What does his reaction mean?

[jbelle6]

You are so determined to believe what you want to believe that you don't even consider other possibilities.

 

Did it ever cross your mind that after all of the drama (and everyone watching their every move), she may have told him that it's too "dangerous" to carry on an affair as co-workers--and THAT'S the real reason he took another job?

 

Not all affair partners work together. As a matter of fact, not working together will allow them to be much more discreet...They can each take an afternoon off work & who will know that it was for a planned tryst? Working in the same place, it would raise eyebrows for sure.

 

You say he's taking the job for the good of your family? How does taking a job that gives him less time to spend with you a benefit?

 

Oh, and when he tells you that he has to work late or has an errand on his way home, without your "spies" to prove otherwise, he will be free to meet up with her and you will never know.

 

Think about this--after the blow up, she wouldn't talk to him, right? If I remember correctly, she even got HR involved. Yet now, she is willing to spend 30 minutes IN HIS OFFICE having a one-on-one conversation?

 

Then, although he hasn't made his new job public knowledge, he has made a point of telling HER! Ask yourself--why tell her? What makes HER so special?

 

Sorry to say but while he's got you convinced (for now) that he's taking this new job for YOU (and at such a great sacrifice, no less), what he's really accomplished is getting the girl back, taking the affair underground & cutting off your surveillance.

 

Sadly, though, you refuse to see it, and even if you ever DO have suspicions, you will have no way to prove them.

 

On the bright side--you can keep on pretending that you are the happy couple and won't have to hear about stolen glances and hushed conversations. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

 

Denial can be a double-edged sword.

 

 

 

This is EXACTLY what my first thought was. EXACTLY.

 

OP, I read this whole thread and these are my thoughts.

I do not believe it did not get physical, if they couldn't keep their hands off each other even in the office, I don't believe they never slipped away for more. Just don't.

He stood there and let you make a total fool of yourself in public, I could NEVER forgive that.

You seem to be clinging to the fact that this stayed an emotional affair, I don't get that, I could forgive a drunken one night stand with full on sex more than I could forgive a man telling me he loves someone else.

 

The biggest thing though, is that I didn't even need you to mention this other woman for me to know he doesn't love you. You have given him 6 years and 2 children and he still won't give you the ring you know you want. That tells me enough. The saddest thing is that you probably think he's just not sure of marriage in general, most women in your shoes think that, until he gets with someone he really loves and proposes within a year. No doubt in my mind that if your husband could be with the woman he loves, she would get that ring. You'll see.

 

 

Wanted to add, your husband doesn't tell you the truth, he tells you just enough to cover his a$$ in case word of anything gets back to you from your spies. He's been doing that since the get go.

That's common. That is why people mention the "friend at work" to their spouse. Then spouse figures, he wouldn't even bring them up if they were guilty. It's standard operating procedure with cheats.

Now if someone saw them talking alone for a long time in his office, he's got his little alibi. Cheating isn't very hard because people believe what they WANT to.

Edited June 14, 2014 by jbelle6

[jbelle6]

Expat, do you think it really could be that, that he's doing it to make his life easier/no HR?

 

I believed it until todays above points...butthen to me, his life would be easier without her in it at all, I don't see how any involvement withher would do that. He says since he spoke to her about work 3 weeks ago she'skept on talking to him

 

 

No, if he doesn't talk to her what could she possibly go to HR for?

You believe whatever this jerk off tells you. It's unbelievable.

[2sunny]

I think I've said before, but I'm on the spectrum so I really don't understand the eye contact or lack of thing. If he's deliberately not looking at her eyes because he's uncomfortable, how would that be a sign of still loving her? I'm not being sarcastic, I genuinely don't understand

 

I don't ever want to force him to be with me, but the reason I want him is I love him, I can't imagine my/our life without him

 

Snowflakes, we've talked about it but it's just never happened. Further back in the thread you'll see I saidhe's talkedwith work guys about buying a ring then the next minute says he doesn't want to get married

 

Spectrum? Spectrum of what?

 

Many people here have explained his move as avoiding and guilty!!!

 

What's not to understand?

 

You play his MOMMY - what do you think is fun about that role? You really think he wants to marry a gal that acts like his Mommy and drags him around fighting his battles he's unwilling to fight himself?

 

He's a liar and a wussy!

 

You keep acting like you don't understand it - I think you understand it just fine. You're just wanting to deny to yourself that he's really in love with her, not you.

 

 

Set him free to do as he wishes - he's doing it anyway and lying about it.

[mickleb]

Spectrum? Spectrum of what?

 

Many people here have explained his move as avoiding and guilty!!!

 

What's not to understand?

 

You play his MOMMY - what do you think is fun about that role? You really think he wants to marry a gal that acts like his Mommy and drags him around fighting his battles he's unwilling to fight himself?

 

He's a liar and a wussy!

 

You keep acting like you don't understand it - I think you understand it just fine. You're just wanting to deny to yourself that he's really in love with her, not you.

 

 

Set him free to do as he wishes - he's doing it anyway and lying about it.

 

The autistic spectrum.

 

Bonnie does struggle with interpreting what the non-verbal gestures she's being told about mean.

 

This is why it's so hard for her to see the full situation and why it's so easy for her boyfriend to manipulate her.

 

It's also why she's getting caught up in the details, and missing the bigger picture. AND why she's so resistant to losing him: he is part of how her life functions daily. She cannot imagine it without him.

 

Bonnie - people are getting frustrated that you can't see what they consider to be a pretty straightforward situation here. I think you are too good at compartmentalising the information you're receiving. You seem to be hearing stuff then filing it under 'not great but do-able' and hoping you won't hear anything else. But the information is not stopping. Everything we are hearing tells us that his feelings haven't changed towards her and that her behaviour towards him has changed very little. From what you've said, they both appear to still be in love with each other.

 

You seem to be okay with this but your wish for him to not see her anymore contradicts this. Either you are okay with your partner being in love with someone else or you're not.

 

You seem to think it's okay as long as he tries his hardest not to contact her. Is that correct? If so, we are all aware that he's quite capable of lying to your face, so we are advising that you do not trust his word when he tells you he'll stop doing this when he's left his job. The fact that he had this private chat with her tells you that he is not prepared to ignore her for your sake. The argument about HR must be false if you consider her decision to go to HR to avoid contact with him.

 

It seems to me that she might be with him if he left you, and that he is only staying with you because of his two young children. I'm sorry to sound harsh but I really do think he's staying for his kids. He may love you as a friend, or the mother of his kids but I think that's it. Even if he does, he is not treating you like he should treat his partner. He's not even treating you as a friend.

 

I think he would love to have an affair with her, if she would consent. Then he'd have his kids and her. But it seems as though she won't do this. Good for her! That doesn't stop their feelings for each other, though, and she hasn't cut him out of her life, so it's quite possible it will develop into a physical affair (if it hasn't already). That's me being generous to him in this situation, also. He lies to you so it's quite possible they have been physical and are planning to continue to be. You would not know if they were.

 

I can understand how hard it must be to leave him, with one new baby plus another young child. But I'd like to know what he would have to do before you would leave him.

 

Would you have to personally catch him sleeping with her? Because it does seem as though you would only accept his wrongdoing in this scenario.

 

Do you find his behaviour hurtful? What has hurt your feelings, if so? And, if so, does that pain matter when it comes to what you'd like with your family (i.e. him remaining part of it)? Or can you see past it?

 

I'm trying to understand how we can best help you. We won't lie and tell you we think he has no feelings for her, when it seems so clear to us that he does. We won't tell you we think he's being truthful to you when we know he's lied to you, and think he's doing that again. We won't tell you we think it's over when it seems to us that it isn't. But if none of that matters to you, we need to understand what does upset you. What you are worried about. What we can help you with.

 

What would unacceptable behaviour from him be?

 

I hope this makes sense.

[bonnie2767]

Jaaded, Thank you for the explanation. As Mickle said, I genuinely don't understand, so appreciate you taking the time to do that. And Mickle, thank you for putting into words what I haven't seem to have been able to do.

 

If I think about how I would feel in the situation, I would feel uncomfortable and not look attheir eyes either, but then again, I also would never have spoken to them again either.

 

Is it everyone who thinks he's avoiding looking her in the eye because he still has feelings for her?

 

He said that she had no problem looking at him/in the eye when he did look up at her and I find that odd...if she is like him in this situation, would she not feel uncomfortable too like him and avoid eye contact?

 

Mickle, I don't know how is best to help me. I need explanations like you both have given me (and appreciate everybody who is posting trying to help me)

 

I guess I just want to understand the things I don't so much that I get focussed on detail as it's not something I would do. Like when he was giving her her change from the drink and touched her hand he said he was so anti touching her that he yanked his hand away and ended up dropping the money all over the register. I don't get that

[Keke1]

So, you really just gone act like you don't know he loves this other woman. Keep being delusional and continue wondering and getting your heartbroken. This is sad reading your posts. I'm hoping this is fake because I can't believe someone would bury their head in the sand like you're exhibiting. Has to be fake man. Has to smh

[Leigh 87]

Bonnie,

 

When people don't care about someone, they are in different. They have no reaction at all to that person.

 

Let me tell you, it takes a year or more of no contact to even remotely become indifferent toward a person you were once in love with.

 

Your partner turns into a frazzled mess when he is around this woman because he MAKES him react. If he had no feelings for her he wouldn't be this phased or reactive to her. He'd just go about his business, not dropping his keys or bowing his head down whenever he sees her.

 

NO reaction = he doesn't have feelings for her.

 

Bowing his head down and avoiding eye contact, looking sad in her precense and generally doing aloof things once she enters a room (such as deliberately avoid her or deliberately finding a way to walk past her) = these things ALL show that your partner has a natural reaction to her and he is still in love. With HER.

 

 

 

Bonnie, do you know the difference between being IN love and "loving" a person?

 

Falling in love is what your partner has done with this woman: falling in love is when you think about that person a lot, talking or seeing that person gives you a rush of excitement and you are infatuated with them. It grows into a more stable compassionate love over years. Sometimes the in love feeling stays. Sometimes the in love feelings dissipates entirely and gives way to purely compassionate love which is devoid of passion. Your partner loves you as the mother of his children but he is not IN love with you. He may have once fallen head over heels for you. Or maybe he was never crazy about you to begin with and he just saw you as a solid, reliable option.

 

 

Your relationship with your partner is purely family orientated, compassionate love; his heart doesn't burn for you. He is not head over heels for you. He isn't crazy about you. He just loves you as a person. Where as the love he has for this woman at his work is romantic love aasked on passion and desire. Yes, passionate love does give way to compassionate love eventually, BUT. ....to some extent the passionate love and the "in love" feelings have to be there, albeit not as frequent as when you first fell in love.

 

Please try to understand what true love is. ...true love is when a man STAYS in love with you. Sure the passion dies to a large extent but it is still THERE.

[Jaaded]

Jaaded, Thank you for the explanation. As Mickle said, I genuinely don't understand, so appreciate you taking the time to do that. And Mickle, thank you for putting into words what I haven't seem to have been able to do.

 

If I think about how I would feel in the situation, I would feel uncomfortable and not look attheir eyes either, but then again, I also would never have spoken to them again either.

 

Is it everyone who thinks he's avoiding looking her in the eye because he still has feelings for her?

 

He said that she had no problem looking at him/in the eye when he did look up at her and I find that odd...if she is like him in this situation, would she not feel uncomfortable too like him and avoid eye contact?

 

Mickle, I don't know how is best to help me. I need explanations like you both have given me (and appreciate everybody who is posting trying to help me)

 

I guess I just want to understand the things I don't so much that I get focussed on detail as it's not something I would do. Like when he was giving her her change from the drink and touched her hand he said he was so anti touching her that he yanked his hand away and ended up dropping the money all over the register. I don't get that

 

 

Jaaded, Thank you for the explanation. As Mickle said, I genuinely don't understand, so appreciate you taking the time to do that. And Mickle, thank you for putting into words what I haven't seem to have been able to do.

 

If I think about how I would feel in the situation, I would feel uncomfortable and not look attheir eyes either, but then again, I also would never have spoken to them again either.

 

Is it everyone who thinks he's avoiding looking her in the eye because he still has feelings for her?

 

He said that she had no problem looking at him/in the eye when he did look up at her and I find that odd...if she is like him in this situation, would she not feel uncomfortable too like him and avoid eye contact?

 

Mickle, I don't know how is best to help me. I need explanations like you both have given me (and appreciate everybody who is posting trying to help me)

 

I guess I just want to understand the things I don't so much that I get focussed on detail as it's not something I would do. Like when he was giving her her change from the drink and touched her hand he said he was so anti touching her that he yanked his hand away and ended up dropping the money all over the register. I don't get that

 

 

Bonnie - you asked if she would feel or act the same way as him....with regards to her eye contact. The answer is no. She isn't ashamed at how she feels about him. She didn't betray a loved one with her feelings or actions....therefore there's no shame. She is probably pissed off because she was embarrassed during the confrontation, feels like he made a fool out of her and that the entire workplace is still gossiping about her. I'm sure she does still have strong feelings for him but she's put her defenses up. Meaning, she is protecting herself by trying not to let him get close to her again. However, if their love, bond and attraction are genuine.....it's only a matter of time until one or both of them give into it again. Thats why so many people on this board are telling you to leave. From what you have told us....it is crystal clear to everyone that your boyfriend is very much in love with this woman still. And the ONLY REASON they haven't continued the affair is because SHE STOPPED IT. NOT HIM. And that is probably driving him crazy.....because people always want what they can't have.

 

Your boyfriend is NOW ashamed (hopefully) because his betrayal to you and to her was revealed. Remember, he didn't act awkward or avoid eye contact before......it's only been after SHE ended the relationship. And on top of that, you now know the truth of his actions as well. He is sad and ashamed that he has been exposed and that he can no longer act on the way he feels towards her. He is avoiding eye contact because it's difficult for him to be around her ...because he still loves her. He is sad that she is so unhappy and that their coworkers are gossiping about her.

 

I know you are hung up on the eye contact issue. Eye contact can be deeply personal, intimate, emotional and sexual. I would never lock eyes with another man in that way besides my fiancé. NEVER. First of all, it is disrespectful. I am very much in love with my man and there is absolutely no reason for me to share deep, lingering glances with someone else. Have you ever heard the expression "the eyes are the windows to a persons soul?" It's true. He can't look her in the eye anymore because he knows he is the cause of her sadness and pain. As well as yours....

[Thicke2013]

Okay, I have read this entire thread start to finish and some posts multiple times. My conclusion is this. There is NO WAY that they aren't having a full blown affair. Sexual, emotional, or whatever, they are having an affair. Things just don't add up. For starters, you can't believe a word you BF says OP because he lies so fluently that it rolls off of his tongue like turpentine. We know he is a cheater and a liar so I won't focus on him. I'm not letting the OW off the hook here though. Her actions/words don't add up either. She was totally quiet when you confronted her and reached out to him like maybe she was embarrassed for him? Why would she be embarrassed for him? Because she has feelings for him. Then she says she went to HR about him. I don't think that ever happened. I think it was a ploy in their story to throw you off course. If she did go to HR and complain about him, don't you think it would cause concern with HR when she is caught in his office for 30 min? She claims she went to HR and asked him to stay away from him yet she initiates contact with him over and over.

 

My opinion, they are having a full blown affair, they are in love with one another and most likely are making plans on being together. This transfer of jobs may be so that can happen.

[bonnie2767]

Leigh – I think that’s what confuses me so much. I don’t really do eye contact with people much anyway but the reaction thing makes more sense now, thank you.

 

Jaaded – that’s a great explanation, thank you. It really sank in. Is it possible he cant look at her eyes because he doesn’t want to lead her on? A friend said that to me earlier

 

Thicke – The HR thing definitely happened, I have seen the written documentation myself. Nobody caught them alone in his office, it’s in a different place to the other offices and no CCTV nearby so nobody would notice or know unless he told them. I don’t understand her doing that either, unless she has forgiven him. Even then though, I don’t understand why either of them would put themselves in that position or why she’d want to speak to him

 

Also, even if he was the biggest people pleaser ever and didn't want things to be awkward, he could still tell her to get lost right? If she keeps approaching him like that?

 

As an aside, sort of, just as you all seem to be explaining things in a way I can understand…if he (or anyone really) hadn’t admitted to falling in love with her, and she was around would the bowing his head/eyes on the floor walking past her still be a sign of having feelings? Or, without knowing that the person was in love with them at one point or still or whatever, or without them ever having feelings, if the other person just had a crush…could that be a sign of avoidance/discomfort? Without any feelings involved at all?

Edited June 17, 2014 by bonnie2767

[2sunny]

What do you plan to do now that you understand he lead her on - loves her - and is ashamed you found out?

 

Where does that leave you and what's your plan?

[bonnie2767]

I’ve just come back from seeing a friend and told her what happened with the job etc. She sees things in very black and white terms and told me to stop being ridiculous and ‘if he loved her that much, he wouldn’t be prepared to leave her/that job’. Taking them seeing each other away from the equation, that seems plausible? Say he wasn’t seeing her away from there, him leaving would mean he couldn’t love herthat much if he’s prepared never to see her again?

[stillafool]

It's apparent that you want to see things the way your friend described. If you are sure she is right why are you back here? I still think it is because he loves her he is leaving his job so he doesn't have to face the pain of seeing someone he can't have on a daily basis. If it satisfys your mind to believe what your friend said then so be it. Also remember friends don't want to see us in pain so they will often tell us what we want to hear.

[2sunny]

You want to believe it's nothing so much that you needed to ask until someone told you what you wanted to hear.

 

I feel sad for your whole family that there's no honesty within your relationship.

 

Close your eyes to see it the way you want it.

[Jaaded]

Bonnie - if you feel that he is truely leaving his job to get away from her and that it also correlates to him not caring about her then so be it. We can't tell you what to do and how to feel....we can only give our honest assessments of the situation with the info you provide us. My gut feeling on this hasn't changed....I still feel that you are in for a world of hurt down the road. Whether it's with this girl or another one....he will betray you again. He cheated on you while you cared for his child and tended to the home you shared! C'mon.... I hope not all of your friends are giving you the same advice this last one did. Now is no time to sugarcoat or find the silver lining....

 

If the other woman hadn't ended it and if they hadn't made the whole workplace suspicious...he would still be messing around with her right now. Hell, he wouldve been screwing around during your entire last pregnancy! You should get angry...really angry. She didn't owe you anything...your boyfriend did.

 

And no, I don't think because he is leaving it is because he's proving he doesn't care for her. I think he is biding his time...waiting and will eventually destroy this "happy life" you are so desperately trying to hold on to. I pray that you eventually have the strength to see things for what they really are....

[April Moon]

I'm sorry Bonnie but he doesn't love you. I think the only reason he is staying with you is it will get messy once one of you leaves. He will leave; if not for this girl than for another. I really really hope you leave him and get the love from someone you deserve. I understand it may SEEM like he loves you at home but I think he cares about you as the mother of his children. I think you should ask him if he is in love with you and that will give you your answer.

[mickleb]

I'm glad I could help.

 

Bonnie, I asked you a lot of specific questions in my last post. You didn't adress all of them, so that makes it harder for me to help you.

 

Lots of people have asked you questions that you have ignored, and that is frustrating.

 

You seem interested in asking many questions about little details. We are trying to give you answers on these but I have come to the conclusion that this isn't helping you anymore.

 

I feel that, by doing this, we are facilitating your desire to not put all of these details together to draw a conclusion.

 

The conclusion drawn by us is that he does not love you, but loves her. We also think he would be with her if she allowed it. We also think that, if she doesn't allow it, he will fall for someone else, at a later date.

 

You know he loves her because he has told you that he does. This is, really, the only fact you need.

 

If you are happy about that, you must go and live your life and stop asking these questions.

 

If you are not happy with that, you should leave him.

 

It comes down to that, and no additional questions will help you now.

Edited June 18, 2014 by mickleb

[ExpatInItaly]

I’ve just come back from seeing a friend and told her what happened with the job etc. She sees things in very black and white terms and told me to stop being ridiculous and ‘if he loved her that much, he wouldn’t be prepared to leave her/that job’. Taking them seeing each other away from the equation, that seems plausible? Say he wasn’t seeing her away from there, him leaving would mean he couldn’t love herthat much if he’s prepared never to see her again?

 

And if he loved you, you wouldn't be in this situation.

[2sunny]

Take his job out of the equation... You're still left with a guy paying too much attention to another woman.

 

What's right about that for YOU?

[CA2TN4Love]

I've read this whole thread. My heart and my head both ache.

 

Bonnie, you're a doormat. Your boyfriend suffered no real consequences for his actions. He has no reason to focus on you. You're right where he wants you - at home, taking care of the kids, willingly oblivious to his betrayal. This leaves him plenty of time to focus on her. I feel sorry for you.

 

Your friends are telling you what you want to hear. They are doing this because they love and care about you and know how deeply you are submerged in denial. They may be trying to protect you. We, however, don't know you from Adam. We don't have to deal with your tearful phone calls at night. We don't have to reassure you every day. We also don't have to put up with you asking questions that deflect from the cold, hard truth that your boyfriend is in love with someone else. Your friends know that you won't accept that fact, so they are doing the best they can to help your fragile mind by telling you everything is okay.

 

The folks here have nothing to lose by being brutally honest with you. That is why you came here, right? To get a truly unbiased, outside perspective? Why then are you dismissing it?

 

In regards to your husband's change of job...it's with the same company, right? Has anyone verified that she's not also moving to his new location? If I were her and there was vicious gossip circulating about me, that would be my way out. Perhaps he's changing locations right along with her. I could be totally off base, but I don't trust your boyfriend or his motives, and that would be my first thought. But hell, I'd have thrown the lying jerk out on his ass as soon as he said, "I fell in love..."

[Diezel]

What's the point of this thread?

 

Months later, OP is still in the same exact spot and nothing has changed, nothing will change... she lives in fantasy land and no matter how hard you all try to get through to her, she's still going to see things her way and continually make excuses for him.

 

It doesn't matter.

 

I think she's honestly happy with this kind of an ongoing misery. This thread is testament to Einstein's quote on "insanity" and that applies to both her and the people trying desperately to get through to her for months upon months.

[No Limit]

I think she's honestly happy with this kind of an ongoing misery. This thread is testament to Einstein's quote on "insanity" and that applies to both her and the people trying desperately to get through to her for months upon months.

 

 

I know this sounds heartless but there are people who won't wake up until it's done. Like a deer staring at the headlights coming and it still doesn't move, making its fate a foregone conclusion, just like Bonnie in this situation.

 

I believe her "boyfriend" will end it on his terms. It doesn't matter whether the other girl follows him, he'll find a new woman there and maybe this time he's learned his lesson about discretion. Or he could still meet up with the current other girl when he has to 'stay at work for a little longer today'.

 

As soon as he'll muster the courage to break up, Bonnie's free. Until then, she'll follow him.

[Leigh 87]

Bonnie, we have all lived a little and we all have experience with dating.

 

A lot of us have told you that we strongly believe that your parties will leave you. Why do so many of us posters draw that conclusions? Well, because he fell in love with another woman. Never mind whether or not he is still in love with her; the fact he had the ability to is a sign that this man is simply not in love with you.

 

Your partner will fall in love again. He is simply not head over heels enough for you to want to married you or remain strictly monogamous with you.

 

Bonnie, when a man falls in love, that woman is all he can think about. That woman is no longer you.

 

You cannot fall in love again....once you fall in love with Someone else it is terribly naive to hope that he will just fall madly in love with you again.

 

Holding your hand a lot is not a sign that a guy is in love with you.

 

I have had a guy all over me, talking me how awesome I was constantly, lose interest in a heartfelt or just never like me as a person: I am sure some of the guys who after crazy about me only to dissapear, never like me as a person to begin with.

 

Please go and seek out a man who adores you.

[Bonnie27]

Hello, I’ve had to change my email yet again.

 

I understand if people don’t want to reply to this but I need this as an outlet, so..[/FONT][/sIZE]

 

The job fell through, he didn’t get it. He’s now looking for something else

 

However that’s not what this post is about. I saw the woman on Saturday for the first time since. We were at the facility with our children like we do most Saturdays for our child’s swimming lesson but she’s never been there before. We were having something to eat and leaving and she waltzed in and met a friend, I assume. I couldn’t help myself looking over and feeling so angry/sick. My partner was in the bathroom with our older child and the baby was with me. I hated seeing her there laughing with her friend as if nothing was wrong

 

My partner said he would talk to her today and ask/tell her not to be there at that time on a Saturday…I just cant deal with it

[ExpatInItaly]

Hello, I’ve had to change my email yet again.

 

I understand if people don’t want to reply to this but I need this as an outlet, so..[/FONT][/sIZE]

 

The job fell through, he didn’t get it. He’s now looking for something else

 

However that’s not what this post is about. I saw the woman on Saturday for the first time since. We were at the facility with our children like we do most Saturdays for our child’s swimming lesson but she’s never been there before. We were having something to eat and leaving and she waltzed in and met a friend, I assume. I couldn’t help myself looking over and feeling so angry/sick. My partner was in the bathroom with our older child and the baby was with me. I hated seeing her there laughing with her friend as if nothing was wrong

 

My partner said he would talk to her today and ask/tell her not to be there at that time on a Saturday…I just cant deal with it

 

Why was she there? Does she have a child in swimming lessons?