Naive Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 Okay someone please tell me if I am wrong or is my sister??? My sister is getting married in May and so she went and picked out the dress for the bridesmaid. She did not ask for our consent or our opinion, which totally upset me but I let it pass. Well the dresses are very expensive and she did not stop to think that not everyone has the amount of money that her husband does!!! We have to give 60% percent of the price of the dress as a down-payment. If we do not get it by this weekend we are getting a 15% rush fee and it accumulates every week. If you gain or lose weight there is also a fee. Well it turns out that my skin is getting worse and worse by the day so I made an appointment with another dermatologist and it's going to cost $185 which means I am not going to be left with enough money to go get fitted for the dress. My sister told me that after some time they will not make the dress anymore. Her husband was screaming in the background that I need to get it NOW!!!! That what am I waiting for, so I get pissed and tell her to tell him that he is not paying for my dress therefore he cannot say when am I getting it done. I am not made out of money!!!! Do you think I should sacrifice my skin??? Am I wrong or is she??? What should I do? Do I go to the Dermatologist or do I go get fitted? Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 I think your sister was wrong not to consider her bridesmaids financial situation when picking a dress, but that is done now. Her fiance is VERY wrong to jump into a conversation between the two of you. Is there any way your sister can loan you the money until you can pay her back? If not, I don't know what your skin condition is, but maybe you can hold off on that or see if you can pay for it in a month or something- most doctors will bill you or allow you to pay them in disbursements. Good luck- I know being in a wedding party can be very expensive and you don't have much choice because it is your sister. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 I don't know if asking your sister for money is the right thing to do because her STBH (soon to be husband) sounds like a real jerk! So do you have to put down the 60% then pay for the rest later? That is crazy! I dunno...your skin is more important but if you don't do this for your sister she probably won't forgive you either...can you have maybe your dad loan you the money then pay him back later? And yes your sister was very wrong in not talking to the brides maids before going through with this! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 do you have a credit card? Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 I agree that your sister was very presumptuous to select an expensive dress for her bridesmaids without even consulting them to see if the expense would be a problem. Obviously it's her wedding, you're her sister, you want to participate in her special day ... but where is her concern for you, both for the necessity of getting your skin cared fo,r and for straining your finances to accommodate her Big Fat Wedding? Sounds like your sister is in Bridezilla mode: everything and everyone revolves around her wedding plan (or so she thinks). It's very selfish, and hopefully a temporary thing. But even if it is just a temporary thing, that doesn't mean you should suffer great inconvenience, or worse, just to placate her unreasonable demands. So: I'd tell her, softly and kindly, that you totally understand about the necessity of getting the bridesmaids' gowns done immediately, but unfortuantely you cannot accommodate that right now, so you'll understand if she wants you to bow out of her wedding party. Tell her that what's most important to you is that her wedding day will be as lovely as she is planning, and that you'll just be happy to be there to witness the happy event. It's the truth. She might not like it, but that's her problem. If she kicks up a fuss, tries to make you feel guilty, etc., just tell yourself it's a phase and she'll get over it. Grin and bear it -- but don't let your selfish sister or her pushy fiance make you pay money you don't have, or forego necessary medical treatment just so she can have her bridesmaids attired as she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
agnf666 Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 I wouldn't go in debt because of your sister wedding. I would tell her " I can't afford the dress, I have more personal things to take care of right this moment... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted January 19, 2005 Author Share Posted January 19, 2005 Thanks to everyone for your replies. I came to the decision that I am going to get the dress first. I have to admit that I feel bad because I really want to take care of my skin, but the boutique were she is getting the dresses made have too many rules. If I wait two more weeks the dress will be up $200 dollars more in rush fees I know that this is a very important moment in my sister's life and I do not want to be selfish about it. You are right she is acting like Bridezilla and that does piss me off but unfortunately I love that Bridezilla too much to not be her maid of honor. I just hope my skin can wait a couple of weeks. I don't want it to get any worse. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 Someone suggested having the doctor bill you...can you do that? Why do brides have to be bitches too Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 well I hope you get a nice bridesmaid gift.... I paid for my bridesmaid's dresses to be made and fitted, as my gift to them (it's traditional to give gifts to your bridesmaids and groomsmen). I think she's in bridezilla mode myself, it sucks to be around a wedding-obsessed friend/family member. Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 Wow... is $200 the 15% increase?? It does seem like a lot of pressure your sister put on you and the other bridesmaids... but there's probably not much you can do now! Just ride out the Bridezilla phase (it does end, right?) and on her wedding day hopefully all will be calm, wonderful, and somehow paid for. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 Naive, I know you already made the decision to get the dress...but please don't sacrifice your skin. Thats skin on your face, yeah YOUR face that you have to wear for the rest of your life. This dress will only be worn for one day. I'm not sure how bad your allergic reaction is, perhaps its just an inconvenience. But if you're concerned that permanent damage may occur if you put off the derm- go now!! Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 okay - please don't hate me for saying this..... Thank goodness, you have come to your senses! Originally posted by naive_2001 on Dec 29/2004 The Dermatologist said that the reason I have been breaking out so badly is because the foundation clogs up my pores. So I have to say bye bye to it. She still had the audasity to tell me, "think about all the money you'll save sweety". WTF do I care??? All I want is my make-up I guess I really have to let it go for the sake of my skin. Doesn't sound to me like you're suffering from some life-threatening illness. Originally posted by naive_2001 I know that this is a very important moment in my sister's life and I do not want to be selfish about it. Glad to hear you are finally seeing the light Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted January 19, 2005 Author Share Posted January 19, 2005 Originally posted by Artifact Wow... is $200 the 15% increase?? It does seem like a lot of pressure your sister put on you and the other bridesmaids... but there's probably not much you can do now! Just ride out the Bridezilla phase (it does end, right?) and on her wedding day hopefully all will be calm, wonderful, and somehow paid for. Well I sure hope it does because any other time she knows I will not take bs like that!!!! Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Naive, I know you already made the decision to get the dress...but please don't sacrifice your skin. Thats skin on your face, yeah YOUR face that you have to wear for the rest of your life. This dress will only be worn for one day. I'm not sure how bad your allergic reaction is, perhaps its just an inconvenience. But if you're concerned that permanent damage may occur if you put off the derm- go now!! I know, I know Meanwhile my aunt said there is this lady that can get me some antibiotics, so if it is an infection that should clear it, right??? My sister actually called and said that she feels bad and that we can look for another dress on the day that we go get fitted but if we cannot find a cheaper one we have to stick to that one. Hopefully she does get a cheaper dress for the sake of my skin!!!! I really doubted though because that boutique is one of the most ridiculously expensive bridal shops in all of California!!!1 forget that all of U.S.A I wish the doctor could just bill me but they don't to that there Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 19, 2005 Share Posted January 19, 2005 I guess that IS a tough one for some people. I think Midori has the best, and most tactful, suggestion. If it were me I would tell sis that I can't be part of the wedding, sorry. Of course, I have not spoken with my sister or seen her in over two decades now -- I can't stand the b1tch! LOL I just can't imagine being that close to my siblings. When I got married I tried to schedule it to suit everyone else and I finally just said f*** it! Show up or don't - I don't care - I worked a half day that day too! My brother showed up after the wedding (JP) and most of the way thru the reception (aka: pizza party at our apartment) wearing overalls, a flannel shirt, work boots, and a baseball cap with a either a beer or fertilizer slogan on it. (Can we scream [color=red]Redneck[/color]!) LOL. I've heard of Bridezilla's and I can see how some people can develop tunnel vision, but if you really are close with your sister, she'll get over whatever anger or disappointment she may feel now once the whole event is finished and real life begins! You gotta take care of you. Oh, and I'd be wary of some lady your aunt said can get you antibiotics----doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted January 19, 2005 Author Share Posted January 19, 2005 Originally posted by HokeyReligions I guess that IS a tough one for some people. I think Midori has the best, and most tactful, suggestion. If it were me I would tell sis that I can't be part of the wedding, sorry. Of course, I have not spoken with my sister or seen her in over two decades now -- I can't stand the b1tch! LOL I just can't imagine being that close to my siblings. The thing is that we have always been inseparable. I love her to death and it was the biggest honor to be picked as her Maid of Honor (even though I knew it all along ) I would hate to say no to her. I am going to go pay for that dress and hopefully she can get one that is at least $300 less. If she does then I'll pay for my consultation but if she does not I will have to wait until next month. I just don't want to look like a monster at her wedding or anywhere!!! Oh, and I'd be wary of some lady your aunt said can get you antibiotics----doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Why do you say that??? Now I'm scared Link to post Share on other sites
Elmo Posted January 20, 2005 Share Posted January 20, 2005 PLS DON'T TAKE MEDICATION FROM ANYONE BUT A DOCTOR! I'm sure you don't want to take "charity"...but you are in a bind and people sometimes need a hand up. Look up the free clinics in the yellow pages. It will be a pain in the arse to go and sit there for 4 hours before a dr. will see you. Still...you need to see a real doctor. It is too complicated to explain here, but taking the wrong antibiotic for the wrong thing could really, really hurt you. Yep, I'm very cautious...but you are young, this is your health, and you just can't take these kind of chances. Don't just let it slide either. You could have an odd infection that could spread. GO FIND A FREE CLINIC! They are there to help people that are in a bad spot. You can give them money, later when you are in a better position. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Naive Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 Thanks to everyone who took the time to answer I just wanted to update that my sister and I compromised. I decided to go to the dermatologist and get checked out and get my medicine the following week and she actually changed the dresses to cheaper ones which by the way are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! It was $300 less so that helped out a lot!!!! I am so happy that I am still the Maid of Honor and I got to go to the dermatologist!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Good I'm very glad to hear that it worked out for both of you! Link to post Share on other sites
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