Email snooping drama caught in the middle of a two friends.

[RowanRavyn]

I was up VERY late last night.

 

Two of my friends were dating. They are both normally very caring people. The kind who would do anything for a person they care about. They both have a lot of emotional baggage.

 

They met online, she went to visit, they had a weekend of great sex, and after just that weekend, they became engaged. (Do we see the problem here?) She was going to move to VA to be with him. Something happened along the way, I don't know if she was just so focused on this move, or if somewhere deep inside she knew that things were going to fast, but she just started changing. HUGE mood swings and major anger issues. It was suddenly like everything was amplified for her.

 

He came out for a visit. Somehow all the things he had carefully discussed with her before they got close (His social-anxiety disorder, the fact that he doesn't want children) got lost, forgotten or in the very least...joked about.

 

Over a very painful period of time they broke up. That left several of us (including my children) in the middle. It sort of became a don't ask don't tell thing. There really were no bad guys in this situation. Things just didn't work.

 

Yesterday my friend was helping me make lists for the wedding, and she sent out an email to some of our friends from my email account, giving them hotel rates and such. She has a key to our apartment, so when I left to go to the inlaws for dinner she said she would lock up.

 

When I got home, I logged on to check email and noticed that I had new email. That had already been downloaded (I have outlook as my mail box), I noticed as well that the new mail was no longer bold. I was sort of confused, but as you know I have been sick lately, and thought I had left my computer logged on...or something. I don't honestly know what I thought other than something wasn't right.

 

She emailed me and said she needed to come over and talk. So she got here after ten. She went on to say that she went back into my email to send herself a copy of the email she sent out with hotel info on it, and it wasn't in the sent box (because we sent it from the honey's computer). She noticed that there was mail in there to her ex (who is a good friend of mine).

 

She read it. She read others too.

 

She was upset that I hadn't told her he was interested in someone new, and upset because she sent him pictures she had gotten developed from Halloween, and he hadn't thanked her. When he and I were talking about the pictures, I asked him if he had been polite, and he emailed her and said "Thanks". Nothing more. She got very upset about that, and thought he only did it because I prompted him to, and when she asked me about it, I told her I hadn't actually told him to say thank you, that I simply asked him if he had been polite. He saw her log off line, and asked me if she was upset, and I said yes, and rather than try to explain it all, I sent part of the log where she asked if I told him to say thank you.

 

She saw the log and thought I lied to her.

 

Part of me understands the curiosity, and part of me is upset by her snooping in my mail, and then being upset with me for not telling her the details of his life.

 

It freaking SUCKS to be in the middle.

 

I changed my password, and have decided that my friends can no longer date each other. I am still trying to figure out how upset I am.

I rarely talk about either of them with the other.

[quankanne]

she crossed the line reading your personal mail (even email addressed to a specific recipient is personal). my guess is that she was being nosy about her ex/your friend and it backfired on her when she read about things she wasn't aware of.

 

smart move changing the password, now it's time to have a sit-down with the girl and let her know that you are disappointed by her action. it's one thing to be curious and ask about the guy, because it gives you an indication that it's "safe" to fill her in, but a whole other ball of wax sneaking into your private messages from him.

 

if she starts complaining or getting all moral on you, remind her that because the break-up was so harsh, and that because they BOTH are your friends, you felt it best to not mention his life to her (and vice versa) because being caught in the middle was uncomfortable enough.

 

frankly, though, I think the girl owes you a two-part apology: for snooping, then for chewing your *ss out for what she found out. If she were as good a friend to you as she believes herself to be, she'd have respected your privacy and not have done anything that had led up to what actually happened between her and you.

[savethedrama4allama]

Okay, so you're sick and someone who is supposed to be your friend is snooping through your email and getting mad at you? And she's this upset over thinking you prompted the man to say 'thank you'? That is nuts.

 

No offense to your friend, but I would tell that drama queen to stay out of my email and leave me alone so I can get my rest. She was engaged to this man after 3 weeks and is now over-stepping major boundaries to get information about him though he clearly wants nothing to do with her and is moving on.

 

I hope you and your children don't feel caught in the middle, all you're caught in is the drama of someone who needs counseling and a lesson on treating friends. Rule #1: you don't drag your friends into your love battles...especially not the friend who hooked you up.

 

llama

[RowanRavyn]

In all fairness, she did apologize, and seemed genuinely disgusted with herself for having done it. She always tells me that I am too forgiving, and even said last night that it was a good thing for her.

 

My kids are caught in the middle simply because they love both of them, and while they know that they broke up, they don't know if its ok to mention him to her.

 

I of course talked to my honey about it this morning before the kids were up (I think I slept all of an hour last night). He is upset, but we both know that she is hurting, and that she needs help.

 

I am more upset about it than I initially realized.

 

I think if she would just let herself get pissed off over the break up she would be ok, but she is constantly fighting to control her temper and feels that giving herself permission to be pissed will cause her to lose control. I have been trying to get her into counseling for MONTHS.

 

I am just feeling really overwhelmed at the moment