How to Approach women, without being creepy

[Tayken]

Thanks for the advice, but I am not really a book person, I am more a computer geek and no women look and smile at me ever. Its just I am not that interesting. . My mom was right she always said dating was never good for me.

 

 

Ah...that explains it then. Guess what? A lot of us are computer savvy also, but happen to read a book too...cos how else would you graduate from a computer engineering program at university with a Bachelor's degree?

 

I always cringe when I see fellow men that can't seem to be able to know how to check women out.....making obvious and blatant by leering and planting their eyes all over a woman as she walks by...you feel like saying, buddy please, you are an embarrassment to men

 

Always maintain eye contact even if her boobs are plunging from her top...yes you can see that they are there, but don't make it the focus....with time you will get to them if that is your thing. Personally...big boobs and ass are overrated.....it doesn't make that person a good/better person....I don't like walking next to someone that is creating attention

[kart180]

Ah...that explains it then. Guess what? A lot of us are computer savvy also, but happen to read a book too...cos how else would you graduate from a computer engineering program at university with a Bachelor's degree?

 

Well, I did read books when studying for my degree but now I usually read on my phone and usually am on my phone.

[kart180]

 

Always maintain eye contact even if her boobs are plunging from her top...yes you can see that they are there, but don't make it the focus....with time you will get to them if that is your thing. Personally...big boobs and ass are overrated.....it doesn't make that person a good/better person....I don't like walking next to someone that is creating attention

 

Thanks for the advice, I am new to the dating but do like women who carry I but more weight. Curvy women deserve love

[MissBee]

What are the best ways to approach and meet women in a city at public places like parks, bars, and coffee shops without seeming creepy? I always find myself stumbling on what to say or how to say it. Let me be clear that I'm not seeking to just hook-up with the women, I want to get to know them. My goal is to present myself in a warm, sincere, and friendly fashion. I just have such a difficult time getting over the initial approach and initial conversation starter. I'd appreciate input from both men and women here.

 

The least creepy way is to approach someone over an activity/while you can ask them about something specific or comment on it. If say a woman is at a coffee shop minding her business on her laptop or reading a book then maybe approaching will be a lot more awkward, however if it's say a book store you can make small talk or ask about a book she's picking up or something of that nature and strike up a conversation.

 

At a bar is the easiest as people expect to be hit on in that environment and they're drinking so things are looser. You can ask what she's drinking and you can offer to buy her a drink and tell her your name and strike up convo that way.

 

One of the most memorable and cute ways a man has tried to talk to me was at the supermarket by asking my opinion on two different brands and styles of sauces and then he was explaining about a dish he was trying to make and then started asking if I cooked and it was a very natural conversation and later in the conversation when he asked for my number it wasn't so weird.

[Tayken]

Thanks for the advice, I am new to the dating but do like women who carry I but more weight. Curvy women deserve love

 

 

I think you will find that most men prefer just that..the woman you want to just shag, and the one you want to keep are at different ends of the spectrum

[MissBee]

Do you live in a big city?

 

I live in a big metropolis, if I want to date I go on dating sites where everyone is there to date or find what ever they want from the other gender. When I am out in town and men approach me I find that highly improper. I am sorry, I am out to shop, out to have a coffee with friends, out to relax in a park, NOT out to have strange men hit on me. Especially that if they do it in a public place like this it's ONLY because they find me cute, nothing else.

 

A long time ago I would feel flattered and accept their coffee invitation. All of them, with no exception, were creeps looking for hook-ups. Since then if a man approach me in public I reply: sorry go online if you're looking for a girlfriend.

 

I totally disagree.

 

What do you think people did before the internet???

 

Meeting someone in REAL LIFE where you see them and not a picture (which could very well be misleading) and talk to them and already can develop some chemistry is far more organic and comfortable to me, and most women I know, than the artificial online dating environment.

 

Yes, it is easier in the sense that it is apparent everyone is looking to date, but can also be a lot sleazier, as in real life I get way less sleazy approaches from men than I do on the internet.

 

I would MUCH prefer to meet a bf in real life while I'm drinking coffee, shopping or doing any number of ordinary things and it is a way cuter story to tell anyway lol than "We met on the internet" IMO and I think it is absurd to act like meeting people in real life is weird and people should go on the internet to look for gfs. In any case I don't think most women feel this way, not any of the ones I know anyway. I just signed up for OLD and I hate, hate hate it and will be deleting the profile as it is soo much more creepy and frustrating than the good old fashioned, meeting someone whom you've already seen in person so know for a fact if you find them attractive physically at least, and have some sense of the potential chemistry and may meet them in an environment with which you're already familiar and can see them doing real things than the illusions and surprises which happen with OLD.

[kart180]

I think you will find that most men prefer just that..the woman you want to just shag, and the one you want to keep are at different ends of the spectrum

 

Maybe u are right, I really don't know how or where to start expect just to go to the bar. I am the kind of guy who look for women everywhere

[MissBee]

Is someone seriously complaining about being hit on based on their looks? Duh!!! You honestly think people message you online because of your fascinating profile, and love of water-skiing?

 

 

I'm saying! 9/10 men DO NOT read my OLD profile. I know this for a fact. If I receive 10 messages a day, only one of them if ANY, may mention somehting on my profile or seemed to have read it. The rest do not read it but just look at my pictures and I can tell because 1. if they did they'd know we have zero in common and 2. they ask me the same things already there in the profile, some very basic things too.

 

To each her own opinion, but I think it is definitely a minority opinion that meeting someone on the internet is preferred to real life.

[gaius]

What MissBee said. Going up to a strange woman in public and asking for her number is going to freak out most of them. You have to ease her into it by pretending you're not hitting on her first for a bit. And giving her a little glimpse of your personality.

[Scales]

I've got some good tips for approaching as I'm used to doing it now. Its actually pretty easy, easier than you might think.

 

#1. Warm up. Talking to women in order to get their number is 1/2 being yourself and 1/2 giving a performance. Nobody performs well without warming up. Start by talking to somebody random. Like if you are in line or in an elevator. Have conversations. So many guys get flustered and have no idea what to say after they get through the initial first lines. They run without asking for a number because they flip out.

 

#2. Don't let a negative reaction ruin your day. Sorry you didn't look like fabio. Everyone is different about what they like including you. Have something else to attach your ego to instead of the outcome like past accomplishments. You are going to suck at it the first few times, so don't let it KO you because the first 2 women ran away.

 

#3. Talk about stories, use your environment, and possibly an item shes wearing. No direct sexual talk unless it calls for it. Even innuendos can be pushing it. Connect on things that are fun or emotional. Keep eye contact and smile. She needs to know you are safe/comfortable.

 

#4. Do not cater to her every need. You shouldn't agree to everything she says if you happen to disagree. Don't be mean about it, but stand your ground. Being your own person is important so you come off strong and not desperate. If she spills coffee all over herself you can get her some napkins, but don't flip out about it. Don't spend forever talking to her either. Nobody wants to drown in conversation. 5-10 minutes is a good area to shoot for.

 

#5. Don't creepy stare at them a bunch before approaching. This where average guys make a mistake and it took me awhile to figure this out. Look for girls you want to approach but do not make eye contact until you are ready to do so. If you lock eyes you must then approach. If you are waiting for some sign, make eye contact more than once before approaching, or pretend to look around some more then you will come off creepy, unsure, and weird. It must appear that you saw her and you had to talk to her. Thats not creepy, its romantic. Guys who come off creepy are the ones who wait 20 minutes building up the courage/stare at them, guys who talk about sex, and guys with stained/ripped clothing/weird facial hair. As long as you are not any of those things you can't be creepy.

 

Extra: I figured out approaching gives you a good presence. Women love to tell everyone that they got approached and its a confidence booster for them. Even if they have a boyfriend, they love it. As long as you follow the non-creepy guidelines, you will be memorable even if you are rejected. Girls want a guy strong enough to approach which is becoming more rare because of online. I'm still holding on to approaching rather than OLD because its more fun and allows for instant gratification.

[No Limit]

About the practical approach to women; just like with horses.

Not from behind and not all-too quiet.

[kart180]

I've got some good tips for approaching as I'm used to doing it now. Its actually pretty easy, easier than you might think.

 

#1. Warm up. Talking to women in order to get their number is 1/2 being yourself and 1/2 giving a performance. Nobody performs well without warming up. Start by talking to somebody random. Like if you are in line or in an elevator. Have conversations. So many guys get flustered and have no idea what to say after they get through the initial first lines. They run without asking for a number because they flip out.

 

#2. Don't let a negative reaction ruin your day. Sorry you didn't look like fabio. Everyone is different about what they like including you. Have something else to attach your ego to instead of the outcome like past accomplishments. You are going to suck at it the first few times, so don't let it KO you because the first 2 women ran away.

 

#3. Talk about stories, use your environment, and possibly an item shes wearing. No direct sexual talk unless it calls for it. Even innuendos can be pushing it. Connect on things that are fun or emotional. Keep eye contact and smile. She needs to know you are safe/comfortable.

 

#4. Do not cater to her every need. You shouldn't agree to everything she says if you happen to disagree. Don't be mean about it, but stand your ground. Being your own person is important so you come off strong and not desperate. If she spills coffee all over herself you can get her some napkins, but don't flip out about it. Don't spend forever talking to her either. Nobody wants to drown in conversation. 5-10 minutes is a good area to shoot for.

 

#5. Don't creepy stare at them a bunch before approaching. This where average guys make a mistake and it took me awhile to figure this out. Look for girls you want to approach but do not make eye contact until you are ready to do so. If you lock eyes you must then approach. If you are waiting for some sign, make eye contact more than once before approaching, or pretend to look around some more then you will come off creepy, unsure, and weird. It must appear that you saw her and you had to talk to her. Thats not creepy, its romantic. Guys who come off creepy are the ones who wait 20 minutes building up the courage/stare at them, guys who talk about sex, and guys with stained/ripped clothing/weird facial hair. As long as you are not any of those things you can't be creepy.

 

Extra: I figured out approaching gives you a good presence. Women love to tell everyone that they got approached and its a confidence booster for them. Even if they have a boyfriend, they love it. As long as you follow the non-creepy guidelines, you will be memorable even if you are rejected. Girls want a guy strong enough to approach which is becoming more rare because of online. I'm still holding on to approaching rather than OLD because its more fun and allows for instant gratification.

 

#1 and #2 are great tips. Thanks for the advice, I don't talk to women while I am in line at Walmart or publix, they are always with their husband or BF. no single ladies.

[irc333]

#1 and #2 are great tips. Thanks for the advice, I don't talk to women while I am in line at Walmart or publix, they are always with their husband or BF. no single ladies.

 

I usually approach at some kind of festival or community event at a flea market, renn faire, etc.

 

Or if I see a woman eating alone at the cafe court, I ask to join her.

[spiderowl]

Thanks for the advice, but I am not really a book person, I am more a computer geek and no women look and smile at me ever. Its just I am not that interesting. . My mom was right she always said dating was never good for me.

 

I'd certainly question what your mom says. Sometimes the things parents say can have a very begative effect on our lives. You may do really well with dating, and why not? There are skills to learn about talking to women and so on, but you can do that.

 

If you are a geek, then you might be better aiming to meet a geek lady. Find out where they hang out, computer clubs maybe, that kind of thing, and join in.

[kart180]

I'd certainly question what your mom says. Sometimes the things parents say can have a very begative effect on our lives. You may do really well with dating, and why not? There are skills to learn about talking to women and so on, but you can do that.

 

If you are a geek, then you might be better aiming to meet a geek lady. Find out where they hang out, computer clubs maybe, that kind of thing, and join in.

 

Thanks, I would like to date a geeky lady but the computer club here in Vero is full of old ladies. All the geeky girls are taken or in the northern states. No geeky girls in Florida. As u said, maybe in should try it dating. Don't like loud environments or bar.

[kart180]

I usually approach at some kind of festival or community event at a flea market, renn faire, etc.

 

Or if I see a woman eating alone at the cafe court, I ask to join her.

 

Good advice, never tired the cafe court idea, I usually don't do that as most women are already are siting with their partners.

[irc333]

Good advice, never tired the cafe court idea, I usually don't do that as most women are already are siting with their partners.

 

Be careful though, for they may be waiting on their partner to show up. LOL That can get embarassing.

 

But that' s a good point...it may be geographical, but where I live I gave up approaching women mainly because I would spot wedding rings on their fingers or their boyfriends would be just around the corner.

 

This is an area where most people "settle down", marry the only person they've EVER dated ...which was that person they went to prom with in high school. lol.

[Targetlock]

As i recently discovered getting slightly drunk and walking around the pub and making my best joey impression of 'how u doing?' doesn't work lol

[GravityMan]

I haven't been approached a lot, and I've never been approached by someone who interested me, but I've also never been approaching by someone who overtly creeped me out, either (though I could do without the guys old enough to be my dad!). I don't mind it, and actually I'd love to meet the next guy I date just randomly.

 

What I would recommend, and what is usually done to me, is just start an innocent conversation and see how she reacts. Something about the weather or the line you're standing in or whatever. If she responds in a friendly way-- smiling and actually looking at you, maybe making a joke or asking a question-- go from there. If her answers are hurried, she barely looks at you, her smile is polite or non-existent, and/or she makes excuses to go somewhere else, leave it alone. You're both off the hook; it was just an innocent conversation. If you actually get a conversation going, and it flows for at least couple minutes and she is smiling etc., I'd say it's okay to ask about seeing each other sometime or getting contact info. She might just be being friendly, but if she really is friendly she will probably be nice if she says no (a very awkward, hesitated 'okay' is pretty much the same as a no). It sucks, but hey, I've had that happen too! (turns out he was gay... so very awkward!). If you don't get along well enough to chat for a couple minutes, probably dating won't work out anyway, right?

 

There is also the compliment route, if you're bold. I'd say don't try this unless giving people compliments comes naturally to you, ie, you do it often for people you know and aren't romantically interested as well. I'd also reccomend going for something you can follow up on. Say she has a really cute hat and you like hats-- you can compliment the hat, then if she says a genuine nice friendly thank you! (as opposed to an awkward, polite, strained one), go on to "very Great Gatsby. I bet you're into silent films?" or whatever (I am imagining you are approaching me here, haha). Or her shoes remind you of Montreal where you lived last summer, or you've always wanted to visit that place she's reading a travel book for (okay, that's not really a compliment, but still, picking up on little things can be great conversation starters!).

 

Obviously some women just don't like being approached, but I personally wish there was more of it these days, so you never know. I'd say the key is be friendly without overly 'romantic' to start with so you can gauge her reaction. If she doesn't seem interested in conversing, just leave it. But maybe she does, and maybe it's the cute story you'll tell at your wedding. You never know, right?

 

That is good advice.

 

Honestly folks...the element of attraction aside, "approaching" women you're interested in shouldn't be that much different than striking up a conversation with anyone in almost any other scenario. I think the KISS principle works well here.

 

To the OP, I'd also add - try to expand your social circle, with both men and women. One way to do that is to broaden your interests and connect face-to-face with people who share those interest(s). It's best that you be a genuine likable and interesting person that others want to get to know. If you're that kind of person, others are far more likely to introduce you to their friends and acquaintances...some of whom might just be single and available. Those women who don't like being approached in public? Chances are a good number of them are meeting suitable men to date through mutual friends, via private social gatherings hosted by a friend, or through common interest activities and events.

[shankers]

The thing that helped me the most was becoming friends with a large group of people. Youd be surpirsed how much good networking can do a lonely soul. Join a club and make friends. The more you learn the better. You are not the only guy with the same problem. Get interested in local sports teams. People are attracted to each other through COMMON GOALS. However dont try to hard and agree with the person on every topic.