What does his reaction mean?

[TurningTables]

Bonnie,

I am surprised that no one has told you what to do from here. If you really want to know what is going on, it's time to be a little stealth- like. If you share a cell bill, look at the past 8 to 9 months. Since you know her cell #. If they have been communicating lot or been having an A, you will see hundreds of texts. The other thing is you need to start a private journal. Write down anything odd or off that you may think is noteworthy.

I think it's odd he stood there and didn't stop you. I am with the other posters, something is way off.

Someone isn't being honest.

TT

[HappyLove]

Bonnie you came off as a raging lunatic! As the mother of a newborn you should know and act better. What if this girl swung back at you or had a knife, she has a right to protect herself from you attacking her and poking her in the arm. Really? Grown women do not fight. Sounds like you made a fool of yourself and the girl was probably so embarrassed for herself and you that she didn't know what to say.

 

So far there is absolutely no proof that this girl is obsessed with your man. Point blank period end of story. All the evidence is lame. Your man texted HER by accident. She asked for help at work about WORK, since when is that a crime? She asks for help and your weak ass man runs home to cry to mommy about a coworker asking for help, REALLY?! If there was a real issue at work where is the proof that he went to human resources? Sounds like he's feeding you a bunch of bull. Your friends are asking you to repeat the story 3 times because they are too kind to tell you your man is a liar.

 

If this lady is so called obsessed with your man he would have a long list of examples or some type of proof!

 

Honestly you two sound crazy. He's obsessed with some girl so he tells his crazy gf who flips out over nothing and starts poking perfect strangers in the arm and making a fool of herself.

 

I'd be so embarrassed if I were you. Never allow someone to make you act like an animal. He's not even your husband for goodness sakes. Sounds like there's a lot of growing up to do all around.

[Bonnie123]

HL - It was very crowded so it wasn't as big of a deal as it probably sounds, though I know now it wasn't the right thing to do. Do you think there is something in his accidental text that I'm missing? As far as he's said, he hasn't gone to HR because it would cause too much hassle

 

I can't ignore more than a few of you saying he would be the one obsessed with her...That's a strong word, though, why would he mention her at all? But then why would he accept her gift and fix her car and offer to help her if he was that uncomfortable? Can someone really be that cowardly to just do those things for ease?

[HappyLove]

" But then why would he accept her gift and fix her car and offer to help her if he was that uncomfortable? Can someone really be that cowardly to just do those things for ease?"

 

I must have missed something, what's this about a gift? What was the gift? How & when did he fix her car?

 

I can't even get people who ARE my friends to get me a gift or fix my car! Ok, time to stop bring naive girlfriend.

[Bonnie123]

In this post I made earlier:

 

He says she's always there (it has other facilities bar work, I don't really want to say what the place is) and always talks to him, texts him the things I saw and asked him to help with this project when she could have asked others (though she said it's because he's a manager)

 

I asked him if there was anything else at all and he said she gave him this thing ages ago because she didn't know anyone else who'd want it (she'd won it in something apparently) and one time she was struggling with her car in the car lot so he fixed it for her

 

It was nothing major, just putting something back on that had fell off and he was there when it happened

[WakingUp]

Well as far as helping with the car goes, I wouldn't read much into that.

 

 

That's what men are supposed to do! Good grief, they know how to do these things, and a car is a car. What else would he do, walk on by and say get a taxi? And re-gifting something you don't want... oh big deal.

 

 

Really, either you are ridiculously out of order, or onto something. Only you can work this one out.

 

 

But for goodness sake, stop making scenes. Retain your dignity.

[HappyLove]

In this post I made earlier:

 

He says she's always there (it has other facilities bar work, I don't really want to say what the place is) and always talks to him, texts him the things I saw and asked him to help with this project when she could have asked others (though she said it's because he's a manager)

 

I asked him if there was anything else at all and he said she gave him this thing ages ago because she didn't know anyone else who'd want it (she'd won it in something apparently) and one time she was struggling with her car in the car lot so he fixed it for her

 

It was nothing major, just putting something back on that had fell off and he was there when it happened

 

And if I had a stalker someone who was obsessed with me and causing trouble. I would never ever take any gifts or anything from them. And if I DID see something with them and their car in the parking lot best believe I'd leave them right where they were and keep on walking by. Sorry, but nothing is adding up to say this girl is obsessed with your man.

[Bonnie123]

Do you think it's the other way around, HL?

 

I really really don't think he'd ever say this to make me jealous. He can be a flirt by nature, but there's something different with this

[Bonnie123]

JT - I think you've misread some of my posts. I'm not saying that there IS anything wrong with the gift or car thing. Those are 'evidence' my partner gave of her obsession with him

 

From what I've seen, she doesn't actually text him a lot

[Bonnie123]

No, and I'm a tiny bit offended by the insinuation. My partner is most definitely not naive, read above where I said he's a flirt by nature and in his 30s, most definitely not naive in any sense. This is my second child, I know the difference between my emotions and my partner actively telling me this woman is obsessed with him and won't leave him alone

 

I think you're missing the fact I didn't pull this out of the air, my partner told me this information

[whichwayisup]

She should not be texting him since they aren't friends and as you say (so he says) he hasn't been that nice to her in a while. So her texting IS alarming. He has to tell her NOT to text him again or he can change his number, if need be.

 

There's no need for her to have his number.

 

I have to admit, I have absolutely no idea whether or not it's her who is obsessed with him, or if she has crush, or if she's friendly and doesn't know boundaries or if he is leading her on, flirting with her and enjoying an ego feed, or if he cheating or not. The thing is, you say it bugs him so much and you've told her to back off etc., yet she still texts him after that?

 

Still feel there's a bit more to this and unless you hire a PI to have them followed for a while, you may never really know.

 

PS what was the gift she gave him?

Edited February 16, 2014 by whichwayisup

[Bonnie123]

The only things she has text him about is work, and he gave her his number for that reason. She hasn't text since her texting asking him WTF and prior to that one in December, then his accidental texts

 

The gift was nothing major, some limited edition star wars pamphlet thing

[whichwayisup]

Well, I'm not a fly on the wall, but from what you've said her behaviour doesn't seem to be one who is totally obsessed. She isn't stalking him, pestering him with texts or emails or phone calls. So , what is the real issue here now?

 

He is a grown man, and her manager, right? It is up to him to make boundaries and let her know to keep it professional and that's it. If he can't do that and still feels threatened by her, then he needs to deal with his human resources department at work.

[Bonnie123]

He's just got home from work. I don't really know what to make of this, but he said she's told the manager of the whole building what happened and that she wants nothing to do with him and if I ever come near her again, she'll call the police

[fancy feast]

Lol, dude was straight up frontin'. He was looking at the floor embarrassed because it blew up in his face.

[Bonnie123]

FancyFeast, do you mean you think something was going on with them?

[fancy feast]

FancyFeast, do you mean you think something was going on with them?

 

I'm saying it sounds like he made it up, and was embarrassed that he got caught. The girl's reaction to you, and how she's handling it at work support that.

[HappyLove]

I'm saying it sounds like he made it up, and was embarrassed that he got caught. The girl's reaction to you, and how she's handling it at work support that.

 

Exactly, and what do you do when someone is crazy on the job? You go to human resources like the girl did. If this woman was SOOO obsessive that he had to tell you about it and nearly have you fight her where is his proof that this is reported at work? Now we all know for a fact the girl was harassed and she did what any sane person would do when harassed by a fellow worker. I'm sorry he put you in this position Bonnie, it's really a shame. But learn that you gotta think things through before you go attacking a stranger. Even your gut was telling you something was off when you saw her. Hell come and talk to us first! Now he might get fired over this.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, good lawd.

 

Nothing about her behaviour indicates that she's obsessed with him. Your boyfriend's behaviour, however, indicates that he either has a crush on her or that something has already happened between them and he's trying to pin it all on her to make himself look the victim. Nothing about his version of events makes sense.

 

Your boyfriend is not being honest with you whatsoever. His reaction coupled with hers, both via text and with HR, make it clear as day that his story about her being "obsessed with him" is a pile of horse manure. You attacked her without knowing the facts and now look what's happened - she's not playing. She's willing to take it all the way to HR and the police, if need be. Tell your boyfriend in no uncertain terms to be honest with you immediately. It's better that you hear the whole truth from him before he has to speak to HR about this sh*t show. Rest assured they will want to speak to him about this.

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. He's being a huge tool. Yuck

[Space Ritual]

He's just got home from work. I don't really know what to make of this, but he said she's told the manager of the whole building what happened and that she wants nothing to do with him and if I ever come near her again, she'll call the police

 

 

Bonnie,

 

I am sorry to have to tell you but I think your man is so full of crap his teeth are floating. From what you describe about the confrontation if this girl was a surprised by all of this as you say and your man's reaction of standing behind you and looking at the floor, he figured he was stone cold busted, and by some stroke of luck he may have been saved from exposure by you poking this girl and making her the focus instead of your sad sack boyfriend.

 

You just had a baby...congrats by the way.

 

I think your man is bull****ting you and I think the most likely scenario was that he may have been pursuing her and not the other way around. If he was hesitant to go to HR about any of this and gave you such a milquetoast reason as not wanting to go to them because it would cause too much drama, that would no raise a red flag, but a giant red zeppelin.

 

I have reason to suspect he could have been telling her any number of things in order to attempt to get into her pants.

 

In any case, his actions and subsequent explanations to you simply do not add up. People do backhanded **** all the time especially to those they purport to love. If you really want to find out what is going on you may have to swallow a bit of pride and get the scoop from the horse's mouth...meaning her if you can even get her to speak to you.

 

Her reactions is indicative of someone who may have not even known you were together or even existed. He could have told her anything...like "I'm not serious with my GF...yes we have a kid but that's the reason we are together..etc". At any rate somebody is blowing smoke up your skirt and I don't think it's this girl you confronted.

 

This happens possibly more frequently than people imagine. We guys do have a tendency to feed someone we want to bang a line of crap if we think it will help us get laid.

 

I'm sorry if my post makes your head spin but I think you need to examine this possibility. And please try to do some snooping on your own. He may have deleted info off his phone or emails or FB or just about anywhere. Time for you to go into detective mode and try to find some of this out on your own...and as bad as this sounds please attempt to exhaust all other possibilities before you confront your man again about it. If you show your hand too soon he may be able to work up some BS story that he hopes you will be content with.

 

Just remember Cheaters lie....so frankly if I were you I would not trust your man as far as you could throw him.

[Keke1]

Well I told him he should have told her no and he said he felt he had to say yes as it would be too uncomfortable to say no... :/

 

OMG Lol wow

[Keke1]

Bonnie you came off as a raging lunatic! As the mother of a newborn you should know and act better. What if this girl swung back at you or had a knife, she has a right to protect herself from you attacking her and poking her in the arm. Really? Grown women do not fight. Sounds like you made a fool of yourself and the girl was probably so embarrassed for herself and you that she didn't know what to say.

 

So far there is absolutely no proof that this girl is obsessed with your man. Point blank period end of story. All the evidence is lame. Your man texted HER by accident. She asked for help at work about WORK, since when is that a crime? She asks for help and your weak ass man runs home to cry to mommy about a coworker asking for help, REALLY?! If there was a real issue at work where is the proof that he went to human resources? Sounds like he's feeding you a bunch of bull. Your friends are asking you to repeat the story 3 times because they are too kind to tell you your man is a liar.

 

If this lady is so called obsessed with your man he would have a long list of examples or some type of proof!

 

Honestly you two sound crazy. He's obsessed with some girl so he tells his crazy gf who flips out over nothing and starts poking perfect strangers in the arm and making a fool of herself.

 

I'd be so embarrassed if I were you. Never allow someone to make you act like an animal. He's not even your husband for goodness sakes. Sounds like there's a lot of growing up to do all around.

This is exactly what I was thinking. She's posting like she did nothing wrong. That whole scene was ridiculous if it played out like she said. Dude played you hard. Now I read she went to HR. Lol this needs to blow up in both of your faces. You confront her only knowing one side then put your hands on her!!! You were dead wrong.

Edited February 17, 2014 by Keke1

[Leigh 87]

If this happened to me?

 

I would be shocked. My boyfriends actions so far indicate that: if a woman aggressively hit on him, he'd tell me. Heck, even if a girl hit on him he would probably report back to me, and knowing him, he'd say something along the lines of: " but don't worry, you're the most beautiful girl in the world to me"

 

I would be shocked if I was in your position, because I would expect my boyfriend to reassure me if I was genuinely upset enough about this woman to feel the need to confront her..

 

Second of all, I would be shocked that my bf let it get to that stage! Of meeting her out in public, at a place where HE was (how would she know he was there?) If it WAS a popular hangout BOUND to bring these to face to face at some stage, then SURELY I would trust that my boyfriend would have politely told her to screw off, to avoid any embarrassing confrontations between us two.

 

Something just doesn't add up here, something isn't right and you know it. That is why you came on here.

 

Your guys reaction is NOT that of a man who is head over heels, truly in love and smitten with a girl.

 

 

My good friend had this happen to him recently; he works as a bank manager, and he is very charismatic. A girl hit on him at a work party, so he politely shut her down all night and gently reminded her of the fact he had a girlfriend, he stayed away from her when at all possible without being rude and ruining their client/manager relationship.

He told my friend when he next called her. He calmly stated that a girl hit on him, but he made it very clear that he was NOT going to cosy up to her. He repeatedly brought up his girlfriend.

He would normally have told a girl to screw off, except it was at a work function and he had to maintain a calm and positive work environment.

As my good friends friend described it to me: " it was SO cute watching him turn her down all night, he looked so uncomfortable and was trying to get the heck away from her whenever possible"

 

That is how a guy handles a girl that continually hits on him.

 

 

 

What's more: I have had guys continually hit on me. No, they don't just "stop" when you ask if they are cool with "being friends". They often still try crap on you and say inappropriate things albeit not bad enough to tell them to eff off... it's a hard predicament to be in. However flattering it is, especially for average looking gal like myself (for guys to fall for me/have crushes on me), when I have a boyfriend I will tell them straight up:

 

" hey, I have a boyfriend, I am really in love with him and I don't feel comfortable hanging around guys who have a sexual thing for me and have previously stated it. The fact you continue to allude to your sexual desire for me is, while flattering, totally inappropriate and I cannot hang out with you for the time being, until you change your tune and genuinely only want friendship with me"

 

I block numbers. I avoid situations where my boyfriend could be in the same place as a guy who has the hots for me.

 

I have been there before. I have liked a guy, dated him, and still hung out with guys who had the hots for me. I never cheated, I never would cheat on a person (I would dump them first). In hindsight, I did wrong bu even associating with men who liked me.

So I don't do it with my current boyfriend because I have come on this website and learnt better. Plus I knew within myself it was wrong at the time and I have grown from my mistakes.

 

 

 

 

This guy may really like you; he may like sex with you and like spending time with you. In my honest opinion though, that is as deep as it runs. his actions are showing that he is simply not head over heels in love with you, as most men who are serious about a girl tend to shut girls down firmly once, and then block all contact with them if they continue to flirt after they have informed them that "they have a girlfriend, it's not going to happen, please stop it".

[Bonnie123]

I appreciate the effort you put in to your post, Leigh, but I'd hope he 'really liked me', we've been together 6 years with a house and two children!

[Leigh 87]

Come on. Do you REALLY think it went down like this:

 

Hot Girl: "flirts with your boyfriend"

 

Your Boyfriend: " sorry, it is awfully flattering, but I have a girlfriend. We have been together for ages and have a child together"

 

 

...What do you think this girl is, retarded? WHY would a stunning woman repeatedly hit on a man who says " sorry, I have a girlfriend I am crazy about"