ViviLaBoom Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I have a special guy that I keep a secret and don't want him tell anyone that he's with me and I don't want to tell anyone that I'm with him because he's an ex who cheated on me once and at times I feel he gets too needy, insecure and pushy. Whenever he annoys me I go off on him and tell him that I don't need him and that he means nothing to me as punishment for what he did 5 months ago. Despite this, I still care deeply about him and there's still some romantic feelings there, yet at the same time if another person came along I think I would let him go be with them and feel relieved about it. Sometimes I kind of want that to happen. But in the mean time I feel very comfortable with him and he says that he still loves me and wants to be with me and has shown that. He has asked me several times to be his girlfriend again and each time I say I don't want to because I'm embarrassed that he cheated or that I'm not ready. Yet lately there's a lot of guys, most of them who are supposed to be my friends who have been hitting on me and I believe they are all full of crap and just want to get in my pants. I did not know they were perverts and creeps before and I don't know if its because its close to Valentines Day or what but they have been hitting on me a lot more aggressively and not in ways that I find romantic, let alone respectful. A few have told me that they want to sleep with me in vulgar ways, or after ignoring and brushing off the one time I did drunkenly hit on him almost a year ago, one hunted me down and convinced me to come over just to hang out and talk but while I was there he told to take my top off and when I refused he said that I should move in with him and we could get married and have kids. o.O. I had my phone temporarily turned off because I was becoming annoyed with all flirty calls and texts from even more of my so called guy friends and I'm seriously considering getting rid of all my non female and non-gay male friends. I'm also considering offcially dating my ex but I don't know if I should because I'm not sure if it would be for the right reasons and what consequences that doing it for the wrong reasons could bring. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I don't think you should settle and be with someone just because he is the best option compared to the more crappier options. If you can't be proud of the relationship and would have to keep it hidden, seriously, why even bother? And if you're not enough of a big girl to have a relationship proudly despite what other people think then maybe you aren't a big enough girl to be in a relationship at all. It's better to be alone than in bad company. Maybe you should try it out for yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
redbaron005 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 I'm also considering offcially dating my ex but I don't know if I should because I'm not sure if it would be for the right reasons and what consequences that doing it for the wrong reasons could bring. When/if you become sure that you are doing so for the right reasons, that is when it may be okay to date him. Doing so before you are sure that these reasons form the basis of that decision/action could lead to consequences that include short-term comfort and long-term heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ViviLaBoom Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 I don't think you should settle and be with someone just because he is the best option compared to the more crappier options. -I agree. If you can't be proud of the relationship and would have to keep it hidden, seriously, why even bother? -I still have some feelings for him and feel comfortable around him and I still like spending time with him. And if you're not enough of a big girl to have a relationship proudly despite what other people think then maybe you aren't a big enough girl to be in a relationship at all. -I agree with this, maybe I'm not a big girl yet. Its just I was the last person to find out that he cheated because someone else caught him and I wanted people out of our business until I could figure out what to do but I guess up until now I hadn't quite figured that part out yet. It's better to be alone than in bad company. Maybe you should try it out for yourself. -I don't mind being alone for a while, but I don't trust myself because as soon as someone comes around and seems decent and nice at the right moment where I'm feeling most vulnerable and lonely, I'm afraid I'll end up with someone bad again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ViviLaBoom Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) When/if you become sure that you are doing so for the right reasons, that is when it may be okay to date him. Doing so before you are sure that these reasons form the basis of that decision/action could lead to consequences that include short-term comfort and long-term heartbreak. I'll think about this. Like right reason would be love but I don't feel that. I like him sure and care about him, but you can like and care about friends too. Mainly I kinda wanted to get everyone else off my back and make him happy for a little while. But I guess wrong reasons outweigh. Edited February 15, 2014 by ViviLaBoom Link to post Share on other sites
Author ViviLaBoom Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 How would you define a safe, healthy relationship? Love, trust, honesty, respect and loyalty. No hidden agendas and actually caring and respecting each others feelings. Healthy amounts of time together and healthy amounts of time apart to miss and appreciate one another. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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