How to Approach women, without being creepy

[ExposedBrick]

What are the best ways to approach and meet women in a city at public places like parks, bars, and coffee shops without seeming creepy? I always find myself stumbling on what to say or how to say it. Let me be clear that I'm not seeking to just hook-up with the women, I want to get to know them. My goal is to present myself in a warm, sincere, and friendly fashion. I just have such a difficult time getting over the initial approach and initial conversation starter. I'd appreciate input from both men and women here.

[deathandtaxes]

There's nothing like practice to get over approaching somebody cold! The best way - "Hi, my name is ExposedBrick." It especially helps if you've made some eye contact beforehand. And usually more than one instance of eye contact to show you're interested. Not staring or leering. A nice quick meeting of the eyes. Practice makes perfect!

[Gaeta]

Do you live in a big city?

 

I live in a big metropolis, if I want to date I go on dating sites where everyone is there to date or find what ever they want from the other gender. When I am out in town and men approach me I find that highly improper. I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

A long time ago I would feel flattered and accept their coffee invitation. All of them, with no exception, were creeps looking for hook-ups. Since then if a man approach me in public I reply: sorry go online if you're looking for a girlfriend.

[894hjk]

Be cheeky, that works

[oldshirt]

The best way to not be creepy is to be good looking, well dressed in clean, stylish well fitting clothes, have good interpersonal and social skills and be successful.

 

 

"creepy" is a euphemism for unattractive and undesirable regardless of the approach.

 

 

Tall, good looking, rich, well dressed, charming men can basically walk up to strangers at the bus stop and say they want to lick some girls behind and it will be seen as cute and charming and endearing.

 

 

Conversely a short, fat, balding, sloppily dressed, scruffy guy in nerd glasses can approach someone in a perfectly polite and curtious manner and will be seen as creepy and encroaching.

 

 

Work on being as good looking, well dressed, successful and charming as you can and you can pretty much walk up to women and ask if you can pick their boogers for your sandwich and they'll giggle and site and talk with you.

[ExposedBrick]

Do you live in a big city?

 

I live in a big metropolis, if I want to date I go on dating sites where everyone is there to date or find what ever they want from the other gender. When I am out in town and men approach me I find that highly improper. I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

A long time ago I would feel flattered and accept their coffee invitation. All of them, with no exception, were creeps looking for hook-ups. Since then if a man approach me in public I reply: sorry go online if you're looking for a girlfriend.

 

I use some dating sites but would prefer to expand my opportunities. I feel like top tier women do not use dating sites because they are constantly hit on in the real world. I'm not just referencing physically attractive women, I actually find personality to be lacking more than appearance on the dating sites.

 

Again, I'm looking for tips to ease women's guard with a sincere interest in getting to know them. Maybe a tip on what NOT to say would be better?

[HappyLove]

Do you live in a big city?

 

I live in a big metropolis, if I want to date I go on dating sites where everyone is there to date or find what ever they want from the other gender. When I am out in town and men approach me I find that highly improper. I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

A long time ago I would feel flattered and accept their coffee invitation. All of them, with no exception, were creeps looking for hook-ups. Since then if a man approach me in public I reply: sorry go online if you're looking for a girlfriend.

 

Really? I think this is so backwards. What do you think people did before online? OLD has too many games. I'd appreciate a man being a man and approaching me. OLDing is too easy making it even easier for people to not get invested in each other. And very easy to create a fake life, profile, hell even the pictures are fake. I'd take real life over online any day and twice on Sunday.

[HappyLove]

I say keep it simple. "Hi, how are you my name is..., I noticed your sitting alone and (insert compliment). If you're single would you mind us exchanging numbers?"

 

Some will be taken already and some won't and you could get lucky. I think the more you do it the easier it gets and you can tweak what works.

 

For me as long as your genuine and confident you won't appear creepy. Most important don't beg or try to convince otherwise after she says no thank you, now those guys are creepy.

[Easyguy14]

Do you live in a big city?

 

I live in a big metropolis, if I want to date I go on dating sites where everyone is there to date or find what ever they want from the other gender. When I am out in town and men approach me I find that highly improper. I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

A long time ago I would feel flattered and accept their coffee invitation. All of them, with no exception, were creeps looking for hook-ups. Since then if a man approach me in public I reply: sorry go online if you're looking for a girlfriend.

 

 

This is not a very nice gesture on your part by the way. Some guys find it harder to locate said girls they want but only find them in public venues. I think giving them a fair chance shows something good about you.

[HappyLove]

This is not a very nice gesture on your part by the way. Some guys find it harder to locate said girls they want but only find them in public venues. I think giving them a fair chance shows something good about you.

 

Yea! It's a huge compliment for someone to approach you in public, it also take a lot of guts to do it, especially if no alcohol is involved. Just say no thanks if you're not interested.

[Gaeta]

I think it's how society is evolving. Just like people don't pick up the phone since text exist, and people don't pay their bills by checks since debit cards are out there.

 

People approach each other less and less in real unless you're in a club or a bar, which I don't go to.

 

I find approaching someone in real more superficial than meeting online. When a man approaches me in real he knows nothing of me, there is no sign above my head saying what is my level of education, how old I am, if I have children, if I am single, he has no idea if I can put a sentence together, all he sees is a petite woman with big boobs and THAT's what motivates him to approach me, my physical appearance only.

 

Men that have approached me in real were no better then the one that approached me online.

 

That being said, if you insist, here are my suggestion:

 

1. Be a gentleman and don't use familiarities

2. Do not check her out while you talk to her, stick to looking at her in the eyes

3. If you don't see a smile back don't insist!!

 

Last time a man approached me in a park I was walking my dog, he was walking his dog, we started talking about dogs 'doh', and suddenly he said: 'I think you're real cute in that tracking suit'. while looking at me up and down, that's why he got: buddy if you're looking for a gf go online.

Edited February 15, 2014 by Gaeta

[Teraskas]

Do you live in a big city?

 

I live in a big metropolis, if I want to date I go on dating sites where everyone is there to date or find what ever they want from the other gender. When I am out in town and men approach me I find that highly improper. I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

A long time ago I would feel flattered and accept their coffee invitation. All of them, with no exception, were creeps looking for hook-ups. Since then if a man approach me in public I reply: sorry go online if you're looking for a girlfriend.

 

Perhaps it hasn't occured to you that OLD is nothing more than a breeding ground for mindgames and all other kinds of shenanigans ?

I've known plenty of people who have had no luck on OLD sites despite genuinely looking for something more. (Myself included)

 

Others on this board have suggested that I direct my attention to women I encounter in daily life.

I have done so, and I assure you it hasn't been in a creepy, stalker-ish way.

If this is society's mentality these days, then I truly fear for the future of single folk who have had enough of OLD...

[kart180]

That being said, if you insist, here are my suggestion:

 

1. Be a gentleman and don't use familiarities

2. Do not check her out while you talk to her, stick to looking at her in the eyes

3. If you don't see a smile back don't insist!!

 

I try to be gentleman and respect her views but as a guy with a IT major degree, If she talks anything about tech, I just give advice and try to be friends. If she says oh thats nice but I am not good with tech, I am happy to give advice.

[kart180]

I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

Ditto,

That is exactly why i just dont want to hit on any women in the shops or at a park, Its very unprofessional. I just given up on dating, Online dating is not worth it as many people have fake profiles.

[InnocentMan]

Is someone seriously complaining about being hit on based on their looks? Duh!!! You honestly think people message you online because of your fascinating profile, and love of water-skiing?

[Tayken]

Ditto,

That is exactly why i just dont want to hit on any women in the shops or at a park, Its very unprofessional. I just given up on dating, Online dating is not worth it as many people have fake profiles.

 

 

Ahahahah....you make it sound like a business thing. I suppose hitting on a woman in a club/bar is professional then? If a guy / gal is hitting on someone in the club/bar, "it's because they think they are cute or have nice ass-ets

 

I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else

So when will be the best time to hit on you then...when you are at work, when you at the gym, when you are in your PJs in front of a computer ????? Oh I know...perhaps at a wedding

[kart180]

Ahahahah....you make it sound like a business thing. I suppose hitting on a woman in a club/bar is professional then? If a guy / gal is hitting on someone in the club/bar, "it's because they think they are cute or have nice ass-ets

 

never, hitting on a women in a club or bar is the norm. I also would never do that. I would usually got the bar or club and order a drink and just sit there or go to a free table but as I am trying to be sober I am do not enter that type of environment. What I meant by "professional" is that women go out shopping and dont expect some guy to approach them to talk to them out of the blue.

[Tayken]

never, hitting on a women in a club or bar is the norm. I also would never do that. I would usually got the bar or club and order a drink and just sit there or go to a free table but as I am trying to be sober I am do not enter that type of environment. What I meant by "professional" is that women go out shopping and dont expect some guy to approach them to talk to them out of the blue.

 

Really...you speak for all women now and know what is on their mind when they go out shopping? Wow....what a blanket statement

[kart180]

really...you speak for all women now and know what is on their mind when they go out shopping? Wow....what a blanket statement

 

i give up,

[spiderowl]

Take a book or something else that a woman might be interested in. When you see her looking, smile in a friendly way. If she wants, she can then ask about the book, dog, whatever. A guy I know used to take novels out with him, the kind a woman would be interested in as well. He did actually used to read them though so he could discuss them. It's a chance to get talking and then if you get on well, maybe you could exchange contact info.

[kart180]

Take a book or something else that a woman might be interested in. When you see her looking, smile in a friendly way. If she wants, she can then ask about the book, dog, whatever. A guy I know used to take novels out with him, the kind a woman would be interested in as well. He did actually used to read them though so he could discuss them. It's a chance to get talking and then if you get on well, maybe you could exchange contact info.

 

Thanks for the advice, but I am not really a book person, I am more a computer geek and no women look and smile at me ever. Its just I am not that interesting. . My mom was right she always said dating was never good for me.

[kodakgirl]

I haven't been approached a lot, and I've never been approached by someone who interested me, but I've also never been approaching by someone who overtly creeped me out, either (though I could do without the guys old enough to be my dad!). I don't mind it, and actually I'd love to meet the next guy I date just randomly.

 

What I would recommend, and what is usually done to me, is just start an innocent conversation and see how she reacts. Something about the weather or the line you're standing in or whatever. If she responds in a friendly way-- smiling and actually looking at you, maybe making a joke or asking a question-- go from there. If her answers are hurried, she barely looks at you, her smile is polite or non-existent, and/or she makes excuses to go somewhere else, leave it alone. You're both off the hook; it was just an innocent conversation. If you actually get a conversation going, and it flows for at least couple minutes and she is smiling etc., I'd say it's okay to ask about seeing each other sometime or getting contact info. She might just be being friendly, but if she really is friendly she will probably be nice if she says no (a very awkward, hesitated 'okay' is pretty much the same as a no). It sucks, but hey, I've had that happen too! (turns out he was gay... so very awkward!). If you don't get along well enough to chat for a couple minutes, probably dating won't work out anyway, right?

 

There is also the compliment route, if you're bold. I'd say don't try this unless giving people compliments comes naturally to you, ie, you do it often for people you know and aren't romantically interested as well. I'd also reccomend going for something you can follow up on. Say she has a really cute hat and you like hats-- you can compliment the hat, then if she says a genuine nice friendly thank you! (as opposed to an awkward, polite, strained one), go on to "very Great Gatsby. I bet you're into silent films?" or whatever (I am imagining you are approaching me here, haha). Or her shoes remind you of Montreal where you lived last summer, or you've always wanted to visit that place she's reading a travel book for (okay, that's not really a compliment, but still, picking up on little things can be great conversation starters!).

 

Obviously some women just don't like being approached, but I personally wish there was more of it these days, so you never know. I'd say the key is be friendly without overly 'romantic' to start with so you can gauge her reaction. If she doesn't seem interested in conversing, just leave it. But maybe she does, and maybe it's the cute story you'll tell at your wedding. You never know, right?

[irc333]

Do you live in a big city?

 

I live in a big metropolis, if I want to date I go on dating sites where everyone is there to date or find what ever they want from the other gender. When I am out in town and men approach me I find that highly improper. I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

A long time ago I would feel flattered and accept their coffee invitation. All of them, with no exception, were creeps looking for hook-ups. Since then if a man approach me in public I reply: sorry go online if you're looking for a girlfriend.

 

It's very sad that the old, traditional and probably the most preferred ways of meeting people was in this fashion.

 

My mom met my dad at the beach, of course they were parked next to each other so that helped. :-)

 

No offense, but it seems women prefer to sit behind closed doors and use online dating as a means over real life encounters. Though, you should try Meetup. :-) That way, you have an excuse to approach. lol.

 

 

Really? I think this is so backwards. What do you think people did before online? OLD has too many games. I'd appreciate a man being a man and approaching me. OLDing is too easy making it even easier for people to not get invested in each other. And very easy to create a fake life, profile, hell even the pictures are fake. I'd take real life over online any day and twice on Sunday.

 

Exactly....indeed VERY backwards.

Edited February 16, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

I find approaching someone in real more superficial than meeting online. When a man approaches me in real he knows nothing of me, there is no sign above my head saying what is my level of education, how old I am, if I have children, if I am single, he has no idea if I can put a sentence together, all he sees is a petite woman with big boobs and THAT's what motivates him to approach me, my physical appearance only.

 

Actually, the Meetup site is the way to go if you want to get to know someone, AND it's not completely a "Cold-Turkey" approach either. Just put on a Meetup name tag and introduce yourselves.

 

"Hello, my name is..." and go from there.

 

he said: 'I think you're real cute in that tracking suit'.

 

Yeah, it's called FLIRTING, I guess you had forgotten how to flirt, right? LOL

 

IN fact, he did RIGHT by phrasing it the way he did, he actually did it the more sincere way. You see, complimenting a woman on her attire as opposed to her body/figure itself, is the way to go and he did just that. When you compliment a woman on her attire, he's staying away from the body.

 

 

I think women such as yourself, are PART of the problem of why some men don't bother anymore with women.

 

IF you're using online dating as some kind of "asylum" to real world encounters, well that says a lot about yourself and it isn't good.

 

If this is society's mentality these days, then I truly fear for the future of single folk who have had enough of OLD.

 

Most definitely. VERY sad when I hear a woman like this exclaim this. If that poster thinks like this, how many other women think the same way?

 

It's like "If you approach me, it BETTER be because I dropped something or my shoe lace is untied" lol

Edited February 16, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

I think it's how society is evolving. Just like people don't pick up the phone since text exist, and people don't pay their bills by checks since debit cards are out there.

 

People approach each other less and less in real unless you're in a club or a bar, which I don't go to.

 

I find approaching someone in real more superficial than meeting online. When a man approaches me in real he knows nothing of me, there is no sign above my head saying what is my level of education, how old I am, if I have children, if I am single, he has no idea if I can put a sentence together, all he sees is a petite woman with big boobs and THAT's what motivates him to approach me, my physical appearance only.

 

Men that have approached me in real were no better then the one that approached me online.

 

That being said, if you insist, here are my suggestion:

 

1. Be a gentleman and don't use familiarities

2. Do not check her out while you talk to her, stick to looking at her in the eyes

3. If you don't see a smile back don't insist!!

 

Last time a man approached me in a park I was walking my dog, he was walking his dog, we started talking about dogs 'doh', and suddenly he said: 'I think you're real cute in that tracking suit'. while looking at me up and down, that's why he got: buddy if you're looking for a gf go online.

 

SO basically, men should stop doing when men had been doing for thousands of years.

 

Okay guys, let's all get neutered!! LOL

 

I feel that Gaeta had opened up Pandora's Box here....I do find this kind of shocking for a 48 year old woman, if it was coming from a woman early 30's and less, I could understand...but 48?? Typically women her age are more opened to being approached in public, figured they appreciate the old-fashioned ways considering she's from a generation even older than mines. lol

Edited February 16, 2014 by irc333