CelticHeart Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why do men cheat on their wife if they love her? My MM stated he loves and is in love with his wife, I know they have sex and they seem to get along. I'm looking for some insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Because they can, assuming someone is willing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Men (and women too, if my experiences with MW's are any guide) can 'love' different people in different ways, for different reasons and at different discrete times. The more able a man is at dis-integrating his life, the easier it is, and the healthier he feels about, enjoying/loving/participating in such discrete actions as affairs. Thus, he can surely 'love' his wife, make love with her, and also 'love' his affair partner and make love with her and feel positive about all interactions, discretely. Why do men cheat on the wife they love? Each man is unique so their answer will necessarily also be unique but IMO those men who genuinely 'love', in their own way, like to 'love' everyone. The most obvious of those are the men who 'love' all women; you've surely seen them in action, married or not, waxing romantic with every woman they meet. They simply love and enjoy making love with women, in general. Their wife may be one of many in their lifetime. Their love supersedes any boundaries of decorum society might seek to place upon them. That's what I've seen in my lifetime.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Some men cheat because they love the attention, the adoration, the flattery. They cheat because they can. That was certainly the case with my WH. He did not love the OW - he loved that she dropped her entire life, her children, her self-respect, and her self-esteem to serve him. He really thought he was such a rock star because someone he hardly knew offered to buy a plane ticket to meet him for sex - "all my Go*, I must really be something if she is willing to go through all of that trouble." He loved that she expected absolutely nothing from him - he didn't even have to buy her dinner. It was a real ego boost for him - at least he thought it was at the time. I personally know 9 men who cheated. All of but one said it was the ego boost or the sex. The other one cheated because she was a long-ago girlfriend he never got over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MyEvilTwin Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 I disagree with Carhill. He states that these men are loving, but when someone is doing something like an affair behind someone's back--be it man or woman--there's a total disregard for the spouses feelings, hence lack of respect. On the man that loves many--I suppose he's like the jack of all trades and master of none. Loves many women but knows true intimacy with none of them. I suppose for this type of character they see no crime in it. Loving all women lightly, loving none with depth. I see no crime in it either, just as long as they aren't betraying one woman they are married to in order to get what they want. I think these men should simply be honest. I love many women. There. Honest, fair, and open. Then the women can have a say whether they want to be involved with him or not without being betrayed. Bigger question I have for you celtic, is why do you want to share this man? 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 There are many reasons. Some men develop the "Madonna/Whore syndrome" after getting married (and more frequently after having children) and have affairs to fulfill their carnal needs because they see their wives as being superior. Others, secure in their marriage and wife's love, seek a challenge. Some men who don't want to confess their "weaknesses" to their wives, use an affair partner as their confidante; while others whose wives DO know all their secrets and shortcomings, can escape their own reality in an affair. For some it's ego; for others, recapturing the wild abandonment of youth--and sometimes a means of having control. The list goes on. In all of these scenarios, it's not about not loving their wives or wanting to be married to them--and it's ALL about themselves. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why down who aren't hungry hunt and fish? It's a sport and one that is engrained deeply into their DNA. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why do men cheat on their wife if they love her? My fMM also thought he "loved" his then-W. It was only when he really examined the R in IC that he acknowledged that it was fear, pity, obligation and habit! rather than love. It was only through being exposed to a normal loving R that he was able to recognise that the toxic R they had was abusive, not loving. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 My fMM also thought he "loved" his then-W. It was only when he really examined the R in IC that he acknowledged that it was fear, pity, obligation and habit! rather than love. It was only through being exposed to a normal loving R that he was able to recognise that the toxic R they had was abusive, not loving. Reverse this statement and you have what the 8 cheaters I referenced above said. It was only after being with the OW and losing or almost losing their wives that made them realize how deep their love was for their wives. OP - You have two choices: 1) even after your MM told you that he loves his wife, you can continue to delude yourself and "wait" for him; or 2) you can end the affair and find a healthier, open relationship with someone who isn't just using you for an ego boost. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Honest answer They cheat because it's something new and exciting. Men don't cheat for love, it's lust. May fall in love later but it ain't that in the beginning. A hot woman gives a man, any man, the time of day, there's a good chance that ego boost is gonna ignite some major desire to get it on....not all will give in, but there are many who wouldn't pass it up 8 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 I think men who are truly and deeply in love with their wife do not cheat on their wife, unless they are going through a rough patch in their marriage and are uncertain of their feelings or feel temporarily estranged from their wife, or if they have a sense of entitlement to cheat and somehow believe that, since the wife doesn't know, he is not hurting her. I don't believe someone can truly and deeply love two women at the same time and be willing to hurt a spouse that they love in such a horrible way. I think men are either emotionally distanced from the wife at the time of cheating, or they are the men who feel entitled to cheat and have a "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" mentality. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 or they are the men who feel entitled to cheat and have a "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" mentality. ^^This is exactly what my WH thought. He was not seeking an affair. He went to an out-of-town seminar and was flattered when the OW hit on him. He thought, "why not"? Some of his family members and friends had cheated with no consequences, so he thought that his experience would be the same. He was banking on the fact that I believed that my marriage was a lifelong commitment. He didn't think that he would get caught and, even if he did get caught, I would just rugsweep it. He was wrong about all of it. He didn't anticipate my hurt and he didn't anticipate the OW's fury. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 ^^This is exactly what my WH thought. He was not seeking an affair. He went to an out-of-town seminar and was flattered when the OW hit on him. He thought, "why not"? Some of his family members and friends had cheated with no consequences, so he thought that his experience would be the same. He was banking on the fact that I believed that my marriage was a lifelong commitment. He didn't think that he would get caught and, even if he did get caught, I would just rugsweep it. He was wrong about all of it. He didn't anticipate my hurt and he didn't anticipate the OW's fury. My sister's ex husband was the same way. Loved his wife, but had a sense of entitlement to cheat, and so engaged in short-term flings or ONS with other women. Many of his male friends were also this way--had loving wives but felt entitled to cheat and thought that what she didn't know won't hurt her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why cheat? Cause they want "extra", there's someone who will and they don't think they'll get caught are the first things that come to mind. Then all the issues that are wrong with the Cheater then poor coping in what MAY be wrong in the M. There are probably a plethora of other excuses the cheating spouse comes up with to decide then rationalize cheating on Their Spouse... All of which are completely sucky, shallow and mean. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why do men cheat on their wife if they love her? My MM stated he loves and is in love with his wife, I know they have sex and they seem to get along. I'm looking for some insight. Your real question here is why is he still loving her and having sex with her since he can now have me? The answer is because you are the extra side dish. he wants to bang you IN ADDITION TO having a home and family and loving relationship with her. Having an extra side piece is like having some tasty dessert with a meat and vegatables meal. It's a little extra tasty treat in addition to that which you need. your decision here is whether you want to be someone's extra fun or not. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
wasntlooking Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Honest answer They cheat because it's something new and exciting. Men don't cheat for love, it's lust. May fall in love later but it ain't that in the beginning. A hot woman gives a man, any man, the time of day, there's a good chance that ego boost is gonna ignite some major desire to get it on....not all will give in, but there are many who wouldn't pass it up This is what i believe is my situation, deep down, this is it........somewhat hard to digest Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why do men cheat on their wife if they love her. They don't. G 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why do men cheat on their wife if they love her? My MM stated he loves and is in love with his wife, I know they have sex and they seem to get along. I'm looking for some insight. In no particular order: -They're actually not in love, and mistake familial love for romantic love. - They're bored (most common, imo) -They're very unhappy with the wife they don't get along with and she/they treat him/each other quite badly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peaksandvalleys Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Why do men cheat on their wife if they love her? My MM stated he loves and is in love with his wife, I know they have sex and they seem to get along. I'm looking for some insight. I have recently come to the conclusion that their version of love is not what love should be. It is a convenient form of love that is created to allow them to continue to lie and betray. It is a love that is only self fulfilling and does not have the best interest of both members of the couple at heart. I would rather be alone my entire life than have someone ever love me again this way. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
experiencethedevine Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 In no particular order: -They're actually not in love, and mistake familial love for romantic love. - They're bored (most common, imo) -They're very unhappy with the wife they don't get along with and she/they treat him/each other quite badly. In some cases this might be the truth. In many, this is utter horse manure....................... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
inappfriendly Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Honest answer They cheat because it's something new and exciting. Men don't cheat for love, it's lust. May fall in love later but it ain't that in the beginning. A hot woman gives a man, any man, the time of day, there's a good chance that ego boost is gonna ignite some major desire to get it on....not all will give in, but there are many who wouldn't pass it up The truth hurts. Ouch! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Why do men cheat on their wife if they love her? My MM stated he loves and is in love with his wife, I know they have sex and they seem to get along. I'm looking for some insight. Some MM just want more. They feel entitled to have some on the side. Because they can get away with it. Because they want sex with others. Because many men can separate love and sex which makes it easy for them to cheat. Question is - If you know this about your MM, why stay? What are you getting out of this knowing he loves and is in love with his wife, still having sex with her? Why put yourself through something that will never last and will only hurt you as time goes on? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 You don't love somebody if you cheat on them. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 You don't love somebody if you cheat on them. End thread. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Depends on the person. It seems to me like there is an awful lot of wanting what they don't have, or wanting what they have plus a whole lot more. In the op's situation, how can he say he loves his W, yet feel comfortable hurting her like this? What kind of love is that? If this is what his idea of love is. I'd hate to see his idea of hatred. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts