The Samurai Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I'm sorry to say this (please take no offense), but I think soon you will lose her forever. And believe me, you will regret it your whole life that you lost her because of some silly messages. Stop torturing her and yourself. You go show her how much you love her in and out the bed, then she will do the same back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 You go show her how much you love her in and out the bed, then she will do the same back to you. I am kind of agreeing with Samurai here. I think you are waiting for her to make some grand gesture of love and devotion and all-consuming passion and I'm starting to question whether she can live up to your expectations or not. I don't mean this to sound offensive or condescending or mean or anything but you are starting to kinda sound like a chick. you found a few txts of her flirting and making a little sexy banter with some old fling she met but never had any serious intentions with and now you a wanting some grand gesture of her love and passion. From the way you describe her, I'm just not sure she has it in her to do what you are asking. By your own admission's she's been faithfull and has been continuing in the relationship with you in a forward direction. She hasn't shown any signs of missing this other dude or of yearning for anyone else. She has come right out and said that she loves you and wants this behind you. If you are wanting a perfect and pure human being that is going to kneel down on their knees before you and ceremoniously disembowel herself before you to show her complete devotion and passion to you, I think you are asking too much. I'm only a 3rd party observer reading what you have written from your perspective but I see no foul on her part at this point. You are the one who's had your feelings bent or who has stumbled into something you are having a hard time dealing with. I think she is giving you what she has and what she can. I'm not sure she's going to be able to, or even come up with whatever more it is that you are wanting. Some people simply can't give you the love and passion and chemistry you want. I think what you need to decide here is is she good enough and satisfactory enough for you to be content with and continue forward with. Or is she not quite what you are looking for? Is she inadequate for you or do you have a hang up of your own that is preventing you from accepting and savoring what she has to offer? From her txts, this is obviously stressing her out and causing her distress as well. How long do you think she is going to put up with that? She has the right to have her BF be OK with her and continue to have a mutually beneficial relationship with her. She also has the right to be let go cleanly and humanely if she isn't what he is looking for so she can continue with her life and find someone that will accept her as she is. I understand it was a bit of a blow to find out she had some sexual banter with some guy when you were starting to see each other. But You two were both full-grown adults when you met. It is unrealistic of you to think that she would be some pure, virginal lady-in-waiting when you met. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 If she only gives you sex you don't want and you can't change her mind, then it's time to move on SD. Sd, you also sound like an insecure guy who believes anything a girl says over texts. Point in blankly, neither you or your girlfriend can give each other what you want, so it's time to decide if you want to continue worrying about how she will never be able to give you passionate sex like you want, or move on and experience a new relationship you might truly enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
HomanWater Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I think she is giving you what she has and what she can. I'm not sure she's going to be able to, or even come up with whatever more it is that you are wanting. Some people simply can't give you the love and passion and chemistry you want. I think what you need to decide here is is she good enough and satisfactory enough for you to be content with and continue forward with.That's completely false. Entire thread revolves around the idea that past lover got more (passionate sex) than OP from the very same gf. This suggests she is capable of giving more, but isn't doing so for OP for whatever reason. That situation calls into question how seriously actually OP's gf takes him. Sure, she sent some lovey-dovey texts - question is: how sincere are those? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 That's completely false. Entire thread revolves around the idea that past lover got more (passionate sex) than OP from the very same gf. This suggests she is capable of giving more, but isn't doing so for OP for whatever reason. That situation calls into question how seriously actually OP's gf takes him. Sure, she sent some lovey-dovey texts - question is: how sincere are those? I didn't say she isn't capable of giving love, sexuality and passion. I said she may not be able to give him what he is wanting. In otherwords the issue is, is she able to give him what he wants to the degree and in the manner in which he is wanting it. It's about him. Not her. Link to post Share on other sites
HomanWater Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I didn't say she isn't capable of giving love, sexuality and passion. I said she may not be able to give him what he is wanting. In otherwords the issue is, is she able to give him what he wants to the degree and in the manner in which he is wanting it. It's about him. Not her. Seems to me like OP wants what was already given to someone else before. That would mean she is capable enough of giving exactly that, unless something drastic happened along the way and somehow rendered her incapable of doing so (and right now all I can come up with would be some bad accident). It certainly isn't my go to assumption that she isn't capable of giving whatever is in question. I'd lean more to capable, but is she willing? Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 It certainly isn't my go to assumption that she isn't capable of giving whatever is in question. I'd lean more to capable, but is she willing? Being "willing" is duty sex. Does she have the passion for the OP that would make her want to? Link to post Share on other sites
janedoe67 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I am a very passionate, sexual woman, but even I - if I read all this and was the GF in question - would be tied up in paralyzed knots right now "Prove right this second that you're a dirty wild girl or you must not love the OP!" It would feel like some kind of test I had to pass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HomanWater Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I am a very passionate, sexual woman, but even I - if I read all this and was the GF in question - would be tied up in paralyzed knots right now "Prove right this second that you're a dirty wild girl or you must not love the OP!" It would feel like some kind of test I had to pass. She doesn't have to prove anything. Nor does OP have to accept current status quo as it is. Relationships are not obligatory, one or both parties can "sign out" of it should they think situation is unsatisfying and there is nothing that can realistically be done about it. Up to OP if he thinks nothing can be done though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 That situation calls into question how seriously actually OP's gf takes him. Sure, she sent some lovey-dovey texts - question is: how sincere are those? Yes, the lovey-dovey texts open the door, but actions need to show how sincere they are. Yesterday, she sent more texts saying that she wants us to have determination and patience is resolving everything. My replies were also warm. However, after that, she didn't yet show that determination. I will wait to see her actions in wanting to make time to have a sincere talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 If she only gives you sex you don't want and you can't change her mind, then it's time to move on SD. Sd, you also sound like an insecure guy who believes anything a girl says over texts. Point in blankly, neither you or your girlfriend can give each other what you want, so it's time to decide if you want to continue worrying about how she will never be able to give you passionate sex like you want, or move on and experience a new relationship you might truly enjoy. We are currently not in a position to see if our sex life can improve as we are not together. My first step is to see if she is willing to discuss issues about our relationship with me in an honest and open way. If I was insecure before, I don't agree that I am now. I now know what I need and am not willing to accept less. You nor I don't know yet if we can give each other what we want. That is to be determined. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I didn't say she isn't capable of giving love, sexuality and passion. I said she may not be able to give him what he is wanting. In otherwords the issue is, is she able to give him what he wants to the degree and in the manner in which he is wanting it. It's about him. Not her. Yesterday she asked me by texts how I need her to show her love. My reply was to first show patience and determination to face our problems and to try to resolve them. I then told her that after this is resolved, then we need to determine in which ways she is capable of showing me love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I am a very passionate, sexual woman, but even I - if I read all this and was the GF in question - would be tied up in paralyzed knots right now "Prove right this second that you're a dirty wild girl or you must not love the OP!" It would feel like some kind of test I had to pass. I haven't been giving her any pressure as to anything specific about sex. My main point with her in recent weeks has not been about sex. Sex has not been mentioned with her recently. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 We are currently not in a position to see if our sex life can improve as we are not together. My first step is to see if she is willing to discuss issues about our relationship with me in an honest and open way. If I was insecure before, I don't agree that I am now. I now know what I need and am not willing to accept less. You nor I don't know yet if we can give each other what we want. That is to be determined. Listen man, I know that you feel like you should work it out, but to truly work it out: You need to stop being insecure and show her you got confidence in yourself and that you know what you are talking about...that means if she messes up again, no more second chances. If you two do get back together, show her the man you can be taking charge in the bedroom and learn how to please her first so she can feel better and sexier. You are like 10 years younger than this old other guy, You are supposed to have more vigor and sexual energy in bed than him, it's time to act like you know what you want and stop dwelling on the past. If she had good sex with her, show her she can have some mind blowing,amazing sex with YOU. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Yesterday she asked me by texts how I need her to show her love. My reply was to first show patience and determination to face our problems and to try to resolve them. I then told her that after this is resolved, then we need to determine in which ways she is capable of showing me love. Empty words because you did not say what it is that bothers you. Therefore she has not been told what has to be fixed. Without that info she can not even know if it I something that can be fixed. You are wasting her and your time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I haven't been giving her any pressure as to anything specific about sex. My main point with her in recent weeks has not been about sex. Sex has not been mentioned with her recently. Yet it is only sex that you talk about here. Maybe holding back with here is why she could give more to the OM. Let her go. You maturity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Samurai Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Don't you notice that all you are saying is: I want, I need, I like, I love... etc. Do you really care about her?! Again, I believe the problem is not her.. the problem is YOU. You start showing her your love first, your passion first.. then see how she will react. Don't wait for her.. you start first.. If you really care about her in the first place of course. Link to post Share on other sites
nomoremindgames Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I have not read the entire thread but this seems out of hand. She sounds like a people pleaser and you sound insecure trying to assert your manhood because you feel subpar because of some old geezer. You are getting advice from people you don't know on a serious relationship. You should be speaking to HER and not playing these games. What will be enough for you? If she cowers to your will and makes you feel like "the man"? That should come inside yourself, NOT her. THAT is sexy, not this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Don't you notice that all you are saying is: I want, I need, I like, I love... etc. Do you really care about her?! Again, I believe the problem is not her.. the problem is YOU. You start showing her your love first, your passion first.. then see how she will react. Don't wait for her.. you start first.. If you really care about her in the first place of course. I have showed her love and care for our entire relationship and have been very gentle and understanding to her. Two months ago, I learned some things about her that I had no idea about. That is when I decided that I need to make some changes in myself and be assertive about what I need from her and a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 I have not read the entire thread but this seems out of hand. She sounds like a people pleaser and you sound insecure trying to assert your manhood because you feel subpar because of some old geezer. You are getting advice from people you don't know on a serious relationship. You should be speaking to HER and not playing these games. What will be enough for you? If she cowers to your will and makes you feel like "the man"? That should come inside yourself, NOT her. THAT is sexy, not this. Thank you. I have been speaking with her. Last night, we talked for four hours and I felt it was a good sincere talk. Yes, I am making changes inside myself both mentally and physically. If you read the thread, you would know that I am not in any way trying to pressure her to change or "cower to my will". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Empty words because you did not say what it is that bothers you. Therefore she has not been told what has to be fixed. Without that info she can not even know if it I something that can be fixed. You are wasting her and your time. I have previously and recently let her know what bothers me. Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted March 7, 2014 Share Posted March 7, 2014 Okay now since you now said she was just having a short time fling with you, and she was with the older man before you, and then after she broke it off with him, you two stayed in a relationship; then I think your problem is that your ego won't accept that a man could be a bit more passionate than you in the bedroom? Forgive me for being blunt, but it feels to me that is your major problem with her right now. If that is the case, then focus on YOU and how YOU could become a better lover...worrying about your insecurities certainly won't help you get better at it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD1000 Posted March 16, 2014 Author Share Posted March 16, 2014 Update: I very appreciated the thoughtful posts that I had from many kind people here. It has been over a week since I posted any updates because I wanted more time to be able to post a proper update. First, she seemed to be more patient and caring to talk about the past with me. I have discovered that she has been very honest with me. This greatly increased my confidence in her. Then I discovered more about the older business man that she had dated during our first four months when we were apart after our first two weeks together. He is not what I expected. Many 54 year old men still keep themselves in good shape and look fairly youthful. This guy looked older than his age and had a noticeable gut from his profile photos nearly two years ago. I had imagined him to be much more athletic and younger looking back then. From his messages from the website, I can see that he needs women to give him confidence. Therefore it began to make sense that my fiancé was being truthful when she said that it was not a passionate relationship for her. The best news is that during the past week, our passion for each other has exploded. I have been working very hard in the gym and it has really helped my confidence. I began showing her my confidence and expressing my strong feelings and desires for her. She has responded in ways that I never thought was possible. She expresses her desire for me and two days ago we had real sexting for the first time, and today she was very receptive to have phone s_x. She was very passionate and into it. I could not imagine we would ever have this connection a few months ago. After a two-month break, she is going to come be with me in a few weeks. It will still take time to see if this can last, but at least now I have a good reason to be very hopeful and confident. I believe she loves me more strongly now and because of her attitude and determination during the past few weeks, I am feeling more confident to allow myself to love her even more than before. (sorry if this is kind of sappy, but I've been through a lot during the past two months). Again I appreciate the kindness of many of you. I will update again to let you know the progress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocahouts Posted March 17, 2014 Share Posted March 17, 2014 Congrats!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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