing I do exactly what I've been turned to do....of course that's not true, everyone knows that but there's not a guy in the station that doesn't stand by that lie, in his own mind, and to every guy he works with. And everyone else does it too, everytime you drive on a motorway and there's not a out in your mind you'll reach your destination providing you drive well - again, it's not totally a given. I've gone a little of topic, I just think its intresting th way the human mind measures risk - we trust ourselves more than anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
blondiechika Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Nice thread. Really got me thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
xxmusical Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 It is scary if you think about it this way. I've been thinking about life and death a lot lately mostly because my grandma passed away suddenly a while ago. Then last week, my mom was saying, "if I live to be 80, I only have 20 years left of living!" But the thing was, I never looked at her that way--that she's growing old, because she still looks so young. But yes, I start to notice the gray strands lining my dad's hair. I notice the wrinkles surfacing on my mom's hands. It hurts and it only reminds me to treat them nicer, love them more, and be a better daughter. Though to be honest, I'm not the best daughter in the world and I would hate it if I have to live the rest of my life in regrets :\ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) sixty year old here, when you get old/er, death is a form of freedom, pleasure even, a thrilling cosmic ride, you get your ducks in a row, tidy up affairs, do things that you never would have had the nerve to do/try because you do not have years and years in which you have to regret them the problem I have is how much less I get listened to as an old lady, less respected, but at sixty I do not give a damn about a thing overall, and I reminisce about my wilder faster younger days, when I could dance for two hours straight, no sitting down, now it's twenty minutes at home, too old for the clubs Edited February 17, 2014 by darkmoon 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 sixty year old here, when you get old/er, death is a form of freedom, pleasure even, a thrilling cosmic ride, you get your ducks in a row, tidy up affairs, do things that you never would have had the nerve to do/try because you do not have years and years in which you have to regret them the problem I have is how much less I get listened to as an old lady, less respected, but at sixty I do not give a damn about a thing overall, and I reminisce about my wilder faster younger days, when I could dance for two hours straight, no sitting down, now it's twenty minutes at home, too old for the clubs Totally hear ya on the Respected thing (and my hearing ain't so good to hear folks with , so you did good!). The OP is only hitting the surface on the true nature of a loss ....Realization is the first step...then comes the actual experience. Wouldn't wish it on anyone, yet it comes to us all...and not so gently in the night.... Link to post Share on other sites
Stranger516 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Time waits for no one and it will go by and eventually those 20 years will pass. It is not about the destination but the journey itself. I lost an uncle at 46 years old unexpectedly.... sure I thought he had at LEAST 35ish more years left, but accidents happen and sometimes God takes us before we're ready. Live in the present. Enjoy every day as it comes and cherish every moment you have with your family. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 My weary grandmother probably doesn't have more than 2 weeks left. I'll be leaving in a few days to go see her, so I can say my goodbyes. It's strange, but I've been procrastinating with making the flight arrangements. I guess I just don't want to admit that it's true, and that this is the end. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 My aunt will be coming for a visit this summer. Haven't seen her for two years. Each time she seems more and more frail and I really don't want to think about her dying. She is the only relative I like. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Its scarier when its your beloved spouse. I have a brother that I'm in contact with a few times a year. We don't live close so I may never see him again. I am the last. My children died in their teens. My husband is the last of his family too. We have no one else. When he goes I will be alone (same for him if I go first) I don't think old. I don't feel old. I don't act old. Neither does hubby. But others see us as old. And its very scary to think that we are nearing the end of our lives when we still think and feel and desire like teenagers. I'll bet your parents do too. You will someday too. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 I meant to add that your relatives are very fortunate to have people who care about them and will miss them. I think that would be comforting. I don't have that and it leaves me feeling lonely and bereft of compassion or even of someone - anyone - affording me a second thought after I die. Let those you love and care about know your feelings about them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 I meant to add that your relatives are very fortunate to have people who care about them and will miss them. I think that would be comforting. I don't have that and it leaves me feeling lonely and bereft of compassion or even of someone - anyone - affording me a second thought after I die. Let those you love and care about know your feelings about them. ditto ... Therefore: ""L'homme n'est rien, l'oeuvre — tout." ~ Flaubert Link to post Share on other sites
kart180 Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 My parents are both 60 and 70 and as I still live with them I am quite scared now. I need to go out and start dating but really worried on how to start Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 shoot.. my Mom is as healthy as it gets.. she is 78.. it's me that might not last 20 years My dad passed away when he was 50 and I was in my early 20's so I've lived many more years without one of my parents than I did with them, my Step Mom passed away when she was 59 also... Goes to show you OP that the time we have left on this earth is never guaranteed... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Scary to think parents will die in 20ish years Your dad is a couple years younger than my dad was when he died about 30 years ago. The way I look at it is that, with both my parents gone now, the best of who they were carries on in myself and I feel a responsibility to the good life they gave me a start in. Having done EOL care for my mom, death doesn't really scare me; it's a part of life. Today, I smile remembering all the good times we had together. Memories are the gift we carry forward. Make each day count. Hope you and your parents have many more days and memories to make. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissTrudy Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 it is a sad thought, but who knows, you might get 20 years, you might get 2 years, you might get one day. Each day is a gift and we aren't guaranteed anything. This is why we need to cherish the memories we have with the people we love, so that we will have something of them with us forever. Link to post Share on other sites
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