Do you have to be thankful for something if it was taken away from you?

[somedude81]

This is something I'm really struggling with.

 

A part of me believes that God put my ex-girlfriend into my life after I've been single and desperately alone for so long.

 

She was amazing and did so many good things for me and I feel that I've become a better man from being with her.

 

Then without warning she disappeared, I've been unable to her back. God had taken her away from me.

 

This has left me very hurt, extremely angry, and overall confused.

 

I don't know whether I should hate God for putting me in a relationship that wasn't going to last and suddenly taking her out of my life. Or be grateful to him for the time she and I have been together.

 

If I had known that it would only be a temporary relationship, I still would have gone through with it, and I wouldn't be in the state I am in now because I would know that it will end.

 

Surely God would have known that her leaving would crush me. I wonder if this was all some sort of game.

[MyEvilTwin]

Does your belief in God, have to have a hand in this? Maybe the guy was busy at that time or maybe he decided to let it all play out.

I'm no believer, but even if I was, I don't think I would think that he has to have his hands in everything that happens.

A comforting thought might be: People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

See if reason, season, or both fit.

[M30USA]

What if God has something better in store for you and he's waiting for the right time? In the meantime, I encourage you to seek Jesus Christ with all your heart.

[somedude81]

I was born and raised Christian, going to church was a requirement for me. Time and time again I was told that God provides.

 

Granted it took a long time to get my first girlfriend, but I felt that God had finally come through for me.

 

She was definitely a wife quality woman. I would be very happy if I married her.

 

I'm just frustrated and angry and confused that I got to experience that for a very brief time. It was basically enough to show me what I missing out on.

[Grumpybutfun]

God gave you an opportunity. The rest is up to you. It sounds as though your relationship was based on your desires and your needs only from what you have shared. She was a learning opportunity that love is about giving and receiving without selfishness, ego or childhood or past insecurities propelling your behaviors. You will be given another opportunity in the future so be the best, most well rounded person you can be so you will be ready for the next one.

Good luck,

Grumps

[somedude81]

God gave you an opportunity. The rest is up to you. It sounds as though your relationship was based on your desires and your needs only from what you have shared. She was a learning opportunity that love is about giving and receiving without selfishness, ego or childhood or past insecurities propelling your behaviors. You will be given another opportunity in the future so be the best, most well rounded person you can be so you will be ready for the next one.

Good luck,

Grumps

See, I don't feel like it was an opportunity at all.

 

Everybody I talked to who actually knows me, said that this relationship never had a chance simply because she was not ready for a serious relationship, since she had been single for a month after breaking up with her BF of three years. There was no way I could have made it work. Hell, she didn't even want to try to make it work with me and basically dropped off the face of the Earth right after she dumped me.

 

So God brought this amazing woman into my life, knowing that it would never last.

 

Should I be thankful for that?

[OpenBook]

So God brought this amazing woman into my life, knowing that it would never last.

 

Should I be thankful for that?

 

No. You should be thankful that Jesus is standing by your side, right this very minute, ready to be your Best Bro and get you through this / lead you out of the wilderness. All you have to do is ask Him into your heart.

[somedude81]

No. You should be thankful that Jesus is standing by your side, right this very minute, ready to be your Best Bro and get you through this / lead you out of the wilderness. All you have to do is ask Him into your heart.

Yeah I did that a very long time ago.

 

And no, Jesus hasn't been a very good Best Bro....

[TheFinalWord]

This is something I'm really struggling with.

 

A part of me believes that God put my ex-girlfriend into my life after I've been single and desperately alone for so long.

 

She was amazing and did so many good things for me and I feel that I've become a better man from being with her.

 

Then without warning she disappeared, I've been unable to her back. God had taken her away from me.

 

This has left me very hurt, extremely angry, and overall confused.

 

I don't know whether I should hate God for putting me in a relationship that wasn't going to last and suddenly taking her out of my life. Or be grateful to him for the time she and I have been together.

 

If I had known that it would only be a temporary relationship, I still would have gone through with it, and I wouldn't be in the state I am in now because I would know that it will end.

 

Surely God would have known that her leaving would crush me. I wonder if this was all some sort of game.

 

That is very difficult and the answer to that is part of the growth process for you so there is no way for us to give you a definitive answer.

 

However, I would say that God has set up three basic principles for picking a mate:

 

1) They should be a Christian (by that I mean, they believe in Jesus and hold as true the essential doctrines. They should also agree with you on many of the non-essentials)

2) They should be aligned with your purpose in life; if neither knows what that is, there is a chance for turmoil.

3) Both should be mentally healthy. Not perfect. But healthy.

 

Beyond that, I think God basically says that you are free to pick and there are probably many people you could marry throughout your life. The picking of the mate, is basically up to you. The dating process should be to first determine those three factors. If they don't line up, is it really God's fault if we instead ignore that wisdom and pursue anyway? Only you can answer if those three were true for both of you.

[somedude81]

That is very difficult and the answer to that is part of the growth process for you so there is no way for us to give you a definitive answer.

 

However, I would say that God has set up three basic principles for picking a mate:

 

1) They should be a Christian (by that I mean, they believe in Jesus and hold as true the essential doctrines. They should also agree with you on many of the non-essentials)

2) They should be aligned with your purpose in life; if neither knows what that is, there is a chance for turmoil.

3) Both should be mentally healthy. Not perfect. But healthy.

 

Beyond that, I think God basically says that you are free to pick and there are probably many people you could marry throughout your life. The picking of the mate, is basically up to you. The dating process should be to first determine those three factors. If they don't line up, is it really God's fault if we instead ignore that wisdom and pursue anyway? Only you can answer if those three were true for both of you.

She's a non-practicing Catholic though I'm sure I could get her to go to church with me.

 

We had very similar life goals and could have had a very happy relationship.

 

We were both healthy.

 

She was my first girlfriend and I met her when I was 31. Before I met her, I have prayed, begged and pleaded to God to meet a woman who would give me a chance.

 

I definitely could have married and had kids with her down the line.

 

I don't know what God is playing at.

[TheFinalWord]

She's a non-practicing Catholic though I'm sure I could get her to go to church with me.

 

We had very similar life goals and could have had a very happy relationship.

 

We were both healthy.

 

She was my first girlfriend and I met her when I was 31. Before I met her, I have prayed, begged and pleaded to God to meet a woman who would give me a chance.

 

I definitely could have married and had kids with her down the line.

 

I don't know what God is playing at.

 

Well, I don't know what a non-practicing Catholic is. Remove the denominational affiliation. Can you be a non-practicing Christian? You either are or you are not. To me, you can find out on date one the answer to that question. If the other person is a non-Christian, and you are a Christian, you should stop dating as soon as it becomes clear. If you proceed anyway, how is that God's fault? If the bible says "thou shall not" and I do anyway, and suffer the consequences, is that God's fault?

 

I would say you shouldn't have to convince her to be a Christian. It's why the bible says not to even consider the idea. If you are dating someone, you have to assume you can't change them. That would be a first sign for me, to not get involved. If we decide as Christians, to go ahead and ignore God's wisdom, that is not God's fault. The temptation can be strong, but it is not God's fault if we succumb to it.

 

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own sinful desire and enticed.

 

 

Were you having sex? If so, that is going against God's wisdom and is again going to make it much more difficult to break up a relationship.

 

I hope this doesn't come across as attacking. But if you are wanting to genuinely find the answers to your issues, as opposed to just venting (and sometimes that is needed), I think you are going to find that it is not God's fault, but it is our own fault, when we ignore God's wisdom.

[pureinheart]

This is something I'm really struggling with.

 

A part of me believes that God put my ex-girlfriend into my life after I've been single and desperately alone for so long.

 

She was amazing and did so many good things for me and I feel that I've become a better man from being with her.

 

Then without warning she disappeared, I've been unable to her back. God had taken her away from me.

 

This has left me very hurt, extremely angry, and overall confused.

 

I don't know whether I should hate God for putting me in a relationship that wasn't going to last and suddenly taking her out of my life. Or be grateful to him for the time she and I have been together.

 

If I had known that it would only be a temporary relationship, I still would have gone through with it, and I wouldn't be in the state I am in now because I would know that it will end.

 

Surely God would have known that her leaving would crush me. I wonder if this was all some sort of game.

 

(((((((hugs))))))) SD. First off, I am soooo sorry you are hurting:( love, this has to be among the worst of heartaches:(

 

This is difficult to answer due to all of the variables. I've learned not to blame God because most of the time it's me, and if by some strange chance it isn't, this says there were other factors involved of which I have no control of, specifically the other person involved.

 

Having been in many romantic relationships, it's just been the past few years of being single that has allowed me to examine the "what went wrong" factor. In this examination, I found, and would like to touch on something you said- stay with me, as this sentence will make sense.

 

You used the term "desperately"…I've been there, I didn't want to be alone. This state of "desperation" (not cutting you down by any means) caused me to check my brain at the door. I saw what I wanted to. This may or may not apply to you.

 

Another finding was, I misinterpreted the purpose for that relationship in my life and was thrown off at times when the person came on to me or whatever. It caused me to "think" it was romantic when it wasn't meant to be. That person possibly was in my life only for a season, for a specific purpose other than romantic.

 

In all cases, I was the victor no matter the circumstances.

[somedude81]

(((((((hugs))))))) SD. First off, I am soooo sorry you are hurting:( love, this has to be among the worst of heartaches:(

 

This is difficult to answer due to all of the variables. I've learned not to blame God because most of the time it's me, and if by some strange chance it isn't, this says there were other factors involved of which I have no control of, specifically the other person involved.

 

Having been in many romantic relationships, it's just been the past few years of being single that has allowed me to examine the "what went wrong" factor. In this examination, I found, and would like to touch on something you said- stay with me, as this sentence will make sense.

 

You used the term "desperately"…I've been there, I didn't want to be alone. This state of "desperation" (not cutting you down by any means) caused me to check my brain at the door. I saw what I wanted to. This may or may not apply to you.

 

Another finding was, I misinterpreted the purpose for that relationship in my life and was thrown off at times when the person came on to me or whatever. It caused me to "think" it was romantic when it wasn't meant to be. That person possibly was in my life only for a season, for a specific purpose other than romantic.

 

In all cases, I was the victor no matter the circumstances.

Yes, desperately is the correct word. I've been alone for so long and it feel that it's been making me go crazy and it's possibly killing me. Something is very wrong with my body. I have insomnia every night and I've just recently developed shingles. I'm only 32 years old.

 

I want to be married. All of my cousins are married, even the ones who are younger than me but older than 20. Most of them have two kids or more. Then here I am. Forever alone. I got my first girlfriend and I was so happy. I wanted to show her off to my family, which I never got to do. But yes, I want a wife.

 

There were several things about the relationship that were out of my control. Which just makes me feel like a victim.

 

What do you mean by "check your brain at the door?"

 

I've thought that she was in my life for some purpose, but what? Why was her only being with me for six months better than spending many years together? Or why not three months, so I wouldn't have fallen in love with her?

 

That is what I don't understand. What does God want me to learn from this experience? All I've learned is that it's so amazing to be in a relationship that I never want to be single.

[pureinheart]

Yeah I did that a very long time ago.

 

And no, Jesus hasn't been a very good Best Bro....

 

Is this because of Him or you?

[somedude81]

I was going to edit my post.

 

Now that I've been single for two months without her, I realize that she would have been a very good wife. If we had stayed together we could have gotten married in 3-5 years. She would be 24-26 and I would be 35-37.

 

I used to believe that it would be a bad idea to marry my first girlfriend, but with the kind of woman she is, it wouldn't have been a poor idea at all.

 

And I keep going back to God. What does he want for and from me?

[quankanne]

my theory? That every love relationship you experience brings you that much closer to the love you're meant to have ...

 

think about it: Despite the fact that you're upset it didn't work out between the two of y'all, how much poorer would your life be if you didn't have the chance to give her your love, or enjoy the happiness she gave you for that brief period of time? Would you honestly rather not have had that time with her, or are you secretly glad that you did?

 

you *don't* have to be grateful to God for anything ... but if you can be in a relationship with someone – including God – only if they're beneficial to you, what exactly are you asking from the other party?

 

Job 1:21 sums it up nicely for me: I may regret losing something, but I don't regret haven been given it, and credit goes where it's due.

[somedude81]

my theory? That every love relationship you experience brings you that much closer to the love you're meant to have ...

That can make sense. But then it sets the bar really high for the next woman. I'm also worried how long will it be till I get my next relationship. Perhaps it's because I'm still hurting and feel very alone, that I feel I want to marry my next girlfriend.

think about it: Despite the fact that you're upset it didn't work out between the two of y'all, how much poorer would your life be if you didn't have the chance to give her your love, or enjoy the happiness she gave you for that brief period of time? Would you honestly rather not have had that time with her, or are you secretly glad that you did?

Oh I'm very glad that she's been in my life and have stated that. But it just stings so much that it ended when and how it did.

 

you *don't* have to be grateful to God for anything ... but if you can be in a relationship with someone – including God – only if they're beneficial to you, what exactly are you asking from the other party?

That's assuming that being with me didn't benefit her in any way, and that's just not the case.

Job 1:21 sums it up nicely for me: I may regret losing something, but I don't regret haven been given it, and credit goes where it's due.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

and naked I will depart.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

may the name of the Lord be praised.”

 

I'm not sure what to think about that.

 

Edit:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%201&version=NIV

 

Poor Job.

 

So then is it just a test from God?

Edited February 16, 2014 by somedude81

[pureinheart]

Yes, desperately is the correct word. I've been alone for so long and it feel that it's been making me go crazy and it's possibly killing me. Something is very wrong with my body. I have insomnia every night and I've just recently developed shingles. I'm only 32 years old.

 

I want to be married. All of my cousins are married, even the ones who are younger than me but older than 20. Most of them have two kids or more. Then here I am. Forever alone. I got my first girlfriend and I was so happy. I wanted to show her off to my family, which I never got to do. But yes, I want a wife.

 

There were several things about the relationship that were out of my control. Which just makes me feel like a victim.

 

What do you mean by "check your brain at the door?"

 

I've thought that she was in my life for some purpose, but what? Why was her only being with me for six months better than spending many years together? Or why not three months, so I wouldn't have fallen in love with her?

 

That is what I don't understand. What does God want me to learn from this experience? All I've learned is that it's so amazing to be in a relationship that I never want to be single.

 

What I mean by, "checking my brain at the door", is, I wasn't using clear thinking. I was in love with the idea of being in love…the same reasons you communicated in this post. The "relationship" made me feel like I fit in. I felt "out there" all by myself…I felt like a freak of nature not being in a relationship- everybody else was.

 

SD, my God-mother and I used to pray for a mate. She told me of her being sick in the body, and the reason being single, that a relationship would fix that. I had no idea what that was because there had only been brief periods of being single. I do now and thought the same thing, my health had declined. That wasn't the reason at all, bad health can be due to many factors. My health is increasing day by day. It's a long process, but it's happening.

 

Loneliness does play a role though. For me it was how I handled it. What's that Scripture that talks about not having hope can make the body sick?

 

Bold- oh man a bunch of people I've known throughout the years have dealt with that- they say it's for those in their sixties, but I've seen a few in their forties, now you in early thirties. I think I had a mild case of it and freaking thought I'd lose it! Amino's aggravated it for some reason and was in desperate need of amino's, along with fruits and veggies (which happens to be or was 70% of my diet). My heart really goes out to you, this will pass, but in the meantime it's freaking miserable!

 

You can learn from the experience, both good and bad. God wasn't dangling carrots in front of you, He can turn it to His glory no matter what. You're a good solid person fit for a good solid person.

 

I don't see you as a victim, I know it feels like it, but there are a lot of commitment phobes out there and you are NOT one of them. Commitment phobes are the victims IMO. You on the other hand are solid and real.

 

You know, I really don't know what has happened in this world, but very few seem to want to get real and be committed, it's like when the high of a new relationship wears off, and it will, it's time to go out and get "high" again. Sorry for the rant, but I think that is part of the reason relationships fail, one or both aren't in it for the long haul:(

[TheFinalWord]

Something is very wrong with my body. I have insomnia every night and I've just recently developed shingles. I'm only 32 years old.

 

Have you seen a doctor? It sounds like stress.

[jba10582]

I think a lot of people go through similar thoughts during life changing events and amidst the confusion and turmoil of emotions that follow and sometimes the seeming silence can even bring bits of peace. It also seems that some of the answers that you desperately seek only come at the exact time that you truly need them.

[somedude81]

Have you seen a doctor? It sounds like stress.

Yes, that's how I was diagnosed. I'm currently on medication for it.

 

And I'm pretty sure that it is stress. There is just so much crap in my life and I'm barely able to handle it.

[quankanne]

That can make sense. But then it sets the bar really high for the next woman. I'm also worried how long will it be till I get my next relationship. Perhaps it's because I'm still hurting and feel very alone, that I feel I want to marry my next girlfriend.

 

setting a high bar is not necessarily a bad thing if it helps you to weed out unhealthy or red-flag relationships. And there are things you can do while you wait, like learning to be comfortable in your own skin and accomplishing those things that might otherwise take time away from the one you love (college, career where you travel heavily). Don't sell yourself short, SD – it's going to happen when it's meant to happen, and you'll be in a place where you can give freely of yourself, and in ways you never thought of.

 

like you, I prayed hard for someone good to love, though marriage was never a part of my intentions. Thankfully, The Big Guy felt otherwise, because when we met, I know it was different. Of course it took nearly four years (part of that was LDR) for us to finally tie the knot, but it was worth the trials because I got the partner I *needed* in my life, not one I merely wanted. So don't give up. Mourn, but don't forget to focus on the blessings, too, and know that you're onto something good because you've experienced something good! (I sound like Pollyanna, don't I )

 

Poor Job.

 

So then is it just a test from God?

 

it's all a test, if you think about it. And only YOU have the answer. Meaning, you get to choose how you answer/respond. Remember, Job was plagued by all kinds of crap, but his faith remained steady. That's why he praised the name of the Lord; he understood that whatever may come or whatever may go, it's all good, because it's all from God. At least that's my take on it.

[quankanne]

Yes, that's how I was diagnosed. I'm currently on medication for it.

 

And I'm pretty sure that it is stress. There is just so much crap in my life and I'm barely able to handle it.

 

I feel for you *hugs*

 

BREEEEEEEEVVVVVEEEEE!!!!!!

[TheFinalWord]

Yes, that's how I was diagnosed. I'm currently on medication for it.

 

And I'm pretty sure that it is stress. There is just so much crap in my life and I'm barely able to handle it.

 

I would also recommend you request your physician prescribe cognitive behavioral therapy. It will help to handle stress, especially for sleep.

[Imajerk17]

somedude, I just think overall, there is a huge difference between what you WANT and what you NEED. Ever wonder if G_d is working to tell you this?

 

That you keep asking for advice on how to get a girlfriend and all these well-intentioned people tell you to work on the rest of your life first--advice that you hate, we get--might be a sign.

Edited February 17, 2014 by Imajerk17