george roy Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Hi all, This conversation came up two days ago, and I'm still laughing... Short version, divorce. STBXW is moving out. After trading emails about a couple pieces of furniture that she wanted that belonged to her great grandmother's (which I had no intention of keeping), she sends me this: "Are you changing the locks ? After (move out date) I wouldn't just show up and come in. But I think it would be a good idea to have keys to each other's places in case of emergencies with the kids. If you don't want to, that's ok. I can give you a key to my place on (move out date)." I politely declined. There's really no reason to have keys to each other's places. And the last thing I need is STBXW snooping through my house when I'm out. Or worse, being accused of going through her apartment when she's gone. I'm not setting myself up for either of those scenarios. But I did find it amusing. And I had to share. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Is she buttering you up so that you're more agreeable in the divorce? It's nice that you find it amusing but it may be a distraction. I'd change your locks as soon as she pulls out of the driveway if I were you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Why stop at keys, maybe you can double date and car pool. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Charlie Harper Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Some people just don't get the meaning of the word DIVORCE. No keys, no nothing together... if you get together its for the kids... thats it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tripz Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Just went through this myself. She moved out into an apt 2 weeks ago. Never offered me a key (not that I would want one or expected her to offer), but she also didn't seem to think there was a problem keeping a house key to our house. What about me needing to have "my" place and space? She's welcome anytime to make an appt to come over and get some of her stuff, but I want to be there. Not that I don't trust her, but it's a matter of respecting my privacy, space and ability to move on. I don't mind storing some of her things for awhile, but having her own key is out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 Is she buttering you up so that you're more agreeable in the divorce? It's nice that you find it amusing but it may be a distraction. I'd change your locks as soon as she pulls out of the driveway if I were you. Yeah, distraction was my thought, too. But I already have a lock set purchased. It's sitting in the attic rafters (minus the keys), and goes in the day of the move. Why stop at keys, maybe you can double date and car pool. HAHA I'm expecting that to come next. Some people just don't get the meaning of the word DIVORCE. No keys, no nothing together... if you get together its for the kids... thats it! Exactly. Just went through this myself. She moved out into an apt 2 weeks ago. Never offered me a key (not that I would want one or expected her to offer), but she also didn't seem to think there was a problem keeping a house key to our house. What about me needing to have "my" place and space? She's welcome anytime to make an appt to come over and get some of her stuff, but I want to be there. Not that I don't trust her, but it's a matter of respecting my privacy, space and ability to move on. I don't mind storing some of her things for awhile, but having her own key is out. And that's what I conveyed. She can make an appointment for anything. Most of the stuff she's "not sure she's taking" can go in the garage for a while. So it's easy enough for me to open the overhead door when she feels the need to get some of that stuff. But, yeah. We don't need keys to each other's places. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 That sounds like my ex In addition to what has been said up thread....refrain from text message communication unless it's an emergency to do with kid(s). If there is anything else to say....use email perhaps the person is thinking this is a temporary breakup, and there is a chance of reconciliation after the break? Wild horses couldn't drag me back to live with my ex.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 That sounds like my ex In addition to what has been said up thread....refrain from text message communication unless it's an emergency to do with kid(s). If there is anything else to say....use email perhaps the person is thinking this is a temporary breakup, and there is a chance of reconciliation after the break? Wild horses couldn't drag me back to live with my ex.... Amen to that !!! For the most part, that's what the texts have been. In relation to the kids. And I usually keep my responses short and to the point. Yeah, she's got an apartment. And furniture (in the shed on the marital property). But her end of the financial paperwork for the divorce sits on the table, untouched. Don't know what she's thinking. But the damage has been done. There ain't gonna be no recon-silly-ation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I'm sorry but the only word that came to my mind when I read this was "pathetic". Some people really know no boundaries... Maybe you should ask her to check Wikipedia for "divorce" or "seperation". Or "backbone". Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I thought of 2 things when I read the OP, that it was an idea she had that sounded better in her head.... or the other thing is that it was a test the waters deal..to see if you were really going to go thru the divorce, if you liked the idea of exchanging keys she would have seen that as a crack in your foundation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author george roy Posted February 16, 2014 Author Share Posted February 16, 2014 I thought of 2 things when I read the OP, that it was an idea she had that sounded better in her head.... or the other thing is that it was a test the waters deal..to see if you were really going to go thru the divorce, if you liked the idea of exchanging keys she would have seen that as a crack in your foundation. Probably a little bit of both... There were a few of these kind of 'tests' earlier. And I bit the hook. But the foundation is pretty solid now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jussie Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 I apologize if this is only tangentially related... I'm dating a guy who is going through a divorce (currently separated) and has a 3-year-old son with his ex. I was surprised to learn that she has keys to his place (he's the one that moved out), and he said it's for in case of emergencies and if she needs to bring the kid back to his place for whatever reason. I don't really buy that, but I'm wondering if this is normal, particularly for divorced families with very young children. As for the snooping aspect, last Valentine's Day, the ex wanted to come over and play with the son, and they agreed she'd pick him up from daycare and let herself into his place while my boyfriend was still at work and then out for a haircut. Since he knew she would have the place to herself for 2 hours, he actually left work early to go home and HIDE ALL MY TOILETRIES and the condoms we use, because he was afraid if she found them, she would somehow hold it against him or bring it up in front of their friends at a really bad time and embarrass him or something. I'm wondering if this is normal too. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 I apologize if this is only tangentially related... I'm dating a guy who is going through a divorce (currently separated) and has a 3-year-old son with his ex. I was surprised to learn that she has keys to his place (he's the one that moved out), and he said it's for in case of emergencies and if she needs to bring the kid back to his place for whatever reason. I don't really buy that, but I'm wondering if this is normal, particularly for divorced families with very young children. As for the snooping aspect, last Valentine's Day, the ex wanted to come over and play with the son, and they agreed she'd pick him up from daycare and let herself into his place while my boyfriend was still at work and then out for a haircut. Since he knew she would have the place to herself for 2 hours, he actually left work early to go home and HIDE ALL MY TOILETRIES and the condoms we use, because he was afraid if she found them, she would somehow hold it against him or bring it up in front of their friends at a really bad time and embarrass him or something. I'm wondering if this is normal too. No, it's not. This way he's connected to his ex all the time. Caring for your child is perfectly alright, but a seperation is a seperation. There must be some sort of distance, if not there's a chance he won't move on completely. Why can't he keep condoms etc in his own house without worry? Your home has to be yours, and right now he's basically sharing it with his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
jussie Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 No, it's not. This way he's connected to his ex all the time. Caring for your child is perfectly alright, but a seperation is a seperation. There must be some sort of distance, if not there's a chance he won't move on completely. Why can't he keep condoms etc in his own house without worry? Your home has to be yours, and right now he's basically sharing it with his ex. He definitely is having problems moving on (she's the one that wanted the divorce, is still living in the original house, and forced him to move out), but I think he wants it that way. I think maybe he's trying to maintain as much connection with his ex as reasonably possible, including not moving the rest of his stuff out of the old place (which they're planning to put up for sale in a few months), and going on family outings like once a month because he wants to show his son that they can get along and because his son likes to see them together. Though she does have the keys to his place, she never comes over without his permission, and really never goes if he's not also there, as far as I know. But still, I find it pretty strange that she's the one that wants the divorce and told him to get out, but also has keys to his place. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Some people just don't get the meaning of the word DIVORCE. No keys, no nothing together... if you get together its for the kids... thats it! I soooo have to deal with this. I am slowly moving in a direction though where she seems to be "getting it" Link to post Share on other sites
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