Ex contacted me... Stirred up feelings I wish were gone- a little rant, a little Q

[genuinelyloverly7]

Hello LS- I've been in a recovery process after for almost 8 months now from a bad break up from my lover/life partner of 8 years. (Please feel free to read my older posts to get a better idea of our past dramas)...

 

I've not contacted him, but not blocked him either, and have responded in a friendly manner to him a few times. I am having such a hard time letting go! I don't want him any more, not after he hurt my cat and myself, through which I saw his true dangerous potential and psychological bullying for what it was. But when I've talked to him he acts so different! Just like our first few years together.. The perfect partner he projects himself to be.

 

Why are people so complicated? Why couldn't he be hot, kinky, intelligent, AND emotionally aware and growing? Why can't I just get mad enough at him to say "F--- off! You were abusive and bullying; I never want to think of you again!" Because I so easily see the wounded child that needs reassurance from the world that he is loved. In fact, one of my flaws is that I can't tell the kids from the men (men being a metaphor for an emotionally self responsible person, in this gender-happenstance example) or maybe I can but don't feel like a man* would want me... I've got my baggage too, probably obviously. I'm working on my relationship addictions and reflexive responses to others also. But I'm working on it, at least. And I don't know that he isn't working on himself. He claims to be, but his texts don't seem to reflect that. He just texted me out f the blue saying he still loves me and want to get back together.

 

How does one get over hurting a wounded inner child when you break up with a self centered a-hole? I don't like hurting people, especially already vulnerable emotional Wrecks, but I'm working on my personal space and must grow and maintain my boundaries.

 

I'm dating casually now for the first time, and taking my time about the process. OLD, of course. It's helping.