Costa Del Sol Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 (edited) Hello everyone, My gf of 4 months has broken up with me. To briefly describe the situation... Our relationship started off pretty good yet had some obstacles, she has learned about my old relationship and thought I wasn't over her. She had a point for thinking like that, but it wasn't true. I tried everything to convince her. After that point she somewhat developed a guard for herself, started bringing up her ex, which was childish. Eventually, her childish behavior reached to my limits and I (admittedly, by mistake) broke up with her. A week after, I told her that it was a mistake and we got back together. While my initial breakup was childish, I did everyting a mature person could do to get things back together. At that time I felt like I had to break up because her insecurity was negatively affecting my work and mental stability. Couple of months after that a big fight broke up due to her jealousy and anger...which, I should say wasn't justified. She was digging through the social media and finding unreasonable things and to assure her, I almost completely went passive on social media. She went on and and, misunderstood everything, told me very heavy stuff and broke up. I handled break up maturely, did not say anything negative and went complete no contact. So, under no contact for 2-3 weeks I am under a barrage of breadcrumbs, videos posted on social media that implies reconciliation, status messages calling me a liar, small attempts to get me jealous, etc. She has always been passive aggressive even when things were good. I honestly believe she was expecting something from me on V-day but since she was the one that broke up, I went on w/ no contact. Of course, during break up I asked her to believe me and apologized if I did something wrong. Could anyone figure out why she is doing this? To put it briefly, post first break up I handled everything maturely and this is probably why I am so OK with the break up (also probably because I haven't responded any of the breadcrumbs), I did nothing wrong and the past should remain in past. I have never, ever spoken with an ex during my relationship with her and obviously never cheated/attempted to cheat her or whatsoever. Yet she seems to be still expecting an apology but..why? I already did for all the minor things that do not justify a breakup, yet faced with a different event from the past one after another during the break up. thanks for reading this long ass post PS. I am 32 and she is 31 Edited February 16, 2014 by Costa Del Sol Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Considering all of this drama has happened over the course of a few months, I'd go NC and move on. Imagine how things would go if you stayed with her. She wouldn't get any better, only worse. Believe me when I say she'll only get worse. She clearly has issues that you aren't going to be able to fix and no amount of reassurance will do so. Go NC and get out while you can. Trust me!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 Why? She wants attention. She's 31? I thought she would be about 18 based on what you wrote. Also, don't follow her on social media, which has made breakups infinitely harder than even 10 years ago. There are so many threads on these boards, and the problems could be solved by getting off of social media. It's easy to post something on Facebook or send a stupid text because you don't have to actually face the person. My ex texted me all the time post breakup because it's easy to do that. It require virtually no emotional connection, and he could keep tabs on me that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Costa Del Sol Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) The problem with social media is that, I feel like I will be misunderstood on anything I post. I can't even behave the way I was previously, I can't comment on a location because she may mistook as a signal...can't literally do anything. Otherwise it is no big deal to ignore the breadcrumbs, not even tempted to message at all. Wondering if there are any ways to completely avoid these mind games. Maybe get off the social media completely for a while? i.e. I commented on loneliness a while ago, by completely thinking of its connection with the corporate life. But after an hour, I thought to myself...well, she could've interpreted it as a message to her and consider it as a broken no contact. I just felt like I've broken NC. pfft, what a mess. Sucks when you are inexperienced with social media. Edited February 17, 2014 by Costa Del Sol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Costa Del Sol Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) Uh, oh. Bad news. Right after I wrote that I broke up the no contact for a very stupid reason...god I hate being alone at night. After how are you, etc. it came to a point that I asked to meet up to fix stuff tomorrow. She said ok, and we are meeting up tomorrow afternoon. Any recommendations after this stage? 2.5 weeks of absolute control went down the sink in 1 minute. I don't know how the issue came to that point, even I am not sure If I wanna meet up... Edited February 17, 2014 by Costa Del Sol Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 You can do as you wish but I'm telling you right now, it's NOT going to work with this girl. If you're already feeling like you can't move, it's only going to get worse. I KNOW what I'm talking about when it comes to this. She needs to fix these issues herself. You're setting yourself up to be drove insane. I HIGHLY advise you to go NC, delete/block her from all social media and walk away. What is it makes you want to even consider being with her after all the $h!t she's already done? I don't understand that. You've only been with her a couple of months. I know you aren't going to listen to me, and I hope it all goes well, but you're playing with fire. She's going to control your every move. You won't be able to wipe your a$$ without her knowing, watch and see, and then later she'll even ask you why you're in the bathroom so long. Why you take your phone with you certain places. Why this, and why that. I really hope you walk away from this woman but if you don't - good luck. You're going to need it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Costa Del Sol Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 You've got a point, so meet tomorrow, clarify misunderstandings and hit the eject button without opening the relationship issue? Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Why are you meeting up with her? Sex? What reason is there if you're not planning on getting back together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Costa Del Sol Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) To be honest I called her to clarify an issue regarding social media. And eventually, she showed some signs that she was still angry with me, about me not completely having her in my life (could have a point but eh, I tried) She also sounded a bit angry as if she was expecting me to call her for something else. So I asked her to meet up and talk genuinely to get things back on track. Later on, I regretted it after I thought that it was her who broke up with me and the stuff she told me off her anger. We both made mistakes, honestly I am good to give it another try, but I am not sure if she is just feeding her ego or wants us back again. After all at the end of the call she said "let's meet without expectations". Thats why, I am just thinking of clarifying misunderstandings (after all, she get mad for a reason she believes) and not asking for a second chance, because while I know that she was mad, I am pretty sure that it didn't justify a break up. And I most definitely didn't deserve all those words she told me after. I am sort of inexperienced with this post-break up meetings I should say, my previous relationship lasted 4 years with absolutely no break ups in between, not even for a day. Edited February 17, 2014 by Costa Del Sol Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Why even call her regarding social media? Block/delete her and go NC. But, the problem with that is you're okay with getting back together. I just don't think it's a good idea. Like I said do as you wish but she'll get worse. You won't even be able to breathe around her without her getting mad or jealous. I don't know of many people who have "post break up meetings" unless there's a swapping of personal belongings. This is your decision but I advise against it. I've saw this type before and they *always* get worse. You might as well put the shackles on your feet now. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 When you break up, it's done. There's noting to clarify in a meeting. You will end up more confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Costa Del Sol Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 I regret breaking nc, but see where it goes tomorrow. Absolutely setting expectations to 0, and won't bring up reunion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Costa Del Sol Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) So we spoke, it was friendly, reconciliation did not happen of course but we broke up with a fight and having this friendly talk and day over that was....relieving? I don't feel pain, I feel relief. I told her that I never lied to her, told my case, had a couple of breadcrumbs "you never allowed me to understand you..." I didn't ask her back so I will probably be remembered as the not begging Costa, but the one that is charismatic, funny, w/e. 'sides, no longer getting affected by breadcrumbs like "liars", etc. and can go absolue no contact. Feels good! Funny her body language was friendly, for all I know she is still influenced by me and I admit, I feel somthing for her as well but we are too different, may as well move on in a friendly manner, without friendhip of course. Absolute no contact for me. EDIT: and finally for people who are wondering, all those breadcrumbs were for sure, breadcrumbs for attention and validation. Never bite 'em. Edited February 17, 2014 by Costa Del Sol Link to post Share on other sites
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