Col1 Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 It's tradition that a newly wed couple (and or their families) has to feed others at their own wedding. I say that's ridiculous. That's thousands of dollars. Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 This is normal where i live. One envelope that covers your group's meals [nr of persons x average price for person], and another that covers the gifts that is given later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 It's tradition that a newly wed couple (and or their families) has to feed others at their own wedding. I say that's ridiculous. That's thousands of dollars. Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! It is absolutely preposterous to require guests at a wedding reception to pay for their own food. It is bizarre beyond all description. If I didn't know better I would guess this post was put up by a troll. Before you make the wrong move here, consult with a professional wedding planner in your area. Don't embarrass yourself. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 It's tradition that a newly wed couple (and or their families) has to feed others at their own wedding. I say that's ridiculous. That's thousands of dollars. Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! Hmm, most register or give money at weddings. Probably some spend the amount that the dinner would actually cost. Fair trade off. If you plan on having a wedding where guests pay for their own dinner and drinks, then make it understood NO GIFTS are to be given. Or, don't have a big wedding. Have a ceremony then a party at someone's house, do pot luck and save money. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Don't have a reception then. And don't expect gifts. Get married at City Hall. Typically when people have parties, they don't ask guests for compensation. You are getting compensation in the form of gifts. No one HAS to have a fancy wedding and reception. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 It's tradition that a newly wed couple (and or their families) has to feed others at their own wedding. I say that's ridiculous. That's thousands of dollars. Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! Well you can do your wedding how you'd like. I personally wouldn't want to have a wedding where my guests pay for their own dinner neither would I really like to be a guest at such a wedding. Maybe you ca make your wedding a pot luck? I don't think couples should go broke for the wedding. I think they should set a realistic budget that won't break the bank and there are many ways to have a wedding (party essentially) within whatever price range is your budget without being super tacky. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 It's tradition that a newly wed couple (and or their families) has to feed others at their own wedding. I say that's ridiculous. That's thousands of dollars. Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! If you want people at your wedding....then you should pay for their "damn food". Hypothetically speaking.... Is it a privilege for me to attend your wedding....if so, tell me why your wedding is so special? A bit cheeky aren't you...you know there is always the Las Vegas route...Elvis will be be more than happy to marry you off 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Or... you could just not invite people, and just have the two of you and a few close family/friends? Why are you acting so put upon when it's your CHOICE to invite people to dinner? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I think throwing expensive weddings you can't afford is stupid. I also think inviting people to a party and expecting them to pay for the privilege of attending is absurd. IMO, if you want to throw a big wedding party, you foot the bill. If you don't want to spend the money don't have a wedding, or just invite a select few people to celebrate with you at a picnic or a restaurant. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 You buy them dinner because you are asking them to do you a series of favors: take time out of their day to travel to your location & celebrate with you. You also expect them to give you a gift. I bet you expect cash gifts or you want to set up a honeymoon registry so they can make for your exotic trip too. Weddings are expensive & they are certainly not practical. Tens of thousands of dollars for one day when as you said a more long term investment would be a house. If you don't want to spring for dinner -- & it doesn't have to be a lavish affair at a high end hotel -- simple food in a hall or backyard works too -- don't have a reception. But to expect people to pay for their own food& drink is the height of selfishness & tackiness. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! If you feel the money would be better spent towards a house, don't have a wedding. It isn't required to be married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhoreyBull Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) I'd say 80% of people who get invited to weddings don't really care to go. Keep it to immediate family and I don't think you'll need to worry about thousands of dollars worth of food. That being said, wouldn't the money for a dress, suit, venue, decorations, flowers, etc. be better spent on a house? Have a pot luck in your parents garage and quit complaining. Asking people to come to something special to you and expecting them to pay for it (especially when many people bring gifts) is like asking people to pay for their pieces of cake on your birthday. Edited March 3, 2014 by WhoreyBull Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 When I started charging admission to my parties, strangely the guest list evaporated! This is an older thread but when we got married, we did it in Hawaii with just a few guests, my exW's family mainly, and took them out to dinner afterwards. Very casual. Later, back home, she horse-traded with a client to cater a nice reception for local folks at the caterer's ranch. Asking guests to pay to attend what is essentially a party thrown by the newlyweds may work in some culture and universe but it would go over like a lead balloon in mine. My parents drove to Yuma, AZ and got married. Cost was fuel at 20 cents a gallon and a 10.00 hotel room, plus the marriage certificate/JOP, which I still have. No party, little cost, married for life. YMMV. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 It's tradition that a newly wed couple (and or their families) has to feed others at their own wedding. I say that's ridiculous. That's thousands of dollars. Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! Here's the honest truth. Most people don't really want to waste a weekend day to go to your wedding. You say "money better used for a house payment". Your guests can better use their money for THEIR house payment as well. The sense of entitlement here is amazing. No one owes you gifts or anything just because you decide to get married. If you don't want to pay for a dinner for your guests, then don't have a dinner. But to expect others to care enough to give that day up AND buy you a wedding gift AND buy their own dinner... no one will want to, other than your very close family and friends. So if that's the way you feel, just include the close family and friends and let everyone else off the hook. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
I don't know Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 This is what we did for our wedding The wife and I had a budget and no funding from our parents. We scaled back all over to make it work. We even chose a catering hall that wasn't open yet because they offered us the best rate. No wedding party Just best man and brides maid, No video, reduced the flowers etc..etc.. The only problem we had (and you too) was inviting all the extra people that our parents wanted to come. That extra list doubled our head count. We made a very unpopular decision. Only close friends and family. No 2nd or 3rd cousins. Many of my first cousins were not invited. Our thinking was this, If we dont know you or you have not visited us as a couple ever why would you want to be at our wedding? I cut out 3/4 of my fathers side of the family beacuse I never had any contact with them. Unpopular at the time but the money we saved was spent on our honeymoon and no debt! As far as paying for your own dinner...IMO you can't do that.. cash bar maybe. I have been to weddings with a cash bar and have seen people open the gift envelope and take the money from there to pay for drinks. So you are still paying for it. Make a budget, shorten your list and stick to it. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 If you feel the money would be better spent towards a house, don't have a wedding. It isn't required to be married. More to the point,you don't have to have a wedding to be married. JOP or even a service in a church without a reception can both get the job done. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 While I don't necessarily think it's outrageous, I do think it's unrealistic for people to think everyone will be invited for this reason. The average cost for a buffet wedding is about $50 a head. I ended up having a few last minute no-shows to our wedding...not happy since we were both college students at the time paying for the wedding on our own dime. If we could do it over, we would have done something more simple with a smaller amount of close knit people and spent more on the honeymoon. Also...those coming to your wedding not bringing any gifts is pretty outragous. Not that I'm greedy or need gifts, but usually when you're invited to a wedding, you bring something for the couple...it doesn't need to be expensive. But in our case, many guests ate and ran. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 The mere thought of having my wedding guests pay for their own meals is making me feel embarrassed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 My xH and I hated our wedding. Our families paid for it... and essentially planned the whole thing. I was roundly told that my preferences--to have a low-key ceremony on a beach somewhere in a bikini with a small group of fam and friends--was completely 'inappropriate'. We ended up with an enormous she-bang we didn't want with lots of ppl I'd never even met. I shudder at the memory. I wish I'd been a more assertive 21 yo. As a result, xH and I have told our daughter from the earliest opportunity that a wedding is essentially a waste of time and money, unless she really wants one and it's the way she wants it. We have also told her that her wedding will be her cost; if she wants it, she (and whomever the lucky partner is) pays for it. But I digress... my mother recently went to a wedding that was 'user pays'. Price per head on the invitation with the bank account details to deposit the money into. She was scandalised by the whole arrangement of course. But by all accounts it was well attended and a great night. Anything goes I say! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Hmm, most register or give money at weddings. Probably some spend the amount that the dinner would actually cost. Fair trade off. If you plan on having a wedding where guests pay for their own dinner and drinks, then make it understood NO GIFTS are to be given. Or, don't have a big wedding. Have a ceremony then a party at someone's house, do pot luck and save money. LOL WWIU, I love your thinking! I don't see the point of lavish weddings costing tens of thousands of dollars. I've seen many weddings for 2K and less. Everyone got fed and had plenty to drink:D 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I hate to tell you this, but a lot of people don't even really want to attend your wedding because lots of people hate these type things and view them as an obligation. So make them pay on top of buying the gift and something to wear, and plan on losing a lot of guests. If you can't afford to pay, that's fine. Don't have a big wedding. Have close friends and close family only -- or elope. Link to post Share on other sites
atlg8r Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 It's tradition that a newly wed couple (and or their families) has to feed others at their own wedding. I say that's ridiculous. That's thousands of dollars. Money better used for a house down payment. Instead, everyone should pay for their own dinner and drinks (cash bar)! They also typically bring you gifts of varying cost. Solution is to not have a wedding or to have a very small, inexpensive wedding. There's no rule book to getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
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