3500_Days_In Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Here I sit on valentines day 2014. I am no more then 30 feet away from the woman I have loved and adored beside her the past 9.5 years. On today the day that a guy like me looks forward to in having another chance to tell the World how much I care and dream about her, this year I can’t. 21 days ago she told me that she no longer loves me and wants to separate. I love this woman so much, my heart aches being so close and having to stay so far away. I’m not allowed to express my emotions to her anymore. I can not confess my love to her anymore. I am to hide my feelings for her until the day we separate. We still sleep in the same bed but with an invisible impassable wall between us. I don’t sleep much. I lie awake listening to her breathe, I can feel the warmth of her body in the same bed. Eventually I will dose off but awaken with her every move. I count down the days now till we separate for good, 197. Today is our 3500 day together, well at least under the same roof. I only ever saw a future with her, now all I will be left with is the past. I love her so much and today on valentines day, I wish I could tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Don't sleep in the same bed as her. Sleep somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
Lost soulmate Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 3500, Just know that you are not alone. This forum is a good place for support. I went through the same thing. My wife and I were together for 15 years. She left me a week before Christmas. The only advise I could give you is stop sleeping in the same bed. If at all possible, start to move on with your life. I dont know if you have kids but for your mental well being it might be better to start the process now. My wife left our home, it does get easier everyday. This will be a wild riide emotionally for a while. If you can seperate now, and go no or little contact, it could possibly give her a chance to miss you. Do not beg her to stay together and if you have, stop now. It was a mistake I made that I wish I could change. Start doing things for yourself or your kids if you have them. Keep reading on this site, there is a lot of information here that can help you through this. I am sorry for your situation and hope for the best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Stop counting days, that is OCD. Change rooms, adopt the 180, and NC. See my signature line or pinned thread in this forum. You have to stop crying in your beer, getting some REM rest, and feeling better about yourself. You are entering a new phase of your life, it happens to most people, one way or another, and you have to accept. This will take time. Read, read, read. Post, post, post. We have all been there, still are there in many cases. Yas 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sadpitufa Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I am in the same position, but I am the one who wants to leave. I have been trying to fix this marriage for 3 years. And he does not understand how sad and frustrated I feel, I cry everyday. We sleep in different bed a year ago and I just told him that I don't love him anymore. But it hurst very bad. I do not what to do anymore. I feel if I stay one more day in this house I will kill myself. I do not have any family here and I don't have a place to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I am in the same position, but I am the one who wants to leave. I have been trying to fix this marriage for 3 years. And he does not understand how sad and frustrated I feel, I cry everyday. We sleep in different bed a year ago and I just told him that I don't love him anymore. But it hurst very bad. I do not what to do anymore. I feel if I stay one more day in this house I will kill myself. I do not have any family here and I don't have a place to go. I can relate to this during my in-house separation...luckily for you, it's only a 3yr marriage and not sure if kids are involved? Find stuff to keep yourself busy (not friends with bad advice), and take your emotions out of it Link to post Share on other sites
sadpitufa Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I have been married for 9 years. Problems just started 3 years ago. And not we don't have children. We tried many years. I guess that was the begging of the end. I do not have many friends. I have a beautiful dog that is my life right now if it was because of her I do not imaging my horrible life Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I am in the same position, but I am the one who wants to leave. I have been trying to fix this marriage for 3 years. And he does not understand how sad and frustrated I feel, I cry everyday. We sleep in different bed a year ago and I just told him that I don't love him anymore. But it hurst very bad. I do not what to do anymore. I feel if I stay one more day in this house I will kill myself. I do not have any family here and I don't have a place to go. It worries me that you say it's so bad you feel like you could kill yourself. I can understand - God, I can see where a person might even commit a crime if forced into an in-house separation. I have one idea that might help your's and OP's sadness. What about a pet? My original dog was as depressed as I, as she was abandoned also. It was plain to see. So sad, nothing I could do, I was in same boat. I even got very sick for about 6 months from a failed dental surgery, and lost 40 pounds over the winter, and was over-dosed on my blood pressure medication as a result. The poor doggie was sleeping on my back. Finally I was hospitalized when I felt panicked at the grocery store, and the problem with the BP was discovered. When I recovered, I knew I had to do something, or my dog was going to die. I decided to get a puppy for us. It. Was a smart move. Little Nike made both of us get off the couch. Athena perked up, and felt like Alpha dog - teaching the pisser how to do right. And, Athena got special privileges - and felt in control, and like she had a purpose. Nike was a handful. Athena and me sometimes had to hike up on the couch to get away from Nike once in awhile (we were a team, but sometimes needed a break cause he has so much energy!). Athena and me raised the little pisser together, and we have a new family. They play, Athena dominates - everything's good. I made the right decision. Well, it is just an idea that really helped me mentally and physically. May or may not work for you. If it does - you can do whatever you want now. A cat is easier - and will cuddle with you (sometimes). And if your husband doesn't like, he can shove it. Pets are known as excellent therapy - and dogs are really the only creatures that DO give unconditional love. Gives you something to do - like take them for a walk, whatever. Hope this helps you guys, or at least was a good story for you to read. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
sadpitufa Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 thanks yas. I did that last year. I got a golden retriever puppy. She is wonderful. She is the only reason I still alive. But sometimes I can not stopped thinking and I lost my mind. I went to a therapist and I take antidepressants but it just help a little. One of the reasons we are in this situation is because my husband is so depressed and more than a year ago he quits his job and he still not working. The house is falling apart, we do not have anymore savings and my salary is just enough to pay the mortgage. He promised me many times to ask for help but all he want is to take medications that he feels are good for him but they don't. He lied to me, to his family, to his friends about the real situation. I tried to talked with his mom but, she does not understand the whole thing. She thinks all is normal and did not help at all. really do not know what to do anymore. I am very sad and desperate that I can talk without getting angry and start crying and yelling. I have been writing notes to him telling him how I feel without getting upset but I am not sure if he read them or he is ignoring them. I do not want to involved my family right now because my dad is very sick and we are a very poor family. Which options I have? any idea? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 3500_Days_In Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 I struggle everyday with this. She is the woman I love and adore and she has stopped listening to me and my pleas to try and reconnect, but nothing. I am to act like nothing is wrong. My struggle is that we have 4 kids (8,6,4,2) and although I am strong around them I am still a wreck inside. I don't have much time left with her in this home and at this point just trying to make the most of an awful situation. I think because I love her so much I'm taking all I can get at this point. Feelings of sadness, being lost, confused and lonely hit me in waves. Sadpitufa, I'm sorry to hear of your situation as I can tell you're trying to make it work too but with an unresponsive spouse. I think regardless of your father unfortunately doing well and your family not being wealthy you need to look to them for emotional and spiritual support. My family have helped me lots, now I'm not saying that I agree with everything they say and have to consider that they are going to take sides. In knowing that though I am able to get different perspectives on this situation and take what I can out of what they're saying. Family is an amazing support network and does not have to be financial. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Living under the same roof and counting the days and minutes has to be pure torture. As hard as it is, you have to stop doing that. You are only delaying your recovery. You must go NC and 180 asap (like yesterday). Your health and happinness depend on it. The sooner you do it, the better for everyone's sake. It is not good for your kids to see and feel the pain either (which they can). Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
sadpitufa Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 thanks 3500. I am sorry about your situation. specially with children involved. I even know what I would do in your situation. When you love someone you never lost the hope that they are going to change their minds. I will keep you in my prayers. I recommend you enjoy the time with your children. I will keep in mind your advise about consider my family emotional support. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripz Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I got curious and did the math on how long I've known my ex! Gave me a bit of a start...9138 days! This is not a healthy exercise and I will not be doing that again.... Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 13,410. It could be worse. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Stop counting days, that is OCD. Change rooms, adopt the 180, and NC. See my signature line or pinned thread in this forum. You have to stop crying in your beer, getting some REM rest, and feeling better about yourself. You are entering a new phase of your life, it happens to most people, one way or another, and you have to accept. This will take time. Read, read, read. Post, post, post. We have all been there, still are there in many cases. Yas Listen to Yas. And don't pay attn to Valentine's Day.. it is ONE day. Its is the other 9.5 yrs you need to remember, but then put behind your as a chapter in your life that happened and then slowly start to see a new chapter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 3500_Days_In Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 I apologize as I have not been able to figure out "go NC". Is it "not care"? Link to post Share on other sites
Lost soulmate Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 3500, NC means no contact. There is a thread in this forum that breaks down guidelines. Right now the way you are feeling, it is probably doing the opposite of everything your instincts are telling you. Find the thread and read it. If it doesn't help with your marriage, it will help you heal mentally. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts