What does his reaction mean?

[coolheadal]

Hello

I’ve got an issue that’s been playing on my mind. Last week I confronted this silly woman who’s been obsessed with my partner for nearly a year. They met at work and he’s said he’s been nice to her but she’s taken it the wrong way.

Last week I saw her while we were out and I couldn’t not say anything. I confronted her and told her she needed to get a life and to stay away from my partner. She’s not what I expected though, she’s younger and prettier and I expected her to at least have the decency to be ashamed of herself at seeing me and the things I was saying to her but she just sat there looking, well, confused.

 

However that’s not the only thing that’s been playing on my mind. All this time my partner has been saying she won’t leave him alone but when I was confronting her, he did nothing. He stood behind me looking at the floor. She was looking at him and he couldn’t look at her…why would he react like that??

 

His actions shows he's done something wrong but your taking charge of the fact that you want this girl to leave your partner (him) alone. Then you say she looks confused like nothing going on?

Sounds like more like flirting with him and her. If it's more than that you need to sit down hold your partner hand and look him straight into his eyes and repeat after me" Have you been seeing this girl behind my back?"

 

If his reaction is no but his palms of his hands start to feel sweaty, then he's not being truthful. Then again he might be scared to what you would do too him either way!

[SunnySide0418]

I can't believe i read through this entire thread. All I can say is I feel sorry for you OP. Best of luck to you. Wow, just wow.

[BC1980]

I have a number of friends in long term defacto relationships that have not married. Some have child and some don't. It is not the same social stigma it once was to have children or longterm co-habitat out of wedlock. I do know lots of married people though do judge on that and put pressure on the guy to do the right thing. In this case, I don't know how many times the talk of marriage was brought up by the OP and if her bf kept stalling on it or if he had a principle about not needing to have a piece of paper and the govt endorse their relatiosnhip. I'd say he probably loves the OP, but is not crazy in love & she's not the perfect one for him, but like a lot of people do they stay in a relationship out of security, companionship and the fact that it meets 90% of their needs (and the kids). I'm in one like this now and a number of my friends are. Chance are this recent saga in his life has prompted him to propose. Its what the OP really wants. Maybe there is some guilt, maybe some remorse, maybe a sense of moving on now that this other girl he was in love with has gone.

 

As for lying, well its nature of the game. If you betray your partner you hide it from them. You don't want to upset them + you don't want them thinking less of you + you don't want to risk permanent/fatal damage to the relationship. The vast majority of cheaters lie. Personally I don't know why he could not have come clean on things as I think the OP would forgive him. I've seen a handful of emotional affairs at work over the years which I am pretty sure they did not lead to sex, as one of the people kept things in check. Some don't see an emotional affair is morally wrong unlike taking it to the next step which is physical which is pretty clear is wrong. I've no doubt their partners would have been really disappointed/pissed if someone was spying on them and reporting back everything.

 

Also these people were professionals and the one not besotted with the other I'm sure did not want to risk damage to their career or their relationship by taking it to the next level. Like someone else just posted, I don't think she would have launched a formal SH complaint at work if she had been happily screwing him for a couple of years. Probably the closest her bf got was playing with the woman's hair and putting his hand on her shoulders. Would he have slept with her though if she had escalated it...yep I'd say so.

 

The main problem with the marriage is that the OP wanted to be married. That was my main point. It's different if both parties agree that marriage is not necessary, and both are happy with that arrangement. Also, her BF (now fiance), admitted that he fell in love with the co-worker. From the beginning, my argument has been that he would have left the OP if the kids weren't in the picture. I still believe that to be true.

[summerdowling87]

Do you agree with my friend? He said he proposed because it's our anniversary and after all this he realised how much I mean to him when I asked why now

 

Why would he propose if he still loved her or didn't love me or he didn't want to?

 

At first you said he never wanted to get married-(did I read that right?)

 

Secondly as the saying goes if you can't be with the one you love-(His OW) love the one you're with-(You Bonnie)

[summerdowling87]

For those that are still reading - he took me away at the weekend and proposed! I can't believe after all this with her and just after the investigation has finished he finally proposed and wecan move on

 

OMG no just no.

 

Now if you two get married. What will you do when the next pretty or beautiful woman cross his path and stokers his ego. How are you going to deal?

 

And don't say it won't happen since it has already your BF has no remorse or sense of boundaries and I'm sorry but the next will. PTY he see he will cheat. IMO it's not a matter of if it's a matter of when.

[Bonnie27]

He said it didn't matter to him, we'd talk about it from time to time but that was all it came to until now

 

Summerdowling87, do you think he still loves her? He last said he felt that way over a year ago. Also, she admitted to the investigator that she still loved him so if she could have him why wouldn't she??

[Leigh 87]

He said it didn't matter to him, we'd talk about it from time to time but that was all it came to until now

 

Summerdowling87, do you think he still loves her? He last said he felt that way over a year ago. Also, she admitted to the investigator that she still loved him so if she could have him why wouldn't she??

 

She doesn't want him because he is no prize.

 

Shame you can't see what she sees.

 

Your partner didn't ask to marry you because he feels that you're the love of his life.

[summerdowling87]

Do I think he still loves her honestly yes.

 

If he is truly sorry and wants to make it right with you I suggest trying this.

 

Counseling for you and himself and you as a couple.

Him being open with his phone e-mail facebook.

Him will to let you know where he is and who he is with.

Him willing to be there for you not matter what.

 

If he does all of this and proves himself worthy of you then marry him.

[Bonnie27]

We've talked about councilling but I have to have it for work so I don't really want to go down that route for anything else to be honest

I do have access to his phone and his email, he only goes to work and comes home

 

Summer, what is it that makes you think he still loves her?

 

Leigh, if she loves him still why wouldn't she want him? I don't understand that

[summerdowling87]

I think he may still love her as I read your story something just didn't sit right with me.

 

I mean if he honestly didn't care for her or stopped loving her then he would have found a way to stay away from her.

 

At one point you said he hated her right? Usually when you hate/dislike someone you don't want to be near them.

 

Bu Bonnie I hope for your sake that he is over her and he devotes himself to you and your babies.

[summerdowling87]

She doesn't want him because he is no prize.

 

Shame you can't see what she sees.

 

And sometimes love isn't enough.