Bonnie27 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Smackie - in the nicest possible way, read any of the larger posts I've made in this thread and you'll know how he hurt her and that we aren't married. Although the existence of this woman kills me in itself, posters have made me understand that it is my partner that is at fault. He caused all of this. She has also put two complaints in to HR Yes, I don't understand the time frame. This woman was the one there the night I assalted her, she said in the letter and has wanted to say something since then apparently but the woman stopped her. She says things about how she thought the woman should have had me arressted for the assault and had my partner up for sexual harassment. She also said she didn't want to traumatise me, just open my eyes to the truth...There was things in there my partner had never told me My partner said he confronted the woman about it today and she 'had no idea what he was talking about' but he seemed pretty insistent to me that he could get her sacked or a disiplinary at least Link to post Share on other sites
Bonnie27 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 You really think she wrote it herself? Why would she congratulate him though? I received the letter in the mail and there were a fair few things init that I hadn't been told, silly things like him telling her his bank details/password. Yes he read it and hit the roof ' There is a lot more going on that you don't know, I'm afraid. (ie. the nature of their current relationship is far beyond what you think it is) ' What do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 You really think she wrote it herself? Why would she congratulate him though? I received the letter in the mail and there were a fair few things init that I hadn't been told, silly things like him telling her his bank details/password. Yes he read it and hit the roof ' There is a lot more going on that you don't know, I'm afraid. (ie. the nature of their current relationship is far beyond what you think it is) ' What do you mean? I mean that their contact has been much more frequent and intense than he leads you to believe. That it wasn't as occasional/incidental as he pretends it is. That is was a much more involved affair than you originally thought. And that it didn't end after this crazy confrontation took place. And yes, I absolutely believe she wrote it. I don't know what type of bored, nosy friend would spend five entire pages outlining your boyfriend's cheating - that comes from a very emotional places that a third party is highly unlikely to be in. If she didn't write it herself, she dictated it to someone and had them send it. And sharing bank details/password isn't some silly little detail. In my opinion, (if this is true) it indicates a level of trust between them which comes from a close bond. What else did the letter reveal that you didn't know? Link to post Share on other sites
Bonnie27 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) What from my post makes you think that, regarding your intense/much more involved comment? In the letter this friend said she's had to watch her friend fall apart for the last 18 months over 'this ****bag' and that she saw things as a member of the facility, and listed a few instances of what she saw out inpublic. Said her friend was very protective of him and didn't say a huge amount but what she saw in public was bad enough so if he was like that in public, she wonders what he was like in private. I don't understand why she would have wrote it but congratulate him and otherwise avoid him/be civil at work?? It was only his pin number, but she did put it in the letter and it was correct Edited September 4, 2014 by Bonnie27 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 It was only his pin number, but she did put it in the letter and it was correct Not good. There's more to this than what he's been telling you. And he mentioned he confronted her? I have to wonder if he really did. If he wants to save his relationship with you and if he is that enraged by her behavior, he'll be taking measures to put her in her place - making the complaint. Link to post Share on other sites
Bonnie27 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I don't get it, I really don't. Only Monday did he change his facebook picture to a lovely recent picture of us holding handing looking happy...for years he just had the same picture of him by himself. When he makes the complaint...I don't realyl understand how it's going to get her fired? He left so quick I had no chance to ask him Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 When he makes the complaint...I don't realyl understand how it's going to get her fired? He left so quick I had no chance to ask him Take him on it. He said he can get her a warning. Tell him you want him to take action and you'd like to see proof. And forget FB. My gf is involved with a married man and he recently posted a picture of him hugging his wife from behind as a profile picture on his FB and a caption, "To my beautiful wife, happy birthday." Throw that crap out the door! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jaaded Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Oh Bonnie this keeps getting worse and worse. I agree with everyone else....there is definitely waaaay more to their relationship than you know. I bet that he told her that he was leaving you to be with her. And when that didn't happen in the end...she decided to get back at him. She is jaded and pissed off. She figures she might as well make his life miserable since he ruined hers by hurting her. Did you consider what could've happened that traumatized her so much? -Fell in love and then refused to be with her -Maybe she accidentally got pregnant by him? -Maybe she introduced him to her family and other close friends? Whatever the case....he humiliated and hurt her. Of course she would want revenge and/or closure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 What from my post makes you think that, regarding your intense/much more involved comment? In the letter this friend said she's had to watch her friend fall apart for the last 18 months over 'this ****bag' and that she saw things as a member of the facility, and listed a few instances of what she saw out inpublic. Said her friend was very protective of him and didn't say a huge amount but what she saw in public was bad enough so if he was like that in public, she wonders what he was like in private. I don't understand why she would have wrote it but congratulate him and otherwise avoid him/be civil at work?? It was only his pin number, but she did put it in the letter and it was correct You honestly don't know? You really can't see it for yourself? That + the last several months of posting about this cheater. It's not some grand mystery that requires analysis of every exchange between them. The truth it obvious. You just need to stop acting as though it's not happening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Take him on it. He said he can get her a warning. Tell him you want him to take action and you'd like to see proof. And forget FB. My gf is involved with a married man and he recently posted a picture of him hugging his wife from behind as a profile picture on his FB and a caption, "To my beautiful wife, happy birthday." Throw that crap out the door! Also this. Can't tell you how many cheaters I've known who use Farcebook to put on a happy face when they're banging someone else behind closed doors. A pic on his profile means nothing, especially from a known liar and manipulator and cheater. He's doing it to keep you quiet. He knows he's hiding a lot from you (she has his PIN - what in fresh hell for?) and he's trying to deflect it by posting a "lovey-dovey" pic. Classic cheater move, Bonnie. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Clean out his bank account and then kick him to the curb. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Bonnie, we have helped you out quite a lot, explaining all these little bits and pieces to you over the months. Could you help me out and tell me EXACTLY what you believe his relationship with her involves? What behaviour do you think he has engaged with him? (I'd really appreciate it.) Link to post Share on other sites
Bonnie27 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 You have, and I'm still very grateful. I believe that now, well pre letter, going from what she and he have said is that they are civil at work. In the past, it kills meto say but I believethey were in love, though perhaps naively I don't think he ever slept with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Bonnie27 Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Expat - hiding a lot from me...do you think that could just be how he still feels? My only real life friend who knows said that. She doesn't think anything is actually going on, but he still feels the same as a year ago. She said he wouldn't have to actively not look at her etc if he felt nothing....? Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 You have, and I'm still very grateful. I believe that now, well pre letter, going from what she and he have said is that they are civil at work. In the past, it kills meto say but I believethey were in love, though perhaps naively I don't think he ever slept with her. (Sorry, got my pronouns mixed up, up there.) Thanks for answering. You don't have to be grateful but it's very useful to get an insight into where your head's at, after all of this. You say you believe they were in love. He told you he was, so there's proof about that. No need for speculation. You don't believe they've slept together. What would you do if you had prof that they had? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2014 Share Posted September 6, 2014 Expat - hiding a lot from me...do you think that could just be how he still feels? My only real life friend who knows said that. She doesn't think anything is actually going on, but he still feels the same as a year ago. She said he wouldn't have to actively not look at her etc if he felt nothing....? Yes, I 100% believe he still feels that way. And I don't believe there's zero going on between them. Not for one hot second. Link to post Share on other sites
Bonnie27 Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Jaaded, you think she'd want *revenge*? Mickle - I don't know, if there was solid proof of that I don't think I could stay Expat - play devils advocate for me - even if absolutely nothing were going on, if he's actively not looking at her etc, do you still 100% believe he feels the same way and that those feelings haven't gone away? He will have spoken to his manager today so should have some news when he gets home Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Okay. Can you tell me what sort of thing you'd class as solid proof? Link to post Share on other sites
Jaaded Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Yes I think she's hurt, embarrassed and pissed off....why wouldn't she want revenge on him?? She's probably trying to make his life miserable the way he made hers. And I definitely believe that she knew her friend sent that letter. 100%. How would her friend know your address?? And secondly, how does the other woman know your address?? Did you ever think that she was at one time in your house....most likely messing around with your boyfriend. The letter was absolutely planned and she's definitely behind it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 In a different forum, a OW once posted a thread, raging about the stupid MM that wasted 2 years of her life and the other usual rants. What was really amazing was that she knew from the very beginning he was married with children, and yet she personally sent her flowers with a card basically saying "You can have him back". When it turned out that this OW wasn't the first, and his wife was pretty much like you Bonnie - tolerating everything - it made her even more angry. Let your "boyfriend" handle the mess he created. If nothing else his coworkers who knew about the affair will be greatly entertained. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 It's pretty obvious that your bf really hurt this woman. It's clear that they fell in love an he made her promises. This woman is young and pretty according to you. She was clearly shocked then your bf didn't leave you to be with her as he promised. During their affair, I'm sure he told this woman that he wasn't in love with you and that he was only with you for the kids. Besides the kids, do you actually think that your partner is still with you because he is head is crazy in love with you? This is such a mess. You can get out of this, you can learn to feel happy and excited about being is single again! Let these two have each other. It's what they truly desire. No amount of lovely facebook pictures will male this man fall deeply in love with you. Please just take the kids and start anew. Let him see them weekends. Be mature. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 The OW.....I don't get why they think they are so owed, when the MM they are dating is already taken...TAKEN! what they hell do they expect sheeesh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Bonnie... What does YOUR reaction mean? Please explain to me your position and how this relationship benefits you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Jaaded, you think she'd want *revenge*? Mickle - I don't know, if there was solid proof of that I don't think I could stay Expat - play devils advocate for me - even if absolutely nothing were going on, if he's actively not looking at her etc, do you still 100% believe he feels the same way and that those feelings haven't gone away? He will have spoken to his manager today so should have some news when he gets home Yes, I do. If we assume that the cheating stopped, I believe it was only because you called him out on it. Not because he lost feelings for her. I have no doubt he'd still be doing it now if you hadn't confronted them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Bonnie... What does YOUR reaction mean? Please explain to me your position and how this relationship benefits you. What reaction? She has not really done anything Link to post Share on other sites
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