Does an ex ever go away??

[Tressugar]

To answer your original question, no they don't ever go away. In my case we didn't have any kids together. They become Bug-a-boos.

[RonaldS]

You just have to make them go away in your heart and mind. Nobody can have any control or power over you or how you feel that you don't give to them.

 

I cut my XW out of any real communication. Text and email, or just a word here and there about parenting and arrangements, but not even a little small talk. It's tricky, too, because I go over to her place to pick up the kids, so I have to work a bit to avoid her. But I do, and it helps.

 

She used to be pretty obsessed with what I was up to. Not sure how she feels about it now, because I don't talk to her. She's in a very serious relationship, but based on things the kids ask me, she's probably wondering what I've got going on in my life. We don't really have many mutual friends, so my existence has become a mystery to those on her side.

 

I did notice that shortly after I issued the moratorium on talking that she opened a Facebook profile. She is one of those anti-social media people, so I was surprised that when I was searching a relative, her name popped up. Normally, that wouldn't seem weird....except that the profile was started over a year ago and she doesn't have a single pic on the profile, nor does she have any friends or any activity of any kind. Kinda seems like she started it so that she could check on my FB page and see what I was up to.

 

Anyway, my life is so much easier after I just blocked her out.

Edited May 20, 2014 by RonaldS

[Shocked Suzie]

Thanks xx

 

To be honest the last 15 months have been so busy, full on and confusing, that I think this is the first time I've got like this. Even after my op 'although in a dark place' I still had fight in me... Atm I feel like I want to stay in bed, put the covers over my head... I watched a movie last night, you know when you get really into it and when its over your own reality kicks in.

 

Thing is I know of all the good things I have, I know what's right, what's wrong, I understand who I am, who the ex is...I just feels crap

 

I have had zero contact with the ex since December, since he forged my signature on divorce papers. Unfortunately due to lack of finance we had to break the NC via email to sort this final stage out and I will probably see him next week when getting things witness signed... This is fine I can deal with this, I feel nothing for this man.

 

I think the things that are getting me down atm are:

 

Everything is on my shoulders

All my family is on the other side of the world

I can't move back because it would devastate my kids

I hate my job, my hours

I have little social life

And I at times just want my old life back (although the latter part of it, I know it was full if lies)

Frustrated he gets away with doing the wrong thing all the time

 

I know I should be grateful and I am ive just totally lost all mojo, just feel so sad and lost

 

SS x

Edited May 20, 2014 by Shocked Suzie

[ashleyjohn]

Eventually, they might. But nothings a given! Ever considered a restraining order?

[Shocked Suzie]

Thankfully he's not a pain like that, it was one dark secret or surprise after another...It's settling now thank goodness!

 

SS x

[amaysngrace]

Thankfully he's not a pain like that, it was one dark secret or surprise after another...It's settling now thank goodness!

 

SS x

 

I'm glad to hear that Suzie.

 

Try to take time for yourself. I know it can be a hard thing to do when you have so much on your plate but it's imperative. Even if it is only soaking in a bath or browsing a bookstore, make time for YOU! xo

[Tom amoss]

Hi SS.

 

You know I have no answers, other than I do know how you feel.

 

I know issues with a social life, I know that feeling of wanting your old life back.

 

And the dammed injustice of them seemingly enjoying themself’s.

 

And just caring too much, and having everything going off all together.

 

Coping with all the changes would be hard even if you weren’t surviving the loss.

 

Add the loss in to the mix, and boy it’s a wonder we survive at all.

 

But we do.

 

It’s a sad time, and feeling lost and hopeless seems part of the package.

 

Squat it seems you or I can do about it.

 

But somehow we must trust life to do what life does best, given time it will begin to flourish again.

 

All of my love, and a big BiG hug to you.

 

 

 

(((((((((( Tom ))))))))))

[Shocked Suzie]

Thanks Tom x

 

Just when you think you are in a good place some other emotion or situation bubbles up. My kids keep me grounded and moving forward... I know in time it will pass and I know that my life will be on an even path soon enough...because it's an even path I have always had throughout my life before...not because of someone else, because of me! Because I made sure that's how my life was and will be again. The set back is I thought I had someone to share this with, someone that was on the same page, someone that loved me.... Someone that I trusted and though was loyal.

 

It's just trying to readjust those plans...that shared path and my beliefs

 

We will get it back again soon enough, this time with eyes wide open

 

Each one of these moments is another growth that we 'do come through' in the end.

 

SS x (((( thanks Tom )))) hang in there too