ComingInHot Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I'm trying to figure out why your b/f didn't lead the conversation. .. seems if there was nothing to hide then He would have brought You to this young woman to Introduce You as His Girlfriend then if needed tell the girl it makes both him and you uncomfortable with the overt advances she is making. How did it escalate to you performing the confrontation and not your b/f?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 CIH - There was no excalation really or premeditation. I just saw her sitting there with another woman Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I know this might sound a bit odd, but when I pictured her...iit's not what I expected, she's stunning, which is making me feel worse Don't let her looks upset you or make you feel bad. Don't compare yourself to her or allow this to make you feel insecure. You've done nothing wrong and IF your partner has been up to no good and has cheated on you, that's ALL on him and it's not your fault. Please try not to let this affect your own self confidence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 WWIU - I asked him to show me his phone with texts from her. There was one in August that was about a work password. Then in December he sent her a text meant for a client and she replied, he replied, she replied saying 'you've still not realised you sent this to the wrong person...?' and he put 'No', then a couple that he didn't reply to about this project Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Bonnie123, thanks for the correction* I kind of read it differently:) Did your b/f point her out to you? Seems like he may not do that if he had something to hide?? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Then talk to her again ALONE without him and ask her to please tell you what is going on. Tell her that you have an open mind and just want the truth. That if HE is crushing on her, then you need to know..That if she is crushing on him, you want to know..That if they are having an inappropriate friendship, you want to know the truth no matter what. Something (again) is not adding up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 With the looks thing, I mean more...It's harder to believe a stunning 20 something has an obsession with a man in his mid 30s Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 CIH - No, I don't want to make myself sound guilty here but about a year ago someone from his work told me to 'watch out' for someone who looked like her and then showed me a picture of her on Facebook Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 WWIU - I have no way of talking to her, and I was quite...assertive? when I confronted her, I ended up poking her in the arm a few times while telling her to stay away Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Ahhhhhhhhhhh Gotcha. That's a tough one for sure. You were already on high alert from the warning you received then your b/f giving you bits about her inappropriate behavior, well I can see how you triggered when you saw her. Still trying to figure out your b/f's reaction to the stitch and her reaction with the focusing on him. ... weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 My friend made me tell her what happened 3 times, though I don't know whether that was for my benefit or hers. She said she didn't understand why he stood about 5ft behind me looking at the floor and didn't support me, he tried to pull me away and then stood in between us when I poked her. She questioned me about his telling her to leave him alone and highligted that he didn't even look her in the eye then Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 I think my main thing is...sort of taking context away...is what would you assume based on someone's reaction of not saying anything and looking at the floor? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I think my main thing is...sort of taking context away...is what would you assume based on someone's reaction of not saying anything and looking at the floor? They are guilty of something. Sorry. My friend made me tell her what happened 3 times, though I don't know whether that was for my benefit or hers. I don't understand what this means? what happened? I'm a bit confused here. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I think my main thing is...sort of taking context away...is what would you assume based on someone's reaction of not saying anything and looking at the floor? Things that come to mind? Guilt, embarrassment, being caught out, feeling shifty, liar,.... Sorry Bonnie but his reactions should trouble you a lot more than hers. Plus poking someone in the arm is not being assertive, it is being aggressive. I only say that because I think you need to try and keep some more control over your reactions whilst you deal with whatever your bf is doing. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 WWIU - I mean my friend made me go over what happened with her three times and picked different bits out each time. She asked if I thought that he shouted that at her combined with not being able to look at her while saying it looked like he was trying to get me and her as far away from each other as possible as quick as possible Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 Anne - I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but I was so angry and when she was saying she hadn't done anything and was looking at him and touched him after I told her to stay away from us, I snapped Do both of you think there is *anything* that could be explained as embarassment at her previous actions or something thats not...bad? Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 With the looks thing, I mean more...It's harder to believe a stunning 20 something has an obsession with a man in his mid 30s Looking at the ground is an avoidance of confrontation. Why can't a 20 year old find a 30 year old attractive. I was 37, my AP was 27, I thought she was hot, she thought I was too....but I suspect she needed glasses. If it didn't/doesn't feel right.....it's not Link to post Share on other sites
Nothisgirl Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Anne - I know it wasn't the right thing to do, but I was so angry and when she was saying she hadn't done anything and was looking at him and touched him after I told her to stay away from us, I snapped Do both of you think there is *anything* that could be explained as embarassment at her previous actions or something thats not...bad? I just read this whole thread and I'm really not sure WHY you're so upset with her?? You read her text messages and there was nothing "off" about them, they were work related right?? And, if she's harassing him at work like he says then he should be dealing with it there or at the VERY LEAST be man enough to ask her himself to back off. He should have never ever put you in that position. I understand it was a random thing running into her at a bar but tbh I think if he was really truly bothered by her attention (which I don't think is the case...sorry) he would have put a stop to it long before now. So, to answer your questions...I think he was staring at the floor because he's guilty and no, I do not think there is any reason for his relation that's not "bad". I'd bet money that he hasn't been honest with you (or her for that matter) I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 I don't mean she can't find him attractive at all. I just meant, I pictured someone who probably couldn't get anyone they wanted, unlike this woman. It doesn't make an attraction impossible, but it makes the fact she's obsessed with him harder to believe. Avoidance of confrontation...do you think it's bad for me, or do you think he could just have been embarassed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 NTG - I'm angry with her as my partner told me she has been obsessed with him for nearly a year and won't leave him alone. When I asked him why he didn't say no to helping her, he said it was too uncomfortable to say no. But then she looked really surprised when he said leave me alone at work too...urgh I don't know what to think Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Maybe it is he who is obsessed with her. In my profession I believe what I see, not what I hear.... How has he been acting at home, how much does he talk about her, does he take his phone with him within the house, is he distant'........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 No difference, really, we've got a new baby so things are hectic. He never mentions her, really, only mentioned her after I spoke to him 9 months ago when the woman warned me to watch this woman. I spoke to my friend and told her I posted and she told me to add that she saw this woman after our confrontation and she was where we left her crying at her friend. She also said she saw my partner looking at her from a distance when I'd gone to the rest room Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Pretty simple. He's not being honest with you. He fed you lines that I've seen repeated here over and over again. There was something between them and it sounds like he's a conflict avoider, so he looked at the floor because he was being dishonest with you. Run. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonnie123 Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 RF - how would the symptoms of him being obsessed with her manifest themselves? I'm really appreciative of (all!) a guy's opinion especially. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Well... the way it looks to me is: He has told you she is obsessed with him because the whole thing is about to blow up and he is covering his a**. So when a co-worker (cue whoever warned you a year ago) blabs he looks like the innocent party and she is the baddie. Whatever. Where there is smoke, there is fire. I agree with WWIU, something is definitely off here. But please, leave her alone. It is not her who owes you, it is your husband. Why he would allow you to get involved is beyond me. IF he has drawn a line in the sand with her, there would be no need. He is just covering his a**. This little judge and jury says guilty as charged. I smell a rat. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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