Guinevere04 Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 My husband and I separated in Sept. He moved out first then came back in Nov because he said if I didn't want him then I should leave. So I left and got an apt. Between moving and the holidays, everything was a whirlwind. I was the one that wanted the separation and I am not questioning that decision because of many things that have happened, I just don't know how to deal with the weekends that our 2 year old is with him and I am all alone. My husband worked alot and I was used to being the caretaker and spending all of my time with my son. My life revolved around him which my husband didn't think was a good thing, but he never did anything for him. I worry when he is with him because he has a bit of a drinking problem, which was another issue. I don't really think he would jeopardize his safety but it is still in the back of my head. My husband does not seem thrilled about getting him every other weekend and I know that our son spends at least one of those nights with my mother in law. BUt my main reason for posting here is I just feel lost in my empty apartment without him, in this new found freedom without my husband screaming all the time you would think that I would be thrilled. ANd I am, don't get me wrong. It's just that I am so used to giving my attention to my son that I don't really focus on myself. I need to learn how to do things for me. All of my friends are married so it's hard to find things to do on those weekends and I guess being a little depressed doesn't make for good conversation. I clean until there is nothing to clean and then just sit. I have started on Lexapro last week, so I am really hoping that will help with the anxiety. It's just a lot to take in. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 you need to get some sort of hobby, anything so you are not sitting by yourself with your destructive thoughts. start volunteering, get a part time job at a fun place with good discounts, get a pet(a fish), just do something! you will only make it worse by obsessing. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 I feel ya sista. I was a single mom for three years after I left my husband. The last year of that, I met a fabulous man. I did a lot to keep myself busy. Go to school, join a church and/or a small group, take an art or photography class at your technical institute. Learn how to cook. Girl, I mean REALLY cook. Make yourself crazy marketable! Hang out in the libraries, devour the endless info. Most of the time, people meet their lovers through friends (if that's what you're interested in, anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guinevere04 Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 I know. I know. The school thing is a good idea and I have been needing to do that anyway. I just find that when I am alone I tend to feel really guilty that we aren't together as a family, even though if we were still together, we wouldn't have been doing anything as a family that day anyway. I have a good guy friend that I have been spending some time with but I don't want to get too attached to him for the wrong reasons. I don't want to feel like I need his attention. It's just a strange time right now with a lot of adjusting ahead of me. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by Guinevere04 I just find that when I am alone I tend to feel really guilty right, so do not be alone yet! why are ya'll apart? that mat help us advize you betteer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Guinevere04 Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 Because he makes me want to puke. He is so irresponsible, never helps with our son, never wants to see his 10 year old from his previous marriage, never wanted to deal with his ex-wife and I always ended up having to deal with her. She would throw fits and call me every name in the book and he would let her walk all over me and him both. He got fired from his job twice but got it back both times. Neither time did he act like he even cared that he was unemployed and the second time I was pregnant. I was the only one working for the whole 10 months he was unemployed. He drinks a 6 pack a day and never eats so he only weighs about 130 lbs, so I am not remotely attracted to him. I had sex with him to keep him quiet. All he ever wanted to do was argue and boss me around yet he never wanted to take responsibility for anything. I haven't loved him in so long it's not even funny. We dated a year and 1/2 before we got married and he was nothing like this. Losing his job the first time and his exwife turned him into an a**h*** and he took it out on me. I would turn my focus to our son to just ignore my husband's ways and that would just make him jealous. We went to counseling for 10 months and that just made me realize how bad I wanted out. We were married for 6 years. The worst part is missing my step daughter, knowing that she has a crazy mother and father and I can't do anything about either of them and worrying about my son when he is with him. With everything that went on over the years, our arguing and counseling and everything, he never told his family anything and we played it off like we were fine. My family knew everything. Now his family thinks, I just decided that I don't love him anymore and that I just hit the road. It's just a big mess. It's been 4 months and I don't want him, I just wanted some peace. But I really don't feel like I necessarily found that either. I did get away from his exwife though, which is a blessing by itself. Link to post Share on other sites
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