Is it all about looks when it comes to online dating?

[JourneyLady]

PS... Baldness IS usually something I pass over. I don't think it's necessarily unattractive (Patrick Stewart... sigh), but a HUGE part of my sensual bonding experience is running my hands through the hair (and beard, if present) of a guy I love and without that... I'd feel like something was missing.

 

That said, I would date a bald guy if everything else was decently a good match - creativity and curiosity, for example.

 

But I'd really miss hair...

[kart180]

If I get a message, first thing I do is look to see if he is "reasonably" attractive. (You'd be surprised what I'm attracted to sometimes!). Because I know by now that even if someone is just average or a little below, the chemistry can still be good and sex is bonding enough that I would be fully into my partner (assuming he's into me - which hasn't been the case a couple of times).

 

Second - DISTANCE! I don't want to start a close relationship with someone more than 30 minutes away, unless they are willing to move. You'd be surprised how many messages I get from guys an hour or two away. But I'm looking for a solid relationship and I can't really have that with someone that far away unless we were living in each other's home much of the time. Which is not ideal at all in the beginning.

 

3. Does he appear to respect women or does his profile have "no drama" or complaints written all over it. Does he seem to think people are generally good or not. (I passed over a guy who in conversation let it slip that he thinks most people or even most women are bad at heart. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone negative. BIG red flag.)

 

4. Does he have hobbies I can join in on? Nascar? nah... Fishing? sure Gardening? definite yes. Anything creative in art or writing is a big huge plus. I don't mind doing things I'm not into as long as there are other things we can share and/or he returns the favor. Fair's fair.

 

5. Job? As long as he's not struggling and unlikely to ask me for help, it's fine unless he's working as something iffy or risky. There are women who can take the stress of that - I'm not one of them. If he's retired but living decently, that's even better.

 

6. If there's little in the profile to go on, I'd still be willing to meet, but I'm skeptical of the results.

 

And it bugs me when they ask you if you want to go out and then never set anything up. I'm not likely to give such a person a second chance after waiting a couple weeks.

That's a very good detailed list. I personally like a women who lives near me here in Vero, good at cooking, love sports and if she has a job that's good. Non smoker or recently quit and sober is also good women in my book

[Tayken]

PS... Baldness IS usually something I pass over. I don't think it's necessarily unattractive (Patrick Stewart... sigh), but a HUGE part of my sensual bonding experience is running my hands through the hair (and beard, if present) of a guy I love and without that... I'd feel like something was missing.

That said, I would date a bald guy if everything else was decently a good match - creativity and curiosity, for example.

 

But I'd really miss hair...

 

 

Interesting...mine is a woman with long hair, and definitely a cute little (emphasis on little) bubble butt that protrudes in a skirt, lulu lemon and dress...something I can run my hand down now and again

 

And it bugs me when they ask you if you want to go out and then never set anything up. I'm not likely to give such a person a second chance after waiting a couple weeks.

 

May I ask what is stopping you from "setting something up", considering the person asked you...or is this always a one way street then, and mutual planning is no longer in vogue? I personally hate making all the decisions, one of the other reasons I ended my marriage

[JourneyLady]

Interesting...mine is a woman with long hair, and definitely a cute little (emphasis on little) bubble butt that protrudes in a skirt, lulu lemon and dress...something I can run my hand down now and again

 

 

 

May I ask what is stopping you from "setting something up", considering the person asked you...or is this always a one way street then, and mutual planning is no longer in vogue? I personally hate making all the decisions, one of the other reasons I ended my marriage

 

I've nearly always had long hair. "little" bubble butt not so much. lol!

 

What's stopping ME from "setting something up" is that each and every time I've done that, I've ended up with someone who either didn't make an effort in the relationship or was still fishing (like the last one) when we were supposed to be exclusive. I don't want to be the girl they date just because they are bored and I've made it easy anymore. I've spent several relationships being at their convenience. I won't hold that against a new guy, but quite honestly, if he asks me "if I want to go out" and I've given enough information to pick a place, don't you think he'd be able to just quote a place and date and time?

 

Without an actual date, there's no reason to set aside time or stop looking. I figure he asked me in case something else fell through and he was just bored.. Thus no actual follow-through.

 

I'm never bored, and if I was then I have girlfriends I can go visit and sometimes I do anyway.

[Tayken]

I've ended up with someone who either didn't make an effort in the relationship or was still fishing (like the last one) when we were supposed to be exclusive.

 

OK...when you put it like that, it makes sense. Any guy that puts going out with his squeeze aside and instead goes hangout with his buddies (providing the squeeze is not a pain in the rear), is a fool

 

I mean the whole point of spending time with your woman / man, is getting to know each other better by communicating, making out, etc

[cheerfuldoer]

Hello..

 

It's partially about looks, but there's someone out there for everyone. People are usually attracted to people who are similar to them in the attractiveness department. I found my love OLD, there were plenty of frogs before I met my prince.

 

There were a lot of attractive men that I passed by because of their pictures. Selfies while flexing in the mirror at the gym, straddling their Harley's (nothing against Harley's, I'm terrified of motorcycles,) pictures in a bar with an attractive woman with no explanation of who the woman was, or just being too attractive for me and how I see myself were all reasons I passed on men who communicated with me. Sometimes the reason a woman passes on you has nothing to do with you inherently.

 

I'm 46, so I probably have different criteria than a younger person. Things that men did which had nothing to do with attractiveness that I passed on; poor spelling, negativity, txt tlk in messages, men who asked detailed questions about my body. My potential partner had to be a non smoker, active, fit, college educated, and employed. He also had to have kids, because I felt like he wouldn't understand choices I'd have to make at times unless he had kids. There was a highly attractive marathon running successful business professional I couldn't date for this reason. It was tough but I knew long term it would never work.

 

Take an honest look at what you're putting out there. If you have someone you trust who will give you honest feedback, have them look at your profile.

 

There is someone out there for you, message everyone who interests you. I hated the winking crap, I felt like a man should take time to message me instead of clicking a button to show he was interested.

 

Another potential issue is too much messaging and texting before meeting. Most people want a date, not a pen pal.

 

Good luck!

[Tayken]

Hello..

 

It's partially about looks, but there's someone out there for everyone. People are usually attracted to people who are similar to them in the attractiveness department. I found my love OLD, there were plenty of frogs before I met my prince.

 

There were a lot of attractive men that I passed by because of their pictures. Selfies while flexing in the mirror at the gym, straddling their Harley's (nothing against Harley's, I'm terrified of motorcycles,) pictures in a bar with an attractive woman with no explanation of who the woman was, or just being too attractive for me and how I see myself were all reasons I passed on men who communicated with me. Sometimes the reason a woman passes on you has nothing to do with you inherently.

 

I'm 46, so I probably have different criteria than a younger person. Things that men did which had nothing to do with attractiveness that I passed on; poor spelling, negativity, txt tlk in messages, men who asked detailed questions about my body. My potential partner had to be a non smoker, active, fit, college educated, and employed. He also had to have kids, because I felt like he wouldn't understand choices I'd have to make at times unless he had kids. There was a highly attractive marathon running successful business professional I couldn't date for this reason. It was tough but I knew long term it would never work.

 

Take an honest look at what you're putting out there. If you have someone you trust who will give you honest feedback, have them look at your profile.

 

There is someone out there for you, message everyone who interests you. I hated the winking crap, I felt like a man should take time to message me instead of clicking a button to show he was interested.

 

Another potential issue is too much messaging and texting before meeting. Most people want a date, not a pen pal.

 

Good luck!

 

 

A guy in his 40s here, and I happen to have a child, so completely get where you are coming from. I detest selfies with a passion, and equally don't have time for a woman that can't write anything more than two lines in her communication.

 

I am a marathon and ultra-marathon runner and a professional engineer...I have had women say they were intimidated by my profile because they think "they won't be able to keep up". However, I am not looking for someone to keep up...a #1 fan will be just great if anything

[SadNLonley]

I just created a profile last night. I dont think Im going to like this at all. I have had 50 men look at my profile, but only 2 messages. One who had no pic and the other that was way out of what I was looking for. Sounds to me most women get all kinds of messages. What the heck is wrong with me? My profile that freaking bad??????

 

Obviously my looks attract 50 people cuz they wouldnt go into my profile if they didnt find me the slightest attractive right? So what the heck. Maybe they are only looking cuz Im the new girl on the block.

 

What suggestions do you have for OLD?

[Tayken]

What the heck is wrong with me? My profile that freaking bad??????

 

Just because 50 people looked at your profile, doesn't mean you will receive 50 msgs or more. As mentioned on here numerous times, it's a numbers game. One man's steak is another man's burger

 

Well of course f you want us to judge, where is this profile you speak of?

 

Yes...new girls will always get looked at

[Allumere]

Hello..

 

It's partially about looks, but there's someone out there for everyone. People are usually attracted to people who are similar to them in the attractiveness department. I found my love OLD, there were plenty of frogs before I met my prince.

 

There were a lot of attractive men that I passed by because of their pictures. Selfies while flexing in the mirror at the gym, straddling their Harley's (nothing against Harley's, I'm terrified of motorcycles,) pictures in a bar with an attractive woman with no explanation of who the woman was, or just being too attractive for me and how I see myself were all reasons I passed on men who communicated with me. Sometimes the reason a woman passes on you has nothing to do with you inherently.

 

I'm 46, so I probably have different criteria than a younger person. Things that men did which had nothing to do with attractiveness that I passed on; poor spelling, negativity, txt tlk in messages, men who asked detailed questions about my body. My potential partner had to be a non smoker, active, fit, college educated, and employed. He also had to have kids, because I felt like he wouldn't understand choices I'd have to make at times unless he had kids. There was a highly attractive marathon running successful business professional I couldn't date for this reason. It was tough but I knew long term it would never work.

 

Take an honest look at what you're putting out there. If you have someone you trust who will give you honest feedback, have them look at your profile.

 

There is someone out there for you, message everyone who interests you. I hated the winking crap, I felt like a man should take time to message me instead of clicking a button to show he was interested.

 

Another potential issue is too much messaging and texting before meeting. Most people want a date, not a pen pal.

 

Good luck!

 

I think you are my twin...lol I am similar in my shopping except for the kids....although I am open to older kids it isn't a must as I do not have any. In addition to the bad selfies, (and like you I am scared of motorcycles) if I see 10 pictures of the guy fishing or in fatigues holding a dead deer I am not going to be interested. Not that there is anything wrong with those hobbies (I like to fish, I respect hunting) but that tells me those are their passions and that will be all we will be doing....and that isn't me. Looks are important but what I find attractive beyond the typical is hard to pinpoint. Typically a good smile and something about the eyes can suck me in. Of course OLD has ultimately been a bust over the past 4 years so I'm about done I think.

Edited February 16, 2014 by Allumere

[MissBee]

For some people it is.

 

In any dating scenario attraction is important. If I cannot imagine myself kissing a man or feeling sexually attracted to him, then there is nowhere for us to go beyond friends. So of course I care about looks. But I don't only care about looks. If a good looking man messages me with nonsense or I see his pic, click his profile and I don't like what he has to say, I move on. I don't get caught up just because of looks.

 

I look for someone I think looks good to me and someone whom I like what they have to say.

 

If a man isn't my type physically but has a lot of great things to say I will give him more of a chance than a cute guy who has nothing but shallow things to say, who can't spell or has lots of deal breakers on his profile.

 

However, for some women (and men) they don't read the profile, they just want sex and so looks are all that matter.

[SadNLonley]

Just because 50 people looked at your profile, doesn't mean you will receive 50 msgs or more. As mentioned on here numerous times, it's a numbers game. One man's steak is another man's burger

 

Well of course f you want us to judge, where is this profile you speak of?

 

Yes...new girls will always get looked at

 

Am i allowed to post link?

[Tayken]

Am i allowed to post link?

 

 

You can link to it externally like this I think? ...

[SadNLonley]

For some people it is.

 

In any dating scenario attraction is important. If I cannot imagine myself kissing a man or feeling sexually attracted to him, then there is nowhere for us to go beyond friends. So of course I care about looks. But I don't only care about looks. If a good looking man messages me with nonsense or I see his pic, click his profile and I don't like what he has to say, I move on. I don't get caught up just because of looks.

 

 

I do think the initial attraction has to be looks. It may sound mean but if a physical attraction is not there, sometimes its not worth exploring more. Take a bar for example, you wouldnt approach someone you were not attracted to. A different scenerio is meeting someone through a friend, you get to talking to them just because your at a friends party. Then if they are nice you may find yourself physically attracted to them, but if the spark is not there, chances are it wont get further than the conversation.

[SadNLonley]

How bout this. Here is my detail. Pics most likely wont matter

 

Hi there!!! Thanks for checking out my page.

 

I'm born and raised in *** and just an average gal living a pretty normal life. I have two teenagers that I absolutely adore. They live with me 1/2 the time. I am in Management for a small company that I've worked with for 11 years.

 

I really like a variety of things from going out and having a few drinks, maybe dancing, going to the movies, live theater, going to wineries, to staying home and enjoying a good movie. As for sports, I like to watch baseball, hockey is fun, but better in person, but Football is another story. I do not understand that sport at all.

 

I very down to earth, easy to get along with, not high maintenance. I've been told Im very easy to talk to, I find myself kind of funny (or at least I think so), can be a smart ass sometimes as well.

 

I'd like to find someone who is funny, loyal, humble, stable in their life, and please dont take offense, but I'm looking for someone at least 5'9". I want my date to be taller than me when Im in heels.

 

I'd eventually like a relationship, but not one to push for it. I believe you build on a friendship and go from there. I'm not much of a serial dater. I'd much rather prefer one on one. Its too much complication to try to date multiple people.

 

I really don't like writing about myself so If you have any questions, let me know. I'll be happy to answer them!

 

Have an awesome day!

 

 

Be Nice please. but what did i do wrong?

[Under The Radar]

How bout this. Here is my detail. Pics most likely wont matter

 

Hi there!!! Thanks for checking out my page.

 

I'm born and raised in *** and just an average gal living a pretty normal life. I have two teenagers that I absolutely adore. They live with me 1/2 the time. I am in Management for a small company that I've worked with for 11 years.

 

I really like a variety of things from going out and having a few drinks, maybe dancing, going to the movies, live theater, going to wineries, to staying home and enjoying a good movie. As for sports, I like to watch baseball, hockey is fun, but better in person, but Football is another story. I do not understand that sport at all.

 

I very down to earth, easy to get along with, not high maintenance. I've been told Im very easy to talk to, I find myself kind of funny (or at least I think so), can be a smart ass sometimes as well.

 

I'd like to find someone who is funny, loyal, humble, stable in their life, and please dont take offense, but I'm looking for someone at least 5'9". I want my date to be taller than me when Im in heels.

 

I'd eventually like a relationship, but not one to push for it. I believe you build on a friendship and go from there. I'm not much of a serial dater. I'd much rather prefer one on one. Its too much complication to try to date multiple people.

 

I really don't like writing about myself so If you have any questions, let me know. I'll be happy to answer them!

 

Have an awesome day!

 

 

Be Nice please. but what did i do wrong?

 

 

I'm a guy and I see nothing wrong with what you wrote.

 

Like others have said it's a numbers game and not everyone has the same tastes.

 

Some of those 50 guys that viewed your profile might not be at least 5'9.

 

Others might not want to date a woman that has two teenagers living in the home.

 

Furthermore, because men are such visual creatures, your pictures are going to be quite important in attracting most prospects.

 

OLD requires a lot of patience and thick skin.

 

You only need one good man so who cares if other women are getting filled inboxes on daily basis?

[Tayken]

How bout this. Here is my detail. Pics most likely wont matter

 

Hi there!!! Thanks for checking out my page.

 

I'm born and raised in *** and just an average gal living a pretty normal life. I have two teenagers that I absolutely adore. They live with me 1/2 the time. I am in Management for a small company that I've worked with for 11 years.

 

I really like a variety of things from going out and having a few drinks, maybe dancing, going to the movies, live theater, going to wineries, to staying home and enjoying a good movie. As for sports, I like to watch baseball, hockey is fun, but better in person, but Football is another story. I do not understand that sport at all.

 

I very down to earth, easy to get along with, not high maintenance. I've been told Im very easy to talk to, I find myself kind of funny (or at least I think so), can be a smart ass sometimes as well.

 

I'd like to find someone who is funny, loyal, humble, stable in their life, and please dont take offense, but I'm looking for someone at least 5'9". I want my date to be taller than me when Im in heels.

 

I'd eventually like a relationship, but not one to push for it. I believe you build on a friendship and go from there. I'm not much of a serial dater. I'd much rather prefer one on one. Its too much complication to try to date multiple people.

 

I really don't like writing about myself so If you have any questions, let me know. I'll be happy to answer them!

 

Have an awesome day!

 

 

Be Nice please. but what did i do wrong?

 

Hmmmm...Very generic profile that seems was put together in a rush. Personally, when I come across this, there isn't anything that jumps out at me i.e. what in your profile separates you from the other profiles down the corridor?

 

You have 2 teenagers with you half the time....check, and means there is time for some one on one

 

You like to watch sports....but do you partake in any at all / exercise / do any activities?

 

You have a job...check (management is generic).

 

You like to have a few drinks....red flag for some people

 

Questions...

 

1. What are you currently doing with your life?

2. Have you traveled / are you worldly / places you will like to visit

3. What you've read / are reading

4. Music taste

5. What you bring to the table that is factual, not what your friends say

6. What you are looking for in a guy that is of substance.....put the infatuation aside for a second

7. Do you know what you really want?

8. Does that mean communication is going to be a problem then as you don't like writing?

9. Your views on what makes a good relationship

[Weezy1973]

How bout this. Here is my detail. Pics most likely wont matter

 

Hi there!!! Thanks for checking out my page.

 

I'm born and raised in *** and just an average gal living a pretty normal life. I have two teenagers that I absolutely adore. They live with me 1/2 the time. I am in Management for a small company that I've worked with for 11 years.

 

I really like a variety of things from going out and having a few drinks, maybe dancing, going to the movies, live theater, going to wineries, to staying home and enjoying a good movie. As for sports, I like to watch baseball, hockey is fun, but better in person, but Football is another story. I do not understand that sport at all.

 

I very down to earth, easy to get along with, not high maintenance. I've been told Im very easy to talk to, I find myself kind of funny (or at least I think so), can be a smart ass sometimes as well.

 

I'd like to find someone who is funny, loyal, humble, stable in their life, and please dont take offense, but I'm looking for someone at least 5'9". I want my date to be taller than me when Im in heels.

 

I'd eventually like a relationship, but not one to push for it. I believe you build on a friendship and go from there. I'm not much of a serial dater. I'd much rather prefer one on one. Its too much complication to try to date multiple people.

 

I really don't like writing about myself so If you have any questions, let me know. I'll be happy to answer them!

 

Have an awesome day!

 

 

Be Nice please. but what did i do wrong?

 

I agree with Tayken - this is a very generic profile. If you get into those questions Tayken mentioned, and include that in your profile it will make you sound much more interested in actually meeting someone.

 

I'd also take out the part about only wanting someone tallker than 5'9". There's nothing wrong with that preference, but it does make you sound a bit shallow so guys might discount you for being shallow even if they are taller than 5'9".

 

And as was previously mentioned - pics probably matter more, especially in OLD.

[MrCastle]

@ SadnLonely:

 

-The teen thing is good in terms of honesty, as any guy getting involved with you should know ahead of time your situation, but some guys may not want to deal with that. So that may be taking some men out of the running, although you do have to keep that portion of your profile up there because men need to know.

 

-Putting a height restriction on your profile does two things 1.) Eliminates men who don't meet it or come close to it but would rather not bother messaging you, 2.) turns off men who may even fit the criteria to begin with -- the best way is to remove that, and just message guys who fit the criteria. There really is no way to put it in your profile without coming across as shallow. It's just the way it is. It's the same as guys who try to, in polite terms, write "no fat chicks" in their profile. "I like women who have an active lifestyle," "I prefer women who are in good shape," etc. There's no way to say it nicely. Best to not say anything at all and just respond to those who fit your physical criteria.

 

-The profile itself is pretty standard. You will come across many profiles of the same content. Nothing really jumps out or gives you insight to who you are as an individual. Instead of writing "I am nice, I am loyal," etc, as a lot of people do -- write things that show those parts of your personality off. Instead of saying "I'm funny," say something funny. Etc, etc. Personalize your profile so that people can get a better picture of who you are as an individual.

Edited February 16, 2014 by MrCastle

[SadNLonley]

Thanks for the advice. Will take all into consideration.

[cheerfuldoer]

I think you are my twin...lol I am similar in my shopping except for the kids....although I am open to older kids it isn't a must as I do not have any. In addition to the bad selfies, (and like you I am scared of motorcycles) if I see 10 pictures of the guy fishing or in fatigues holding a dead deer I am not going to be interested. Not that there is anything wrong with those hobbies (I like to fish, I respect hunting) but that tells me those are their passions and that will be all we will be doing....and that isn't me. Looks are important but what I find attractive beyond the typical is hard to pinpoint. Typically a good smile and something about the eyes can suck me in. Of course OLD has ultimately been a bust over the past 4 years so I'm about done I think.

 

 

Wow, I realize how lucky I am, I met my man after 10 days online. I felt a connection immediately with him and went on a couple other dates with other men, because I was afraid I liked the idea of dating instead of the man I was dating. The other dates were fine, but there wasn't the same feelings, so here I am.

 

I feel like you about the fishing and fatigues, I like to dress up and go see shows. I'm a nurse and I see enough blood and guts at work, I prefer more refined pursuits in my free time. I'm not against any lifestyle, I just know how I enjoy spending my precious free time.

 

Don't give up. I met my beau on Plenty of Fish, believe it or not. Out of the first 109 men who "wanted to meet me" he was the first one I wanted to meet, based on his picture and profile.

[Allumere]

Wow, I realize how lucky I am, I met my man after 10 days online. I felt a connection immediately with him and went on a couple other dates with other men, because I was afraid I liked the idea of dating instead of the man I was dating. The other dates were fine, but there wasn't the same feelings, so here I am.

 

I feel like you about the fishing and fatigues, I like to dress up and go see shows. I'm a nurse and I see enough blood and guts at work, I prefer more refined pursuits in my free time. I'm not against any lifestyle, I just know how I enjoy spending my precious free time.

 

Don't give up. I met my beau on Plenty of Fish, believe it or not. Out of the first 109 men who "wanted to meet me" he was the first one I wanted to meet, based on his picture and profile.

 

I have been on Match, POF, and OKCupid. Have also done Zoosk and eHarmony. At this exact moment I am not all too interested as I am still recovering from the last dumping. I have chatted with hundreds of men over the years and have meet in person 12 I think. Out of the 12, only went on 2nd dates with three. Two became LTRs that ended for IMHO sad reasons, reasons that should have eliminated me from their list by the 3rd date. I'm simply tired of the whole thing but as much as I am tired of being single I don't have it in me to do through this cycle again.

[Allumere]

the bible stinks.

 

 

You need to make sure you put your snarky remarks in the right thread...otherwise they just are really silly.

[Scales]

You need to make sure you put your snarky remarks in the right thread...otherwise they just are really silly.

 

I couldn't find where that was, maybe it got deleted. Talk about liking some bitter sauce to go with your bitter biscuits lololol:laugh: