guilty and wants to be honest with girlfriend..minor or major?

[oasisfancortes]

Yesterday, for Valentine's , my gf and I went to Las Vegas and had a great time. Came back, and used my laptop and downloaded pictures from trip and found pics of other women from random sites, I didn't know them personally. She got mad because I lied , not over the act of checking out other girls, and not because of the pictures themselves.She forgave me and told me to be completely honest.

 

A few weeks ago I went with some of our coworkers to a strip club for a birthday. She said she wasn't bothered that I'd go because she trusts me. I drank, tried getting a girl to give the birthday boy a dance, but he was shy and instead gave me a free dance. Didn't have sex, she only danced and put my hands on her chest and butt, and offered more if I paid but I didn't and left.

 

Today I'm meeting her mom, and I feel bad about how she found the pics yesterday and the dance I never told her. Should I tell her , and if I do when is the appropriate time? I want to because I want to be honest and I feel like sht.

Edited February 15, 2014 by oasisfancortes

[MrMeh]

The fact you have to question whether to tell her pretty much sums up what

you should do. You'll know she'll get mad, but at least your relationship

won't be based on lies with false bliss.

[ThatGirl213]

What did you lie about the pics from random sites?

 

I think you should tell her about what happened at the strip club. She said she wants you to be honest with her and you did not really cheat on her there. So I don't see why you should worry about it. She may be pissed off but she will understand that you are letting her know rather than her hearing it from a friend who was with you there or someone else who saw you there. Tell her when you feel it is ok to let her know. You could tell her before you meet her mom and let her know you are totally committed to her and will always be honest with her. She should understand.

[Eivuwan]

What did you lie about the pics from random sites?

 

I think you should tell her about what happened at the strip club. She said she wants you to be honest with her and you did not really cheat on her there. So I don't see why you should worry about it. She may be pissed off but she will understand that you are letting her know rather than her hearing it from a friend who was with you there or someone else who saw you there. Tell her when you feel it is ok to let her know. You could tell her before you meet her mom and let her know you are totally committed to her and will always be honest with her. She should understand.

 

He did touch the girl. That to me is cheating.

[No Limit]

What's there to doubt? Of course you should.

[BetrayedH]

He did touch the girl. That to me is cheating.

 

It really depends on what his GF thinks. Touching in strip clubs is not uncommon. She may have expected this kind of interaction when she gave him the 'ok' to go. If so, it wouldn't be cheating.

[ThatGirl213]

It really depends on what his GF thinks. Touching in strip clubs is not uncommon. She may have expected this kind of interaction when she gave him the 'ok' to go. If so, it wouldn't be cheating.

 

That was what I meant...

[SoleMate]

BF lets other woman put his hands on her breasts and rear = Cheating

 

...just like...

 

GF lets other man put his hands on her breasts and rear = Cheating

 

Right?

 

Sure, the touching may be common in a strip club, but commonness does not imply it's not an offense against fidelity. If the BF were so sure that the GF had actually pre-approved this activity (and so hence it wouldn't be cheating), he'd hardly hesitate to tell her.

 

Unless the GF has a lot of knowledge about strip clubs, she may make the logical assumption that attending a strip club means a visual, con-contact show only. That would be the assumption of many women.

 

Back to OP.....tell her, apologize and say you won't do it again (if that is indeed your commitment) and offer to postpone the mother visit. Nothing else makes sense.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yes, you need to tell her about the dance. Touching someone's naked body is cheating, in my book. In strip clubs in the UK it's actually uncommon to be able to touch the women (at least in the 'above board' ones). You have a bouncer stood close by in case you try anything on. So personally if a bf of mine was getting a lapdance I wouldn't presume that he would be touching her.

 

Whatever, she deserves the truth about the nature of your relationship and to decide whether she wants to be with you or not, based on knowledge of your actions.

[No Limit]

It really depends on what his GF thinks. Touching in strip clubs is not uncommon. She may have expected this kind of interaction when she gave him the 'ok' to go. If so, it wouldn't be cheating.

 

If the OP knew that she might have expected it, I don't understand why he wouldn't tell her.

It's her decision. Of course, if the OP had to reassure her how it was all for a friend etc, he will get trouble.

[BetrayedH]

I'm just saying that it depends upon the perspective of his GF. My (ex)wife was completely ok with strip bars, knew about lap dances and some contact. She really didn't care as long as I was respectful to the woman. She even attended with me a couple times. I didn't go often but it certainly wasn't cheating when I did.

 

Am I cool with the OP hiding anything? Absolutely not. And if he's not sure, he definitely needs to talk to her. Discussing boundaries in advance would have been smart for both parties. If they just went with an "I trust you" discussion then they both messed up. I knew my line (BJs in the back room would have not been cool) and I never crossed it.

 

I guess I'm just saying that if she knows what goes on in there and was ok with it, I wouldn't run home and give her details that she's not asking for. My wife was alright with it but I wasn't running home to give a report-out on it all. If she asked (which she did a couple times), I certainly told her.

 

But fundamentally, I agree with the crowd here. He needs to be safe rather than sorry. If he's not sure about her comfort zone, he needs to disclose and be damn apologetic if he crossed a line.