Ex wants another chance. worth it. building trust.

[HeartBorken]

Well as the title says my Ex wants another chance at being together. To keep a long story short we a hell of a breakup with her cursing my name and saying the failure of the relationship was my fault and me basically begging for the next month to be with her.

 

Before the breakup life was stressful on both of us (She had recently moved out of state) and because of my depression made things even harder. Basically a lack of communication from both of us and her losing faith in me. So she decided to breakup with me and two weeks later she got into another relationship with a different guy. When she called last night i talked to her about this and she said she knows she went for a rebound and that at the time she was so angry and hurt that she just wanted to do anything that would basically remove feelings for me. (I question her multiple times and she swears she wasn't cheating or seeing anyone during the relationship)

 

Anyway 7 months later of no contact she calls and claims that she still loves me and that she is incredibly sorry for how she treated me during the breakup and really regrets its and that she wants to be in a relationship with me again because she really loves me. She claims that during the time of the breakup so much stuff was going on in both our lives that things seemed way to stressful. Which i can agree was a dark time in our lives although i feel we could have stuck it out together.

 

The problem now is this. She immediately went into another relationship two weeks after the breakup and now she is breaking up with the rebound guy because she supposedly still has feelings for me. I have trouble believing that she has truly reflected on everything to make a second chance even worth it. I asked her about how our relationship went wrong and she actually manage to explain in great detail the errors in both of us the made the relationship fail however i feel maybe she is jumping from relationship to relationship.

 

I asked her if she is simply idolizing the relationship that we had and she said no. I also asked if she understand that the relationship wouldn't be the same if we got back together and she said yes.

 

Sorry for the long story lol. Basically i am conflicted on what to do. talking to her again made me feel comfortable and i do care about her a lot. However i don't feel love towards her anymore and that's most likely because of the lack of trust i have in her. I fully understand you can't get into a relationship without 100% trust so i am asking how would i be able to rebuild such trust around her? and would it be worth getting back together at this time.

 

Thank You

(Also i was set to move in with her in a different state before we broke up so if we were to get back together i would probably have to move to her eventually and that has me hesitant as well)

[xUnknown]

Well as the title says my Ex wants another chance at being together. To keep a long story short we a hell of a breakup with her cursing my name and saying the failure of the relationship was my fault and me basically begging for the next month to be with her.

 

Before the breakup life was stressful on both of us (She had recently moved out of state) and because of my depression made things even harder. Basically a lack of communication from both of us and her losing faith in me. So she decided to breakup with me and two weeks later she got into another relationship with a different guy. When she called last night i talked to her about this and she said she knows she went for a rebound and that at the time she was so angry and hurt that she just wanted to do anything that would basically remove feelings for me. (I question her multiple times and she swears she wasn't cheating or seeing anyone during the relationship)

 

Anyway 7 months later of no contact she calls and claims that she still loves me and that she is incredibly sorry for how she treated me during the breakup and really regrets its and that she wants to be in a relationship with me again because she really loves me. She claims that during the time of the breakup so much stuff was going on in both our lives that things seemed way to stressful. Which i can agree was a dark time in our lives although i feel we could have stuck it out together.

 

The problem now is this. She immediately went into another relationship two weeks after the breakup and now she is breaking up with the rebound guy because she supposedly still has feelings for me. I have trouble believing that she has truly reflected on everything to make a second chance even worth it. I asked her about how our relationship went wrong and she actually manage to explain in great detail the errors in both of us the made the relationship fail however i feel maybe she is jumping from relationship to relationship.

 

I asked her if she is simply idolizing the relationship that we had and she said no. I also asked if she understand that the relationship wouldn't be the same if we got back together and she said yes.

 

Sorry for the long story lol. Basically i am conflicted on what to do. talking to her again made me feel comfortable and i do care about her a lot. However i don't feel love towards her anymore and that's most likely because of the lack of trust i have in her. I fully understand you can't get into a relationship without 100% trust so i am asking how would i be able to rebuild such trust around her? and would it be worth getting back together at this time.

 

Thank You

(Also i was set to move in with her in a different state before we broke up so if we were to get back together i would probably have to move to her eventually and that has me hesitant as well)

 

I think she has to be single for a while to figure out how to be happy alone. Then, if you still want, give it another shot. Start out slow. Don't jump into anything. Date for a while - its going to take a while to build up that trust.

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like she's rebounding again.

 

Take some time and look at the reasons the past relationship failed. It's more than "so much stuff was going on in both our lives that things seemed way to stressful", and even more than she's discussed in your "make up" conversation.

 

Ask yourself if these issues still persist and if you trust that she's changed to the point that these will no longer continue to be issues. Then ask her what different will happen in these situations in the future.

 

The biggest issue here is you don't trust her. And more importantly, you don't trust her motivations. Personally, I'd let her know that after she spends a couple months single and finds closure with everything... we may have a chance to try again. If she doesn't take to that well, you may have your answer. As someone who loves you will understand and take the opportunity to work on themselves to give you the greatest opportunity. But don't be surprised if you get a whack emotional answer or she bounces to someone else as fast as she can (original rebound guy, most likely).

[somethingsomething]

Sounds like such a messy situation especially your living situation if you guys did get back together.

 

How are you dealing with the fact she was with someone else? Did you also date/get into another relationship? I'm very curious of the outcome of this situation. Also, she called you right before valentines days?

[AlphaC]

Dude, count your blessings, your relationship with her is over, don't take her back! Once your feelings faded for her you evolved. You learned, grew became a better person as a result of your hurt feelings. She chose to jump into another relationship, you didn't, you were not the selfish one. Now the guy she is with will be hurting just like you were when she broke up with you. Do you really want a woman who jumps around?? If you take her back she will start comparing you to him.

 

Look man, I was down for 2 months, for 2 months I waited for my ex to come back. Just like you I had plans to move in with her (my plans were a lot more involved though) anyway, she broke it off and today I thank god for my freedom because she showed her true colors. When someone male/female breaks up with you they no longer care, they don't want you, respect you and cherish your relationship. Make their decision final by lettering them go, go no contact, take your time and meet someone else.

 

I am meeting women who are more successful, kind, caring, loving and giving, these are qualities my ex didn't possess. Anyway my brother, you are over her, keep moving forward, commit to yourself to continue growing, you can't grow if you take that selfish woman back.

[HeartBorken]

Sounds like she's rebounding again.

 

Take some time and look at the reasons the past relationship failed. It's more than "so much stuff was going on in both our lives that things seemed way to stressful", and even more than she's discussed in your "make up" conversation.

 

Ask yourself if these issues still persist and if you trust that she's changed to the point that these will no longer continue to be issues. Then ask her what different will happen in these situations in the future.

 

The biggest issue here is you don't trust her. And more importantly, you don't trust her motivations. Personally, I'd let her know that after she spends a couple months single and finds closure with everything... we may have a chance to try again. If she doesn't take to that well, you may have your answer. As someone who loves you will understand and take the opportunity to work on themselves to give you the greatest opportunity. But don't be surprised if you get a whack emotional answer or she bounces to someone else as fast as she can (original rebound guy, most likely).

 

Thank you for taking the time out to reply. I do feel that this is most likely a rebound attempt again. As she said herself she did not feel the same towards the other guy as she did for me. Usually happens when people jump right into another relationship hoping it would dissolve all feelings of the previous. Also the whole stressful stuff was simply a way of trying to general the bad as it would probably taking up a lot more space then readers are probably willing to read. Basically i understand were the relationship has fail and she basically says the same she even tells me what she had done to change it. But your right i still question whether or not she is coming back out of love for me or fear of exploring whats out there. So should i continue to talk to her during the time she is being single? (I have had no contact with her since the breakup) Or do i just let her figure herself out and in a few months if she still feels the same she should contact me?

[HeartBorken]

Sounds like such a messy situation especially your living situation if you guys did get back together.

 

How are you dealing with the fact she was with someone else? Did you also date/get into another relationship? I'm very curious of the outcome of this situation. Also, she called you right before valentines days?

 

It doesn't bother me to much. I understand when you breakup they have a right to do whatever. What hurts mainly was how quick she got into another relationship (2 weeks). Needless to say her actually being someone else doesn't bother me. Yes i have dated other people but only a few dates nothing becoming serious and yeah she called last night.

[Philosoraptor]

Thank you for taking the time out to reply. I do feel that this is most likely a rebound attempt again. As she said herself she did not feel the same towards the other guy as she did for me. Usually happens when people jump right into another relationship hoping it would dissolve all feelings of the previous. Also the whole stressful stuff was simply a way of trying to general the bad as it would probably taking up a lot more space then readers are probably willing to read. Basically i understand were the relationship has fail and she basically says the same she even tells me what she had done to change it. But your right i still question whether or not she is coming back out of love for me or fear of exploring whats out there. So should i continue to talk to her during the time she is being single? (I have had no contact with her since the breakup) Or do i just let her figure herself out and in a few months if she still feels the same she should contact me?

My opinion still stays the same. If you wish you reconcile with her at some point then I would suggest she be alone for awhile. Not only would her working on herself help any potential relationship, but it would help the trust factor for you as she would be making an effort and being patient. Patience is important to your trust, as it shows her as someone not rushing things again and instead working to fix herself for the future.

[somethingsomething]

Heartborken,

 

I kinda envy your situation, I'm almost 3months post BU and still trying to kill the hope for reconciliation. Almost a month after BU, my ex moved onto someone whom she previously said she was not attracted too and talked to as a "friend". Despite this I (stupidly) still wish for her back.

 

But I want to be put in your position so I can really experience what it feels like to deal with a broken relationship and the trust issues. I hypothetically think of the situation quite a bit, I've decided that my ex has to be very very sincere in her return, no just re-filling a void left from a broken relationship. I always ask myself whats to stop her from dropping the relationship again due to problems, taking the easy way out instead of working through problems.

 

I asked you about dating again because...lets say if you actually found another serious partner (as your ex did, 6+ months is a long time for a fling right?) would you still have the same thoughts for your ex?

 

I wish you luck and guard your feelings, the thing about giving her time is what if she just slips away again when you know you could've had her?

Edited February 14, 2014 by somethingsomething

[Never Again]

My opinion still stays the same. If you wish you reconcile with her at some point then I would suggest she be alone for awhile. Not only would her working on herself help any potential relationship, but it would help the trust factor for you as she would be making an effort and being patient. Patience is important to your trust, as it shows her as someone not rushing things again and instead working to fix herself for the future.

 

Jumping off of this:

 

It's up to you if you decide to have limited contact or no contact during this period of time.

 

I'd suggest complete No Contact while she deals with being single for awhile. Contact will impede your growth and keep you from "moving on". You both need to move on from the pain and mistrust of the breakup before a reconciliation could be even remotely feasible.

 

Personally, I think that a period of at least 3-6 months MINIMUM of no contact is required before you could try things again. Why? Because change takes time.

[Darren Steez]

It doesn't bother me to much. I understand when you breakup they have a right to do whatever. What hurts mainly was how quick she got into another relationship (2 weeks). Needless to say her actually being someone else doesn't bother me. Yes i have dated other people but only a few dates nothing becoming serious and yeah she called last night.

 

My friend think about it. Two weeks after. Do you think she just randomly met a dude and started going out with him. I'm not saying she was cheating when you were together, more like she probably already knew the guy and was into him, which made breaking up with you easier...then she moved straight on.

 

Now it's reversing, basically no contact while she was with him, as soon as there's trouble it's a call to you..someone to stroke her ego, all she has to say is I had stronger feelings for you, massage your ego and your heart and get back together again.

 

I'd go no contact again, no meetings. Let her sort herself out because all you are to her is an emotional crutch. After a couple of months if she's still around go for it. But save yourself the BS. Too many red flags with this girl.

[realfriends]

She claims that during the time of the breakup so much stuff was going on in both our lives that things seemed way to stressful. Which i can agree was a dark time in our lives although i feel we could have stuck it out together.

 

 

Peoples true colors come out in the darkest of times. Just remember that.

[HeartBorken]

Heartborken,

 

I kinda envy your situation, I'm almost 3months post BU and still trying to kill the hope for reconciliation. Almost a month after BU, my ex moved onto someone whom she previously said she was not attracted too and talked to as a "friend". Despite this I (stupidly) still wish for her back.

 

But I want to be put in your position so I can really experience what it feels like to deal with a broken relationship and the trust issues. I hypothetically think of the situation quite a bit, I've decided that my ex has to be very very sincere in her return, no just re-filling a void left from a broken relationship. I always ask myself whats to stop her from dropping the relationship again due to problems, taking the easy way out instead of working through problems.

 

I asked you about dating again because...lets say if you actually found another serious partner (as your ex did, 6+ months is a long time for a fling right?) would you still have the same thoughts for your ex?

 

I wish you luck and guard your feelings, the thing about giving her time is what if she just slips away again when you know you could've had her?

 

It's not as easy as you say. in my situation its not about her coming back and showing its sincere its the fact my feelings have changed which make things difficult and your may change as well in time.

 

I care about my ex deeply. However the breakup hurt me badly and it's that pain that has me hesitant. I don't even know if i can say that i am in love with her anymore. This is were the issue is. I was completely content with the idea of never talking to her again. This is simply because after everything she said and her actions during the breakup i was left to believe i was irrelevant to her life. Therefore the only option left is to move on. It makes no sense to have so much love for a person who doesn't even acknowledge you anymore.

 

What i am trying to say is there is now a complicated feeling of confusion. the person i taught who didn't give damn about me is now saying they have all these feelings and i don't know how i feel about them anymore.

 

Also i didn't start dating till late December and as i said to my understanding at the time she did not give a damn about me anymore so it only made sense to move on.

[AlphaC]

It's not as easy as you say. in my situation its not about her coming back and showing its sincere its the fact my feelings have changed which make things difficult and your may change as well in time.

 

I care about my ex deeply. However the breakup hurt me badly and it's that pain that has me hesitant. I don't even know if i can say that i am in love with her anymore. This is were the issue is. I was completely content with the idea of never talking to her again. This is simply because after everything she said and her actions during the breakup i was left to believe i was irrelevant to her life. Therefore the only option left is to move on. It makes no sense to have so much love for a person who doesn't even acknowledge you anymore.

 

What i am trying to say is there is now a complicated feeling of confusion. the person i taught who didn't give damn about me is now saying they have all these feelings and i don't know how i feel about them anymore.

 

Also i didn't start dating till late December and as i said to my understanding at the time she did not give a damn about me anymore so it only made sense to move on.

 

 

Boys, there is no better feeling in the world than when you get over a heartache and move on. To top it off, there is that extra happiness you get when that person who broke your heart and made you live in pain for all those months, comes back because he or she realized there was nothing better out there (or whatever reasons they use to rationalize their decision to reconcile).

 

I know the feeling because it's happened to me many times. But quite honestly it hurts, we have so many day, hours, minutes, seconds to live and we invest our time in a person and our lives are sometimes shattered when they decide to end it. Some of us better ourselves, become stronger, separate for that old "US" and become our old selves again, in time the pain subsides and we are a new person, happy, energized, having learned from that old failed relationship. We become hardened, experienced and a little more aware of the red flags that we missed early on.

 

Ask yourself ladies and gentleman, after all the pain you endured from that relationship why would you want to relive it again, what to you expect to be different this time, especially if that person has not done anything to change?? There are so many people out there, and those of you on here, reading stories, helping yourselves evolved deserve better.

 

I visited my counselor after my last break up and she told me straight up " why do you want to be with a woman that keeps breaking up with you?" My sister also put things in perspective, she said, that my ex made the decision (our relationship) for both of us. That really hurt, but there was nothing further from the truth. In time I persevered, joined the gym, took vacations, did yoga, started online dating and now I realize all the warnings, red flags that I missed because my head was clouded from my idolization of my ex.

 

Boys and girls, if someone breaks up with you learn from your mistakes, figure out what attracted you to him and her and change that thinking, start looking at what's inside the person. Ask about their past, this is soooooooo important, if you read "he's scared, she's scared" you will understand what I am talking about. There are tons of great books out there, be good to yourself, love yourself, don't settle for someone who is weak, someone who is afraid of commitment. You all deserve the best for yourselves. To the OP, your ex did nothing to change her behavior, it sounds like she has gotten worse, my brother, leave that one alone, move the hell on, peace!!!!

[WantanS4]

When someone male/female breaks up with you they no longer care, they don't want you, respect you and cherish your relationship. Make their decision final by lettering them go, go no contact, take your time and meet someone else.

 

You know, I'd agree with you if I wasn't the dumper in my circumstance. Nevertheless, I regretted my decision to do so a week after I dumped her and was denied a reconciliation on the grounds of having several instances of doubt and avoidance/2-day break ups. Anyway, I will say that it's not that I didn't want her, respect her (far from it!) and cherish the relationship, it was that I lost hope... totally lost hope.

[WantanS4]

Boys, there is no better feeling in the world than when you get over a heartache and move on. To top it off, there is that extra happiness you get when that person who broke your heart and made you live in pain for all those months, comes back because he or she realized there was nothing better out there (or whatever reasons they use to rationalize their decision to reconcile).

 

I agree, nothing like having someone come back, for whatever motive, to say "You were right, I was wrong." The catch, as you point out later in your post, is that you are no longer that same person. In my personal experience, my life up until the BU was upside down. Post BU, my life has righted itself; the bitterness, cynicism, negativity, unhappiness that was ever present: GONE! So essentially, my end point is that the reconciler (person apologizing) is actually requesting a opportunity with A BETTER PERSON. Your stock has gained value and through the turmoil/trial/tribulation of recovering from heartbreak, you're resolve/dedication/level of commitment as a partner has likely doubled. So the question is, does the reconciler merit (not deserve) an opportunity with an 'upgraded' you?

 

Don't forget, the reconciler did not respect themselves and the relationship enough to 'grieve the loss' and 'learn from it', but instead REBOUNDED (i.e. flaked out). Hence, the reconciler is essentially 'unchanged' and in fact 'defective upon apology'. So, it is likely the reconciler emotionally believes that all should be the way it was before and that no additional 'effort' has to be made to 'rebuild' what was lost.

 

That being the case, if you decide that this person merits the 'better you', then I would say you point blank explain to them their faults and to take at least 3 months to reflect on their errors/actions/decisions. Offer that you will be there to support and answer any of their questions as they complete the process, over the phone or via message/email. This will give both of you an opportunity to discover the hidden truths within each other and yourselves and drive a renewed friendship, lay the foundations to rebuilding that trust, and overall understand if you really want 'it' again.

[HeartBorken]

Thank you everyone who posted a reply. It helps a lot understanding different peoples view points.

 

I do have a few more things that is bothering me. One of them is the fact that the guy she left me for was her friend. If we were to get back together should there friendship even be allowed to continue? i feel like its a huge disrespect to me. In the sense that after breaking up with me she immediately started dating this guy. It's not as though she was single for a while and then started to date again. This was less than two weeks after our breakup so it seems messed up.

 

Another thing is she owed me money just about $1500. Do i tell her that i want this money back? I used the money to basically clear her debt when she was in trouble and i am struggling a bit myself at the moment so the money would be a big help. Since the breakup the debt she left me in basically took over. In a sense i came to terms with being screwed over in it and i do work hard as much i can to fix it however my efforts alone isn't enough. Should i even ask her to pay me back what she owes?

[WantanS4]

One of them is the fact that the guy she left me for was her friend. If we were to get back together should there friendship even be allowed to continue? i feel like its a huge disrespect to me. In the sense that after breaking up with me she immediately started dating this guy. It's not as though she was single for a while and then started to date again. This was less than two weeks after our breakup so it seems messed up.

 

Two things: one, they all start out as friends (you included). The way it works is intro, small talk, more serious talk, serious talk, offer/acceptance, time alone, sex. Two, reverse the roles and ask the question again.

 

But pretty much, really, do you think that her keeping him as a friend is going to be conducive to you fortifying that trust again??? Not likely.

 

Also, you shouldn't even have to ask for this... she should offer this from the start. Seriously, I have been thinking about this myself, if someone really loves you, they'll remove every obstacle to make it happen between you two. Why is this so hard for people to understand, I don't think we'll ever know.

 

I think you know what you need, and I think you understand/know what you're worth. Don't forget that through this ordeal.

 

Another thing is she owed me money just about $1500. Do i tell her that i want this money back? I used the money to basically clear her debt when she was in trouble and i am struggling a bit myself at the moment so the money would be a big help. Since the breakup the debt she left me in basically took over. In a sense i came to terms with being screwed over in it and i do work hard as much i can to fix it however my efforts alone isn't enough. Should i even ask her to pay me back what she owes?

 

Here's a thought... how about you leave it alone for now. If you push the issue, she'll see it as a topic you're using against her. This is why I recommend you take your time and let her 'learn' what she's done wrong, appreciate your value more, and understand just how much time/effort she's willing to give. I'm willing to bet that she'll flake out again in a month when she doesn't get her way, and by that time, you'll know that you were never going to recover anything 'investment' you made with her.

 

Again, these are my thoughts, it's your decision.

[HeartBorken]

I guess your right it wouldn't make much of a difference. Still i feel as though it would be a start.

 

Honestly i feel stupid for even considering this. The hurtful crap she has said to be throughout the breakup she defends by saying she was upset at the time and was under the influences of substances (Drinking/Smoking weed). We were together for 2 years and lived together in the same state before she moved. My mother believes she really did love me and that people do deserve a second chance.

 

I'm seriously stuck. How can you say you love someone but yet completely devastate them and act so cruelly?

 

I loved this girl more than anything at one point but now it's like my heart feels cold towards her. My cousin tells me i should give her a second chance because what if i no longer feel this hurt towards her and regret not letting her in. She could be the one who got away in a sense.

 

And even if we were to get back together. I don't trust her enough to maintain a long distant relationship and i was willing to give up my life in my hometown to move across states just to be with her. I can't see myself doing that anymore. (Someone who told you they were no longer in love with you, Jumped into another relationship, left you in debt, blamed you for the failure of the relationship. Told you that if they could they would never date you and that she should consider her options) Can any of this merit forgiveness and if so how do i look about it.

 

I'm naturally a person who sees stuff negatively so maybe i am looking about this the wrong way.

[Heroeric]

Sounds like GiGS, mixed with rebound. If you still love her then work on the trust before anything else, otherwise don't give it another try cause that's just gonna Bite you in the butt.

[jphcbpa]

I agree, nothing like having someone come back, for whatever motive, to say "You were right, I was wrong." The catch, as you point out later in your post, is that you are no longer that same person. In my personal experience, my life up until the BU was upside down. Post BU, my life has righted itself; the bitterness, cynicism, negativity, unhappiness that was ever present: GONE! So essentially, my end point is that the reconciler (person apologizing) is actually requesting a opportunity with A BETTER PERSON. Your stock has gained value and through the turmoil/trial/tribulation of recovering from heartbreak, you're resolve/dedication/level of commitment as a partner has likely doubled. So the question is, does the reconciler merit (not deserve) an opportunity with an 'upgraded' you?

 

 

f'ing really strong stuff right here brother!

[AlphaC]

I guess your right it wouldn't make much of a difference. Still i feel as though it would be a start.

 

Honestly i feel stupid for even considering this. The hurtful crap she has said to be throughout the breakup she defends by saying she was upset at the time and was under the influences of substances (Drinking/Smoking weed). We were together for 2 years and lived together in the same state before she moved. My mother believes she really did love me and that people do deserve a second chance.

 

I'm seriously stuck. How can you say you love someone but yet completely devastate them and act so cruelly?

 

I loved this girl more than anything at one point but now it's like my heart feels cold towards her. My cousin tells me i should give her a second chance because what if i no longer feel this hurt towards her and regret not letting her in. She could be the one who got away in a sense.

 

And even if we were to get back together. I don't trust her enough to maintain a long distant relationship and i was willing to give up my life in my hometown to move across states just to be with her. I can't see myself doing that anymore. (Someone who told you they were no longer in love with you, Jumped into another relationship, left you in debt, blamed you for the failure of the relationship. Told you that if they could they would never date you and that she should consider her options) Can any of this merit forgiveness and if so how do i look about it.

 

I'm naturally a person who sees stuff negatively so maybe i am looking about this the wrong way.

 

Dude, you should feel stupid, the whole thread is dumb, this girl left you, dumped you, hooked up with another guy for 6-7 months and you are considering taking her back? Are you serious, do you know what you are conveying to your ex, you are telling her that she is the only woman for you, she is your oneitis, you are also telling her that she can go out and hook up with other dudes, for as long as she wants, and you will be there waiting for her like a sick puppy.

 

She is not calling you because these past 6-7 months she missed you, she is calling you because her and the new guy are not working out, i'm pretty sure it's him who is dumping her needy behind!! Get real man, haven't you learned anything from being on this site? She is playing with you.

 

My advice, go out and date new girls, get over this one and move on with your life. This woman sounds toxic. I would think differently if you guys broke up and she want away for a long time, to rest, digress, think, etc but she did none of that!! She is now using you to stroke her ego. Damn, it's pretty sad that guys these days would stoop that low for a woman, wise up my man, for your own sake!

 

If it were me I would tell her to go to hell when she calls. Let her know (in very clear terms) that she is not welcome in your life. Unfortunately I can, we all can, see where you are going, you will do one of two things:

 

1) not take anyone's advice and disappear from this site; or

 

2) not take anyone's advice and come back to this site with another screen name, lol.

 

Either way this girl knows you are in her pocketbook, she can discard you as she pleases. Man up, get yourself a woman that will value you, cherish you, work with you instead of dumping you. One last thing, another poster (brother ) stated the obvious, do you ever wonder how quickly your ex hooked up with this other guy???????? Do you really think they started talking after you guys broke up?? In time you will see beyond the smoke my brother. peace!!

[WantanS4]

She is not calling you because these past 6-7 months she missed you, she is calling you because her and the new guy are not working out, i'm pretty sure it's him who is dumping her needy behind!! Get real man, haven't you learned anything from being on this site? She is playing with you.

 

My advice, go out and date new girls, get over this one and move on with your life. This woman sounds toxic. I would think differently if you guys broke up and she want away for a long time, to rest, digress, think, etc but she did none of that!! She is now using you to stroke her ego. Damn, it's pretty sad that guys these days would stoop that low for a woman, wise up my man, for your own sake!

 

I agree, be he obviously doesn't understand this, he's sick/afflicted. And she's terminally ill.

 

This is why I say hear her out, keep her at bay, let her pace outside the castle walls for a few months (like a leper), keep living your life, keep improving, she'll either get bored and die off, or heal up and understand the gravity of the crime she's committed.

 

People **** up, either because of immaturity, stupidity, bad decisions, etc. etc. Nothing is story book, especially maters of the heart. It's like playing chess with emotions.. there is plenty to be learned from 'observing' the 'terminally ill.' As long as he drives the conversations/exchanges and is pragmatic of what is said and done, he will not be stroking her ego. She'll understand that the castle walls are way up high. Make her earn it and teach her a lesson for her life. You have control now, be a man and direct the path forward.

Edited February 18, 2014 by WantanS4

[Winter blue]

I can somewhat relate to how the OP feels now. My ex came back to me recently after 6 months no contact. She told me she didn't feel the same at the time of BU and jumped back in a relationship with her ex a week later. I was very hurt but it helped me to move on.

 

I agree it is the pain they put us through make us hesitate now. I also feel confused about my own feeling towards my ex when she came back. I guess in a way it will never be the same, should there be a second chance given, it will need to be a brand new relationship.

 

There are some really good comments in this thread, do the exs really worth us to risk our heart being broke again? I guess the key question we should ask ourselves is, has the ex changed? has he/she learnt from their mistakes? Unfortunately, given the fact OP's ex was jumpping from relationships to relationships (same as mine ) it is obvious they have not. So there is no doubt they would expect things can go back to where they were before, when in fact you have evolved and become a better 'you'. In another word, you want a new relationship, when the ex wants the old one to continue. Would it work? that's what I have been asking myself lately.

 

I would suggest the OP to stay NC, protect your heart, let her to work on her problems, let her to say she won't stay friends with the other guy, and if she can't even bring that up and stick to it, you'll know she is not sincere after all.

 

Keep us posted.

[HeartBorken]

Dude, you should feel stupid, the whole thread is dumb, this girl left you, dumped you, hooked up with another guy for 6-7 months and you are considering taking her back? Are you serious, do you know what you are conveying to your ex, you are telling her that she is the only woman for you, she is your oneitis, you are also telling her that she can go out and hook up with other dudes, for as long as she wants, and you will be there waiting for her like a sick puppy.

 

She is not calling you because these past 6-7 months she missed you, she is calling you because her and the new guy are not working out, i'm pretty sure it's him who is dumping her needy behind!! Get real man, haven't you learned anything from being on this site? She is playing with you.

 

My advice, go out and date new girls, get over this one and move on with your life. This woman sounds toxic. I would think differently if you guys broke up and she want away for a long time, to rest, digress, think, etc but she did none of that!! She is now using you to stroke her ego. Damn, it's pretty sad that guys these days would stoop that low for a woman, wise up my man, for your own sake!

 

If it were me I would tell her to go to hell when she calls. Let her know (in very clear terms) that she is not welcome in your life. Unfortunately I can, we all can, see where you are going, you will do one of two things:

 

1) not take anyone's advice and disappear from this site; or

 

2) not take anyone's advice and come back to this site with another screen name, lol.

 

Either way this girl knows you are in her pocketbook, she can discard you as she pleases. Man up, get yourself a woman that will value you, cherish you, work with you instead of dumping you. One last thing, another poster (brother ) stated the obvious, do you ever wonder how quickly your ex hooked up with this other guy???????? Do you really think they started talking after you guys broke up?? In time you will see beyond the smoke my brother. peace!!

 

I don't believe its dumb to ask questions people seek guidance to what they do not know. That itself is a smart move. You also seem to under credit my capability. I am not here because i want to hear advice i am not going to follow. In fact the most sound advice to me came from Philosoraptor and those who shared the similar view. This is because it wasn't some Black & White explanation on what not to do. There is a lot in your post that imply that you have been hurt badly or you just naturally emulate a douche bag (To be specific you seem like a heavy follower of the bro code. If that makes sense)

 

Anyway you do speak the truth in a lot you say. I will give you credibility there. I'm interested in understanding how people do it. How do they rebuild trust. how do they allow this forgiveness into their heart and from there how do they rebuild a relationship. I want to learn this. There are people who make situations like this work out. what is the key there? Answers like that Philosoraptor managed to provide.