I was replaced by the grandkid

[peaksandvalleys]

I guess I don't understand this way of thinking. Obviously betraying your spouse is a big deal..probably the biggest deal in many marriages, but I can't imagine just cutting someone out of my life or my kids lives on that fact alone.

 

 

I can understand your point of view. I just feel differently. I don't chose to be a part of the life of people who do certain things like drugs, stealing, manipulating or lying. I don't want to hang around people I cannot trust. If I don't trust an employee I fire them. I have taught my children to be careful who they associate with and I do not see walking away from a family member with those qualities as any different than walking away from a stranger with those qualities. You say betrayal is the only fact. I say there are several qualities that should get them dismissed.

[daisy123]

But like the poster said, his relationship with his wife and his family is really none of your business. I think that if you come to terms with that fact, then you might be able to look at your affair more objectively.

 

Single ow (some, @ least) make the mistake of making the affair and mm their world. Everything becomes about the mm. They assume mm is thinking of them in that same way. Well, in many cases, he is not. He already has a wife. A family. A whole life outside of the affair. Not all affairs are this way of course, but there are many this way. If a mm has an ow who will continue to be the ow indefinitely then bonus for him! Just because an Affair last years doesn't mean much other then mm and ow both arm okay living a lie.

 

I really am not trying to be harsh, but I do hate seeing people hurt themselves in this way, like running into a brick wall at full speed when you had plenty of time to stop and avoid the collision. I hope that you are able to love yourself more and heal and find your happiness.

 

BS may not want it to be my business, but as i am in love with someone, his family is my business as it affects his reaction to me

[daisy123]

A child, a grandchild should have a rightful place in a persons life. They should not have to compete or apply for that position. It should be an honour to be a grand/parent. We should not surround ourselves with people who are envious or jealous of our relationship/duty/time with our child/grandchild.

 

If you feel that you were replaced by a grandchild, maybe you do not understand that relationship. It is theirs, never was yours, should never be yours. You can never give/have that type of relationship as it is unique to the grandparent/child relationship. There is NO substitution.

 

Maybe, it is not as simple as "being replaced" (as you can't anyways), but something else.

Yes I call it headburying, pretending there is nothing wrong with your relationship, and just concentrating on some other source

[daisy123]

It is cheap lust. You and your MM aren't going anywhere, he won't leave and his BS doesn't care about him at all anymore. But he also doesn't mind him staying it seems, so you're having the shorter end.

You've been blinded by all this, as love does so often, which I'm sorry for. But if you are seeking a happy end and growing old with a man, you shouldn't have fallen for a married one at all.

 

Yes you are right about BS not caring about him, sure of that.

 

Lust after six years, I doubt it, we don't hardly have sex:laugh:

[Sub]

BS may not want it to be my business, but as i am in love with someone, his family is my business as it affects his reaction to me

 

Having feelings for someone doesn't make the other people in their life your business, especially if they're unaware of your existence. That's borderline disturbing.

[SugarHibiscus]

I can understand your point of view. I just feel differently. I don't chose to be a part of the life of people who do certain things like drugs, stealing, manipulating or lying. I don't want to hang around people I cannot trust. If I don't trust an employee I fire them. I have taught my children to be careful who they associate with and I do not see walking away from a family member with those qualities as any different than walking away from a stranger with those qualities. You say betrayal is the only fact. I say there are several qualities that should get them dismissed.

 

You would walk away from your child if she had a drug problem, stole something, or lied? Same as walking away from a stranger that did that? Hmmm...

 

I think I'll go the other way. I'd stand by my kids no matter what. No conditions.

[daisy123]

Having feelings for someone doesn't make the other people in their life your business, especially if they're unaware of your existence. That's borderline disturbing.

They are ALL aware of my existence. And it does affect me, same as my children affect me, his children and grandchild affect me too. I do not understand your thinking.

[Sub]

They are ALL aware of my existence. And it does affect me, same as my children affect me, his children and grandchild affect me too. I do not understand your thinking.

 

They're not your business, even if they are aware of you. You were his AP. They're his family. They didn't intrude into your life. At some point, you did to theirs without their knowledge.

[whichwayisup]

BS may not want it to be my business, but as i am in love with someone, his family is my business as it affects his reaction to me

 

Sorry but this is really warped thinking. His family, his kids, grandchildren are not your business.

 

Since there has been a Dday and I read that you refuse to walk away and that the A is still on, why not call his wife and tell her that you don't intend on letting go. At least this way she can either fight you for her husband or decide to say fuc.k it and give him to you.

[whichwayisup]

They are ALL aware of my existence. And it does affect me, same as my children affect me, his children and grandchild affect me too. I do not understand your thinking.

 

They affect you because of the affair you are having with him. You do not know them and you are not a part of their life, nor are they are part of yours. They see you as the enemy and a cancer to their family, someone who is trying to take their dad away from them and have you replace their mother.

 

Affairs make people extremely selfish and I hope one day you'll able to understand the frame of mind you're in now, a total affair fog vs real life/reality.

 

I am sorry you're hurting and going through a roller coaster ride, but it can end by you walking away. Your MM has no desire to end his marriage and make you his wife. He wants to stay married, wants you as the OW. That's it.

[daisy123]

They affect you because of the affair you are having with him. You do not know them and you are not a part of their life, nor are they are part of yours. They see you as the enemy and a cancer to their family, someone who is trying to take their dad away from them and have you replace their mother.

 

Affairs make people extremely selfish and I hope one day you'll able to understand the frame of mind you're in now, a total affair fog vs real life/reality.

 

I am sorry you're hurting and going through a roller coaster ride, but it can end by you walking away. Your MM has no desire to end his marriage and make you his wife. He wants to stay married, wants you as the OW. That's it.

 

WWIU you really have a lot to say don't you always! And I doubt you are sorry i hurt at all

[daisy123]

Other women shouldn't even compare themselves even remotely to sweet little grand babies. Get some help to deal with this and move on with your own life. Next it will be he can't leave in case an armadillo moved in and he has to watch it or maybe his wife is blackmailing him or the CIA has asked him to spy for them and they need him to keep his cover. This is what liars and cheaters do, they lie and do anything to keep you on the hook while they have their family and you too. You need some perspective so see a therapist. I am sorry you are so easily beguiled because you are wasting your time.

 

How am I comparing myself to his grandchild? The grandchild is giving him happiness, that is great but nobody is concentrating on the problem of why he had an affair with me for six years, It is just headbuyring. My point is that he is being emotionally blackmailed with the grandchild. The daughter takes the child at the house every day. God knows how the daughter's marriage is going to last. Her H must be sick of it. So she is going to use the child to save her parents' marriage with the child and not concentrate on her own?

 

And I have never asked him to leave. Why do BSs assume that is the case always?

[daisy123]

Having feelings for someone doesn't make the other people in their life your business, especially if they're unaware of your existence. That's borderline disturbing.

 

You say other people? These other people affect my lover and his life. Do not say they are none of my business. they are as much my business as I am BSs.

BSknows about me. I know that BSs cannot stand the fact that we share intimacy but that is how it is. I know about his life and I have seen the grandchild. I also know him very well mentally. I know that they go to the in-laws EVERY Sunday- what fun... blah blah. I know that the 28 year old daughter comes round for a free meal every day.

Edited February 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[rumbleseat]

OP,

These people are not "your business". I can say, just based on the things you have said yourself, that they do not want you in their lives in any way, shape or form. Why can you not respect that?

 

If you are having trouble with that, think of it this way, is your life their business? Is your family? After all, if one follows your logic, since your behavior affects him, which in turn, affects them, then they should feel free to insert themselves into your life. How would you feel about that?

 

Btw, I find it really weird that you feel like you are competing with his kids/ grand kids for his emotional time and space ( it's obvious, given the number of derisive comments you make about them). Really think about that. Is that the type of person you really want to be?

 

Remember, step parents are not parents, unless they are invited into that role by the their spouse and his / her kids. You are not even a step parent. You are his on the side girlfriend, and the two of you are acting very disrespectfully towards the kids here. Grown or not, they are still his kids, and the longer and deeper you get yourself into the delusion that you are something more than what you are, the more hurt you will be. Either resign yourself to the role you are in, or walk away.pick door a or door b, there is no door c.

[rumbleseat]

How am I comparing myself to his grandchild? The grandchild is giving him happiness, that is great but nobody is concentrating on the problem of why he had an affair with me for six years, It is just headbuyring. My point is that he is being emotionally blackmailed with the grandchild. The daughter takes the child at the house every day. God knows how the daughter's marriage is going to last. Her H must be sick of it. So she is going to use the child to save her parents' marriage with the child and not concentrate on her own?

 

And I have never asked him to leave. Why do BSs assume that is the case always?

 

For the love of god, that is his daughter, not yours. If he wanted you to have a say in that situation, he would have put you I to a position where that could happen. He has not done so. Accept that, otherwise, you may find yourself in a much worse off position than you are in now.