Separated boyfriend lived with me and then left to go back to his wife.

[inappfriendly]

Devestated, my heart goes out to you. You did not deserve what happened to you and I certainly understand how this weekend is affecting you. On any given day, thoughts of him and his W together are torturous. I can only imagine what it must feel like to know they are together on a trip that he planned for the two of you.

 

I think you deserve to have a pity party! Feel bad. Feel sad. But then get MAD! Not like I must get revenge mad, but just angry enough at him to see how wrongly he treated you. Fully acknowledge his deceit, particularly when he knew how much strength it took for you to trust another man after your previous D. Allow yourself to feel resentmeant, even disgust at the kind of person of who would treat another person this way, especially one he cared about. Regardless of his reasons, no one should be blindsided the way you were. Let the anger form a barrier around your heart. Not forever, but for today. And tomorrow. For however long it takes to keep him out of your heart so he can't hurt you anymore.

 

 

All the best and please take care of yourself!

[sybo24]

Having a bad day today, can't get him out of my head! We had a weekend away planned for this weekend and I'm sure he has taken his W instead which is probably the reason for my sadness... I've tried so hard, been keeping busy, went to gym 3 times this week but today I've crashed...

 

Why did he tell me he was separated if he was still in love with his wife?, why did he move in with me and tell me every day he was the happiest he'd ever been?, why tell me his marriage had been over for at least 5 years?, what is going on in his head if he can seem so in love with me and then leave the next day?, why spend christmas with me and tell me there was nowhere he would rather be, is he happy now he is back in his M that he told me was over? The questions just don't stop spinning and the tears won't stop and I feel so stupid...

 

We had such a great relationship (I thought)... Maybe he was pretending but if so, I was completely fooled.

 

Feeling so alone... Been divorced for 4 years after escaping from an abusive marriage and finally felt able to trust and give my full love and passion to someone and now this... Hurts so bad.

 

Sorry if I seem self pitying, it's just a really bad day

 

 

 

I am sending you big hugs. My story is so like yours. I feel foolish for believing him for so long (4 years)

 

 

I am tired of being on my own and having to deal with everything on my own.

 

 

I have great children and wonderful friends but they just don't understand.

 

 

To them I should be glad its over and move on....... I wish.

 

 

Mine went back to his BS 4 times. I don't think he is back with her this time as she sold the house and move. I think she shut the door to his going back because I know in my heart that he would have run back to her.

 

 

I believe he is doing this for his children but I am also realising that he was a selfish cowardly man who wanted everything. Wife, Children, Home and Me.

 

 

Would I take him back? My heart says YES my head says NO.

 

 

Be strong today and take each day as it comes.

 

 

The last lady said to get mad, I wish I could. I have my moments but today is not one of them. xxx

[whichwayisup]

Having a bad day today, can't get him out of my head! We had a weekend away planned for this weekend and I'm sure he has taken his W instead which is probably the reason for my sadness... I've tried so hard, been keeping busy, went to gym 3 times this week but today I've crashed...

 

Why did he tell me he was separated if he was still in love with his wife?, why did he move in with me and tell me every day he was the happiest he'd ever been?, why tell me his marriage had been over for at least 5 years?, what is going on in his head if he can seem so in love with me and then leave the next day?, why spend christmas with me and tell me there was nowhere he would rather be, is he happy now he is back in his M that he told me was over? The questions just don't stop spinning and the tears won't stop and I feel so stupid...

 

We had such a great relationship (I thought)... Maybe he was pretending but if so, I was completely fooled.

 

Feeling so alone... Been divorced for 4 years after escaping from an abusive marriage and finally felt able to trust and give my full love and passion to someone and now this... Hurts so bad.

 

Sorry if I seem self pitying, it's just a really bad day

 

He's a broken person. You may never know the answers to your questions unfortunately it seems like he either played you and led you on or he really didn't realize that he still had a bond and feelings for his wife. Either way, what he has done to you really sucks. This is his loss in the end, you are like a wonderful, loving and kind person.

 

Hey, you're allowed to wallow in it and have bad days. Your situation is so much different than many on here. You've been deeply hurt and had your heart broken.

 

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[OldRover]

Having a bad day today, can't get him out of my head! We had a weekend away planned for this weekend and I'm sure he has taken his W instead which is probably the reason for my sadness... I've tried so hard, been keeping busy, went to gym 3 times this week but today I've crashed...

 

Why did he tell me he was separated if he was still in love with his wife?, why did he move in with me and tell me every day he was the happiest he'd ever been?, why tell me his marriage had been over for at least 5 years?, what is going on in his head if he can seem so in love with me and then leave the next day?, why spend christmas with me and tell me there was nowhere he would rather be, is he happy now he is back in his M that he told me was over? The questions just don't stop spinning and the tears won't stop and I feel so stupid...

 

We had such a great relationship (I thought)... Maybe he was pretending but if so, I was completely fooled.

 

Feeling so alone... Been divorced for 4 years after escaping from an abusive marriage and finally felt able to trust and give my full love and passion to someone and now this... Hurts so bad.

 

Sorry if I seem self pitying, it's just a really bad day

 

Dev,

 

Sorry you are in this situation, and sorry for the hurt. It really sounds difficult to tell, but sure looks like the child got the best of him, and certainly doesn't understand the situation, and he is not doing a good job of explaining it to her. But can be very difficult with young kids.

 

There's more to the story, and obviously something he's not telling you. However, you had a very short time together, and hard to really establish a long term relationship. Sure sounded like it was heading in in the right direction.

 

Time will tell, best to you.

[krazikat]

He's a broken person. You may never know the answers to your questions unfortunately it seems like he either played you and led you on or he really didn't realize that he still had a bond and feelings for his wife. Either way, what he has done to you really sucks. This is his loss in the end, you are like a wonderful, loving and kind person.

 

Hey, you're allowed to wallow in it and have bad days. Your situation is so much different than many on here. You've been deeply hurt and had your heart broken.

 

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

 

Another possibility is that his wife waz the one seeking the divorce and changed her mind...but really...only they know what happened. Sending you positive thoughts op, this sux and no one deserves this. Hugs.

[beach]

Even IF he divorced he'd still need lots of time to process the end of his M before starting the next relationship.

 

If/when you date again - be sure to look at public records to see that his divorce is final.

 

We see a lot of separated men here that go back to the M easily - leaving the OW hurting.

 

If he's not divorced - don't bother.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting.

[Devastated1969]

I only wish I had been wiser to this or a member of LS before as from reading everyone's experiences on here I realise how naive I have been. I will never ever get involved with anyone who is not well and truly single in the future. Still in NC at the moment. Find it so very tough and painful but also know it's the only way for me to heal. Whatever his reasons for returning are his reasons, I will probably never really know and I guess it doesn't matter. He is NOT with me and that is all I need to know. Thank you to everyone for your kindness and support to me through this. It is helping more than you'll ever know xx

[beach]

I only wish I had been wiser to this or a member of LS before as from reading everyone's experiences on here I realise how naive I have been. I will never ever get involved with anyone who is not well and truly single in the future. Still in NC at the moment. Find it so very tough and painful but also know it's the only way for me to heal. Whatever his reasons for returning are his reasons, I will probably never really know and I guess it doesn't matter. He is NOT with me and that is all I need to know. Thank you to everyone for your kindness and support to me through this. It is helping more than you'll ever know xx

 

I hope you will heal and move forward.

 

It sucks - but know that when he contacts it is FOR HIS BENEFIT, not yours.

 

It is because he wants an ego stroke and he's willing to use you to make him feel better. All at the cost of your feelings and his wife's feelings.

 

 

There's plenty of men out there that are available, choose one wisely.

 

A side note - I'm sure his wife didn't know he lived with you at the start.

 

No healthy man would need to move right in - most grown men would have there own personal space and be determined to have it.

[Devastated1969]

I doubt I will ever know the truth as there are clearly pieces of the jigsaw missing and I'm sure there have been plenty of lies to both me and his wife. I'm now on day 16 of NC and still struggle most days, the weekends are the worst and it's a constant battle to keep busy and try to get him out of my thoughts. Cried a lot again this weekend but know it's part of the journey and I have to keep going.

 

I do wonder what his wife really knows.... When I read posts from BS on here, they always say they would rather have the truth. Do you think that is just the people on forums such as this who reach out for help and advice and also to offer support to others or is it common to all?

[jellybean89]

I do wonder what his wife really knows.... When I read posts from BS on here, they always say they would rather have the truth. Do you think that is just the people on forums such as this who reach out for help and advice and also to offer support to others or is it common to all?

 

??? I think every person wants to know the truth... wouldn't you have rather known the truth before getting involved with him?

 

Such a simple thing -- the truth -- yet some really have such a hard time telling the truth. That is sad. What has happened to society where the 'easiest' thing to do is lie vs telling the truth? What is so broken in people that they choose to hurt others like this? What do they get from hurting people?

 

I would much rather know that my partner isn't happy than pretending to be happy. I'd rather know if my partner is with me out of love and happiness than obligation or laziness (in taking the steps necessary to end the relationship).

[Devastated1969]

I have got through 3 weeks of NC but it is the hardest thing I've ever been through :-( I wake up thinking of him and go to bed thinking of him, when is this going to get better? The only time I seem to be able to put him out of my mind is when I'm at work so thankfully that gives me a bit of respite but as we head to the weekend I always go downhill. I just feel like he never cared at all and I was just a plaything for him for a few months. It's heartbreaking. I feel desperate to know how he is doing, whether he is happy and just getting on with his family life or if he even thinks of me at all. I am determined to keep NC as I know it is best for me but wish the pain would reduce and I could stop the continual questions in my head.

[Seeking11]

First off I am very sorry you are going through this pain, to have all your hopes and future plans just snatched away like that must have been very shocking.

 

Now I want to comment about the man with the two kids. As a father myself, I can say there isn't almost anything I wouldn't do for my child's happiness (nothing illegal obviously). The mistake made by him was getting involved in a relationship, when his children weren't ready for such a dynamic. And honestly, they may never be fully, but time helps that. With that being said, I don't believe he was lying to you or using you as a plaything, I truly believe he was very much happy and into you. He had even taken you to meet his parents, if a man was just tugging you along for enjoyment, why introduce you to the family?

 

What happened most likely is that it got to the point with his children, mainly the daughter, that he had to choose them over you, to elivate their pain. It could have just hit him that day in his day, or the daughter could have said something to make him pick. Given that though of course he's going to miss you and still be tempted to contact you, it's not like he can just forget and erase all those feelings he had.

 

Does it suck? Oh yea. Is it unfair to you? Of course, he shouldn't have started the relationship to begin with. Even though in his mind, he might have thought his kids would get use to it, it just didn't happen. You also have to consider the wife and her interaction with the children. She could have been saying all kinds of awful things about you to the kids, saying you are the reason mom and dad are not together, etc, but this is an entirely different issue I won't get into.

 

The main thing to take from this is I believe he really was into you and did want a relationship, but his love/devotion to his children came ahead. My advise from here on in? Keep up with the NC, keep yourself busy like going to the gym or just hanging out with friends/family, and the next time you do get involved with someone that has kids, don't go too far into the relationship without having met said kids and understanding the dynamics. If the kids don't like you, that is a problem that will loom over your relationship. Also yes to the stay away from men still technically married

[Devastated1969]

Thank you seeking11, you have no idea how much your post helps me... Made me cry as sure you are totally accurate in your assessment. I'm doing my absolute best to stick NC. Thanks again, I would never be this strong without the support of you and the other members who have been so helpful to me.

[Devastated1969]

My message to love of my life here instead of breaking NC

 

"

 

Sorry to contact you but having a tough time. I guess it's easier for you as this was your choice and you are not alone like I am. I keep crying all the time over missing you and what we had and just need to know I'm not going mad and imagining the love we shared.*

 

I'm trying very hard to be strong and respect your decision but it's very hard for me when it was so sudden and unexpected and the way you dealt with it was incredibly harsh to me after everything we shared right up until the day before. I thought we were together forever and now I'm all alone again. Keep remembering all of our amazing and special times like our first night out in B**** and how much we laughed together in that bar :-)

 

I love and miss you so very much but feel like maybe you don't or didn't ever feel the same which makes me feel like an idiot for believing you. Are you happy without me? I feel like we need to talk so badly as we have not really had any closure to our relationship.*

 

I have tried hard to just let you go and you have no idea how difficult it was to say no to you when you wanted to continue to see each other as a massive part of me wants any part of my life to be with you, no matter how small, but the truth is I just want you back and love you to bits xxxxxxx

 

"

 

Thanks for letting me share that, needed to get off my chest.